How to fall out of love with a cancer man
hi flowyair! it is not exactly the content of the email that made me sad, but the whole situation. but as lawdawg told some stuff and others too, and i see some mistakes too on my side, i say things are just too painful and ugly between us and i just forget about him. dont know yet wether to tell it to him or just let it slip away... i'll see.
btw. he was the first at 0:11am this night who sent me a happy birthday greeting. sad that i dont really believe in it anymore... i have no plans for my birthday. i plan to celebrate on the weekend with my friends, if i have fun and strenght.
H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know we can analyze stuff until the cows come home ( and I don't live on a farm ) at the end of the day what is meant to be will be meant to be... I guess you just have to give it time to play out as it will, and just be true to yourself on the meantime. I know you love him, my suggestion is to give it a fighting chance if you feel in your heart that he loves you too. Don't completely withdraw. I know it is painful so in the meantime you have to continue doing you and doing enriching things for yourself. So no matter what in the end you'll come away without having negleted yourself and your inner happiness. This is hard to do as I'm trying myself.
I haven't seen the Cancer guy (notice I don't call him mine anymore) drive by anymore or look out his window toward my house (he might be still doing it and I'm unaware), and his blinds are only kept open a bit at the bottom. He just comes and goes about his business I've only seen him through my window not in person. Lawdawg gave me some hope and even I found some hope analyzing previous emails w/ my friend, but then I read the Jan horoscope on I think it's astrologyzone.com. for Cancers and it said due to the 2 lunar eclipses that it would become abundantly clear to either end a relationship or get help, but if it was ended it would be done quickly and permanently. As the site says that's what eclipses do they bring you info then they give you the motivation and ability to follow through. It added relationships that are ended from the insight and closure the eclipse brought are unlikely to ever find their way back. Scorpioreader said she's a fan if this site.. Not sure of the accuracy myself, but it shattered all my hopes of a future with him, but then I thought to myself how do I really know if this applies to us to the t. There are so many factors I could use to argue it so I have to let it play out as it will. Part of me will have hope and try to be the best person I can be and let things play out as they may.
Still gonna go with the husband to discuss matters out if this atmosphere for what it's worth. Didn't get the apt as I just want to make a final decision on the divorce and then move forward. I think I was panicking a bit and wanted to show the cancer I meant business, but he also would have wondered wow she got an apt real quick why didn't she do that when I was seeing her... So tricky huh... Sorry my posts so long haven't talked to ya in a while.
I hope you have a very Happy Birthday !
hey FlowyAir! gonna answer your whole comment later, but thanks for the nice wishes.
and im giving up completely and withdraw completely (as much as i can because of the other friends i cant escape totally). and i do all this cause we just go on a rollercoaster. and im sure i had my mistakes in it, like he did. but honestly when so many things brake in a relationship at the beginning, i dont think it can be mend and go on with it really happy... so i rather give up now than give myself i dont know how many months of analyzing and then have to let him go at the end anyways. i think it will be better for him too. he might want to leave me, he just worried to tell it, im gonna make it easier for him.
im gonna write you later on your matters.
I hope your having a nice day
Are you feeling better?
I just wanted to say personally this experience w/the Cancer has helped me grow as a person beyond belief. Although I hold out some hope I am not going to count on him as ever being a part of my life again. I am taking away from this experience I had with him the positives and what I have learned from it about myself as a person. He taught me many things one thing he told me he has learned is that it is okay to love someone even if they don't love you back now/anymore as that is what you call unconditional love - and once you don't expect it back from the person and you realize you can still love them it allows you to live with it much easier. I can apply that to this situation and it helps me to reach a place in my mind to move on. If someday things work out between us that will be above and beyond my expectations.
Katie1982: "and im giving up completely and withdraw completely (as much as i can because of the other friends i cant escape totally). and i do all this cause we just go on a rollercoaster. and im sure i had my mistakes in it, like he did. but honestly when so many things brake in a relationship at the beginning, i dont think it can be mend and go on with it really happy... so i rather give up now than give myself i dont know how many months of analyzing and then have to let him go at the end anyways"
FlowyAir: I understand where your coming from 100% as I forget your past me in my experience and your being realistic based on what has been going on for sometime now. You are not in the relationship with your ex and this behavior is still occuring. I can so relate with being on an emotional rollercoaster as that is what I was going through when my Cancer would withdraw unexplainably - the goods were so good and the uncertainty so bad at the same time. Again, yes Cancer's go through these withdrawals, but generally there is a reason for them right?
