Does anyone know why I keep losing my babies?
I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks with my first baby. Then, I had a healthy baby boy, but by C-section. After that I had a stillborn at 40 weeks, and now I am miscarrying twins, which died by 9 weeks gestation. The doctors don't have a clue why, as I had an autopsy on my stillborn son, and I had tons of tests done. They are now telling me it sounds like a bunch of bad luck. I really need to know if this problem can get fixed and what it is that needs to get fixed to have more children, at least a sibling. I know I'm lucky to have one though. Is it just bad luck like the doctors say? Will I be able to fix the problem to have more kids?
piscesbutnoteasytotell last edited by
Hi, I am not a certified psychic, but my heart goes out to you in your grief and struggle. I had 2 miscarriages, and shortly thereafter my husband abandoned our marriage. I was so hurt that I didn't think about having other children. As time went on and I recovered, I engaged in meditation and came to understand that there were several personal reasons why I should not be a conventional mother in this lifetime. Later, I had an experience where my children (turns out there were 4) communicated to me that they were watching over me. Even later, I realized that they were moving on to their next incarnations. It was a good experience, to understand that no effort is lost in this lifetime, and that life truly is eternal, existing in either a manifest or latent state.
My sense is that you have been pushing yourself very hard. Your comment, "...I had a healthy baby boy, but by C-section", has the sound that you are judging yourself, holding your experience up to what is perhaps an unattainable standard. You are very, very fortunate to have a healthy child. It is very important that you are able to feel gratitude and appreciation for the fortune that you do have in your life. It is not necessary to meet any standard or goal about the number of children you have. You must be strong and healthy to have been able to endure 4 pregnancies. But, child bearing is difficult and can be dangerous. You must take care of your physical and spiritual health. It is also important that you let your son know his value. You do not want him to grow up believing that you wanted more children because he is inadequate, that he was not able to fulfill your needs.
Please just rest for now. Allow your body to recover. Get good nutrition and lots of rest. If you have a religion, study to deepen your faith. If you do not, seek out some practice or meditation that makes you feel spiritually complete. Your life is a treasure, just as it is. I wish you future happiness and fulfillment.
dotthorey last edited by
i am also sorry for your loss, i also have had a miscarraige, but earlier in the pregnancy, some can be explained some cannot, be happy with the gift that you already have now with your little boy, these things do happen for reasons sometimes not known to medical drs or gynacologists, looking at it from a spiritual position i would say that it ws not meant to happen, for if it was it would of been alright, accept this, and work on loving the child that you do have, and taking care of yourself, get better and stronger, and when and if the time is right you will conceive again, if it is meant to be, it is disheartening and saddening for you and i am sorry that this has happened to you, but on a much more evolved level, their is an answer, it was not meant to be, please look after you and your little one and i will hold you in prayer, i wish you many blessings and lots of love, be at peace you are protected, in time you may see.
Thanks for responding to my message, and I am sorry you both had to have a miscarriage/s. I guess the only thing I meant by the C-section is that my doctor asked a couple times if something had gone wrong during it to cause the stillbirth and m/c, but there was nothing mentioned that happened in my report. I did have my stillborn son naturally. It was too late to save him, but I always wondered if I could have, so sometimes I feel a bit guilty. I am super greatful for the son I have. I guess it's the hurt of losing the ones I did more than anything. I realize they are probably happy right now, but it's difficult for me to see the whole picture. My husband had a vision the other night about a week ago, and he saw the twins, one was faded behind the other, and there was a bright light. He called me and I looked over and saw a light go away. I think they said good-bye to him, but I feel at peace with these two because of it. He has never had any visions before, so he wasn't sure if that was what it was for sure. I know what you both mean about being there for my son. He's a bit spoiled, especially after losing his little brother. He's so healthy and strong, just like me and his dad. We are pretty healthy and still young. I guess the one thing about losing these babies that is comforting is that I am not as scared to die because I will finally get to meet the ones I lost here on earth, or at least I am hoping to find the answers to my questions. Again, thanks so much for your response!
luckyne last edited by
I am so very sorry to hear of all your loses. I feel strongly that our children choose us and some times these spirits change their minds its not anything that we did they just decide that now is not the right time for them etc. Although their time may be brief an impact in our lives is still made. Much love to you all and God bless you.
rooster5 last edited by
First I am sorry to hear about your miscarriages.
If you plan another pregnancy, you are considered high-risk because of your history. Usually the first two months of gestation ( pregnancy ) are the most critical because this is when birth defects and miscarriages occur.
