How to fall out of love with a cancer man
I like this quote of yours: "The trick for Cancer is not to try to rationalize or think his way out of the emotions but to be able to ride them out." Because I'm an Aquarius too I thought rationalizing things over with my Cancer would help him overcome his feelings of conflict/guilt as that is the way I deal with stuff giving it justification and putting it into perspective in my mind so that I can be at peace of mind. Whenever I did this with him I noticed I had to give him an example like when I was trying to explain I was unhappy in my marriage and had tried and tried to work it out he just looked at me almost blankly, but when I used his past experiences which were tied to emotions he felt between him and an ex and had him think if had married her eventually what would he do if things never changed - he understood and thanked me. So very true what you said - only I didn't realize it before! Thanks for your excellent insight!
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Your Cancer is involved with an air sign Gemini. This is not good for his emotional side. She brings something to the table but not emotional understanding and deep feelings. Pisces and Cancer can swim the 7 seas together. They are water mates and I bet you guys sometimes don't even have to talk to know what the other one is thinking/feeling.
He is a family man because he is a Cancer. I'm thinking he is close to running. A Cancer that is being this emotionally unfaithful and yes even if there is not physical involvement it's still infidelity to be on this level of involvement with the opposite sex. But he won't go unless she does something to push him away or he gets caught doing something unforgiveable. You see where I'm going with this right...
As for his attraction to you, who wouldn't want to be lovey dovey with a Pisces woman!
I'm wondering why you are a wandering heart. With a Pisces male as your husband, what are you longing for???
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I can identify with what you are saying. In my relationship that mentoring element was the case. It surprises me that the whole relationship has been platonic in nature. Cancer and Pisces usually generate such heat that this seem impossible. But I'm projecting...
I think that given what you have said that the problem maybe deeper. You are his ideal of woman. All men are born with an image of woman in their brain. It's what predisposes us and allows us to transition into the lovers and fathers that we become. He has chosen you as a representation of his image of woman. That is both flattering and scary because you now hold the key to his view of what a woman should be. You should not hurt him but you cannot give into his demands without be aware of what you are giving up.
This man is not seeing you for what you are. He has projected upon you his image of woman because his wife does not have the emotionality he needs and wants. Be careful, he may try to get a little bit from both of you guys to fulfill his life. Love can be greedy...
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Lawdawg: first of all thanks for the insight again.
i really dont feel like a real aqua in the question of emotional life, cause i really dont see myself so much as 'brain' person. yes, i do analyze a lot (sometimes even too much), but i am extremely loving and devoted. i don't have that so called 'fixation of my own freedom' thing in me. of course sometimes i need me 'own time' just like cancers do, but i have NO problem whatsoever to commit and be in a relationship. i dont feel soffocated and i dont want my freedom. of course i dont like people telling me what i should do all the time, but i think no sign likes that really.
and aquas are said to be so non-conventional and possibly in some levels i am, but i am not a revolutionist, never was, i have a very high need to fit into society and follow its norms. I AM indeed very very conservative about everything, let it be family, relationships or simply the whole world. so i dont see the difference at that point between cancers and me.
there is one sentence you say that im interested about in more details.
"This is a strange match since each desires very different things out of life."
what does a cancer desire and what do you assume I as an aqua desire? i mean please help me out here, cause im really confused, and im interested what others think aquas desire in general. maybe i understand more the differences that i dont seem to grasp now.
you also say: "Aquarius values freedom, whereas Cancer values security."
i do value freedom (in the form mentioned above), but in some aspect cancers value it too i think. and about security, gosh i SO MUCH search for security. that is my huge problem right now with my crab. i open up very very rarely to a person. i choose very carefully. so carefully actually that im turning 28 in some days and he is the second man ive ever been with (physically) and the second man in my whole life im in love with. i am not even a dating type. ive never dating anyone just out of the blue (getting to know in a bar etc.). i only got together with my crab, cause i knew him already for a half year and we were kind of friends, talking a lot, spending a lot of time together. that is how i felt him out and trusted him. otherwise i wouldnt have hooked up with him for sure. and i thought he will give me security, which he gave for a month and then pulled back... so im standing here right now, not understanding what i have possibly done and what is happening. and with MY kind of brain and thoughts i immediately think, sure its over, cause i would never pull away from a person unless i wouldnt think i dont care about him anymore. but i guess in this sense cancers are very different. but i do prefer security over freedom.
you also say: When these two come together, it's definitely a case of “opposites attract”. The Aquarian quest for new concept and thought will clash with the Cancer cautious side.
