Feeling not so lost,,still need advice
hey to anyone that read my previous post,i thank you all 4 ur input.the man i spoke of,who i just cant seem to part from,he has been abusive in the past,but something inside me says im not ready to give up on him,he was not abusive for the first 2 yrs of our relationship.he lost his job and things spiraled from there,every time i leave all i can think of is the man i fell in love with,not the monster ive seen lately.i guess im seeing some irony right now because about 2 wks ago he was arrested for not paying some fines and it looks like he will b there for some time,im thinking two things;everything happens for a reason,someone out there knows my weakness is seeing him,talking to him ,when we're broke up...perfect chance to get over him...huh...my other thought is how alone he must feel right now,how will he react when he is released and is completely alone[he has no faMILY AROUND] MY HUMAN COMPASSION TAKES OVER AND i cant help but feel sorry for him...any input would be helpful...thank-you
ragbag last edited by
My heart goes out to you. I don't have any psycic abilities,etc., but I do know what it is like to live with and love an abuser. They do not change except to get worse, in my experience. I have lived through severe physical as well as emotional abuse. If it means anything at all, all I can say is,
Love and Respect yourself more than that. I know it is difficult to let go and not look back but you have to so you can live to help someone else somewhere down the road.
Your priority, as selfish as it sounds, needs to be you. Not how will (he) survive when he gets out.
I hope this helps somehow. Normally I dont speak much about those dark times but I just felt compelled to tell you......Keep moving forward and dont look back!
All the best 2 U!
Good Morning Hopelessag4life, (I cringe when typing your screen name by the way... I don't know you, but I can barely imagine that you ARE "hopeless for life"! and it is almost painful to type it, knowing that you must feel that way about yourself. It makes me feel kinda sad
Ok, beyond that, I want to reply to your post. Like Ragbag, I am not a psychic either, but I have had multiple experiences in life, that are similar to yours in some form or fashion, and I AM very intuitive. My first gut instinct, after reading your post, is that you should thank your lucky stars, or your higher power, if you have one, whoever that may be... or perhaps the universe too!
My second feeling, comes in the form of a vision of the gingerbread man running over a hill, singing his song..."run run, as fast as you can... you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!"
BUT wait! You don't have to run anywhere, because things happened the way they were meant to, and you have been blessed with your freedom, your space, your safety, and your life! You have been given a gift. It is said that "God helps those who help themselves", and it seems to me that you have been given a helping hand, and a gift, that should NOT be overlooked or ignored. Take advantage of this time and focus on you!
Please don't be offended by this, but I would start by changing your screen name! I realize it is just a name, but unfortunately, it sends a msg to everyone, including the universe, that you are hopeless, that you don't have much or any self esteem, that there is no point in going on in life, no chance to improve it! This msg, is being sent out into the universe, and unfortunately, the negativity in it's meaning, will lend a hand in drawing negativity back to you. Please, do yourself something wonderful and change your screen name, even if it means creating a new account, and create a new name that implies, hope, or strength, or faith, or good humor...something..anything...that has a positive HopeFULL tone to it!
Next, please take the time to think carefully about your situation.. where you are..and where you want to be, instead of who you hope HE can be. Regardless of who he was, or what he did two years ago, he has in that time become someone else. THis isn't to say that he doesn't have any good qualities, or that you don't have good reason to be attracted to him, but people change, and not always for the better. In my experience, it's difficult to avoid the trap of thinking, "he can change, because he didn't use to be like this", or "I know he has the potential to be better", or "If I stick by him and give him my love and support, and help, he'll get better". This is stinkin' thinkin', and it IS a trap, as you can repeat these convincing "justifications" to yourself, over an over again, until you end up seriously injured or in a morgue. I know how dramatic that sounds, but it happens to sooooo many women, many of which would never have expected it.
I so strongly advocate against Domestic Violence, that I just couldn't pass by your post. This is a cause that is VERY near and dear to my heart, and something that I actively oppose, by speaking out about it whenever possible. I don't want to drive the point too hard, so I will bring this to a close...(otherwise I could go on forever..lol). Please just show yourself the love and esteem that you deserve, and make yourself and what's healthy for you, your number one priority. He is a grown man, and will take care of himself...trust me, on that. Also, think about what you would tell a daughter, your own mother, a niece, or your best friend's daughter...and take the advice you would give her! Please, Please... look at this link as well... www dot ncadv dot org forward slash
I wish you all the best along with a surplus of Blessings,
meant to add this~!
