Me and my wife seperated, got back together, separated after two days then got back together again and separated after only a week. The first time, I decided to end the relationship. Then she started seeing another guy and I went crazy and she has decided to finish it the other two times. She was born June 14, 1984. I was born June 22, 1981. Her name is Eun-Mi and my name is Kenneth.....if that helps. She is Korean and I am a American.
We met two years ago in Korea and I brought her back here with me after she proposed to me. She was way clingy at first and demanded a baby but I always held off and tol her to wait. She used to constantly say she couldn't live without me and broke into panic attacks last year during our relationship and now blames me for them even though she tried to comitt suicide two years before I ever met her.
She now says she cares deeply about me and I know she loves me but she says she thinks of me as a brother. We bought a house together last week and she changed her mind after only 4 days when I told her if she still feels emotionally far away from me she needed to make her mind and either stay or leave with her mom who was temporarily staying with her. She said let me try one month to make up my mind and I said you and your mom make plans to leave immediately. She called me the next morning when I was at work and aksed me about my final thoughts on the matter. I said we need to make it work....she said no again and said me and my mom will stay one week and leave. I called her back after an hour and told her in an angry voice to get out immediately. She called back immediately and was kind of pissed and I screamed at her that she had no idea how much she hurt me to treat me like a yo yo and that she was a bad person and a weak person and disgusting to me.....and to never contact me again and hung up the phone on her. She called back, but I never answered.
I returned home from work and they were gone with mots of their clothing gone and toobrushes but they left all their Korean food, new blankets, new towel's and all of my wife's underwear. Strange I know....she also left her Korean bible but took all of her other books.
I began to feel guilty and two days later, today, called her phone just to see if she was okay . I called form Wal-Mart because I was scred she might not answer my number. No answer.....also had a frined call and still no answer. Now I am worried. I love her more than anythting but am also terrified of getting hurt again.
I ende dup sended a email today telling her she was my soulmate and I wish I could talk to her everyday on a friendly basis but that was impossible for me. I also told her if we don;t meet again this life, we probably will again in the next life or heaven if we make it there. I referred to her as my soulmate twice in the email.
Some things to note, we argued ALOT throughout our relationship and she said she still holds anger at me from those arguments and she is scared she will repeat them and she can't handle the stress of always having that in the back of her mind while trying to stay in our relationship. Also keeps saying she is still emotionally far away and she thinks of me more as a brother than as a lover. An argument in front of her mother lead to the recent change of mind. Strange about the brother thing, because we had good sex several times while briefly back together though she never would kiss that much.
I feel like she is an abusive personality and naturally depressed but that we are indeed soulmates and I love her with all my heart. I also feel like I took our relationship for granted earlier because she was so clingy.
Will she ever return to me????????? Is she my soulmate????
Thank you guys for any help offered. I forgot to say please. Sorry.
Sorry to keep bumping my thread...I forgot to mention that she sais after our second breakup that she noticed she had zero appetite when not around me and couldn't skeep. She said she had no desire to eat when we were separated. I love her so much and just want her back in a steady relationship with me. This is killing both of us.
Let me tell you a few secrets about Asian customs and people.
When mixing the old world and new world you have patience. Eun-Mi probably was " clingy " because she was in a new country. The customs say that she should be having a baby ASAP preferably a son ...a no, no because you put the idea off and this probably killed her...family important to Asian women, women usually marry older men...that is why she thinks you as her brother, some of the words used...a bad and weak person was a no, no because...Asian women are suppose to be quiet and strong, a proposal by her was another no, no , kissing...showing affections is limited because of ethnic heritage and if she tried to commit suicide then another red flag.
I question if she is your soul mate.
Thanks for your reply. I am aware of her culture's customs but she uses that only to her advantage by saying I married westerner because I didn't want to do things the Korean way. I would have had a baby with her really soon if she proved to be more stable. I feel like she needs a lot of help.....but with help and a healthier lifestyle she could lead a happy life. I love her so much. Does anyone else have any insight? Many thanks.
