Desperately seeking a sign from my deceased fiancee

  • My Fiance who went by the name of "Blackie" just passed away last September 3rd from Lung Cancer. Not a day goes by that my heart doesn't skip a beat for him. I love him so and miss him terribly. A part of me died the day he took his final breath. I was just devastated. Nothing would make me happier than to know he is beside me and around me. I think I am looking to hard or something. Before he died I told him you better come visit me but you better not scare me. I can remember it distintively. Now that time is here and I don't see him or feel him as badly as I want to. I talk to him all the time as if he were here. He was my protector, my rock, my everything. My heart just aches for him. It's important for me to know he is there cause I feel left behind somewhat is the best I can explain it and I think that if someone could give me some insight as to what am I looking for. I know what I want to see and thats him but being an aquarian and all I tend use my imagination overtime sometimes. I would be very grateful to any advice that could help me ease the sorrow and sadness I feel on a daily basis. Thanks, Jan

  • Jan, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know what you went through with your fiancee. My son is a cancer survivor, and I lost a mother-in-law to lung cancer. She and my son were diagnosed with their respective cancers just three hours apart, on the same day, which also happened to be six days before Christmas in 1996. We lost my MIL just a year later.

    I have had experiences with ghosts and spirits all of my life. Some of my friends call me a "ghost magnet", because they actually will come to me to share their feelings, their thoughts and even their deaths. Through my experience and studies I've learned a bit about the Afterlife and what happens when our souls leave our bodies at death. The moment of release is very quick, it happens as quickly as though you stepped through a doorway from one room to another. It's exactly that fast. You step from our physical world into the Afterlife in just that kind of time. When we do, all of our pain, worries, and anything negative is usually shed and stays in the physical world. We are instantly inundated with intense feelings of peace, freedom, and love.

    The viewpoint of the Afterlife is a bit different from the way we see things here. Our loved ones who go on do not worry about anything, as there's no reason to. They will check in on us from time to time, because we do take love with us when we go there, but they come to us only for specific reasons. They come to offer us comfort, insight, or to be with us for special occasions, such as births, weddings, anniversaries, holidays, etc.

    Sometimes, when someone has suffered greatly before passing, once they cross over, they are filled with such a blessed release of their pain that they revel in the fact that they are finally pain-free for the first time in a long time. Time as we know it doesn't exist in the Afterlife. Spirits can actually appear to us as the way that they were when they were younger, years before the way that they looked when they passed at old age. What may be 50 years to us here, is but a moment to them.

    First, I'd like to ask that you try to relax a bit more...I know that this is probably going to sound silly, given what you've been through, but one of the reasons that you're not picking up on anything from him is that you're blocking it all out with your worry and stress. Like you're trying too hard. It's like that saying "can't see the forest for the trees". Spirits come to us in many ways, and you don't need your imagination to see or feel their visits. Whenever you feel very stressed or wound up, take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly. Imagine all the tension leaving your body with the breath that you exhale.

    You're doing the right thing by talking to him. Tell you love him and that you miss him, but do so in a calm manner, as though he were physically sitting right there with you. Think about it. If he were on the couch with you, would you be talking with stress and desperation in your voice? No, you'd be talking with love and calmness in your voice. And that's how you need to talk to him now.

    Pay attention for any odd things, but don't really "try" to look for them. Visits can be something as simple as an item being moved in your home (when you didn't move it), or it can be a scent associated with him, or even a dream. But you need to be open to receiving it. When your stressing and upset, these act as walls that keep any energy from flowing, and makes it difficult for you to receive anything from him.

    And truthfully, you may or may not receive anything, it just depends on him. Spirits have free will, and can decide for themselves whether or not you need them to visit. They are only allowed to be in our lives under certain conditions, like I mentioned above. They are not allowed to interfere with our learning process or to hinder our life's path, that is, they are not allowed to prevent you from moving forward, because you have things that you are meant to do in life.

