How to fall out of love with a cancer man
15 years is a long time, to wait for love....... Love yourself first you and your daughter are absoulutely beautiful, you both deserve a man who will protect and defend you.
Lawdawg..... why the heck are you single and looking still, Jesus..are the women you meet retarded or what? You are insightful, confident, calming, intelligent and amazing. What a beautiful soul you are, and always on the ready with the wisdom and advice. I admire you very much!! Claire
Butterflykiss , you are both gorgeous, no ur not foolish for writing this page. Like you Its a safe haven for me to come to too. I cannot advice you but I can empathize becaz i kinda feel like Im in a temporray situation myself. like you I am trying to do everything for him to hurry up and leave caz like you I feel like he is gonna leave one of these days. I wonder if its our thinking that mess us up in the first place you and I . I mean. Maybe our insecurities is what chased them, I dont know I jsut know that Like you Im gonna hold on until I cant hold on no more. One day I hope this feeling will pass and I will be able to live normal, caz this surely doesnt feel normal. Happy Valentines Day to you and my Tarot family.
Aquagrrl82 --> IDK what to tell you luv. My experience w/ Cancer men hasn't been that great. Sophmore year I had a crush on one who lived in the burbs and I was crazy about him, even tho all we did was talk on the phone. It didn't work out by default cuz of the distance factor. I went on a date w/ another Cancer a few months ago but it actually didn't impress me that much. He is cute -but the conversation is rarely deeply interesting. he has a lady now n it's kewl cuz I moved on too.
All I can tell you is you seem like an intelligent woman who is on top of her stuff -why do you allow yourself to be treated like a bootycall by this dude?? You deserve better. There is no magical equation to fall out of love with somebody. I mean if you can truly see it's not gonna go anywhere, you have accepted that fact, and you just wanna have some fun, then by all means keep hooking up -just keep your options open. But if this arrangement is starting to hurt you, and damage you emotionally, you need to consciously choose to get out now while you are still ahead. It's gonna hurt like hell but you just gotta be strong so you can take care of you, because if he isn't your man he doesn't deserve to come first, -you should be #1 in YOUR life. You just have to make a conscious choice to say "NO!" and tell him how you feel next time he tries to charm you into intimacy, this is the only way you are gonna be able to see his true intentions. Passion is strong, but as an Aquarius I know you are stronger. You just need to believe it as well. You have to consciously decide "You know what? I deserve better. I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect cuz I am a damn good woman. One who deserves a man who is gonna be as good to me as I am to him." He will either melt hopelessly into your arms for being strong and standing up for yourself, or he will give you the cold shoulder. If he melts hopelessly into your arms then congratulations I hope you guys are very happy together -BUT- if he gives you the cold shoulder then obviously he doesn't care for you the way you care for him so he isn't worth your time. Time is a precious thing, it's something you don't want to waste, because time is something you can't get back. And eventually if you keep going about doing what you are doing in time the person you are gonna become angry at is yourself, and you shouldn't have to feel lousy. Why allow yourself to hit rock bottom unnecessarily??
Butterflykyss --> Oh my that is heartbreakingly tragic. I wish I knew what to say. My mom (Also an Aries and almost an Aries Taurus -Apr 18 1965-) had issues with the intrusiveness of my father's family as well during the 16 years of their marriage. They weren't intentionally trying to create a rift between my parents but they did and she still isn't over it. If she was I'd ask her and then tell you what she says, but she is still scarred and scorned. But I can say this, trust me -you are more then good enough for the man you love. You wanna know a secret -His dear precious Scorpio mommy knows it as well but she doesn't wanna lose her precious little baby boy. She can't see that he is a man now who is capable of making his own decision -but trust me your husband is just as much to blame for these issues as his mother b/c he had the power to stand up to her and tell her to back off. And as beautiful and romantic as your page was, you are not completely innocent either. I know how headstrong an Aries can be, your pushed him away with your insecurity.
But I can tell you the oneness was real. Because Your spirit has been broken, in turn this has broken his spirit as well. Remember half of all of who he is belongs to you. You need to learn to love yourself again, you need to find happiness and peace within yourself and he needs to step up to the plate and stand up to his mother once and for all. Chances are she is never gonna change her mind about you, you can't let it bring you down. I know how hard that is b/c if you love him you want the acceptance of someone who is also very important to him. You want her blinders to come off and you want her biases gone so she can see the beautiful person you truly are. You want her to respect you as her son's wife and as the mother of her grandchild but chances are she is also very damaged and hurt.
