Can use a little encouragement
Thanks everyone...I'm feeling the love.
leoscorpion, I know exactly what you're talking about. Been there, done that. Ironically, my family member was offering to help me get out of another abusive situation (ex husband), and was completely understanding and knew exactly what my ex had done. I actually knew better than to move in...but at the time, my divorce left me homeless and penniless, and alone with a child. I thought we'd only be here for about six months...I'm usually really good at getting back on my feet. But for some reason, things just kept stacking up against me. The last four months have really been tough. It looks like my son and I will be moving into a shelter within the next few days. I don't really want to do it, but I'm looking at the positive side of it, that we will not be with this family member anymore. And believe me, I will not ever look back...I am completely disowning this person for mine and my son's safety and sanity. My brother disowned this family member about 20 years ago for the same reasons and will not have any contact. Honestly, I don't blame him. And I feel sorry for this family member, because they are losing out on three loving family members (including my son). Thank you for the tips and reminders...and for helping me to reach inside and find my strength...you are such a wonderful friend, and a blessing to this forum!
I don't know if I'll have any computer access soon, so if I'm not around for a while, please, everyone, think about me and my son once in a while and send a prayer our way. I will be back as soon as I can. I'll keep posting until I can't. My love to you all!
Captain, you're going to need a much bigger bucket...and maybe fill it with holy water...
take care darkness angel
from your posts on animals I can feel your loving soul
please do print the tips while you can
a few of them can be done even if you don't have your own space
it won't reduce challenges, but it will help you deal with them better
ragbag last edited by
I am changing darkness to Dear!
Dear Angel, I loathe what you are having to go through. You are such an all around good person. You are being tested and tried in the fire like gold. The gold that you are! Each firing makes it more pure and refined and valuable. As intimidated as I was by you at first (crazy,insecure, lion that I am!) Girl you WILL BE absolutely FIERCE when you come out of this!!
And there is no doubt in my mind that you will. Hope your time offline is brief but DO take care of yourself and your son. The best is yet to come.
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Thank you all so very much. It all really helps. I will be busy packing things and putting them into storage, whatever we can't take to the shelter with us. I don't know if they'll allow us to have a computer, so it may end up in storage too. I hope not, because my son really needs it as a tool to help with his autism. I'm going to ask and see if they'll let us keep it.
Soapmaker, your family sounds like mine. I cut my father out of my life many, many years ago, and we don't talk. I repeatedly tried to let him in, but each time I did, it was a whole new lesson in pain. I soon recognized the cycle and knew the only way to stop it was to cut him out. So I did. I have forgiven him and understand the person he is, and that he will not change.
I cut my brother out a year ago. I feel so sorry for him, because my mother made a mess of him mentally. He's the younger sibling, and all his life she's treated him like a baby, to the point where he told me some years back, "Not to sound mean or anything, but I'll be glad when she's gone because I'll finally be able to grow up. She makes me feel like I'm 12". He was about 42 at the time. But she's destroyed his self-esteem, and now his life is a horrible mess. I've tried helping him over the years, sending him money, being a shoulder, but it got to the point where I just couldn't do it anymore because of all his strong negativity. I have forgiven him because he is a victim. But he needs to recognize that and do something about it, instead of carrying it with him and dishing it out to others.
The current one is my mother and she's the worst of the bunch. I do feel sorry for her, because she's already lost my brother, and now the time has come where she's losing me and my son, who is her only grandchild. But she's so filled with anger, jealousy and bitterness, and shares it freely, and constantly. My son and I will be waaay better off away from her and all her negativity. It's sad that she never learned her lessons in life and instead let her experiences make her a bitter, angry person. This is not anything to do with old age, because I can remember her being the same way when I was a child. My son and I are going to leave here and never look back.
These are all relationships that can never be fixed. These people are, and always will be, abusive. I have tried over the years to work with them, to be there for them, to talk with them, to be kind and helpful to them, but I simply can't keep doing it. It's like dealing with the sucking power of a black hole, lol. I just want good people in my life that I can enjoy being around, and being happy with. I want it for me and for my son. Why have a life that's filled with people hurting you and screaming at you, when you can have a life where you are socializing, laughing, going out, and feeling good?
I'm guesstimating that we'll be out of here by Wednesday. I really don't know. I have never been in the System before, as I've always been able to take care of myself and my son. The last two years have been difficult enough, but doable. But the last four months have really slid downhill. I am scared, because I have never done this before, but I do know that it's the first step towards a better life for us, and so I hang on to that.
Brightest of Blessings to all of you for your support and encouragement. I can't thank you enough.
