Can anyone help me with some answers about someone who has passed?
Hi everyone. I'm working on trying to heal myself from my past so I can move on with the future... all while still living in the present. lol! I've had the same burning question for years and finally decided to just post it here and see if I can get some answers.
I've had a hard life (haven't we all?? lol!). If you've seen my other posts, I have some current issues that I need to deal with and try to heal from.
But, my question here lies in trying to get information about someone who has passed (or two people, both were extremely influential in my life). I suppose the only way to get some answers is to just jump in with information I have about this person and see if anyone can give me answers. So, here it goes....
My mother committed suicide on the day of my 4th birthday. My birthday is 11/11/78. Her birthday is 11/4/56. I never got to know her and truly feel horrible now that she is gone. I feel mad at her for giving up so easily. She actually tried to take me and my father with her two weeks before she actually succeeded in taking herself. I knew the minute that she was gone that something happened. I was so young! But, now, 27 years later, I still miss her. I don't think a day goes by without me thinking about her. I really miss her right now because of what I'm dealing with with my husband. I think sometimes that I feel her, but I can't tell if it is her or my grandmother.
So, I guess my questions are.... Is she still around me? Do I have signs that she is here that I haven't picked up on yet? Does she have anything to say to me?
If anyone could help me with this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
Sorry... to clarify.... my dob is 11/11/78. The date of her death was 11/11/82. Hope this helps!
Gotty, I feel you are not actually missing your real mother who was a troubled and pretty selfish person, really. You are missing maternal warmth which you never had much of. No your mother is not around you. She is still too selfish to be thinking about anyone else where she is but there are plenty of beings trying to help her.
It's your granny who is with you now. She is a much better maternal figure for you (now that she has done a lot of work on herself). I feel she asked if she could watch over you because she feels bad about how her daughter turned out and how that affected you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. And I'm sorry that she felt that that was the only solution to her problems. And I'm really sorry that you grew up without her.
I have worked with ghosts and spirits all of my life. I have learned from them, because of my many experiences with them since childhood.
First of all, I'd like to give you some homework. That homework is for you to learn to let go of your anger at your mother, and forgive her for her suicide. She didn't give up "so easily", she struggled with conflicts for a long time, and eventually felt that there was no other way to resolve things. By forgiving her and letting go of your anger, you will accomplish several things. One, you will find the healing that you're looking for, for yourself, and be able to move forward. Two, you will release her from her own guilt, and allow her to move forward to a better place.
When we die, our souls leave our bodies and one of two things can happen. Either our soul crosses over into the Afterlife and becomes a spirit, or our soul stays stuck between our physical world and the Afterlife and becomes what we call a ghost. Ghosts can stay stuck for many reasons, but it usually has to do with some kind of connection to the physical world. Many suicides have a hard time moving on to the Afterlife because of feelings of guilt, shame, or even of being afraid of being punished in the Afterlife for committing the "sin" of suicide. By hanging on to your anger towards her, which she can feel, only adds to whatever burden of guilt or remorse that she's feeling, and is only making it harder for her to go to the Afterlife where she can receive healing and forgiveness for taking her own life. Think about it...how would you feel if someone you knew was angry with you every single day for 27 years?
I feel that your mom is around you, but not in a supportive kind of way. More like she's afraid to contact you because of your anger, so she keeps her distance. I feel that she wants resolution and wants to apologize to you, but she can't really gain either one until she can move on first. And she needs your forgiveness in order to do that.
I don't feel that your grandmother is with you. I feel that your grandmother is trying to coax your mother into moving into The Light, but that your mother is resisting because of what she sees as unresolved issues with you. They trouble her. Please try to understand that your mom felt that she had no other recourse...her troubles were more than she could deal with, and the reason that she committed suicide on your birthday was so that she could ensure for herself that you would never forget her. And it worked. But she wasn't trying to ruin your birthday, she was trying to comfort herself in what she saw as a way of keeping herself in your thoughts, so that she would not be forgotten. Please try to let go of your anger and forgive her, so that she can move on, and you can too. And when you allow her to move on, and she does, then she'll go to the Afterlife and become a spirit. When that happens, she'll be able to visit with you whenever she likes, and you may be surprised to find that you do feel her around you, and that the feelings are stronger. You just need to clear the air between the two of you.
I hope that I've been able to help you to understand a little bit about your mom's perspective. If you have any other questions, please feel free to post them, and I will do my best to answer you. Bright Blessings to you.
