How to fall out of love with a cancer man

  • Sandran712>>It's an observation and also pitiful.There are just too many homewreckers out there.Instead of getting therapy.They run to the next single unattached person.And become an instigator from hell..LOL...We single people don't want you married people coming along.Wrecking our single quiet life for your married mama drama..LOL..But this is all by choice.

    PiscesParadox>>> LOL Sandran! I see it in men and women. With men it's them wanting to go back to their first wife and with women it's them wanting to get away from their husband for the most part. You are right though. It is the women more willing to leave the marriage then the men. What disturbs me about it is the party in love with someone else usually ends up regretting leaving their marriage later. A friend of mine told me yesterday that she wishes she had tried harder to fix her marriage. She's been married about 6 months longer than me. She and her husband separated after about 2 years of marriage but never divorced. Her story was pretty similar to mine but we both chose to handle it differently. I asked her why she never divorced and she said so she wouldn't do something stupid and marry someone else. He told me the same thing. My marriage still has issues ( obviously, haha) but I can't say I've ever been in love with someone else. I don't know the circumstances of the people looking outside their marriage. I won't judge because it's not my place to. I have very strong views on the subject so I won't start in on that again.

    My Grandmother always told me crushes were natural for even married people but they passed. She taught me to always look at the long term . I'm really not judging. I just wonder how feelings fade so fast. If I hadn't been sure my hubby was my only love I don't guess I ever would have married him. I feel like an ass because we drove by were my Cap family member worked last night and he was breaking his neck to look. I called him on it and he said he had seen my ex bestie Leo friend standing outside. I have heard she was coming around and she has tried to contact me but I keep blowing her off. I didn't believe him and was mad the rest of the night. Turns out he was telling the truth.

    crystal0227, Sounds like you two are close friends. Even still, he has made his choice. If you know it is going to explode in his face then just be there for him when it does. Something I've noticed about Cancer guys.... They don't seem to make much difference between close female friends and romantic partners. The way they view and feel about these people is almost the same.

    littlelione, The divorce rate is finally beginning to drop. There was a study done on unhappily married couples. 5 years after the first study the same couples were brought back in and reported themselves as happily married at that time. Although my marriage still has issues I can't really say I am unhappily married. No marriage ( or relationship) will ever be perfect. It's just a matter of what you can live with. My sister in law reminded me this morning that happiness is a choice. I can't argue with her because I believe she's right.

  • Hi PiscesParadox,

    can't argue either with "happiness is a choice". I remember reciting that mantra to my daughter more than once during her teen years. What a drama queen she was. Finally, one day it sunk in or the hormones leveled but her attitude changed.

    I guess by trying to more understand others, we are seeking our own happiness. I feel I need to apologize as I came across as pretty judgmental here when posties (can't believe I'm using that word) just want to talk to someone, vent or get some compassion or understanding. Knowing what's best for everyone is a typical Leo trait I can't seem to keep under control. so sorry

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  • Bianca268,

    I said that I had never been in love with someone else. I also said I wouldn't judge. Just making an observation. When it comes to love and commitment I am very sure of my own mind and I only brought it up because it depresses me to see so many married people walking around in love with someone other than their spouse. Everyone wants to be with someone that loves them. If I didn't truly love someone I would set them free so they could have the love they deserved. I have lived in that situation so I guess that is why I feel the way I do. Everyone's marriage is different and like I said before , I don't know everyone's circumstances. When I spoke of crushes I was speaking in a general sense. I wasn't pointing fingers. You see things from your point of view and I see it from mine. If I were to fall in love with someone else I would leave but that's just me. Others wouldn't for reasons of their own. I haven't walked in your shoes so , no, I don't understand it but remember that you haven't walked in mine either. This was addressed somewhat in the WHY DO WOMEN ACCEPT MARRIED MEN thread. Everyone has their own views on things and I'm not one to try and be politically correct.

    Nullum est responsum, sed solum optiones and I'll leave it at that. Didn't know I was going to strike a nerve.


    No need to apologize. Everyone is entitled to express their own opinion. Yes, people come here because they need someone to talk to. The people who post in this forum might be the only people they have to talk to. Debate is a path to enlightenment so it never hurt anything but pride.

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  • Hey PiscesParadox,

    Great insight for a swimsuit model, lol. And for one that has really stuck in there with a marriage, geeze girl. There are....only choices. I like your style.

    Bianca, I wish you didn't have the pain you have to bear at this time, communication with your son, your husband. I see that you find strength in the love you give.