Her son may be all she has and b/c of it she is holding on to him -more tightly then she should be. All she knows how to do is relate to people thru cruelty b/c chances are that is all that she knows. She is a tortured and tormented soul and even tho she doesn't deserve your compassion or understanding show as much of it as you can without letting her continue to trample all over your relationship with your true love.
I promise you, you are beautiful, please remember that and take small steps towards becoming the amazing woman you truly are. Find something for yourself that reminds you of this. Remember how strong you are, and when you are ready tell your man everything you have just shared with us with tell him how you feel. Show him the love of his life is still there. You aren't an empty shell yet, just in pain. Be brave and hold nothing back -in one of those moments you feel him yearning for you after you have gotten stronger again, don't be afraid to put it all out on the line. If things don't go as planned you will survive, you'll be in excruciating pain for some time, but you will come to accept things as they are and slowly you will heal. The people who care about you will be right there at your side with you.
(Pisces Sun & Mercury, Libra Moon, Venus & Mars Aquarius, Leo Rising)
I am a Gemini woman and it seems hard for people to understand what I said but I meant it! I can't and won't be involved with anyone else, It's like a mission in my life to move ahead, only on my own and on my terms.
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Bianca268 ur funny but so true. Are all cancers liars or only mine?. and I mean he lies for little things becaz he feels that he does not want to hurt me hesays or make me mad.
Ragtopcaligal, thank for the compliment. I think I may have found my own ex-cali gal. Had a wonderful Valentine's Day with my Leo friend. Wow! A Cancer in love is a powerful thing but I've never been exposed to Leo's passion.
Now, I've got a lot of almost made it to deal with. Don't worry I won't do it in typical Cancerian fashion. I will be a gentleman.
Ok, so let's talk about my new problem. I'm sure all of you would admit that I have the right to date multiple people in order to find true love. So I've been dating for several months and I have women in various stages of courthood (is that a word?) . Well anyway, HOW does a man NOT be a dog. It seems to me, that it is impossible from what I've read. Number on date:
Capricorn: has never been dated are involved in extended dating relationship before intimacy . She has beeb with guys and fell in love with them but that love has never been reciprocated. She wants an extended courtship and dating before any intimacy. I've told her that we have different needs and that I was looking for an intimate relationship and was not interested in an extended platonic friendship. Yet she get upset and hurt when I don't email everday or call her to see how she is doing. So what do I do. It seems that if I tell her not to contact me or I never contact her she could be one of you guys calling me a Cancer jerk. All I was doing was looking for love the same as her. Does it mean that because she is interested in pursuing something more than I am that I am a dog for her being hurt by my finding someone else?
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justavapor: Thanks, that was just the approach and was planning to use. But a lot of the women on this forum give me pause. Couldn't keeping in touch and being nice appear to her that I am presently interested in going further? Can that approach come off as me vacillating? I don't want her pining over me when I'm pretty sure she is not the one.
Yet, I don't want to hurt her either or made her feel unworthy. Hummm... This is more complicated that I thought. If I do the "I've found someone else so it's over bit, then she can be hurt". But If I string her along slowly, she can get hurt whiling for me to advance affections and further the courthood.
What do you think ladies?
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to Lawdawg; I can tell you from experience, if you KNOW she isn't the one. Let her know that you don't have those type of feelings for her. If you email or text her everyday then, when you get involved with another woman and stop cold,.....I have to say that is the worst feeling. The woman always wonders what she did wrong, what happened. At my age, I usually know it's another woman that he really was waiting on to say yes, I was just a reserve. Sometimes honesty is hurtful but, every guy that has been honest with me, I have respected him for it. Your a dog if you lead her on. Women can be dogs too. What gets me about men is, i tell them I'm pining over a Cancer male who I do the back and forth thing, like most women do with them and men want me even MORE! I figure they think I will fall into their arms to be comforted and give up the panties. i don't give up the panties. It actually makes me want my Cancer more and then I email and text him like a loon!!