Dear 27 yr old who lost her mother very young, I do believe that anytime you feel a change in the atmosphere , when your driving and you sense something weird , or the hair on the back of your neck sticks up , it is her ...She feels so bad , but honey she is so much better off on the other side , she was so unhappy here on earth , and she felt she had nothing to teach you , she felt she had nothing that would make you who you are today , but she tells you all the time , tho you can't hear her , and she watches you sleep and calls you her lil angel , and tells you when your time comes which won't be until you've lived a happy and great life , then she'll be able to tell you everything .
Honey sometimes this world is not made for certain individuals who decide to come down, ,because we all start as out as Angels and we decide to come down here as shooting stars to do good for people , to be what we can be , to have a life is what its all about , and just to be a human BEING < Just BEING...if we can do that successfully I think we've all done a pretty god job?? Another thing is Forgive her , please forgive her so she can really be the fullest of peace on the other side , just let it out when you feel her around you , and you ovbviously know its your mother , she whispers when you are asleep at night , she whipspers in your ear , how much she loves you , how she had to leave this worldly world because she couldn't do it anymoe , she wouldn't have left if she thought you weren't going to be taken care of , also she wouldn't have gone if she thought you would not be a much loved child.. ..Hopefully this helps you , I really hope it helps a lot , and I hope you and your mother eventually get some closure , many nights a sweet dream an have a wonderf ul night !Q! Desire'e Y..
Thank you TheCaptain, Darkness_angel, and DesireeYvonne for your comments. I do sometimes feel like I have someone watching over me, protecting me. Almost every day, especially at night, I can feel someone watching me.... although there really is no one there (at least no one physical).
I think though, Captain, that you are right. I think that I don't necessary miss my mother specifically. I think I miss a close maternal figure and I that's what makes me miss my mother so much.
I don't think that I'm really angry with her anymore. I've been at the point many times where I thought that suicide was the only way out, so I understand what she did. However, obviously, I never went through with anything. I can't.... I have kids and can't imagine doing something like that to them. I know what the long term effects are.
Thank you again for helping.
take heart the her spirit loves you and guides you. As a doctor of divinity i would recommend you give your mother or any cross over ( my perferred term) permission to read your mind, while you are at it allow angels to read your mind as well sit our doors and just listen, and invite yourmother totouch youand only your monther. I am a channel. however suicides can be fearful in contacting and haveng to explain the rasons of teir departure. IN light of spirit it may in the long run been the only way to guide you lifein a better direction. I think the woman you are feeling is most likely mary magdelena. as she is the essence oflove, and if yourrealtionship seek her council.
communicating with the beyond is really no different than communicating in the physical world. the hardest part is kcking out the mustard seed of doubt thatwithholds thecontact from you. so receive her love and ejy the new found iscovrs that await you. brightblessing and wholeness and healing to you yourheart mind and soul.
It is your mothers responsability to make right her Karma with you--you two had an agreement before entering this life together. Your mother was not capable of making rational desicions when she died--- her thought process was extremely clouded. There is a dark dark stain that ran through her familie's history and there is so much of the picture you haven't gotten yet as really the whole event is the kind that forces people to bury and not talk about--to get over it. But really you can not get over this until you understand the whole picture and your mother is near a lot and does talk to you. Her presence has always been and really you know no different. I am too tired for the night to let her inside for a reading of her that day and I'm also not sure you are as ready as you think so I will sleep on it. Channeling suicides takes tremendouse energy and have residual effects I must consider and I don't do them unless I'm really sure my energy and recoup time is well spent..
Blmoon.... do suidicides require more energy because they feel they have to explain themselves? She doesn't have to explain herself to me. I understand. I've also realized that the empath and intuitive abilities came from her. I'm trying to do research on that side of the family and realized (obviously almost a year too late) that her mother (my maternal grandmother) died and I didn't even know it. Well, maybe I felt it, but didn't know what I was feeling at the time.
I'm really struggling with this because I feel that she is trying to tell me something. She doesn't have anything that she needs to say! I understand! I wish I could tell her that. Maybe I'm thinking so much about her right now because of what I'm dealing with with my own marriage. I wouldn't actually say that I'm mad at her for leaving... I feel bad for her not being here to see my children. To see what I've accomplished, despite the pain of my childhood. I won't lie, it has been hard!! I keep a picture of her on my enterainment center where I can see her all day, every day.
The effects of her leaving has put a tremendous strain on my relationship with my father and his new family (well, it's not so new anymore.... he remarried when I was 8). But, my father sees my mother in me and, thus, has a hard time seeing me for who I really am. Plus, my stepmother has made a point to distance me from the rest of the family.