Darkness Angel -- You are such a beautiful being. My son and I currently live with my Mom because Walmart wages don't allow someone to supply for their family. I'm still looking for a better source of income. I have come up against hatred, jealousy, resentment, and bitterness with her quite a bit since my Dad passed. He used to tell me that she didn't love me like she loved my other sisters. So, it was hard to face her with him not backing me up. Fortunately, she has a softer side too. She has an inquiring side. I usually bite my tongue with her and she sees where she has done wrong and apologizes or we talk it out at least. I could not imagine being in your situation, where I would have to leave. I completely sympathize, and send very strong loving energy to you AND your son. One thing that I would like to share is this though:
Whenever we have a breakdown in life, there is always a breakthrough shortly after. This is so true. I echo the words from other posts here. I know you will be a much stronger and even more loving person after this. I have a feeling that once you get through this, you will be a beacon for others, other single moms. You will help those like you. You will do amazing things.
I ask if you could e-mail me. I would like to stay in touch with you as you are away from the online world. I think it is necessary that you receive continued positive energy and encouraging words. I don't know if I would be strong enough to do what you are doing. I commend you. I applaud you. & I am in awe of you. You are amazing and beautiful, and have this light that just shines around you. Please e-mail me if you'd like:
Amantim...oh, gosh, I just don't know what to say. Your words touched me quite deeply and I so appreciate you and your sincerity. Thank you for your email address, I will write to you. I always think about how good things can come from bad situations, and I keep finding wonderful people whenever things get a bit rough.
My situation is the same...my income just never allowed for me to get out of mom's place. I have tried and tried. In the last two years I've even given myself a $3.25/hour raise, by quitting one job, starting another, getting laid off, then going back to the first one as a supervisor. And it still wasn't enough. I would have been able to afford a one bedroom apartment, but then that would leave only $400 left over for groceries, utilities, and gas for my 60-mile round trip commute. Wasn't going to work, lol. And of course, my salary was $100/month over for qualifying for any additional aid from the county. You just have to laugh at the irony.
At least I'm glad that your mom is rational enough to work with. I really wish mine was. Unfortunately, she's played so many games throughout her life, that it's just an automatic way of life for her now (she's 78). She's never going to change, and she will continue griping about her two children and grandson who never appreciated her right up until the day she passes. It's not that we don't appreciate her...I have seen her sacrifice and work hard for her two children while we were growing up...but I don't appreciate that she takes out her anger, frustration, jealousy and bitterness on us.
I know that things will get better...this is the Universe's way of breaking me out of the rut I've been in. I'm grateful that I have less than a week and she'll be out of my life for good. And that alone will be like a boulder being lifted off of my shoulder. And it'll be all good from here on out.
Thanks! Got the e-mail! Please check ur mail.
Soapmaker and Darkness
Your posts reminds me of my own past. Only a few people in my past were physically abusive, the rest were just abusive emotionally - it wasn't a happy family reunion so to speak. A few years after I got my own place, I lived in denial. I didn't tell anyone how abusive it was because I felt nobody would believe me, since this family looked very very normal to outsiders.
But thanks to the universe help, I started to live in the truth and since then have been shedding my old skin for new one. I understand the lesson and accept what happened. I know now the reason why they did what they did, some of these people were just not educated and some were abused in their childhood too. I am grateful that I survived it. I don't cut anyone off my life, just keep my distance and avoid arguments. I still talk to them, but it's always short and important. I can't forgive them completely, but day after day I feel bad for them. I hope someday the universe will send them the help they need. I can't change them, they have to want to change.
This is why we are here. Because we have been through what others are going through. We support each other in any way we can. I also feel as Amantim says, that Darkness will come out stronger than before and become pillar of strength for those like her. She will shed her old skin by then, for a new one. That's what hardship is for, to teach us and connect us with each other.
There was a time I was almost bankrupt, I was not handling money well. So I went to talk to experts and to those I owed money to. I was finally freed by the one I owed money the most. From this event I learned about handling finance, I gained true friends - they were there for me when I had no money or gifts for them and they are still my friends now. I was mad at first, because the friends I thought I had, were not there for me when I needed them. But now that I found true friends, who needs fake friends anyway?
I hope only the best, Darkness. Hope you can keep the pc too.
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Thank you all so much. Your kindness is a blessing.
It's sad that some people feel the need to hurt others. But it stems from them not being satisfied with their lives, and the need to feel better about themselves by tearing others down. And they can't better themselves until they admit that they have faults that need working on, and want to change them. But everyone is also right that these kinds of experiences make us stronger, and make us better towards others, and uplift us spiritually because we've learned lessons that mold us into better people.
I remember as a teenager saying to myself that if I ever had kids, at least I learned from my mother how not to treat my kids!
