How to fall out of love with a cancer man
lawdawg: yes i was happy too. you know i read more threads around (where you participated too) and must say i am not in the 'i was still married when i got to know him' state, but i was in a long term relationship. i didnt break up because of the cancer guy, but he probably gave me the last push. there are a lot of probably complicating issues around our relation, which i didnt wanna write down, cause it would have been quite long. but shortly:
issue 1. i was involved in a long term relationship when i got to know him.
issue 2. we belonged to the same circle of friends. i mean me, him and my ex too. (we still belong to the same circle, except my ex who went home 2000 kms away).
issue 3. he doesnt seem for me a typically healthy cancer, meaning he has to have serious issues with his family background. he lives abroad for over 10 years, havent seen his parents for over 2 years and from bits of convos i deducted he doesnt have a good relation to his mother.
im quite sure that a lot of things go through his head, the only thing that hurts me is that he does not communicate any of it. yes, i know cancers need a lot of time, but it's so bad to see that maybe what was between us at the beginning was so beautiful and it might slips away, and probably not for reasons of not being interested/in love with each other....
im sure my ex disturbs him. i mean he is 'racing' with a 5 year long relationship (first love for both me and my ex) of living together. im sure too, that jumping into a relationship with him right after breaking up is not the wisest thing (though he didnt keep himself back either). i think we just had to wait for so long to be together. known (and lately came out that liked) each other for 6 months already.
our relationship is going on in a secret, no one knows about it. i didnt force this on him though, morover i expressed my sadness about it, but he told me, he doesnt care, cause it is worth for him until he can have me...
so i believe there are always gameplaying in relationships (morover at the beginning) but cant believe that all my intuition told me and made me feel about his behavior towards me was a lie. and if it wasnt, it has to be still there somewhere in him...
lawdawg: btw. i must say i'm here hanging on this thread (and all thread) about cancers, cause i'm trying to deal with one. but otherwise i think that it is not only cancers but all signs, all human beings that have problems or tricky parts that the others dont understand.
i mean i believe i am behaving sooo obvious. and i dont even think of my cancer maybe sitting at home and trying to break his head around me... what i want, what i feel... etc. it is hard to try to view things sometimes from the other's perspective and not only from ours. i tend to forget that he might be in love with me too, just pulls up the strong walls to protect himself cause i am not that obvious as i think i am. so complex... human behavior and interactions...
I have been sitting here this morning reading this thread. Some things I smiled at and others, just made me sad. I am a Taurus in her 40's and was married to my Cancer for 10 years. You may say...wow, Taurus/Cancer...great match..home, family, security. We met and had a warm loving relationship for quite a while. He had custody of his three children and I had my two. When we bought our home, and the responsibilities that went with it, things started falling apart. When I landed a job, making twice his income, things fell apart. When I realized his drinking was escalating and the beautiful bond took a serious hit as he started to abuse me mentally and physically. I knew he was an abused child and his first wife cheated.....I thought love and understanding could solve all his issues. I am still sad two years later for the lossof him. Not the loss of our marriage...him. The true person I know him to be under that shell (the sweet mush inside the crab).
He started to become unwilling to work. He constantly accused me of cheating though he always knew where I was and what I was doing. Then the day that we were riding in his truck. I needed some tylenol and looked for some. I found condoms in his truck. When he was confronted, he said they were bought for us to experement with!! ??? I never confirmed that he cheated, but the signs were there.
After many attempts at counseling and me thinking I was loosing my mind, we seperated two years ago. Our divorce is in a few days. I still think of him every day . Now I know this is not just a Cancer issue...probably more to do with his alcohol abuse. It is hel to live with him and also to live without him. I really miss who he used to be. I miss my best friend.
A month after I finally left him, he came to me with news. He was dying of cancer and only had 6 months left. I was horrified. I knew I couldnt go back, but tried to help him. He wouldnt let me go to his chemo on the weekends or to any doctor. After things started not adding up with his disease, I goto curious. I got on our health care website and found out all of it was a lie! This is the dark side of Cancer.