Thank you again everyone for answering!
Good morning--I'm off real quik but will answer some and later tonight will go to the day of suicide. Contrary to what textbooks say not all suicides are trapped tortured spirits--we tend to only hear the bad stories of disgruntled spirits who linger holding on to places or the violent ones who leave in terrible states and are not evolved. Suicides often have physical illness complicated by circumstance and childhood that render the person too ill to make another desicion. I am psychic and that is intuitive and I am also a medium. Spirits talk to me. The message I gave was spirit talking but to actually get inside her THAT day is an intense process because I will be able to express exactly what she was feeling physicaly and mentaly. This is so real that my body will be in that state for that time. I am well made for this and helping those who have been tramatized by mental illness and trauma is my specialty--it is my calling. I have done one other suicide here in the past and it can be very healing but is also emotional for the receiver. Spirit says that once this door opens for you you will get more info bits at a time as you have been put in the dark by family members. Still at 4 you did have a knowledge of intuitiveness that is not lost so as things come you will say--oh yea I remember feeling that. Your father is a tough nut to crack--hes a draw the line person--when it's done it's done--there is a ridged stance he takes--very male energy--tough and no pity party---that for others who wish to get through to him feel like they are banging up against a big rock--he is the rock that weaker things break themselves against. He survives. You stand in the way of his erasing that whole expierience--he has to be in control of his self at all times. He is conflicted with feelings of not being able to embrace the good times without softening the rock--he also fears you like your mother you could be the weakness that breaks themselves against him. Detachment runs deep through the family--there is a just on the surface all is ok facade that can make intuitive folks feel crazy or worse--invisable. Your mother often felt invisible--insignificant--worthless. Your father did not understand she was mentaly ill--he thought in terms of weakness and rationalization. He was at loss to dealing with her symptoms. Her illness was hereditary and environmental--meaning it affected her also to be a victim herself firsthand to others with her illness. He was sure he could just control her--snap her out of it with strength and reason and even went as far as threats---in the same way one would ground or punish a defiant child. All this did was corner your mother into a place of feeling no escaping. What complicated this was she was not always ill and your father thought she had more control then she really had and that it had to be her choice because she could have very normal moments. Your father harbers guilt as he gets wiser with age but refuses to go there and if you can heal it will help him to ward of disease in his old age as this event leaves a real mark on all involved. If going this far feels right to you I will answer more later.
Gotty, it's very good that you're thinking on all of this - It's helping those on the other side to deal with their own problems to know that the ill feeling and confusion between you is dissipating. Understanding brings healing - to all.
Thank you Captain! I think that the only way I'm going to heal from all of this to find out the answers. I don't expect any of this to be easy.... but I want to understand. I hope that by my attempts to heal, everyone else will heal too.
Blmoon - Thank you for taking the time to do this. Everything you've said so far I know is true. My father has always been the rock and the way you describe how he felt then isn't surprising at all. I always felt that he tried to block out that part of his life.... thus, blocking me out. I know he feels guilt, he has told me so. But I can't get much else from him.
I know he saw my mother as being weak and expects the same from me. But, I don't think I'm as weak as she was. I don't mean that in a bad way.... I just mean that I'm seeking answers to understand and strengthen myself, where she didn't know how to ask for help and have someone understand.
As far as my mother, I remember quite a bit from that day and the night before even though I was so young. I remember talking to her the night before and her telling me what was going to happen, but I think she thought that she would be found in time. I also know the time that she passed because I felt something was wrong. I have replayed that day over and over in my head thousands of times because I keep thinking that I missed something.
I don't have many pictures of her, but the ones that I have I can tell that something wasn't right with her. She never looked happy.
If you want to keep going with this I'm prepared for the answers. Perhaps you are just confirming everything I already know. I have second guessed myself so much that I'm not sure what I know and feel are real.
Thank you again Blmoon!
Child, life has been very troubled, I know. Now when you are going thru so many other emotional issues...I feel that your mother is trying to give you reassuarance that yes, she is still with you thru your trials, and although she left......she has always and will always look after you and your children. Open your mind and your heart....leave the fear behind and I believe she will appear to you. Perhaps you will feel like someone is stroking your hair...she just wants you to know that you are not alone..and as long as your here on this earth, she will be watching over you. Blmoon has hit the nail on the head...so to speak. Embrace your life now...even thru this turmoil..love it, own it...for you have an important journey ahead of you...and be the mother that you have always wished you had! Much Love coming your way...D
So sorry for your loss. Something brought me to this site tonite (haven't been on for a couple months) and I too, have needed recent reassurance about a loved one who has passed. I am not so much a religous person, but am a student of the spirtual side of things, God, and how we all fit in. I recently picked up a book at the library by one of my favorite authors
Neale Donald Walsch - (just happened to see it, when I needed it)....