Katie1982: "he just worried to tell it"
FlowyAir: Again, I understand this statement whole heartedly as that is exactly what happened in my case he shut down completely as he was too afraid to honestly tell me what he was feeling 100%. The signs were there beforehand, but I still hoped differently in my situation that I could keep things moving forward regardless.... I see what your saying in your case too. Hey, if your wrong and he doesn't want to let things go well then I guess he will convince you otherwise when and if he becomes ready to do so.... if he just needs time for himself to sort through stuff well then he will get that time now.... Girl, I hope you and I both find true happiness. I truly feel you and I both deserve it!!!
Again hope your enjoying your day and smiling.
ok, so a big turnaround happened after i wrote. at 8am this morning he was here at my door with flowers and cakes for my birthday.... i am still shocked and shaken, i did not count on this after not seeing him for over 3 weeks and not being in too good terms.... wow... i dont even know now what to say...
hey flowyair: now i try to answer all the rest you wrote.
i know that we are endlessly analyzing, that is what i thought about some time ago. and of course we kind of need it, but otherwise we cant lean on it at all, cause a lot of things can be very different in reality than how we think they are.
well after this morning's happenings, i guess i do have to give it time, patience and chance, cause after all what happened lately and the general circumstances.. he still found it important to come here. he was here at 8am. that means he had to come away from home around 6am. he is generally lazy and really comfy, so it is a big thing for him. he hasnt slept at night at all, that is how he came in the morning. he brought cakes and flowers. i told him he is insane (jokingly) to come here in the cold and early morning. he told it is not an avarage day, it is your birthday... wow i was/still am speechless. so i guess he did not lose interest in me and he does feel something deeper. at least i wouldnt do something like this for someone i dont care about specially.
well just because you havent seen your cancer guy it doesnt mean he is not around or not observing. :)i think lawdawg's remarks where quite at place, so lets hope you still have a chance.
and please dont worry about astrology sites, what they predict, sometimes they are right, sometimes not... and once an astrologist told me that all she says is the situation right now, that does not mean that it is how it will be later on...
if you feel you have to go with your husband away to discuss stuff, then do it... just listen to your heart before you do any big decisions.
well the experience with my guy made me learn a lot too, and im still learning. but damn, whole life is about learning all the time.
so i really hope you have a nice day. im gonna go out for a while to visit my aunt, dont wanna spend my birthday at home alone. talk to you soon! and keep smiling!
I'm not really trying to fall out of love with my cancer guy, but I've been reading this thread to learn more,.
lawdawg, thanks so much for all your insights, I've learned a lot by reading your comments.On page 4 you said " So why is it so different with Cancer. Well, once you crack open that shell all of that juicy tender meat is available to be devoured. So it not that they are any worst than the other signs, it's just that to lose them is to lose a love that hard to replace."
So true!! This is my first experience with a cancer man, and I think more than anything I've been learning to be patient..Lawdawg you also made the comment about people being in such a hurry to hook up and we should go slow, but it's been nearly a year and my cancer guy hasn't even told me he likes me..kinda unusual for a hot blooded Brazilian man. They usually tell you that even when they aren't that into you..I guess he shows me more by his affection..the contradictory thng about cancers seem to be that they feel so much but they don't really express it in words, and sometimes the more they feel, the more they retreat into their shell.. Ive had to rely more on my intuition...to "feel" him rather than listening to his words.
In the past, if a man didn't show me lots of attention I assumed they weren't that interested in me and I woud give up right away, being a Leo that loves attention and constant doting, but this time I find myself willing to be patient and going at his pace..maybe I put that out into the Universe..maybe he is also reflecting back my own fear of getting intimate with someone, my own fear of allowing someone to be close..