Perhaps she is a soulmate for you. Perhaps there is something that both of you hope to learn from each other.
Nevertheless, life goes on. New challenges occur all the time. When one challenge is failed, another comes - or even the same challenge again and again until it is mastered.
I agree with what the other poster above has said. Some cultural differences might have created some misunderstandings etc. I dont feel a need to emphasize anymore about that. He put it in a good way.
Another aspect of the situation between you and her I would like to mention. Some questions about learning about ourselves and what we may attract to us through life.
What if you ask a certain question:
"What is it that I have inside of me that has lead me into being with this woman?" Could the answer by any chance be any one of these:
I feel a strong need to save this woman, because I have a belief that if I do that, it will be the key to find my own inner peace for myself.
I feel a need to be needed, and this persons feeling of desperatation and cry for help is therefore attracting me to her.
I have no other suggestions of why you feel so attracted to this woman.
Many women seek to be saved. Many women seek to be taken away all the responcibilies in life and to just surrender it to someone else. Me, for instance. A saviour like you, for instance, would attract a woman like that immencely. It is just energies attracting each other. Needs being met. Wishes being met.
I no longer want to be saved by a human being. I am just entirely focused on a higher power. To relieve that enormous desire to be saved by someone. But before, I had a "romantic" relationship wich was very distructive because of my extreme self distructive need to surrender myself to someone else, and his extremely strong desire to control another person. I am just explaning that opposites attract for a reason. I am not comparing so much with my own past. Just a bit.
Other than that, I do think that perhaps she is a person from the past, before this life. But wether she is or is not, it is still important that you know about the synergies between what makes people come together. It could be just needs being fulfilled. Deep emotional needs that perhaps could rather be based on illusions. Like I described above.
Ask these questions.
Other than that, perhaps she needs to be explained how western men function culturwise. Like Rooster talked about. Perhaps she lacks some knowlege about how to respond to your behaviour. And perhaps she does not understand what you meant.
It is sad that this arguing happened. But one thing is certain:
You do not have to save anybody. And there is no demand that she must be saved by anybody either. She must learn to rely on herself. And there is no demand that you must do anything for her at all.
Then there is another thing I would like to say: About your wife loosing her appitite when separated from you.
Remember what you have learned about the man being the head in the house. This is not about authority or that the man is more intelligent or better than the woman.
The mans energy is dominating the woman. The masculine energy is dominating, the feminine energy is receiving. During intercourse, the man gives his energy to the woman. That is why the woman takes the mans name when they marry (have intercourse). Because the mans energy dominates the relationship.
So if she is feeling like that, this makes it even more likely that what I said above might be true. If you are seen as her saviour, and if she has surrendered her life to you (even if you have not seen it that way) then this may be why she has become so addicted to you. And you to her, a bit.
In fact, this may also be what has caused all the problems in the relationship. If there has been an imbalance in power between you, where you are the giver and she is the receiver.
Perhaps she has seen that this is not good for her. Perhaps she lost herself to you, as she surrendered her whole self to you.
I am this time speaking from experience. Just suggesting. Just sharing my thoughts. To give you a perspective.
It is natural that when she has found her own balance again, then her appitite will come back. But it may take several years. 7-8 years to be excact. Since all the cells in the whole body are renewed after 7 years, and on the 8th, the next cycle begins. Since your energy is so dominating her inner feeling, so that she has lost appitite, it may take this long time before she finds her own balance.
Even more difficult if she was out of balance before she met you. But perhaps the marriage with you will help her find her balance alltogether. After the separation, I mean. Now that she perhaps have learned to never surrender everything to another human being. Perhaps you have been an important lesson for her to learn. To learn to trust herself.
Just having some reflexions.
Wish you the best in the year 2010.
I think she did at first surrender her whole self to me.
What can I do to get her back......someone please help me. I am going through hell right now. Please help me get her back.
Or can someone at least tell me if she will ever come back or not? Thanks.