Home with God : in a life that never ends : a wondrous message of love in a final conversation with God . It really put things in perspective for me and gave me the peace I craved.
I first got into this author's books with the -Conversations With God -series. And like I said, I am not a big religious person. These writings are more spiritually "out of the box" and I really am so grateful that that I've read them. Sounds like I'm a book promoter Huh? I'm not. Just a person who knows there is much more to this life than we see. I get comfort from coming to my own beliefs about God and who I am. I could go on and on about what I believe, maybe you can get your answers through reading the same. Take Care! p.s. If you should read, post back, would love to hear what you thought--good or bad.
Hey ttdish! I will certainly look into the books. I will get back to you after I've read them. Thanks!
It is a good sign that you see your father as is. You indeed are very strong and it is why you chose this life--challanging as it is you have the potential to be of service for others in a healing capacity. I see a pickup truck. wheels spinning off in the gravel.There is a dark haired child inside--crying but she isn't really a child she's a young woman. Your mother is more than one person. The illness that runs throug her family is very high end manic depresive--more schitzofrenic and borderline personality disorder. Extreme says spirit--extreme lows--very suicidel level. She hears voices. The day it happened she was in conversation with a voice. Her illness had not always been that bad. Marraige and giving birth triggered the episode. Her illness does not tolerate stress. She says let me tell it! The story begins with love--your father oh how he made me melt--felt so safe--he was so sturdy. I liked that. I was shaky on my own--like water spilling everywhere but your father was my rock and let me be a safe child--I needed that but it couldn't last like that because he needed a wife as well and I needed to be a woman but we had a hard time breaking the pattern of our love as if it had a life of it's own--we fed the painful place in each other--broke each other open. Your father will not be broken open and the rock I craved also was cold and shut me out. I hurt him too. He already didn't trust women and I'm crazy with contradiction. I was ill but it was real for him to be betrayed by love. The voices started when you where around 2. It was late spring and you had hurt yourself outside and it was the first time I was really scared--it was windy and beautiful out and I was daydreaming watching laundry blow on the line--I was thinking of sex! And that's when you screamed and there was blood and I remember feeling faint---later even though you where fine and it had been hours something changed in me. And thats when the voices came. I didn't sleep the first two nights--snuck in your room watching you breathe. The third night I finally fell asleep but woke up thinking someone was sitting on my chest. The voice was a mans and he said "she's going to have to pay you know". I had never felt such doom! I was sure I was being forced to do something bad. Sometimes he would just pop up in the middle of the nicecest moments--like watching the sun set or seeing a cute baby--the voice would tell me "you have to do it you know--she the child must pay" Sometimes a few drinks would get me through. Sometimes the voice disapeared for months and I forgot it ever happened. Your father would not understand this--no one would understand this--if I don't tell it is not real. So this is how it goes--up and down and I can't hide it so much--your father wants me to tell him--explain it what's going on in my head. He catches me one night kneeling in prayer by your bed---I'm repeating the Lords prayer over and over. I don't want to tell him I'm trying to keep the voice away but I can't tell him that. He was my rock again that night--I cried like a child that I was praying because I loved you so much and I was so afraid something could happen to you--like the girl on the news who disapeared. It was good for a week or two--your father strong and me the child but it had to wear thin. Then you were almost four and that's when the voice threatened to tell the secret. Oh how I wish you did not have to know this thing--to look at you in all your perfect innocense and see myself violated--there was an evil that ran through my family--I was molested. How could I have forgotten. I just hid--now I can't hide because the voice gets worse. I look at you--your sweet delicate purity and I can't erase that image of me same age--how could a man do that to a child! I do not sleep for three days it is hot and sweaty the voice never shuts up I go through the day a robot. Surely people are whispering they know I'm thinking my heart races so fast at times my hearing fades low and I feel faint. Everynight the voice tells me now that I'm the evil one--I cast a spell on men and they loose their soul. Then there is a new voice a womans voice--she tells me that I must not listen to the man and listen only to her and that I was a messenger to right a wrong--I would sacrifice myself to undo an evil and the man would kill you if I didn't pay the debt.I remember sitting in the kitchen and how it seemed to glow! I felt for a moment ok and remember feeling if I named everything in the kitchen that by morning it would go away and I did I touched the refridgerater and named it and just kept touching things and naming them. Finally I went into the bathroom