I would suggest a specialist in pre-natal care that deals with this specific area. I had a girlfriend in a similar situation. The Ob-gyn had to sew her vaginal opening closed to prevent the miscarriage. The Ob-gyn removed the sutures when the nine months were almost up.
But I would consult with more than one specialists to get their professional opinion.
It is not bad luck but a physical anatomical problem.
icearia last edited by
My heart goes out to you dear one. Only one who has lost babies understands your pain and it is hard ... really hard and, for so long there are never any answers - although we want them desperately. Your response made me cry and I am so touched by your sincerity and sharing of your soul. Your husband and child sound like they are as remarkable as you are and I hope that time brings you some peace and some healing. Some of the advice shared by others here has been very good, sound advice and, as many of them have lost babies too ... everyone can help lift eachother from the heart ... where it matters most.
I did want to add a small piece on guilt. This is a killer. Right now, your grief is raw as it should be and there will be many times along the path to healing that you doubt yourself, something you did or didn't do, all of those anguish ridden things. I went through them all too. But, guilt will cripple you from moving on my love. I did this, too ... on many things, not just the loss of a child. Guilt attacks your sense of self and self worth and it holds you exactly where it wants you ... in misery. The ego aspect of yourself is a master at making us feeling bad ... you are worth so much more than that.
You will heal in the manner that is best for you but, whenever you feel those guilt strings try to drown you, remember that you are a good person with a loving heart. Always remember that. It will make a difference ... I promise.
Surround yourself with people you LOVE and who LOVE you. You already know how to look into the eyes of people you love and see all that love reflected back at you ... focus on that when life gets tough.
I wish you peace
in your silent momets.
Meli252, I feel you have the strength of body and mind to give some souls the experience of what living within a womb is like. We are all here to have every possible experience there is and being in a womb without needing to go through birth is one of these experiences. I salute you for your brave efforts as it is a very necessary part of our total existence to experience this and I feel that every life you have held within your body has been enriched by you and your very nurturing presence. Sometimes that was all these souls needed. To feel that very close bond that only a mother and child can experience.
PS If it is your real need to have another child, you can ask your guides or pray for this experience to be passed onto someone else who has made the choice to have it. You will then fall pregnant.
.Icearia, your post was very warming, and you sound like such a loving person. You are right, that guilt comes back to me out of no where, and I can't stop it. I don't always think about it, but then it hits me. I try to let it go, but it really has been tuff. I know that having my son that was stillborn hit me the hardest. He was 7 lbs, 9 oz. He was perfect, just born sleeping. I felt him move, and his every kick all the way to the end. I couldn't believe he was gone. We held him and kept him in our room the first two days before letting him go off to get the autopsy. I was in labor a week prior to that. I thought it was false labor, but after I had him I wondered if I should have gone in. He died sometime inbetween that friday and the next. I knew he didn't feel right because he was kicking crazier than normal. Now I think he was struggling for his life. Then, it all stopped, and I thought he was just getting ready to be born. I went into strong labor again that next friday and went to the hospital and it didn't seem normal. No heartbeat at 9 months along. I was already a 6, but labored still for 40 hours long. Now, I just keep wondering if I could have prevented it.. I do know that I have to just let it be what it is. I'm sure he is happy, but that is hard for me imagine here on earth.
The Captain, thanks so much for the expalnation and advice. My heart aches so much for this to keep happening to me.
Thanks to everyone for your advice. It was very helpful. I am still trying to be positive, and I do hope for another child someday, as I realize what a blessing it is for each child to be born safe and healthy.
icearia last edited by
Dear Meli252 ...
Your anguish is so deeply felt by those of us who have read your posts and if there was any way I could reach out an hold you ... I would. Consider yourself spiritually hugged ... ok?
I cannot imagine what your experience must have been like and I am so sorry that you had to live through such a deeply traumatic time. Those are memories that I would have too, I'm sure. Look at how kind you were in your thoughts to me whilst you are reliving such nightmare material ... this shows you just how incredibly special a being you are. I LOVE that you have such beautiful qualities about you because it is this that will bring you what you wish for ... for good things do eventually happen to good people ... hold that in your heart.
The Captain was right ... if you hold onto something so tightly, you only serve to push it further from you. Pregnancies work the same way ... when you least expect it ... there they are. Right now, you are not emotionally ready for another baby and nor would most people given what you have lived through. Spend some time with your hubby and son and get out into nature if that's possible where you are. Nature is a remarkable healer ... sit amongst some trees and running water and just let yourself feel whatever you feel ... just be the beautiful individual you are. And smile ... a lot ... at anything ...remember what is beautiful to you and just let yourself be.