I'm so happy to hear that he came through for you afterall.
Katie: "big turnaround happened after i wrote. at 8am this morning he was here at my door with flowers and cakes for my birthday.... i am still shocked and shaken, i did not count on this after not seeing him for over 3 weeks and not being in too good terms.... wow... i dont even know now what to say... "
FlowyAir: I must say I felt if he had feelings for you he would come through on your Birthday as Cancers are known for their sentimentality for special occasions like that.
So he did. So yes, he does care about you as you always thought, but started to doubt because you weren't getting reassurance from him. (isn't it funny Cancers seem to want and need reassurance at every corner, yet they don't give much reassurance of the VERBAL kind, rather they give it more in a tender more heartfelt way).
Katie1982: "well after this morning's happenings, i guess i do have to give it time, patience and chance, cause after all what happened lately and the general circumstances.. he still found it important to come here. he was here at 8am. that means he had to come away from home around 6am. he is generally lazy and really comfy, so it is a big thing for him. he hasnt slept at night at all, that is how he came in the morning. he brought cakes and flowers. i told him he is insane (jokingly) to come here in the cold and early morning. he told it is not an avarage day, it is your birthday... wow i was/still am speechless. so i guess he did not lose interest in me and he does feel something deeper."
FlowyAir: I have to say we Aquas I feel are intuitive too and have very good perception of those around us (vibes, etc.) I think that is why we were in shock to think we misread what we were picking up you and I. I highly doubt we ever were - and knowing that helps me keep my sanity.
I have to say I'm very happy for you. He cares about you and you care about him.... hmmm... now you just have to keep being true to yourself and see where it all goes with him.
Katie1982: "i know that we are endlessly analyzing, that is what i thought about some time ago. and of course we kind of need it, but otherwise we cant lean on it at all, cause a lot of things can be very different in reality than how we think they are."
FlowyAir: Yeah, that's how I feel. I just want what will be to be. I do feel analyzing stuff can be insightful to the whys of others' behaviors and help us better relate to them. I love getting other's opinions on this site especially.
Katie1982: "and please dont worry about astrology sites, what they predict, sometimes they are right, sometimes not... and once an astrologist told me that all she says is the situation right now, that does not mean that it is how it will be later"
FlowyAir: I understand your comments above, but the scary part was that this astrolger kinda acknowledged that and reiterated - that although usually we look back at final decisions - those made during these 2 lunar eclipses would be final without much hope of ever turning back. That is the point of eclipses to provide info then closure and propel you forward.... Hmmm.. I know may not be the case though... it affects Cancers most deeply that are born 5 days before or after July 1. He is July 11th...
Katie1982: " you feel you have to go with your husband away to discuss stuff, then do it... just listen to your heart before you do any big decisions."
FlowyAir: Yeah, we have a long history and I do love him - just not romantically so I will be open to talking things over for the purpose of being open to work it out if I feel there is any possibility in it all the way to just closure. I will have to see where it goes - my heart is not with him, but who it is with completely alienated me.
Katie1982: "im gonna go out for a while to visit my aunt, dont wanna spend my birthday at home alone. "
FlowyAir: Good for you, yeah get out there and have some fun btw, what sign is your Aunt? I find I surround myself with Cancers and Capricorns. I wondered if you noticed that trend since your Birthday is so close to mine.
Hi Lua! How are you today?
Lua: "it's been nearly a year and my cancer guy hasn't even told me he likes me..kinda unusual for a hot blooded Brazilian man. They usually tell you that even when they aren't that into you..I guess he shows me more by his affection..the contradictory thng about cancers seem to be that they feel so much but they don't really express it in words, and sometimes the more they feel, the more they retreat into their shell.. Ive had to rely more on my intuition...to "feel" him rather than listening to his words."
FlowyAir: Your so right Lua. Cancer men although they speak very well and articulate well aren't very verbal with sharing their feelings for us.
I mean mine was and he wasn't he would tell me how beautiful he thinks I am or how much he cares for me, but he wouldn't generally come out and say it. The conversation would have to go there in a roundabout way and then he would usually say something like "I have feelings for you" or I can't hide my feelings for you" or" I care about you too." It is like Lawdawg says though once we experience the deep love/emotions Cancer men have it is not replaced easily and therefore, we don't want to give it up. Bittersweet I call it.