It's perfectly alright to date different people for about 90days before you decide who to keep and who to lose. If after about 90days you don't see yourself wanting to move into the committed direction, it's time to move on. it was easy for me to do that until I met my Cancer too. I will put my input about that after this.
it is very hard to break away from a Cancer. I tried and I failed. i told him I'm not even going to try, if he wants me gone, he has to do it. as of Feb. 22 2010. My Cancer and I have been involved in each others lives in one way or another for a year. First we were casual lovers and I wasn't his only one. he told me he didn't want a relationship. I didn't even THINK about him in the committed relationship way. I was dating other guys but, not sexually involved with them. They were saying they wanted a relationship with me. It is hard to establish a relationship if your not friends first, or so I thought. My Cancer blew that theory out the water! I'm a very independent person, funny and laid back but, I am a Scorpio and we have mood swings. I had one where I wanted someone to spend time with me. I called each guy that I had been dating and guess what, not ONE of them had TIME for me. One even got off the phone with me and called me a half hour later to tell me he wasn't comfortable with me being sad and that's why he couldn't talk to me. I text my Cancer to vent about men. He called and asked to come pick me up. He spent the day with me and held me all night. We didn't get intimate. I was still a little yuck the next day when I went home so he came and got me in the evening THEN we got intimate. Of course I put all those other guys under silent ring and never called them again. I dated a couple of other guys, one went to Europe with a band the other got a younger girlfriend. At that point, I told my cancer I was only going to deal with him. I used to tell him my dating stories like he was my girlfriend!!
I have also worked for my Cancer since June. I have administrative passcodes to all the business wesites. I'm on all the insurances I drive his cars, I have keys to his house when he's away.Yet, we don't have a committed relationship. He stopped seeing other women until late November or December. In December he was going from super critical and not wanting to spend time with me to volunteering to pick me up from the airport after he worked in another city, flew in 5hours before my flight was due. Yes, he came and got me, took me home and didn't stay. I live 10minutes from the airport, he lives 30. I am not a sensitive person but, he made me cry with some of the things he would say or how he acted. I felt he either was falling in love or wanted things to end. I saw his profile on a date site, i took that as a hint that he wanted it to end. I ended it though a text message. I dated a guy that wanted a relationship, took me to meet his mom on the thrid date. As fate would have it, a woman he was still in love with, decided she wanted him back. His friend told her that he found someone new. Nothing like competition to get the other person interested huh?
me and my Cancer didn't talk for a month but we emailed because of work. He text me one morning to tell me he had training materials to show me. 10minutes later, he was at my door. It was stuff he could have just emailed me. But seeing that sexy quiet, tall man after all that time...it was a good thing he didn't stay too long or I would have made a fool out of myself. For some reason, I was on the phone with him and telling him how i felt during December and the reson I broke off with him. Apparently I was WRONG in my deductions of what was going on with him but, he didn't give me any answers as to WHAT was going on with him. he just kept saying " You think you know everything, don't you?"and " well, it doesn't matter now." Midnight he started texting me and by 130, he was over here. he feels the draw to me too.
He left at 730. I was in a state of confusion. I have never had this much problem breaking off with a guy. Doesn't help when I work for him. I wrote him an email tha t " I give up, I tried to fight the draw. I'm not going to try and break off with you anymore but, I'm not going to be exclusive since you aren't either." I did go to the movies with another guy on the 13th. my Cancer spent Valentine's evening with me. laid on all 5 of my pillows so when I got back in bed, I only got a corner and HAD to lay up against him to get that. He was laying soo hard against me it felt like he was fusing himself to me. after he left. I went to sleep. I text him later. In true Cancer fashion, No response, I didn't expect one. I did get an email regarding something for work he wanted me to do. Business as usual. I found the info, sent it to him and in less then 3 minutes, he had read it. I do know he checks my personal emails to him almost as fast as I send them. AOL shows a messege status. he doesn't know that, most people don't know where to find it.