I am a believer in timing and the laws of the universe bringing to us that which helps us ... just as I have found you right now beautiful one. If you know of anyone who does Reiki or any spiritual healing ... go see them. You, more than anyone I know, could do with the time out and love. Go be immersed in something just for your soul. If I was near you I would steal you and make sure you had so much healing you couldn't stand it anymore ... well, ok ... maybe not that much but I would love to give you what I could ... for now, it can only be my words and heart.
Your pain is so deeply felt and I, too, consider you a beacon for other souls who have deep pain in their life ... for you share yourself so freely. Know that goodness does come back to good beings ... look at the circle of love you have already woven because of your post.
Don't try to put ona brave face and don't go down the path of doing what is expected or the perceived 'right' thing to do ... be true to yourself first. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do ... your poor hubby and son must also be living such traumatic moments ... hug them for me and never stop hugging them for you ... and eachother's sake. You are allowed to feel sad, to have bad days and to think you were to blame. It IS ok to do this ... that's how authenticity works. However, there is a line to be drawn when this is all you do for when one can no longer see anything of value or beauty around them, then professional help is necessary. You are already well and truly healing and you are so very brave to be sharing this process with all of us. I am blessed to be part of your healing circle ... thank you for the opportunity.
Be the wonderful person you are and take your time in healing ... be kind to yourself always and listen to your intuition. Listen to yourself ... you are already a very wise person and you have your best interests at heart. Follow your own feelings about what has happened and then release them, one at a time. Follow what feels right to be doing ... for this WILL BE!
I hold you in my heart and look forward to hearing all the wonderful things about your family that you wish to share.
dotthorey last edited by
hi meli252 was just reading your last post, how brave you are dear darling lady, i am really very sorry for this to happen for you, as i said before i dont want to go on about it, but i also felt guilt too, i never had another child after that as i found it hard for me to conceive, however i have three lovely children 2boys and 1 daughter, they are grown up and moved out of home, i have one grandson aged 3, 4 this year on the 5 th of march, time is so precious and its gone in a flash but the memoreys live on, you are going thru greif, just give yourself time and be kind to you, you are not to blame you didnt know, just allow yourself to greive this your way, and know that there is lovely kind and gentle people here at tarot to help you thru this, its one blow after another and thats what is so hard to bare, yourve reached out to people who do care, i will think of you in my prayers as i said beore and i do wish you a speedy recovery, both you and your husband, much love to you all and dont blame yourself, you wernt to know really. you are strong
Icearia, you have such kind words to say. It has been difficult after all of this. I think my husband and I would love to get away for a while and go on a vacation sometime. I thought when I got pregnant again it would be a healing experience after having my stillborn son. We had my living son right after my first miscarriage, and it brought so much joy, but now I do feel the need to get away and relax in a warmer place for a while. I know my husband keeps saying he wants to get away. I think he hurts, but he doesn't express it as much. My little boy is nearly 2 years old, and he doesn't know everything that happened, but I often hold him and hug him so tightly because he means so much to me. I think later in life, when the time is right, he may have a lot of difficulty understanding what happened. A lot of people tell me that I am so strong, but you're right I should not try to put on a (brave face), especially, I was thinking when I am feeling down and out and not knowing how to take it all in. People have said they could never handle what I've gone through, but I don't really have a choice because it happened and our family has to go through it. I think everyone faces something; it's just a bit different for everyone. I often look to my husband for him to comfort me. Our relationship is just getting stronger everytime this happens, and my son gives us joy through all the sadness, so really they keep me going. I just really hope all this stuff gets better because right now it seems like one thing after the next. There is so much pain and suffering in the world, and I am truly blessed with a wonderful husband and son though, so that I have to be so greatful for, and I am. Hugs to you for all the kind words you had to say to me:)
dotthorey, thank you once again. The guilt does get to me a lot, but I know that there's nothing I can do about it, and I keep thinking that I have to realize that sometimes this happens and for no reason at all. I just have these flash backs of the week that my son passed and think about how I could have changed it, but maybe he would have been born and still died soon after, and his passing was meant to be either way. I guess that there really was a different plan for my little ones than I had planned. It's just hard to accept that, and I often second guess that at times. It sounds like you have a some good kids, and you are so lucky to have a grandson! I bet they bring lots of joy to your life. I have always wanted to have a big family, but with all of the losses, I'll take what I get:) I know some people never get children, and I can't imagine that kind of pain either. I guess there's lots of different kinds of pain out there. It's wonderful to know so many people out there who care for others so deeply like you and the people on this forum.