Lawdawg AMEN. babe I actually got felt a revelation after I read ur inspiring words. The actual truth of the matter is I feel like nobody else really does want me. At least not the way i want them to want me. and ythe minute i feel someone who is as close to what I want, I refuse to let go even though I dont feel it any longer . Am I making sense. but thanks so much. I think evrybody here benefited from these words and everyone here I think need to thankk you. Thank you. By the way how is ur love life if I may be so bold to ask.? lol.
Flowyair-well, at least your cancer guy saids things like "I care for you". Mine says none of those things. He used to tell me he missed me. Or once he was at the place we usually meet by himself on one of his layovers and he e-mailed me and said "someone is missing". I guess it's better than guys that say a bunch of mushy things when they don't really mean it or they are just trying to get you in bed.
Hey how are you guys doing. Hi Katie, Happy birthday to you. Wishing you your best year in 2010. He brought flowers and cake. That's it for me. He's has deep feelings that's for sure. I put the C in cancer and I know for a fact that this is meaningful. Only do that with a woman you want to stay around and have in your life. I wish everybody could be with the one the love as valentines day approaches. But atlas, that is just not to be.
Luazinha, hi. I don't know if I have spoken with you before. Good to hear from you. I know I'm a man but I don't have any problem learning about how women think. I believe that the gap between men and women is cause by the fact that we expect everytthing to be automatic. Love conquers all. Yeah right. If you are not willing to set goals for what you want out of a relationship and your guy, you will get something that sinks. OK, check out this site. I've read some of her stuff and I think she's pretty good.
Dorluv: I'll come clean about my love life. Cancer, was married for many years to Virgo split in April but played around together until July with her. You can imagine after that it was hard to get myself up off the ground. But I did it. I have to admit that writing in this forum has been theraputic for me. When I analyze cancer, I analyze me. My future mates shall benefit from this self-analysis.
Yeah, I'm no kid and I have been an astro-buff since I was a teenager. But it's not my only focus. I"ve studied phychology, sociology, business, and law. Human interactions are complex and hard to predict. One thing I will say, however, It warm my hearts that you women are willing to look past the Cancerian reputation for being a difficult lovemate and try to win their hearts. Cancers need women like you guys!
lawdawg-thanks for your input, you said " If you are not willing to set goals for what you want out of a relationship and your guy, you will get something that sinks"
well, I feel like I am starting all over with this love and relationship stuff. I had my heart broken 19 years ago and for the next 7 years I only had casual short term relationships, then 12 years ago I competely gave up and stopped dating altogether. I started really enjoying being by myself and being independent and self-reliant, I felt i had no need for relationships or even s e x. Then cancer guy literally knocked on my door-he was one of the guys I had turned away 14 years ago and I got very confused...so I am still just getting used to even the concept of being in a relationship so going extremely slow like this and having a long distance thing has been quite comfortable for me. I have not set any goals, because I still don't know what I want. All I know is that I feel deep affection for this man, something I have not felt for nearly 2 decades.
lawdawg: Hi Katie, Happy birthday to you. Wishing you your best year in 2010. He brought flowers and cake. That's it for me. He's has deep feelings that's for sure. I put the C in cancer and I know for a fact that this is meaningful. Only do that with a woman you want to stay around and have in your life.
Katie: hi lawdawg, first of all thank you very much for your wishes. i really really need a good 2010, i just feel im climbin out of a more year long vegetative state.
if you say you have been an astro-buff for long time, i wanna ask your opinion on something not cancer related first.
i used one of the sites on internet simply out of curiousity to do me a free prediction for 2010. now we all know that they give you a part (and the rest, deeper analysis you can buy for money). but the analysis was full with kind of constellations etc in my birthchart that said that this year will be crucial for me, such big developements and changes can happen in my life, cause i will step into a very important transit. now i dont want to buy for 60 dollars a more proper one, cause i dont know how much to trust these sites. i have an astrologist who i went to already 2 times earlier in my life and i trust her. do you think there is anything true in what the free analysis said and is it worth to go to my trusted astrologist and ask her opinion?