Leoscorpion, I've also seen true friends come into my life. They're wonderful, and a blessing, too! And not just in my daily life, but also here, in this forum. Isn't it funny how Life will help you to weed out those who are not true friends? They may not be able to help with money, or a house, or a car, but they're there to listen, to encourage, to support, and that gives a person the inner strength and confidence that they need in order to go forward.
I am worried about my pets, though. I haven't been able to find them temporary homes yet. I've heard that shelters won't allow pets.
Just dropping off a big cyber (((( HUG ))) D.Angel!
Wishing you and family love and success in the future
Those that are abusive since the beginning, they are usually abused too. so it is molded into their personality, they don't have anyone to teach them better so they don't change or it's too difficult for them to change. Some of the people I lived with, are in this category. I do my best to avoid them, I live too far away from them to visit every day so it is easy to avoid them. I am still working on forgiveness, but I will leave it to the universe the rest. I have enough on my hand already, keeping up with every day life and make my move for the future.
I learned from even the most unlikely people. A senior staff that kept omplaining and pointing fingers once told me " You work to live, not live for work " because I worked overtime and I didn't even like what I was doing, and so I fell sick. Now that I am doing what I like doing, it's not 'work' for me. So long hours in it, never hurt my health.
From the abusive people I lived with, I learned survivality, inner strength and knowledge. Now I know better than to abuse other people and so the cycle ends with me. None of my children, spouse or friends will go through what I went through. Abuse keeps going in the family because no one stands up to stop it and decides not to a part of it, so it keeps going and spreads. Those that abuse humans, then abuse animals too. Either they don't know better, or they don't want to change. So I am doing my part here, by not being another abuser. Unfortunately I can't change anyone, if they don't want to change themselves.
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see you on different thread Soapmaker
I've read your post many times to others, they are always encouraging, thoughful and kind. I honestly believe the year 2009 was a truly difficult period for so many, especially after reading so much on these forums. Last year was very trying for me also, I turned 50, lost a job I had for 11 years, started a new job in an entirely different vocation than what I've ever done, needless to say extremely overwhelming especially at 50, someone very dear, close to my heart betrayed my love, my daughter and grandson moved out, and I was involved in a car accident. Though I was down and crying a good part of 2009 I survived, still kept hope up and know that this year will be filled with many special blessings for me and all, maybe not blessings we hope for but just the fact we have so much beauty around us, everywhere if we only fully open our eyes and heart.
My great, great aunt once gave me very valuable advice. She was never married, never had a lover, was mostly on her own from a young age. She told me....turn all your troubles over to the Lord, if you're needing a place to live, give it to him to worry about, if you need guidance, be quiet, listen to your heart, but turn it all over to God, forget completely about it, have a bit of patience and without worrying about it, things will improve, events will present themselves, and goodness will fall into place. So when it gets especially trying for me, I remember those wise words, I pray to God to take away my worries, problems and stress, to open my life to the good things that he will show or give to me.
I hope this will help. Have Faith and Believe. It will get better.
Dear Darkness Angel,
So sorry to hear that you are having a bumped out day. Keep your head up and do not look down.
The journey you are on is tough but I know you will receive good Karma soon.
I just love you all! Thank you, thank you, thank you! All of you are so sweet and supportive and kind.
I am trying to stay positive and keep my chin up. It's a bit of a challenge, what with all the negativity in the house...the place is flooded with it right now. Not necessarily from me or my son, as we're trying very hard to just go with the flow and not make any waves, but my mother walks around here with a dark cloud hanging over her, leaving bits of it around the house as she goes by, lol. I know I shouldn't laugh, and I'm not laughing at her, but more at the mental image I have of little lightning bolts shooting out over her head and such. I feel really bad for her, and I know that moving will be the best thing, not only for us, but for her as well. I think she'll be able to breathe a little easier, but I also know that she'll find a different angle to be bitter about. She was on the phone in her room constantly the last two days, and I could hear her calling me names, and complaining about how ungrateful I am, and how awful I am...and I just turned the tv up a little bit more so I couldn't hear it, lol. I just do not want to get into any drama with her. It's an unnecessary waste of energy, and I need all of my energy to go into the right places right now.
Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet with an organization that gives referrals for shelters. I am currently just throwing my fate to the Powers That Be, and trusting that all will be well. I am a little bit scared, but hey, I was scared the one time I went skydiving and I landed on my feet...well, then I tripped and fell on my face, but the point is, I made it safely to the ground, lol!
I don't know exactly when we'll be moving out, but I'm preparing now. And I'm looking forward to a brighter future for me and my son!
Love, Light, Blessings and HUGS to all of you!
You will be fine Darkness
"I am currently just throwing my fate to the Powers That Be, and trusting that all will be well"
exactly. let go of expectation, of things we can't control. and keep up protection/cleansing and stay positive.
hope for the best.
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