He was a dark Cancer, but I guess I am sharing this with all of you because this Cancer thing hits so close to home. After all the bad stuff that happened along the way, I STILL love my Cancer man. They have a way of getting under your skin, and into your blood. I could never go back and although it is supposed to be a good match for me, I cringe at the idea of any Cancer being allowed in so deeply.
About the Cancerian nature...I found him to be delightful in the home as far as entertaining, cooking, and gardening. But at the same time lazy and needed pushed to maintain our home with me. He was loving and caring until he percieved some wrong (weather it was a "wrong" or not) and then was cruel (not just me...the children too). His sensuality ROCKED! He was diabolical and had a feeling of entitlement. He was the epitome of "Man"....but that "manly" exterior was just an outer appearance. Inside he was a little boy (mammas boy at that) that just wanted unconditional love. He was very needy. I am sad to lose the old him but feeling better about this impending divorce. I am a strong Taurus woman and will be fine on my own. Someday I will have that healthy relationship I seek, but it wont be with a Cancer!!
Wow...I think the previous post was great for my healing! I feel so much lighter mow. Thanks for letting me share!
gailjar: thanks for sharing. though your story is sad, im really sorry. but good to hear that you are strong and trust yourself. that is the only good way i think in life. wish you good luck!
I am a Leo went into relationship with a cancer (knew of him for 20 yrs) we got together 3 yrs ago, he was so loving and careing. Then things changed not sure what happened. He says he is still in love but I do not feel it from him. What do I do??
what is it about Cancer men? They are such POISON to me but I fall for them every time!
My ex husband was cancer (abusive)
Some years back, I fell hard for a single dad at church (cancer) After sending seriously mixed signals, he told me I wasn't good enough to date, good enough for a fwb, but is it okay if we talk sex over the phone???
He married his barbie doll over Christmas holidays. They've dated less than 6 months...
and then a year ago I fell in love with a wonderful man who lives halfway around the world, (cancer) we've been pals for years and yet he has no qualms telling me I'm too old (we're in our late 40's and he wants a passel of kids) worries my stupid, earthy jokes will offend his virginal mother and sisters and wants me to find 'a good man in a bar'...
but gets snarky if I have a date or talk about guys in general.
Why do I FALL for them?
Oh.... I'm Sag.
If any one has the answer, I'd like to hear it too. It's not only you Aquarian girls, I'm a Virgo and have been in a relationship with a cnacer man for almost 12years. He blows hot and cold but never leaves or lets me go. Believe me, I've tried to walk. Haven't been able too.
Katie: Yours is a difficult situation for Cancer or any other sign. Your relationship was built upon an aura of secrecy and deceit. Build a house on a rocky foundation and you got to expect that after everthing settles the house with break and fall apart. All the issues you listed would be very hard to overcome without total communication and some really hard work. I know your feelings are out there but you need to ask yourself, "where am I trying to go as a person and a person in love and is this the MAN (not sign) to take me there!"
Gailjar: One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch. I hear all of you whining about what Cancers have done to you and your lives. I have not heard enough about what you have contributed to messing thing up for youself. As long as you look outward for answers to the problems in your relationship and in life you will find them but you won't solve anything until you look inward. This is not about Cancers or any other sign, this is about YOU! We put a lot of ourself out in to the universe and the universe gives back to us what we ask for. Believe it or not you asked for this person. You sent out a message that this is what you would accept and this is what you wanted at the time. You can't blame the dyfunctional for being dyfunctional. As I have said before, Cancers that have been damaged seeks out and damages. Remember, they are Moonchildren reflecting back what they have gotten in life back to their mates, children and family. A Cancer that doesn't get along with his mother (like Katie's man) is a HUGE clue that there are going to be problems getting along with you. You can"t ignor all of Cancer's issues and problems, get with him, and then blame him for having the say said issues and problems. Come on people! Be smart! Choosing this or that sign in not going to make your love life better if you use the same old worn out mate selection methods. You are chosing dogs because your compass is directed at dogs. Switch your compass to chose better and you will get better. There are a whole lot of females sitting cozy with Cancer husband that would wonder what the hell we are talking about here. You can avoid all men born June 21st to July 22rd but you may still end up just as hurt by your next chose if you don't plan ahead.
wbnature: Cancer like any other man will come back to taste a good thing. You can't believe him just because he says it so sincerely. We all have needs that get heighten and then settle down. I think he needed you for that period now it's settle down. Decide you won't be used this way by Cancer or any other sign and you will learn to just say NO!
