Life changes - struggling and depressed
I've got so many things in my life to be grateful for and yet I can't seem to find the gratitude. I'm going to be without a job soon and there is much fear about if going back to school is right or if I should try and find another job. I was recently dumped by the man I thought was my soul mate. This has wrecked my self-esteem and has made me doubt that I will ever find love that will last. I frequently wonder what I did in a past life that all the men in my life now seem to leave me for someone else. I was single for 9 years before I found this man and now I am afraid that I will be single for the rest of my life. Can anyone help to give me some hope that all is not lost? My date of birth is 7/16/1964, I was born at 10:24 p.m.
Don't know if I can give you a "proper reading" but my degree in common sense married with my degree in Universal Understanding says:
You are on the right path..why? because you are where you are right now..the illusion exists that you think you should still be somewhere else, being something different, but in reality, the cosmos is and has orchestrated things to end up just as they are right now for you...
The experience of loss is just at part of the equation to wholeness. Embrace it and do not be afraid. What you once were - is no more. Yes, that has died, but be sure that there is much for you to find that brings you new life...just be brave enough, sure enough to embrace it. Your 'way out' of this is to embrace 'where you are right now' - that is the universal truth....like an Indiana Jones movie, like a Harry Potter movie... the quest is that to embrace the spirit to yearn for, to hope for...more... it's just that simple and just that difficult.
My best friend's saying is "everything happens for a reason." I know that it does but when you are scared and alone if makes it so difficult to see that. I pray to God daily and trust that he has me going thru this for a reason but it's still difficult. Yes, simple and yet difficult at the same time. I posted a request for "what I really want," thread and The Captain told me that my desire is the need to control everything in my environment and given that, I want to fix all the people in my world so I can be vulnerable at some point myself. I'm a nurturing person and I want everyone to be happy....and like helping people. However, my downfall is I help to gain approval. I thought I was past that and sincerely learned to give without expecting reward but I guess I need to work on that some more. I am pretty hard on myself and tend to think that I'm not good enough at times. The man that left me ran across a ex-girlfriend of his from 25 years ago that really did him wrong twice, but wasn't happy in her marriage and had been trying to convince him that they should be together again. He was confused. I lost. The loss has made me insecure and feeling inadequate.
Thank you for your common sense and words of Universal Understanding. I really needed to hear someone else tell me that I am where I'm supposed to be, going thru what I'm supposed to be for a good reason. I just need to trust more and know that all will be good.