and now a bit on my crab: it is very good to hear you think that it is meaningful he came. that is what i thought too, but lately he pushed me away so much that i not simply got happy, but im still very confused, cause now i know i dont need to get over him, but i should try to get into his heart. and that scares me. sometimes i scare myself cause i am so afraid to open up again for him, cause his complex behavior hurt me so much and i feel so fragile. and i so much want to trust him really.
and then again im afraid of him. i know it sounds stupid, but look at it, he has to have really serious issues with opening up and trust me completely. or rather to say trusting me is maybe not even his bigger issue. i think he really had to get hurt earlier sometime, cause it looks like he is afraid to let me too close cause he might believe that all love is over one day and then he does not know how to get over me. i hope you understand what im trying to explain.
and this i sense from his behavior. i wrote him a mail after he left and told him again thank you very much, cause he made me feel special and very happy. and he wrote back something like i dont have to thank him cause he believes in birthdays being special and he is glad if he helped me in that. i think it sounds like he would try to put it in a way, like he would do it for anyone. but i dont think he would. but whenever he is doing a bigger step towards me, he tries to cover it up... or am i seeing everything wrong? im so confused.
now you might say that i should stop analyzing and just be extremely happy for his action... i just love him so much and we went through everything (good and bad) with such intensity in such short time. and my heart cant follow this sudden changes so well...
and one other thing. he is a child therapist, so he knows psychology very good. i was thinking, maybe he pulls away cause he thinks i DO NEED time for closure and start again after my ex. and he thinks that it is not healthy to jump right into the new one and he is aware that if we two wanna have something strong and good, i need to clear my thoughts and my life.... can it be why the sighs and this 'i wanna so much be with you but there is something that stops me from it' what i sense from his behavior? cause he KNOWS he has to give me time alone, but he is suffering cause he WANTS to be with me?
ok, now i stop, but i deeply appreciate your comments, it really does help me a lot. cause believe me i am patient, i dont wanna move together and marry him tommorrow. i just would love to know that what i fight for has any sense and aim. cause i LOVE him a lot, he is the most amazing person ive ever known.
and im glad if you being here helps you a lot too. dont worry, i think there will be always a bunch of women needing you around here.
hi to all -
lawdawg...ok, well my cancer guy is pushing me away...at least that's what it seems. he's being completly indifferent and i don't know what to do. i guess there's nothing i can do just wait it out and see what happens. i know me, because i'm hurting so badly i'll put up a guard and will act differently - i'll be cordial, say hi and keep it light. but, it's not like it used to be...i'm missing his company - i guess now i'm slowly coming out of the denial i was in - realizing he was just toying with me.
i just don't understand...we've gotten so close and now it's a big distance between us. i care about him so much, i do love him...but, now i'm hurt, angry - and mad at myself that i never asked what it was we were doing...now it's too late.
i'll never know now, and it's killing me because my mind is going in a thousand different directions...thinking of what happened. i just don't wanna feel the way i feel about him anymore...i tried shutting off the emotions but i'm too involved.
i hate that i have to go with the flow and it's his call now, i went with the flow for all these months (since june) and i was ok with it thiking at least someday we'd talk about what was going on. but, now - we've never spoken about anything and he's slipping away....and i'm so hurt///i don't wanna cry anymore!!!
i keep thinking i did something or was it something i didn't do....ugh! well as they say it is what it is....i just thought he liked me, i wish he liked me...i guess i was wrong.
ok...one more thing.....i didn't go to work today because we're having a blizzard...he went...and he is texting me....telling me to be careful shoveling...listening to a song i made him listen to a while back. talking about this long weekend ahead - yeah he's going away with his buddies..
FlowyAir: sorry i am emotinally/mentally not on the top today, so just a short answer. my aunt and my cousin are both cancers. my other cousin with cancer rising.