Some Cancer relationships are not conventional. he and I have learned and endured soo much about each other this past year. People usually accept more about a person that is just a friend then someone we date and look at as a potential life partner. I trust my Cancer with my life and I haven't felt that way about ANYBODY. He drives fast but I never complain! He lies to me sometimes but, I reailze they are to save face or to avoid an argument. His body language and facial expressions tell me more then words anyways. I never let on that I know. I never accuse him of lying. If I did, I'd have to reveal how I know. He would trust me less and he'd get better at lying!! lol
I feel that all this has made our bond stronger. I know he has a hard time with breaking away from me too. I know I stopped fighting the draw. He hasn't. I know if I set my mind to ignore him, I find myself sending him and email or texting like a loon!! It feels easier since I have come to accept it and see how it plays out. When I try to munipulate the fates and move on, I get sucked in like into a whirlpool or vortex. Somethings going to give but, not in my time but when it's time.
I have a date this Weds. with a fellow Scorpian who is 16 years older then me. I'm actually very comfortable with the thought because I still have my Cancer friend. I'm not trying to replace him but, his and my unrelationship has too much time space that I need to fill in. I'm interviewing gap fillers. You know the old saying "Don't put all your eggs in one basket" my Cancer basket has too many holes and other women got their hands in it but I'm not ready to throw out the basket! I let my Cancer know when I have a date. He's supposed to drive out of town on Weds. next time he talks to me, he won't ask right away but, if I don't tell him He'll ask "So how was your date?" about a week later. So I guess I'm being a dog? I'm keeping my cake and eating it too!!
Have read through all your heartbreaking comments girls and just wondered.. could it be Venus in Cancer which is causing all the pain? I noticed that early on Katie (I think) mentioned that she had Venus in Capricorn and she was very slow to trust and open up and so her Cancer man's vacillations and mood swings were driving her crazy. Well, I have found this to be the case with all the people I know who have Venus in Cancer (whether Cancers, Geminis or Leos).
They ebb and flow like ocean waves.. love you.. not sure.. definitely not..let's be friends.. love you..not sure etc again and again and.. they just cannot stop themselves ie they have no insight into this. It is the tooing and frooing and reward and then withdrawal which causes this uncertainty and therefore sets up a painful addiction.
I have a good girl friend(Cancer with Venus in Cancer) who does this thing of never, ever being able to keep an appointment. She is very warm and enthusiastic about meeting up.. right up to an hour or two beforehand.. then she cancels because ill or depressed or tired.. or just not up to it. I used to get hurt but now (three years later) I just let it wash over me. I know she has no idea she does it so I never mention it.
I have a strong Scorpio man friend who was literally driven crazy by a woman who acted as if she was madly in love with him but would break up with him (no reason given) then call him to meet up again and again and again until he just slammed the door on her (figuratively) for once and for all. She never understood why. And I have suffered from it again and again myself from a Gemini man with Venus in Cancer. It was exactly the same. There was never any sense of continuity or stability. He would shower me with affection one week and look at me coldly the next, saying "This just doesn't feel right".
On the other hand, I spent 15 years with a Cancer man with Venus in Gemini and he didn't blow hot and cold at all! He was constant and faithful but a terrible flirt. It was easier to bear though.
I too have Venus in Capricorn and when I love (which takes ages and lots of courage) I love very deeply and .. well.. forever.. basically.. like an oak tree so it's impossible for me to understand how it feels to love one minute and not the next. I never really stop loving people actually.
I'm a Pisces so i'm very moody and changeable and all Cancerianness should be a wonderful match for me - and it is in the many ways other women have described but the pain of ebbing and flowing affections is too much for me to bear. :(((
My heart goes out to all of you. I don't know what advice to give except not to take it personally.. think of it as a flu attack or something .. and just ride it out. Or never take these people seriously!
If she is wanting something more than you are then you are doing her a favor by being upfront and truthful with her. She won't be fooling herself into thinking she has more of a chance than she does. You can't blame her for not wanting to get intimate without a solid commitment. I wouldn't want to myself. A lot of responsibility and risk in that type of relationship with very little benefit from it should something unexpected happen. No woman wants to be some man's Friday night pump and nothing more. She is looking for love too and if you know you aren't that guy then let her find someone else. It'll only sting a minute. There are woamn out there who dig that type of thing. She just isn't one of them so you should keep looking. You are only a jerk if you lead her on and it sounds like you are trying to be upfront with her. If she decides to get involved with you anyway then that is her baby to rock. You already can see trouble coming. Why not just sidestep a bad situation? Do you run the risk of being called a jerk anyway? Yep. Understand that sometimes people think we are assholes for doing the right thing but it's not because you are. It's because you didn't react the way the other person wanted you to and they are hurt. The only way to avoid this is to untrue to yourself and no one can live like that for long. It's the risk you take in any relationship you get involved in.