    So be strong, be open, and try to release some of the stress that you're feeling. Keep your mind occupied...take a warm bath, take a walk, read a book, focus on a hobby or go out with friends.

    I hope that this helps you, and if you have any more questions or concerns please feel free to post them, and I will do my best to answer them for you. Many blessings and hugs to you!

  • Dear Blackiespistol

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I don't possess any special powers I'm afraid. I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you healing hugs and I'm thinking of you. I hope you can find some solace somewhere.


  • Blackie

    sometimes grieve can block you from seeing or feeling a presence

    you need to believe that he is now free of pain and his spirit is ready for another journey

    if you are still grieving now, his spirit will not be able to continue his journey

    this means he is still around you

    but because you are grieving deeply, you can't see / feel him

    the more important thing to do after your loved one is deceased, is how you remember him

    set up a small place in the corner for him

    place photos or his favorite belongings there

    every day lit candles or put some flowers around them

    spend a few minutes every day at this very corner and wish him a good journey

    you will see/ feel his presence, sooner or later

  • Darkness Angel, thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my post. I have to agree with you I do need to relax somewhat. I tend to be like that moreso than not. I am not much one for relaxing but if it is going to allow me to feel or sense my beloved Blackie then I best start making the effort on trying to learn how to relax. thank you so much for your words.

  • Dear Blackiespistol,

    I am sorry to hear about your loss. I too had loss a love one in September 2009... my husband and my best friend. You see my husband had complications from surgery and suddenly died in our bedroom. You are right that it is the most devastating time in your life but you have to try to readjust your life. Blackie will always be with you.

    I was okay for a week after the funeral but then I felt myself grieving for my husband, Keith so much that my heart physically started to hurt. It felt like my heart just crumbled in a million pieces.

    I would cry some days that my eye balls look like golf balls. I probably made the stock holders at the Kleenex corporation so happy because I used boxes and boxes of tissues. Then on other days I would not shed a tear.

    I started to go to bereavement therapy because I was afraid I would fall into a severe depression about my loss. I even got books on grieving.

    But the real help I got was talking with some of the people on this site... like Darkness Angel, Blmoon, etc.

    The things that make me feel at ease maybe will not help you. But this is what I do... I look at the wedding album. play our favorite songs, read the cards Keith had given me over the years or get fresh cut flowers ( Keith always like to give them to me ). I am very eager to have the dreams of Keith because that is the way I can actually have physical contact with him.

    The holidays were especially hard on me because it was the first time I was away from Keith. Christmas was a great holiday for Keith and I because he always got a real Christmas tree and we as a family would decorate it in lights, ornaments, and tinsel. But this year would be like that because he was not here with me. Keith knew how special that time was for me so he came to me in a dream with the Christmas tree. In the dream I could see everything...his dark brown eyes, that infectious smile and those big hands for a bear hug.

    I know how much you want Blackie to be right here holding your hand because I feel the same way about Keith.

    I think the best way is to relax and let your mind be open. When you do this it seems that I have more dreams because if your mind is cluttered with thoughts then you are not open to receive what I call the dream link. So just like Darkness Angel said got to learn to relax.

    Like you I am still traveling the same road.

    Lots of hugs,


  • Thanks Rooster 5 I admire your courage. It seems all I want to do is cry. Last night before bed I sprayed actually dowsed (not sure of the spelling) my sheets and pillow cases with his aftershave. My father just died last March and I loved my father but its nothing like what I feel for Blackie. The feelings have just left me bewildered. I too like yourself look through the photo albums and play the music that makes me think of him but all I feel is sadness. I long for the day that I can speak his name and not shed a tear. A process I suppose. I too also went to a grieving group but I have a hard time with showing my emotions in front of other people for whatever reason. So I stopped going. I look forward to the replies on this website actually and I shall continue to do so. Thank you ever so much for your thoughts.