archersbow last edited by
So sorry for your heartbreak. I feel your grief. Struggled to bring a baby to term after ten years and 7 miscarriages. I had two children after accepting that it wasn't my fate to be a mother(!). Stress can be a factor. Sometimes miscarriages happen because the baby would not be born healthy. Sometimes the body will reject the fetus because it sees it as a 'foreign body' like an infection or virus. If you want more children, I would suggest genetic counseling. There might be something in your or your husband's genetics that could be the cause. You said you had lots of tests. These included hormone levels, etc? I know that environmental factors can come into play also. Nearby where I was raised they did nuclear testing in the forties. My mother grew up on a farm and their food was probably affected. She also stayed on her parent's farm while my father was stationed overseas during WW2. She was pregnant y sister at the time they did the testing. My sister was born without a gallbladder and had other health problems all her life. She died of leukemia. I'm telling you this so you can know that there are reasons you could never control. Please don't feel guilty. It is wonderful that you have a loving husband. Yes, of course he's hurting too, but he probably wants to be strong for you. You may be strong, but don't deny your grief, especially for your still-born son. What tragedy! It's hard when you miscarriage. There is no ceremony marking the passing. But to lose a child you have just given birth to--I can't imagine the pain. Please know that there is a circle of light surrounding you in these pages. And the spirits of your deceased children. If you ever feel a butterfly kiss or tickle on the back of your neck--this could be one of your babies. I wish you blessings in your future and prayers for your good health...
Actually, Mel, I just got a flash that you are pregnant now. It might not be detectable yet as it is very new.
TheHangedWoman last edited by
TheCaptain. Incredible. Yes, you are The Captain. Impressive wave you are in. Tuned into the right radiostation. Wonderful.
Mel, I feel you must 'talk' to the soul within you - it is undecided about staying or going. It needs strength and love and encouragement from you to help it decide to remain on the earth plane (it's a very scary place for a new soul). I feel you are now changing from the one who helped souls to have an experience of the womb to helping fragile young souls have the earth experience they need. Woo-hoo! A promotion...
Mel2525 last edited by
archersbow, I am so sorry to hear about all of you losses and struggles. The things some of us go through to get a child. It is so sad, but you never gave up. I'm kind of like that in that I don't want to give up. I just have that strong desire to hold a crying baby, especially after losing my son and hearing silence. I don't know if it's something the doctor's missed or not. I don't remember seeing a test checking my hormone levels with the stillborn, as that was the only pregnancy they did all sorts of blood work on me. They actually examined my son and did an autopsy to see if there was anything they could find. They thought maybe a developmental disorder but didn't find anything. He came up as a normal male baby boy. Who knows if they missed something on me though. I am also so sorry to hear about your sister. I have only heard about such things happening. That must have been so difficult. I hear what you mean about not having a ceremony for the miscarriages. I love those babies as much as my stillborn son and my living son. I just spent less time with them. I didn't bury my first miscarriage baby, so I decided to bury my twins this time in my yard. My son had the gravestone and everything. My family never had baby losses like the stillborn ever, but my husband's grandma had a baby that died the day after she had him. She had an emergency C-section to save him, but the poor little boy couldn't be saved and stopped breathing. They don't know why, but I don't know if there was lots of tests with him. I wonder if what he had wrong with him was the same as my son too. She had one miscarriage and 8 other healthy children all living today, so I am trying super hard to just keep having positive energy. Thanks for your blessing and prayers.
About a week or a little more ago I just found out the heart of baby A stopped and they were both gone. I just expelled one or both of them the other day, but I wouldn't be suprised if another one is coming. It could be that one is still in me though too, if the baby is still in there that is. I also should mention that the only pregnancy to stay with me was right after an early miscarriage with my son that is living now. I did get pregnant right after it right away, but getting pregnant has never really been an issue. This time the babies only lived to 6 1/2 weeks gestation, so it hasn't been as rough physically on me. I really don't know how that works on a spiritual level though, whether the soul was near or not and getting ready to enter. I am excited though if I am now able to help young souls have the earth experience though. The womb experience is wonderful, but to bring them into the world crying is the best experience ever. Thanks for telling me this. I will definately work on giving any new babies to come a lot of love and strenth as you mentioned. I think this earth is scary, but it also has so many wonderful things to offer. I keep praying for another baby that wants to stay with me. Thanks Captain. You have gave me a glimmer of hope.
This is an entirely new soul I am sensing.
Mel2525 last edited by
Thanks. I am hoping so. That's great to hear!