I have the same issue to deal with concerning a Cancer man I fell hard hard but although he was very attracted he only wanted to be friends because he was married. Well I broke up with him and he just withdrew into himself without a word to me. And guess what? I am the one suffering because I am grieving over him so badly. A psychic told me we are spiritually connected and he will get in touch with me later this year....but I am not sure I believe that knowing him. It hurts so much, I can barely keep it together some days. All I can advise you is to give yourself some time and find an outside interest that really takes up your time and attention. Don't rush into another relationship because that won't heal the pain. It will pass though...maybe there's something you've always wanted to do...do it now. Join the gym, a new class, take a trip somewhere, volunteer....it will help you to focus elsewhere and get over him but patient with yourself.
YOU CAN WALK AWAY FROM YOUR MATTER BY NOT GOING BACK TO BED WITH HIM.MY EXPERIENCE WITH A CANCER WAS NOT TO BAD BUT I THINK AS A WOMEN YOU NEED TO LET THEM MEN KNOW YOU ARE NOT A CHILD.LET HIM KNOW IT TAKES TWO IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IT'S NOT A ONE WAY STREET BUT IT'S A TWO WAY STREET. ALSO LET THE MAN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE IT GET STARTED AND THINGS WANT BE SO BAD AND HE CAN EITHER LIKE IT OR NOT LIKE IT.CANCER IS SET IN THERE WAYS BUT THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN CHANGE THAT IS GOD. GOD IS THE ANSWER TO ALL PRAYERS.I KNOW YOU SAID THAT Y'ALL WORK TOGETHER BUT YOU CAN SPEAK AND THEN KEEP IT MOVING. MAKE SURE IF YOU TALK ABOUT SOMETHING IT'S DEALING WITH WORK ONLY. TRY NOT TO ANSWER YOUR PHONE WHEN HE CALL YOU.IT'S ALL KINDS OF WAYS YOU CAN BROKE LOSE FROM HIM. GOOD LUCK!!!!
Hmm. My two most recent realtionships, both Cancer men. I'll call them cancer L and cancer J.
Similar qualites but as for character-totally different. Cancer L got under my skin in a big way, yet he was/is the biggest womanizer/player/dog I have ever met. Cancer J, is faithful and commitment minded.
So beyond the sign, look at the guy's character. Don't sleep with the guy anymore, because as you said, it's on is terms, sounds very one sided and you have already developed feelings, which will only continue and get more involved with continued physical intimacy; if you stop sleeping with him, perhaps he will re-evaluate but perhaps not, or perhaps only long enough until things are back on his terms. Who knows? It makes it so much more precarious for you because you already have feelings for him and you work together. Whatever he decides, may I suggest really making time for a social life that does not involve anyone from work, and if possible, try dating other men outside of the workplace and when you do, don't compare or contrast them to him...each date should be a fresh experience unto itself, and refrain from mentioning your situation while trying to get to know new men. Yeah, this is not the most spiritual or p.c. post but I have been in a very similar situation...please, take good care of yourself. If your friend told you this story about themselves, what would your reaction/instinct be?
Again, don't let the endorphins imbalance you, you don't have to get angry at him, and he has spelled out his terms apparently, but you REALLY need to protect yourself. Again, take good care of yourself.
Lawdawg......I say let her down easy.....be nondescript in a text message or email.....like, Hi...have a nice day. She will look at that and see that theres no love interest and its not a question to keep the conversation going. If she is intelligent she will let go and not be pissed off because your being nice about it. Life is too short to be worrying about others feelings to the point where its impacting your souls need to move forward. We all learn lessons in life from others, some are harsh and some are not, but they are all designed to teach us something. Patience, compassion, tolerance, humility...the list is endless but happen for a reason. I have learned many lessons in my life and I am grateful for them all as I have learned how to cope with the c.r.a.p. life hands me and all the great things too. Let your intuition lead the way for you Lawdawg....