  • Dear Blackiespistol,

    The passing of love ones are different just like the way you loved them. I too had several losses besides my husband... my parents years ago, a child during childbirth and a brother.

    The passing of your Fiance is totally different than any other death because you spent a lot of your everyday caring for Blackie during the illness, saw the cancer grab the life from him as well as you, and the intimate spirit as a couple diminished like water through your fingers.

    Do you feel the presence of Blackie? I feel the presence of Keith but only in the bedroom. I do not cry in the bedroom but cry everywhere else in the house.

    I look at the photo albums because it brings back the good times. I cry too. I listen to the our favorite songs because I can see myself dancing with Keith while he holds me close to his warm body. I remember the times we turned into each other and looked deeply into the dark pools of our eyes.

    All of these moments were capture at our wedding. I remember the moment at our wedding that we had gotten a DJ and he played the wrong music...such as rapp and of course we wanted music such as "Here and Now " Luther Vandross, " Three times A Lady " Commodores,

    or " Let's Stay Together " Al Green. Someone took a picture and my husband,Keith was giving the signal to cut the rapp music by a repetitive motion with his hand across his throat. I laugh as I look at this picture.

    The song, " Here and Now " by Luther Vandross was our wedding song. When I hear it I remember the wedding dance. Keith and I closely holding each other. As the music play all of our guests seemed to disappear and it was just Keith and I on the dance floor. I looking into Keith's dark pool eyes and whispering " I love you forever ". I play this song today and I close my eyes and it brings me back to that same night of our wedding.I get a rush excitement and the warmth of his spirit close to mine.

    I think the day will come faster if you open up to friends to discuss your feelings. It was very hard for me at first to discuss my feelings because I was brought up in an environment where you do not show emotions. I remember the first time Keith wanted to hold my hand and I told him "no" and it was because I was raised not to show any affections in public. I had to see a therapist to help reshape my behavior and eventually I was able to hold hands with Keith in public.

    I think it would help you not to spray his aftershave on the sheets because you are just opening and reopening the wound of losing Blackie. It makes you hurt so much more.

    Blackie would not want you to be unhappy. Right? He would want you to be happy. As they say," Please let the sunshine in" Do this by getting fresh cut flowers or plants. Let a positive spirits into your bedroom.

    You thoughts in your head are swirling round and round about Blackie and how you miss him. Right? Let your mind relax and Blackie's spirit will come to visit you. I can feel Keith this way. It gives me great comfort to the level that I felt before his passing.

    I think the bereavement group has to be geared to your specific loss. For instance I was sent to a group that was doing grieving on parents, siblings, children but not on husbands. So I have been shuffled from group to group. Now I am seeing a therapist who specifically targets the issues of loosing my husband.

    I think you need to find someone that you are comfortable with for now to talk about your feelings about Blackie. It maybe some friends or a relative. You must be able to release these emotions. Such as when I described how it physically hurts and describe the heart has crumbled to a million pieces and the pain in my chest is unbearable.

    Because if you keep it all locked up inside of you the grieving process will not be complete and you will be so called " stuck in a gear ".

    I wish I could give you an internet hug.