He must feel bad, he must feel lonely, he must feel a lot of things. And all of these feelings are not in your hands to do anything about. All of these feelings are not your responcibility. All of his feelings are his feelings.
But what are your feelings? Who are you? Remember that he has his life, and you have your life. He has his loneliness, you have your loneliness. He has his pain, you have your pain. He has his sadness, you have your sadness.
Excercise in separating his emotions away from your emotions. Only then can you blossom, only then can you find our who you are. This is a process that needs to be worked on through years and years, and might even last for the rest of your life.
It is possible for one person to possess another person with his/her emotions. If I want to, I can possess another person with my emotions, and make that person live with my emotions the rest of his /her life. Emotions are strong and most be surrendered. They must be separated from who we truly are.
We must identify emotions before we let them go. Who am I? Where does this feeling come from? Why do I want this? Why do I want that? Feelings block the persons capability to see things clearly, to even understand ones own true identity. And it might even be more difficult to find out who we really are when the feelings we have and are filled with at all times are not from our selves, but from another soul.
In order for the healing to happen inside of you, you must be patient with your self. Be patient as you slowly wake up to who you really are. It can not be done by force, but by letting go and surrenderring your illusions to the inner Healer slowly, but steadily. Trust that you have God with you right inside of you into your innermost core and around you at all times. Trust that you are not alone in your struggle to find inner peace. Peace is allready there for you, waiting for you to believe in it through your own healing.
And as you heal, other people that you touch with your life, even if you just think about them - as you heal, your healing also affects them. Just have patience and trust as you let go of illusions one by one.
I remember your first post. I did a reading for you on that one. I don't know if it's accurate or close, but I do remember your story.
I would suggest you turn inward and ask yourself this one question: Do you love yourself?
I mean really love yourself. Do you accept your rights and wrongs, that you are human being, you can not always make the right decision for your entire life?
You need to first understand and accept yourself. Before you even think about accepting or understanding someone else. If you don't accept and understand yourself, you can not forgive yourself and you won't know what or who can make you happy.
Pretty much, for everything, you have to start within. It seems the universe is giving you a break, time to be alone without much aggravation you used to have when he was around. Why don't you take this time for yourself? Clear your head, turn inward and ask yourself these questions. Once you know the answers to these questions, you will be able to make the right decision, whether this man is right for you or not. This decision is very important, because it will be the start of a new life, be it with or without him. To start a new is to start clean. That's why you need to look back to the past, accept your rights and wrongs. The only one that knows whether your new life should be spent with him or not, is yourself. That's why first of all, you have to really really understand and accept yourself.
BRAVO Ragbag, Saco, and TheHangedWoman!!!!!!!! WELL SAID!!!!
I Love your "name" by the way..lol! I picture, a mama goose with all her little goslings trailing along behind her, all fuzzy, soft and yellow..lol. It brings a smile.
hopelesssag4life>>when we're broke up...perfect chance to get over him...huh...my other thought is how alone he must feel right now,how will he react when he is released and is completely alone[he has no faMILY AROUND]
Sandran712>>You cannot help him until he helps himself.And you do not want to repeat history.You are better off to leave him alone or he can go back and display domestic violence over again.That is one thing I won't tolerate.I have a zero tolerance for a man putting his hands on me besides in an intimate way.If he wants a punching bag.There is one at the local "Y".
Saco>>Good Morning Hopelessag4life, (I cringe when typing your screen name by the way..
Sandran712>>I felt that too.Because any Sag I know are not depressed like that. Ones I know are happy go lucky..They get bored .not depressed
My ex was the same way and he ended up committing a murder/suicide in 2000. If they hit you once, he will hit you again and again. If he really does care and will change (which I'm sorry but they usually don't) then leave him. When he thinks you have truly left, it might make him realize that what he did was wrong. Stand up to him and tell him that if he reallt wants to get you back, he needs to prove to you that he has changed. It won't happen very soon but don't give in. He will need to think he has lost you / everything to want to change. He will never change as long as you stay with him. Why would he? He can do whatever he wants and you will stay. If you want to help him (and mostly yourself) leave him. Remember, it takes a big man to hit a woman. Also, you should never put your hands on anyone. I have been through an abusive relationship so I am a little knowledgable.
sylvannah>> have been through an abusive relationship so I am a little knowledgable.