  • Katie1982: thank you for your most welcome advice. But I am so hurt, so hurt. We've been through this breakup before and it's always been me to patch things up. But this time I can't do it. I'm feeling I must have hurt him so deep (just because I didn't call him when he asked me to!!.) Anything I say he puts it down to attitude and he said he's had enough. He criticizes the way I stand, that my purse is too small, things are falling out of it that I should get a bigger purse, that I buy things and then take them back, that I have too many credit card bills, that my place is full of cat toys.... he was in such a mood that night that I guess it was leading to a breakup. I can't believe I've lost him. I'm not a child that he's going to tell me how to act, what to say! He was going to stay the night, we were having a lovely time, we were both drinking, and he asked me something which I can't remember what it was not, and I said jokingly "What's it to you". Straight away he said "Attitude! Attitude! I don't like your attitude!" and he got up and said he was leaving and that he never wanted to see me again. I guess he had planned to do that all along. I don't know how I'm going to avoid him at work tomorrow. I'm a wreck. I wish I could just ignore him and look the other way. All the love I felt for him is slowly turning to hate. He hasn't calleld me at all since Wed of last week, although we spoke a few words at work but he just won't forgive me. Well I'm not going to crawl at his feet. I guess he was just passing his time. Well he got the raise he wanted. He's getting a great income tax return. He's going to get his car fixed. So what does he need me now for! I used to help him money-wise. I even put his name on my car insurance so he'll drive my car when he needed it. I guess all that's forgotten now. I even gave him food when he was so broke he didn't have any money and he came to my place for food. Well, I realize now I've been had. He keeps throwing my past mistakes at my face, things that happened one year ago, e.g. I shouldn't do this, I shouldn't say this, that i'm like a little girl, I'm not a woman. Do you believe this? Valentine's Day he drank too much and before we could eat (I had prepared a lovely meal) and OK I guess he was tired as in the morning he had to go look after his oldest brother who's ill - clean his house, wash his dishes etc. - none of his other siblings will do it), and OK he was tired out yet he still came to me bearing gifts, so before we could eat he passed out on the bed. I was upset but afterwards I was OK. Do you know what he said to me? (Always blaming me, always blaming me) He said I'm not a woman - I should have gone and slept next to him instead of sitting on the couch watching TV. He had passesd out, I didn't want to disturb him, althoug I did go in twice to check on him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I didn't want to disturb him. And then he says any woman would have done things to him and he would have really liked it. He had completely passed out. What kind of woman would do that to a man, taken advantage of him while he was out cold. Honestly, he is so cruel sometimes with his remarks. I know, I know. FORGET HIM, right? I'm trying to but I'm so heartbroken, for him to cut our relationship so abruptly just because "I disrispected him by now calling him like he'd asked me to" and now I'm paying the price.

  • Sandran712: "think all the talking/yelling at him can suffocate a person too.I think a person can spend too much time together.Do you live with this guy? "

    Librachild: Gosh, I've never yelled at him. I've been very loving and understanding and comfort him. He's the one who's always on about his kids' behaviors, that they're so rude to him, they disrispect him and that he's had enough. And I listen patiently. I have no kids so I always encourage him to talk about his. No, we don't live together. I would very much like him to move in with me, but his 20 yr old daughter lives with him, and he doesn't want to leave her "home alone", although one brother is at home too, and a big pitbull terrier. I guess my one mistake was wanting too much of him, and now I lost him.

  • Librachild>>I guess my one mistake was wanting too much of him, and now I lost him.

    Sandran712>>I don't really think you lost him.I think he lost you.He's got alot on his plate.As much as these kids are rude and disrespect him.He will never leave them.for the 20 year old daughter.Maybe a change will happen if she finds a way to move out.I was right..You are not yelling at him But,...someone else is..A Cancer will run fast to get some space when there is alot of yelling and alot of drama.Dysfunctional things like this would make anyone run...LOL.Cancer's can be lazy parents.I know I was back in the day.Hard enough to just care for them let alone take their nasty attitudes.In my case it was my son's body language since he can't talk.But, body language talks just

  • Bianca>>I know the difference. I think that unless you have been in someone's shoes, you have no idea what it is like.

    Sandran712>>I hear this term so much I can choke on it.Alot of us will not go there first to be put in someone's shoes.I guess I could say this regarding my special needs son.Who wants to live my life.Raise a feel like Pisces Paradox .There is no reason for someone to blanantly homewreck another person's family.I do blame the person who starts the cheating,The other person is an innocent victim.But, can choose which direction to turn from there.

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  • Bianca>.I know how it wears on a relationship

    Sandran712>>When my son was born it killed my relationship with his father.Men are weak in the special needs raising department.So I am a single parent for 24 years.It gets more challenging as they get older.I look at it to help myself be a stronger person.I've never been married.Neither was my son's father..I liked the idea I had someone that I trained..LOL..Seriously.... I liked the idea that he did not have someone else's baggage.We only had each other's.He could not handle what he was dealt with and it put all the responsibilities on me.

  • LibrasLair - Hun, i'm so sorry to hear things have happened this way. I remember hearing a lot about your story with your cancer. Honeslty, from reading how he treats you, you need to get away from him. I agree with you, he was looking to break up for a while. It seems like he was trying to push you away. Whatever his problem is, he needs to deal with it on his own and not hurt you like that. No one deserves to be talked to the way he's talked to you. It isn't healthy. You are a woman, and whether or not he actually knows that deep down, you need to look out for yourself.