  • Rooster 5, Wow your words touch my heart. Unfortunately to be honest no I do not feel Blackie's presence as bad as I want to. I think I am just looking to hard. I feel I should have seen something or felt something by now. Something tells me its right in front of my face but I just don't see it or feel it. I think it may be because its him in the flesh I expect to see. I've never done death very well ever. This one just floored me and continues to do so. A part of me feels like I am being punished here lately because aside from Blackie and my father dying, other people that I was close to have died and just 2 days ago I went to go see Blackie's sister who also is dying from cancer and probably won't live out the rest of the week. A part of me wishes I could go just so I could be with Blackie. I have to admit I was so angry when he died because he left me behind. I too am not one for showing my emotions until lately actually I can't stop crying and as hard as I try to stop the tears keep a coming. They surely do have a mind of their own. Heck I was balling just reading what you wrote about when you and Keith were dancing at your wedding when "Here and Now" was played as you embraced one another. I felt your love for one another and thats what Blackie and I had. I had a video made for Blackie's service and one of the songs that was played was "Hands to Heaven" by the band Breathe. Are you familiar with it? When I hear that song I'm of course balling my eyes out, but for a minute I am with Blackie but crying, It's like the only time now that I can be with him is when I am sad. I'm trying to make sense out of it myself. Blackie and I were to be married 3 months after he died. I also was brought up in an environment where you didn't show your emotions, thats just the way it was, passed on from generation to generation. I think that is part of my problem I just feel too much at times and death seems to open this floodgate for me. I get so embarrassed when my eyes all fill up and I'm amongst whoever, it really doesn't matter. Anyways enough about me, I am so sorry you lost Keith I can honeslty say I do feel your loss and I do appreciate the suggestions because obviously what I am doing isn't working. I'm open to new suggestions. Yesterday I forget who it was from this site did the topic what vibes do you give off, well I didn't get a good come back, kind of scared me a little actually. She said there was a dark cloud swirling around me not allowing anthing in or out? Negativity, which she was probably absolutley right but I don't know how to fix it or make that dark cloud go away. Your suggestion to let the sunshine in by getting fresh flowers and or plants into my room consider it done. Actually I want to do a cleansing of my whole house, it was one of my friends who told me I should do this, I didn't think much of it at the time but I think she is right. She is in New Mexico though. I have never done this before, not myself anyways I wouldn't even know where to start. I was told to burn some sage throughout my entire house or burn incense. Are there any other ways that I can cleanse my entire house? I guess its been a while since I've been around anything positive, I was/am dead center of the negativity and I wasn't even aware of it. It makes sense though, You were absolutley right about the thoughts just swirling around in my head just missing Blackie, I honestly wish I knew how to relax my mind, I can't sit still for 2 seconds, its go go go. Guess its high time I learned. My bereavement group consited of myself and two other women and I took in the video I had made for Blackie's service and shared it with them and never went back. I just didn't really feel like I belonged there, they were wonderful ladies and all and my heart went out to them 10 times over and I wished I could have given them both back their adult children really and at the time things mainly Blackie's passing was real fresh. In my mind I kind of told myself that Blackie was just away on vacation for a while, my way of dealing with it I suppose. Oh by the way I just got your internet hug, back at ya and Thanks Rooster 5 I do really mean that for taking out the time to share with me the loss of your husband and how you made it through just one more day without the love of your life. I'll have you know it will be you and Keith I think of when I hear "Hear and Now" from here on out I miss him for you. Take care and thanks again. Peace to you my internet friend, Jan

  • Dear Blackiepistol,

    I am glad you were able to change some things in your house. Maybe your mind can be open so you can relax.

    This is what I do. It may work or not work. Sometimes you can take a warm bath with your favorite flowery scent. You slip into something soft and cuddliey.Dim the lights in your bedroom. I find it best to do think in the bedroom.Turn on some light music. Close your eyes. If you need to rub your forefingers over your temple. Let your thoughts from the day drift away. Think about Blackie. Maybe the first dance or how you met.

    See if that helps. But you must start to relax. Do this a couple times a day.

    The dreams help he see, feel, touch and smell Keith. This is my way of being with Keith since I can not be physically with him now.

    I still cry a lot like you do. Some days it can be an all day thing. Some days I am okay and can talk about missing Keith.

    I think you have to be in the right group to talk about Blackie's death. I think all these things can help you get through this period of grieving.

    I am currently working on my husband, Keith's headstone. I do not want a picture of praying hands, cross, or a Bible but I want a picture of both of us smiling and laughing. Because this is what I want to remember Keith and me as a couple laughing,smiling, and holding each other so tightly together as if we were one. In fact, my daughter will use this same picture on my headstone. It is like two broken coins put together. I know when I get to heaven Keith will probably yell at me for spending so much money. But this is what I want to signify our love to the world.

