Would appreciate some guidance/clarification
In recent months i have been going through some relationship turmoil. I have been attempting to contact my spirit guides for help and also have been doing tarot spreads. I believe that I am getting some kind of message from them, but it isn't clear enough for me to completely understand it. I'd love it if someone could some kind of reading or insight to give me more clarification.
WELL RELATIONSHIPS HAVE A FAR MORE DEEP IMPACT ON US,WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT
Spirit shows me a sign that says STILLNESS. Your wheels are always turning! Even when things are ok you can't relax for long and there is a insecure fear that surfaces and overrides any good that comes your way. You have a hard time feeling good--it makes you nervouse. Your relationship is often a vehical for filling your life with a distraction that hides what is really wrong inside. That is why you feel so frustrated that you are not getting it when you ask for guidence. You don't always trust yourself and often expect to miss something--you gather guilt aeasily. Spirit says asking the card too much does not get a clearer answer. It is the opposite that brings clarity. To step back and let go--say a simple prayer letting God know you are too in the thick of it to see straight and give it up to him and then let it go. Spirit says TRUST and quiet time is your healing power and learning to be kinder and more forgiving of yourself. Heal yourself first and your relationships will follow.
Thank you so much, as funny as this sounds the night before I recieved almost the same advice from a friend of mine.... almost word for word. So to me this does seem to come as a sign as well. That i really need to heed this advice. You were spot on about my wheels always turning. I havent had peace inside for a long long time. And every time I feel like i'm finally in control and no what to do its like something smacks me and takes the wind out of my sails and I suddenly doubt every decision the day before i was so confident about. Throughout my marriage things have happened to me that have made me not trust myself. It took me years to actually stand up for myself and even notice how bad things were. And the guilt. wow...no matter what i decide either way i have guilt. I feel guilty for feeling guilty LOL. I swear the guilt actually drives me lately. And you're right I do unknowingly use relationships to hide from my own problems. It is a hard habit to break. I am seeing a therapist right now to help me work through all of this, but it is a long and hard process when your not sure what is really broken in you.
I know this is an answer that only comes from within, and Ive been told I need to listen to my heart and do whats best for me. My husband and I have been semi-seperated since the summer. I moved out in october, and over the Christmas holiday I decided that I was going to come back home and try one more time a little harder. This was promted by a comment that someone in my life made. This month that I have been home I feel so tense, stressed, I don't even have the words to describe how i feel. But I feel as though I'm on the verge of cracking. I know i need to work on me to become a truely healthy person inside, but the pressure to make a decision on whether to stay or go in my marriage has been too much. I unknowingly seak out distractions. How am I supposed to figure out if staying at home with my husband is good or bad for me when I'm supposed to work on me? In my heart and soul I know I need to look out for me and do what is best for me, but I have a hard time seeing what is best for me.
Ok I figured Id give a little update, and ask for a little more guidance... maybe not even a spiritual thing, just an objective outside view.
Me... I feel a million times better than I did when i first wrote this. It is almost as though my life feels filled with the light. Its kind of hard to describe that feeling really. Before I got to that point I had several emotional breakdowns where I feel like i completely fell apart. But a friend of mine had her father give me a "blessing" and it is amazing what that did for me. I know I am far from completely healed... Heck I wonder sometimes if I ever will be... But what counts is that I am trying, making great progress, and having fun learning about myself.
The part that I'm still stuck on, but I dont worry about is... How will I know when I have tried enough? Most days I feel as though we are strangers... talking about important issues is almost non existant. I do not feel emotionally safe in the relationship. The tension in me is even higher than it ever has been. I constantly fight with myself to grin and bare it that eventually I will get over that feeling. My whole body reacts. I tense every muscle and grit my teeth wtihout even realizing i'm doing it. Ive even changed the way I sleep...I am guarded now when I sleep as though I'm afraid he might sneak up and touch me... not in a sexual way, but just his hand flopping on my back while we sleep.
How do i know when enough is enough? Will I know? Or will i deny that I know? How much longer do I keep at this? All the other romantic relationships I have gotten rid of...Will I know when it is time to do the same with this one? I just feel as though we are stuck and nothing improves. And I DO NOT want to live this way for ever. We both deserve better than what we have now.
Can anyone give me any advice or insight? I'm getting tired. To me this feels like the last push, but how long do i give for it to work?