Sandran712>>I've never been in an abusive situation.Because it would only take 1 time for a guy to put his hands on me.And He will find my foot up his a-s-s and I will crack both balls...
lol I would do that too now but I was 18 and pregnant when it started. I never fought back. Just protected my stomach and then my baby. It was my baby that got me to leave! it was affecting him and I wish I could say that I did it for me but I can't. Either way, I'm glad we left because later on, he committed a murder/suicide and had he known where we were, I would have been the murder. Now I just get blamed for my son never getting to meet his father and now he never will. It's not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned.
sylvannah>>he committed a murder/suicide and had he known where we were, I would have been the murder. Now I just get blamed for my son never getting to meet his father and now he never will. It's not a bad thing as far as I'm concerned.
Sandran712>>In your situation I understand completely.My son lost his father when he was 16.My son's father committed suicide in 2002.He decided to swallow two bottles of pills.Kids are pretty strong in these situations.My son is Autisitic.And he can't talk.Bless his heart.When I fall apart.He is giving me a hug...
lol That is so sweet. I can't be in the same room with him for more than 5 minutes w/out us yelling at eachother. He did this in 2000 and my son was 8. He doesn't remember his father. The last time he saw him he was 1 yr. old. I can see his father in him. But now he is 6'3" and 185 lbs. He is no baby but he is still my baby. He is 19 now. He has AD/HD and ODD but refuses to take any meds. I wish him well just not here. I have no regrets over him not meeting his father. His father was not the same man in the end that he was in the beginning. Then just one day, he snapped. Became a whole different person. I just did the best I could. But if he new how much I would get for survivors benefits, he never would have done it lol
He has AD/HD and ODD but refuses to take any meds. I wish him well just not here. I have no regrets over him not meeting his father. His father was not the same man in the end that he was in the beginning. Then just one day, he snapped. Became a whole different person. I just did the best I could. But if he new how much I would get for survivors benefits, he never would have done it lol
Sandran712>>Well first he needs diagnosed of course if he needs meds.Sometimes going off the meds is a good thing or could be a bad thing.My son's father was not the same when I met him either.But, I was not abused by him.He was menally ill.He had paranoid schitzophrenia.Was diagnosed when my son was born.I raised my son alone.My son gets survivor benefits.Becaus he didn't pay into it much.my son on;y gets like 100.00
Sandran712- He was diagnosed when he was younger but needs an evaluation to see where he is now. He has these explosive anger issues. They only last about 2-3 minutes but he can do alot of damage in that time. (and it doesn't help that he was shooting up steroids either) His father was only 31 when he died and he never paid much into it either but, we both got a check for a little over $700 each month. He got a check and I did because he never remarried. All I know right now that as a condition of his probation, he can't have any contact with me or he goes to jail for a year. He kinda did this to himself. He will tell people how horrible I am and all these bad things I do and then runs to me. He needs some help. They never helped him when he was a "minor" and now that he has turned 18, they just throw him in jail for the same things they let him do. That's another battle. On my list lol
sylvannah>>>>all I know right now that as a condition of his probation, he can't have any contact with me or he goes to jail for a year. He kinda did this to himself
Sandran712>>These kids today are stubborn.Let him suffer for this mess.He has to learn in some way.I was told by a psychologist that kids never listen to their parents.He will have to listen to someone else.I know all too well about property destruction.My son was pure h-e-l-l growing up.I had some help with behavior therapists and everything.It's hard to get a kid to control themselves when they act like a hellion...LOL..I am thankful that we found the culprit..He had a massive brain tumor on his head.Can't remove all of it.But, got 70%.We have to monitor him closely.He doing good behavior wise now.
get out. get out now. it never gets better, and the trust is gone. A sag needs honesty. You are worth more than this!!!! He's holding you back, and YOU are holding you back. It hurts, I know, but you can't just live your life around pity for other unfortunate souls. Pity and true love are not the same thing. Save your love for someone who deserves it, including you! God helps those who help themselves, and it's time to clear your head and see the situation for what it really is.