I always felt that he is so deep feeling than i am and that is why we attract each other, i see so many similarities in our thoughts and behavior, and wishes...
lawdawg: Your mission! Let Cancer have his feelings and wounded heart. When he broods give his a little space for a while then go and comfort him. Don't try to talk him out of his feelings because, well they are feelings and he has no idea how to stop the waves of emotions he is constantly bombarded with.
Katie: my problem is that i want to see what he feels... but there is no chance to comfort him since he does not tell me whats up, he doesnt even admit there is a problem. when once i told him that i am only thinking about what went wrong and what i have done wrong he told me: you havent done anything wrong, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
then what is going on? if i am the best thing that ever happened to him?
so i would comfort him but he is extremely closed in. he wasnt when things were great, he naturally told me all the time, he missed me, how much he loves to be with me, how much i make him happy. he told me too, that he does not deserve me, that i deserve so much better....
and then he is the one who pulled back... and i so much have this terrible feeling that he made up his mind about me... which i dont understand, cause if it is true (and all cancers i talked to tell it) that cancers are very intuitive and they feel out people, he had to know how i am once we got together. i mean he knew me for half year and we spent a lot of time together, talking about serious stuff a lot... so i didnt change.... he was so much crazy for me... what could have happened?
lawdawg: So to make a long story short. Cancer feels he can't really reach you. He's bubbling with emotions but you are not reflecting back to him the level of emotional response he needs.
Katie: i dont understand how he feels that he cant reach me... he is the one that closed himself away from me...he doesnt even give the possibility for himself to try to reach me, then he would realize i am there indeed.
lawdawg: That just not you! You can't be that emotional for god sake. Your love life like the rest of your life is ruled by the cognitive power of your brain. Not that you don't have true and genuine heartfelt feelings, they are just tempered by that powerful rational mind of your. Cancer can't hug the brain. He's trying to conquer your heart. Poor fool, when will he ever learn????
Katie: i have to argue with this. I AM that emotional. i am the one who told him the first place that i feel more than friendship. i am the one who was always so eager to be together. when we are together, i am extremely affectionate, i cant stop holding him, kissing him and pour all my love on him. i am the one who wrote a poem for him... i mean how cant that be emotional?
and he did conquer my heart already, im head to toe in love with him....
lawdawg, sorry if im 'arguing' on some points, it is not that i dont take your advice or i dont think you are right, im just so lost here, cause all you write about me (aquas) i dont feel to fit the profile. you understand what i mean? i just dont think i am like that....
one thing more to our contact... last time we met (3 weeks ago) we had a very good time together, laughed a lot, talked a lot, but actually it took him 3 hours to once suddenly stand up, come to me, hug me for minutes and kiss me, and again all with his sighs and stuff. is he afraid of me? or is it such insecurity? i mean for god"s sake... we slept together more times, i spent entire weekends in his flat with him, and then suddenly he needs 3 hours to 'dare' (?) to hold my hand? what is that?
sorry, im just seeing now that it got so long... but i so much have the need to discuss things with someone who has the perspective of a cancer...
I gave you general information concerning the usual interaction between Cancer and Aqua. I know your situation could be totally different. Your sun sign is just one aspect of your reading and their are other factors like career, income, parent, and more. I am working with a limited amount of information concerning you guys specific situation. This is what I will say:
Cancers are orientated toward family and creating a family enviroment in their lives. It is what gives them both security and happiness. So this Cancer is in your life but he is starting to back off. WHY, that is the question. As much as you try to believe it is some deep seated astrological reason, it could be something simple. Try these first:
Your income/His income
Your education level/His education level
Your family ties/his family ties
You prospects for the future/ his prospects for the future
You financial situation/his financial situation
You love life versus his love life
The Cancer mind can scan all of these connections while embracing you in his arms. You as Aqua may not give his money making ability or material possessions a single thought when it comes to love and being with him. He is difference, however, he judges his fitness to be with you or any women on the materialistic. What he brings to the table is very important. If he feels it is less than you deserve, he will not pursue you and will let you go to find greater love. It's a shame Cancers connect love and materialism together but they feel "nothing from nothing, leave nothing" and they at least must have something to give and you too by the way. Remember, don't know your particular situation just giving you ramdom thoughts.