    It doesn't matter who's at fault, the main thing is he's pushed you away, so listen to him and go. If thats what he wants, fine, give it to him. Don't put up with that abuse...thats just awful 😞

  • Sandran712 and MariaRea: thank you so much for your concern. I know I have friends out there. MariaRea, where have you been? I remember you from another post. BUT, miracle of miracles, after I wrote that post last night, (my work colleague had said to me that everything will blow over like it always does, and that if I wanted this man I would have to call him as he won't.) So this morning I thought should I, what if he rejects me, what if, what if, what if... why doesn't he call... Then all of a sudden all my negativity left me and this nice positive energy came over me and I said I'm going to call him and play him "our song" which is Lady A's "Need You Now" which I did. It was as if nothing had happened between us. And straight away he asked where was I yesterday, he didn't see my car at work, didn't I go in, why didn't I go in, he was worried as he knew I was upset. I told him I took the day off and got my car serviced. Anyway, he said he misses our friendship too, but that I'll have to understand that when he says he feels tired, he really is tired and not to take it personally. (By the way he's nearing 60 gals, and so am I, but we're both very young looking. Me - you'd think I was 50!) I know, I know he can be very cruel sometimes with his words which cut through me like a knife, especially when he's drinking. And my sister said this is only the beginning. What if it happens again. But I know he's a very loving, caring man as long as you don't get on the wrong side of him. So ladies, be happy for me. Today, right now (I'm stil at work as I work late hours) I'm ecstatic. I just want this man. I enjoy his company so much. I love being with him. So he's picking me up tonight after work (I let him borrow my car today as his daughter's got his today), but he did say he's not coming up tonight. Fine, cos now I'm going to try and understand him. But he said he'll come tomorrow. And he's still going to help me with my car as I'm having major problems with it. So on a happy note, I'll leave you all and get back to my work. Till tomorrow....

  • Librachild>>I know, I know he can be very cruel sometimes with his words which cut through me like a knife, especially when he's drinking. And my sister said this is only the beginning. What if it happens again.

    Sandran712>>That is a Cancer behavior.Oh..It will happen again.I guarantee that if there's a drinking problem.But, it can happen without the drinking problem.

  • Oh, my! I am a virgo and as you can probably tell by my name, I have a cancer man and am not entirely pleased with the situation, to put it mildly...

    We fell for each other fast and hard. But then he suddenly ended it, with tears rolling down his face, said he was not good enough for me, that I would leave him eventually anyway and then disappeared for almost 4 months. We would still email and run into each other occasionally and every time that spark was still there. I tried to get over him but couldn't, no matter how hard I tried!

    So finally, I told him I didn't care what he thought was going to happen, I loved him and I wanted him back. He came back. And now I fear everything he said was true.

    He is moody, demanding, argumentative, always late, never doing what he says he's going to do. When something goes wrong, he blames everyone, including me. Am I being judgmental? Maybe, but am I supposed to just take this behaviour and smile? I feel I give and give and give and receive very little in return.

    He is not all bad, of course. He can be the most loving, sweetest person on the planet! When he wants to be. He says he knows he is a hard person to get along with and he is trying harder with me than he has ever in any other relationship. I have spent several holidays with his family, whom he adores and I know that is very meaningful to him. I get the sense he wants to marry me and have children, all of which I would be thrilled to do but not in this current manifestation.

    I need stability, the calm give and take of love, not this constant drama. I guess what I'm asking is, should I stay or walk?

  • IhaveCancer>> need stability, the calm give and take of love, not this constant drama. I guess what I'm asking is, should I stay or walk?

    Sandran712>>> I like this guy..Being a pain in the a-s-s and all.This guy is honest and straight forward.All Cancers have mood swings and are argumentative.Cancer is very emotional/water signs are all emotional.and everything you learned about him Is all that.He didn't sugar coat anything.The always late I could not stand for that.No you are not supposed to take this behavior and smile.He's definitely an a-s-s.He's just honest about it.And I like honesty.I guess what you could do is point out what the way he acts and see if he will calm down

  • Ihavecancer: Sandran is right, he's being honest about who he is. You aren't being judgemental, that is how he is, and from what I read, a lot of cancer men are like that, to one extend or another, but also has a very deep loving side. They are the moodiest sign of the zodiac, I think. My cancer gets moody, crabby, negative, complains, etc but on the flip side can be affectionate, sweet, loving and funny It's a good sign he is trying hard. So, it's up to you. He will most likely not change so if you can accept him and deal with him exactly as he is right now and still love him, stick with him, if you can't handle the drama, then walk...

    In my case I have learned to unconditionally love my cancer guy. He's helped me grow, because I am learning to accept and love someone exactly as they are for the first time in my life.

  • Luazinha>>He will most likely not change so if you can accept him and deal with him exactly as he is right now and still love him, stick with him, if you can't handle the drama, then walk...

    Sandran712>>I totally agree with you.And I see you being a Leo.I am gonna have to find a Leo guy.I had one a long time ago.He was one that you sleep with...LOL..good in bed too.But, that was back in the day when I didn't care.When you get older you start to get a little wiser.and settle down more.

  • I think one never really falls out of love with a cancer man unless he really really treated you wrong. was with a cancer man for 3.5 yrs. still thinks of him sometimes even though i was the one who wanted out. drama was there alright.. typical cancerian man, mean words if he was hurting but very loving all other times. the posts were right, there aint a lover like the cancer man.

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