Hi Katie. You know I sometimes wonder if when we read the astrological forecasts if we are programming ourselves to act out what we read. I stop reading them until after the time period had passed so I could judge their accuracy. Sometimes they were way off and sometimes they were right on. It rightly predicted my breakup with my ex and the year of crises that was to follow. But since there was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent it from occurring, what was the use in knowing it in advance anyway. Why suffer before you suffer. So I wouldn't buy it for myself.
I feel you about being afraid to reinvest your feeling in this guy. Of course I do, I'm a Cancer for gods sake. Anyway, that is what all of these threads about Cancer are all about. That fear to open up to get hurt. My emancipation from being a typical Cancer came when I decided that I was a strong individual and that I can weather a storm. I decided deep love, deep hurt or not that I was going to open up my heart and let the chips fall where they may. Shakespear said "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have love at all". So I thought, do I want to go through life safe from heartache and never allow myself to feel the tremendous, breathtaking, spiraling effects of a truely deep love? Is the fear of not being able to come back from such an experience worth denying myself that experience?
Well, I get in a car everyday with the possiblity of dying on the interstate. I also do millions of other things in life that expose me to the possibility of sudden death. So why fear LOVE! Give it to me with all its risks of pain and glory and I will drink it dry. Frankie Beverly wrote a song some years ago that said love was like "joy and pain, sunshine and rain". How do you know you are truely happy if there is not the at least the possibility of being sad? Anyway, I accept the risk. You will have to decide for yourself what risks are safe for you.
Katie said; and one other thing. he is a child therapist, so he knows psychology very good. i was thinking, maybe he pulls away cause he thinks i DO NEED time for closure and start again after my ex. and he thinks that it is not healthy to jump right into the new one and he is aware that if we two wanna have something strong and good, i need to clear my thoughts and my life.... can it be why the sighs and this 'i wanna so much be with you but there is something that stops me from it' what i sense from his behavior? cause he KNOWS he has to give me time alone, but he is suffering cause he WANTS to be with me?
Lawdawg: this is the most profound thing I have read thus far. Here is your answer in a nutshell. He is not only protecting his heart, he is protecting you. A Cancer that sacrifices immediate pleasure to protect someone is the highest form of Cancerian love.
Aquagrrl; I know of the pain you feel. My wife left me last April for a Pisces. I suffer the pain of a thousand deaths as I have known her for 30 years. We were married for 20 of thoses years and had a child together and now 2 grandkids. I was nuts for awhile. Reading her emails, and trying to find out anything I could about this guy. It became an obsession. Then I realized that I was a good person. That in order to be happy I needed to move on. I started to think my, she has found a new beginning without me in her life, why can't the same happen for me. So through the pain I gain my own sense of self, my own strenght. You need to find your strenght! Believe me, it is there. Will you hurt? Yes. Will you cry? Yes. Will you live to love again? Yes. Start now preparing to live and love again.
lawdawg: hi! now you floored me (positively). so i guess mostly i can listen to my instincts when 'judging' his actions.
i think then now what i can do is really slow down and let things work out their own way. I love him deeply, and i hardly let away someone whom i love, so i can wait. if things are how we guess (with the time giving from his side) i appreciate and respect him even more.
i will simply adjust myself to his own 'speed' in the relationship, there is no reason to hurry. i am a bit sad, cause i'd love to spend more time with him, but knowing that he probably loves me back gives me a lot of inner stenght.
im gonna concentrate on myself, starting a new life. next week im moving into the city centre (so will be closer to him) and im gonna be open minded. it is very much worth for me to 'wait' for him, and anyways my heart is quite much his.
thank you again a lot! if some developement/change happens, im sure im gonna tell you.
ps: i admire people with such wisdom as yours, morover cause i know a person has to go through a lot for aquiring it.
Aquaqrr182 my poor baby I know how u feel. Why does the hell Love has to hurt so much? Read Lawdawg words it hepled me and kinda put me into check at the same time. I couldnt do what he said but it was a rude awakening. Although I Agree with him but kinda hard to let go. not so easy. He said why would we want to love somebody who is not deeply in love with us. or something like that. he said for us to wait and it will happen. Those words were comforting and made me aware of my choices, kinda like food for thought. You get me. lol. Im also snowed in. Im in NYC.