You say you are not a typical Aqua when it comes to feelings and emotions. Here's a test. Pick people in your life and ask them to say 3 things that describe you to them. If you hear a lot of generalities like caring for the world, little children or the lost of the rainforest, you will know that you display the Aqua empathy for serious cause. This is great but if you do not hear about your compassion or feelings for everyday poeple and friends then there is a chance you could be preceived as lacking empathy. Ask youself if your personal relationships suffer due to this perception of lack of compassion. If not, move on. If yes, take note.
Well, that's it for me. Good luck...
lawdawg: thank you very much i appreciate the help. im gonna do that test you mentioned, cause it really interests me now. here it comes, how we perceive ourselves and how much we can give out from that, how others percieve us. thanks again!
Awesome advice Lawdawg! I have to take that test too!
I was dating a cancer man in my past and he was going out on me, lied about it, said he loved me, etc., but I caught him, and that was that, but we stayed friends for some reason. I'm a Libra, also an air sign.
hi lawdawg...it's silly me - wow, u really do give great advice!
i have an issue i'd like your honest opinion on...
when i returned from work my cancer friend wasn't there - had the day off...thursday when he finally returned to work...it wasn't his best day...he got in trouble regarding his work from his boss.
i knew what happened and so i kept my distance - only because i knew it bothered him and he wouldn't be his usual self with me. he did try and make conversation but i kept it short because he was indifferent. when i said goodnight - i also added "i hope u feel better"...he said whatever and walked away from me.....i was so hurt.
yesterday - he was himself..but, i was sort of bothered by what happened the day before...he sent me an email to ask a question re: work related issues...i answered and he replied with a silly statement. my last email i sent was "all communication ends here" (joking of course) but in a way trying to make him curious. next he sends this to me................
"i thought yesterday when I returned all communication was done.......i know that it's a lot...helping me with my work.....but, monday when everything is done you will be relieved of helping me.
monday - we will no longer have to assocaite with one another =( "
ok - my heart dropped...i got that painful lump one gets in the back of their throat trying to hold back tears.
i replied...."you're crazy...yesterday you had a really bad day...i sincerely felt bad...so i gave you ur space. i don't mind helping you and as if you don't already know...it's an option i choose. i don't have to help u out, but i do because it's you and i can do the work.. but, if that is how u want things to be - i can't change that "
he responds by saying - "wow, why so serious....lol"??? i told him i hated him and then we were talking like we usually do and went back to normal. when he left last night - he came to me and said i appreciate all ur help and he pecked me on the lips...awe!!!
so....please, what is this all about? there were other comments made throughout the day that i'm trying to make sense of. but, that email he sent me...why?
what was this all about, i can't figure it out. are his emotions involved now, or is he out & out toying with me?
please advise...i'm sorry this is extremly long
i need to know what i should do next or just go with the flow. i tried backing away and he sends me an email like that...
I found that cancers are very moody creatures, they can be one way this time and another way the next time.
cancers are so confusing...but, what is it with them that draw us in?? i can't wrap my head around it...lol
They can be very charming, then the next time you see then, they want to be left alone, aloof. As the moon has it phases, so do cancers.
And don't forget they have claws, just like scorpions have stingers.
Lawdawg: i made your test. LOL and im so happy now. all people i asked told things like: passionate, caring, loving and none told humanitarian or anything else that is in wide range and not with personal relations. so thanks again for the advice. at least i think i was not that mistaken about the picture about myself.
Ok. Aquagrrl, sorry for Cancer's behavior. This is what happen. He took his work related frustration out on you because you were available. He immediately realized this error and tried to correct it but only half heartily. Now I'm sensing a competitive element in you guy's relationship. Like he feels for you but he is in competition with you. Maybe work-related competition or envy. I don't know.
I think you should not be so shocked by these outburses in the future. Don't give them any energy until he makes it clear what he means and wants. No rush to send reply emails to these type of frontal assaults. Don't feed his need to have a temper tantrum. That's really what it is. A grown man have a temper tantrum. He does not feel any of it and he will be different soon after. You can say forget this guy he has issues. Most of the other signs will point and agree. But in reality you can not name one male zodiac sign without issues! Now, I thought so.
I know getting the email hurts. Unlike some signs, however, he is not trying to be mean and evil, he's just carelessly reaching out.
Katie, that's good to hear. Then that means that you have the necessary ingredients to connect with Cancer on an emotional level. Then I say you should review the earlier threads and look for practical real life issues that could be the source of the problem.
There are a lot of people thinking that Cancer it so different from other men. Cancers are so wierd. But if that's true why are they making all of these love connections that are so powerful it is lighting up the forum....