Sag: These Cancer are being candid with you is a mean and harmful way. You are making some bad choses with men in general if this is what you get. Can't put this on the sign of cancer. This behavior is rare even for them.
Virgo: One thing I would suggest is stop being so judgmental. You can not analyze the Cancer's emotions, come to some conclusion in your head, and then spit it out to him. You will poison the relationship by always nagging also. Your perfectionism should be turned inward for a while. Seek out what you are doing wrong and correct that. After, all in the final analysis we are all we can change.
lawdawg: thanks for your answer. i know it is not an easy situation. the only thing that is hard for me that he absolutely knew the situation and still he went into it, seemingly could handle it for a while and then not anymore.
you said this (not to me): 'This is not about Cancers or any other sign, this is about YOU! We put a lot of ourself out in to the universe and the universe gives back to us what we ask for. Believe it or not you asked for this person. You sent out a message that this is what you would accept and this is what you wanted at the time. '
and i soooo much agree with you... so sorry if i ever sounded like blaming all cancers or any of them, im just highly analytical and i so much would like to understand what went wrong cause i endlessly believe in the possibility to make things right until two people respect each other.
and i KNOW myself that much that i am exactly dealing with that problem. my earlier bf was treating me like c-rap and couldnt get out of the relationship for long. and i always tend to attract and fall in love with people that are very very disfunctional. so i know it is my fault mostly...
How are you today? I saw your post on the other thread and I'll try to answer it a little later... I have been scattered around on these boards lately...
I feel the same as you though - " he knew the stuation and went along with it... seemingly could handle it for a while and then not anymore.
Very puzzling I mean that's exactly how I feel. They are deep thinkers too so it's nit like like they didn't understand what they were dealing with and they did put all this effort in at the beginning do why give up?
Hi everyone else! I will try to post on this thread later
Hi FlowyAir: i feel extremely down today... had some convo on the Scorp thread and meanwhile figured out my crab has a scorp moon, and he sent me again a mail that cracked me open, so if god or whatever entity helps me im quitting... im not blaming him, but i cant handle the situation so i rather 'resign'. and how are you?
I m kinda upset with u right now. I did what u said , not to withdraw my feelings. so I broke my promise to myself and told him today that i love him u know what he said. Uhmm , I was so distraughted . For the first time since we been going out he didnt say i love u back. What the hell is wrong with me people try ignt o force this thing , whatever it is to work. I feel like his friend, i dont feel like his lover anymore, He includes me with evrything that going on in his life, the drama and all and im sick and tired of it becaz i feel he just wants a therapist. Lawdawg and all my friends here , I feel this guy pulling away from me little by little. He is what u call a nice guy so he is the kind of person who would hold on to your friendship so ur not upset with him that he no longer wants you. Sorry i dont want to be his friend not right now anyway. I love him too much. Im not mad with you lawdawg just kidding, but wanted you to see how this guy been treating me. So what now?
first...i wanna thank you for your response. i also know that it's not "just cancer men" with issues...it's all signs...lol but, in my case it always leads back to a cancer who really gets to me.
competition...i'm not sure...maybe...it's a thought. i am willing to work through anything with him...his bad day was weird though...i guess too because it was a day i tried distancing myself from him. and once he saw i distanced myself he took that and went with we don't have to deal with each other anymore...heartbreaking...eventhough i know now he didn't mean it - only said it because he thought that's what i wanted.
now...i guess i just have to see where things escalate to, but i must say i'm glad that he showed it somewhat bothered him thinking i was backing off. OMG - i feel like high school kids.
in your opinion - do u think he cares/likes me?? i know this sounds immature, but i need to have an idea how he feels from an outsiders perspective...before i say something about my feelings and feel regret on some level - knowing that his emotions aren't involved.
i just will feel a little better if i know that his emotions are involved in this...maybe not to the extent that mine are but i need to know he feels for me. and, the kisses here and there - what gives...