and drank a half a bottle of coughmedicine and fell asleep. Mornings were always the best and sometimes I could almost believe it never happened--you were like sunshine and so real and so perfect and there was life and noise and people and chores and it was always better in the morning. But the nighttime always came with dread and people were starting to notice--I even caught you looking at me with fear in your eyes and the voice says--see your going to do it you are going to make her pay your debt. Now I can see that I was only half right abut others seeing me crazy and I was paranoid. I thought your father was cheating--he stayed away but really he had to. He could not handle what was happening it did not make sense and he could not explain it--it was beyond his control and he was afraid but masked it with hardness.I really believed he would find another woman then the female voice said this was part of the plan that i would give him up to her and you would be safe forever. At first I felt relieved I remember the voices left me alone for days and I felt peaceful and slept well then the male voice screamed you fool she is tricking you and the evil is waiting for you to disapear so they can claim the girl and her father. You must do the thing he said you must take their souls to God before the evil gets them--and I didn't sleep for three nights and I am scary--it is real now for others I am mad--not right--is she drinking" On something? I hear the conversations but the voice is loud now in my head--do it do it. Then While you are sleeping this most beautiful thing happens an Angel in bright light rises from your body--a child but an Angel and I feel suddenly so peaceful no fear anymore and she tells me that you are safe here come close and I crawled into bed with you and the Angel child and she said you would be fine and that I could pay the debt myself and she would keep you forever safe and I believed her. In my sick mind hallucinating I believed this was my mission. But now I see that altho I distorted the story the Angel presence was real. When you went to sleep I heard beautiful singing and the evil voice did not come back as long as I believed it was what I had to do the loud voices stopped and in my sick mentaly ill mind my last thoughts where finally you will be safe. Then I went to sleep.
First of all I'd like to say that I am sorry for your loss. There is no pain harder than suicide. You see, I know from experience because my fiance killed himself shortly before MY birthday in 2007. I can relate so very much to what all you are feeling.
I used to have the same issues of missing him, and not knowing if he was around me. It took a long time (maybe 6 months), and then I realized that I could tell someone was with me, but I didn't know if it was my fiance or my brother who is also passed. So, I finally started "asking" them. I would talk directly and out loud to Frank (my fiance), talk to him about my anger towards him for leaving me (you MUST let that anger be validated, and heard in order for you to heal). Sometimes I would yell at him for days, and eventually I came to a place of forgiveness for him. I was able to release the deepest parts of my grief, and intense anger, and I then DECLARED to the universe that I am Now Choosing to Release these feelings. I Now Choose to be FREE. I declared that there was only room in my heart for love Now.
I also starting asking Frank to let me know, give me a sign to let me know for sure that it's him when I could feel someone with me. And, sure enough he did! Over the next year and a half or so I have received all kinds of undeniable messages from him. I would suggest giving your mother some ideas for signals for you too. Signals that you would KNOW would mean that she was with you. Since you don't have memories of her that the two of you share, I would just make something be your signpost that you assign, .... like a beautiful feather that you find, a shooting star in the sky, an electrical glitch from a lightbulb, t.v., printer, etc., a bumpersticker, license plate or billboard with her name on it, whatever. Ask her for this gift. She owes you that much!
Let her know that you are harboring difficult feelings about her and what she did, let her know how it has affected you and your life, how you felt like you weren't worthy of her being your mother, how you desperately miss the feeling of having unconditional love from a nurturing mother figure, your anger, and all of your other mixed emotions about it. Let her also know that it is your Intention to Now Release these negative feelings. Let her know that you love her, miss her, and only really want to know that she loves you too. Tell her that you need some signals in order to know that she's with you, watching your life unfold, and the she DOES LOVE YOU. She may not want to "interfere" with your life so you MUST ask, you MUST let her know, and the universe know, what your feelings are, and what your Intentions Now are, and Why.
Good luck. I hope this helps some. I love you, and I know that your mom does too!!
If there is anything else I can do for you just comment on this post and will can trade email addresses.
P.S. One book that really helped me was Unfinished Business: What the Dead Can Teach Us About Life by James VanPraagh, and also Talking to Heaven: A Medium's Message of Life After Death, by the same author.
Deester - Thank you for your input! I actually sat and listened last night and felt someone stroking my hair..... so I don't think you were too far off on that!