Dorluv, I didn't mean go that far. Never directly tell a Cancer male you love him before he tells you. Cancer is a cardinal sign of leadership. He must lead the development of his intimate relationships or he feels that he is being push or dragged along into it. You told him this not as an expression of emotion but to push things along for your sake. You needed resolution. You needed affirmation. You just went about it wrong. Too bold for the state of affairs at the time.
OK, why is everybody in this great big hurry to get hooked up! Is the world coming to an end and nobody told me? Are we pairing up to get on the ARK before the flood? Love, true love flows at it's own pace. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year. Because you have deep feelings for someone does not mean those feelings will be reciprocated at the same pace as yours. We all love differently. Go slow. If its worth having it's worth waiting awhile for.
Also, you can't say somebody knew what they were getting into with affairs of the heart so they are bounded by the negative results of that chose. That's like saying nobody should ever get divorced because they knew who they were marrying in the first place. If I agree to get in a relationship with you and it turns out I can't handle the manifestation of that love affair mentally or emotionally, then I have every right to change my mind and bow out. We cannot own people's lives or their hearts. Everyone is free to give their heart to whomever they please. Also, just because you love someone with all your heart doesn't mean they are obligated to love you back!!! No matter if they like to kiss you or make love to you.
If you feel that their love is not real or deep enough for you, stop kissing them, making love to them or sweating them. One of my mantra is "I can't love nobody that don't love me, too many fish in the sea". You guys would benefit from this type of thinking. While you are wasting time on these guys, Mr Right is looking at you and you probably are not giving him the time of day. I will never understand why people need a challenge in their love life to feel that magic. Row your boat down the stream! It's much easier and you won't keep getting your heart broke. After to many broken hearts you won't be fit for Mr. Right when he does arrive in your life.
lawdawg: Also, you can't say somebody knew what they were getting into with affairs of the heart so they are bounded by the negative results of that chose. That's like saying nobody should ever get divorced because they knew who they were marrying in the first place.
katie: im aware of people not seeing beforehand that they will surely be able to handle something or not, or that they wont fall out of love suddenly. i went through it too, so i know even if you dont want to hurt someone, if feelings change they change, nothing to do about it.
so let me rephrase: i very much cant handle when someone is over with me but does not tell me and keeps me on the rope hanging. im an adult, i can get over someone, im not even doing a drama about it for him. i just disappear. but for god's sake, one should be able to stand up and say, 'i dont want to be with you anymore'. and then i'd say thank you for your honesty and i walk away. (and now im not talking about cancers but people in general that are like that).
You are correct, they should approach their decision with honor and intergrity. As, I remember, however, the guy that was being mess on behind his back desired that same consideration.
lawdawg: if you refer to me and my ex that i did the same... yes you are right (im willing to admit when im mistaken), though i told my ex way earlier breaking up that things were going wrong. but yes, i was not completely straight either. probably getting back now what ive done to him. but its a good lesson. honestly, i take it as something that i can learn from. and thanks for your straight honestly. it is always easier to see others flaws and not seeing ours.
Katie: "Hi FlowyAir: i feel extremely down today... he sent me again a mail that cracked me open, so if god or whatever entity helps me im quitting... im not blaming him, but i cant handle the situation so i rather 'resign'. and how are you? "
FlowyAir: I felt really down yesterday too. Cried alot. I'm sorry you were having a bad day too - my feelings flunctuate faster then I can emotionally fathom. If you don't mind me asking what was in the email that sent you over the edge like this?
Your Birthday is tomorrow and you need to try and do your best so you can enjoy it even if your not where you expected or hoped to be ( I KNOW it hurts). I hope you can manage to smile tomorrow :)- as I know you have reasons too (new flat) . Have you made any plans?