    I heard of another way by Darkness Angel by spreading regular table salt in doorways and under windows to purify your home.

    If you can go see Blackie's sister.I think Blackie would like that a lot. If it is too much you then just say good thoughts about her to Blackie. I know that he is waiting for her at the pearlie gates of heaven.

    In your post, it sounds like you are pushing your self so hard. Give your heart and soul time to relax and be kind to yourself.

    I know what you are going through right now. I will always be here for you to lay your tears on my shoulder.


  • dear blackiespistol, very sorry for your loss, i felt sad as i read your post along with rooster5, just a thought, how would you feel about seeing a healer and having a healing done, healing can help shift the negative mass around you and if you go few times you will start to feel better, you are in greif at the moment and its creating more and more, another suggestion, is there a place where he would like to go on his own, or where you went together, i suggest maybe you go to that place and sit and relax, it may assist you to come closer that way, if you are getting upset listening to music or things, related that you liked maybe you could stop doing that for a little while and do something different, i lost my mum 3years ago, and it took me a good 2years or so before i could go to our favourite shopping centre, i just could not go, i can now i know she isnt my husband but she was my mother and very dear to me, try changing your routine and maybe shifting the furniture about a bit to make it look different, go out and get a new hair style, buy a new dress or something that makes you feel good about you,lean on your friends, talk to people on this site, and begin a new life, its taking the first step, he will always be with you and he will eventually come to you, so that you will notice feel or see or hear maybe, i strongly feel that you need to go to a healer and a good one as it will shift the negative and remove it, and keep going, to help yourself, you know you are the most important person in your world right now and you dont like feeling like this, so step by step, little by lttle you start to walk, only baby steps until you are walking properly again, i dearly hope that this advice has been of some use or will be of some use to help you, he is still their, its just that you cannot see him yet, the way you would like to and its because, you are so full of greif, take time out to be around nature and animals, it can teach us such a lot about ourselves, but definetley go and have that healing, remember one step at a time, one day at a time and soon you will be walking, once again i am very sorry for your loss, and i really hope that you start to feel on top of things soon as thats what you would like to be feeling, if you can remember a time when you once felt on top of things feel it and remember it and go to that place if you can in your mind, i wish you peace and wish that i could give you a big hug and be their to comfort you, much love and blessings to you,xxx you will be able to assit others later on.

  • Dear Dotthorey,

    Thanks for writing your post. It seems that I am in the middle of the storm and you are on the outside looking in side of the storm. Before my husband had passed I loss a brother, a baby, and my parents then my mother-in-law. Just like you my mom became the closest person in my life before I met my husband because we shared a lot ideas, hopes and aspirations.I thought I could not love any one as dear as my mom

    Then I met my husband and I found a new type of love. My life completely changed and my heart and soul was so intertwine with his that we were one.

    After my husband passed, I had a dream . My mom brought my husband to me in a dream and showed me that my husband was okay.

    But I still feel uneasy because he is not physically here with me. The grieving has been the hardest time for me and I want to rush to get through the pain. But I see that is not going to work for me.

    I am still seeing a therapist but I do not know if it is going to work out.

    It just seem that I will never have my heart mended because my husband and I were a perfect match for each other.

    I started to go to the same places that my husband and I would visit but it is not the same.

    I guess in time I will be able to cry less and have the memories replace the tears.


  • hi rooster 5, no it isnt the same, and yes it does take a while to work thru, someone once told me you dont get over it, you go thru it, and i beleive that to be true, i will pray for you and also blackiespistol, i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and wish peace for you and settling, you have been thru and still going thru tough times, but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, i really feel for you and it is very hard to bare the loss of your soulmate, someone of whom you are very close to, right up until my mums death my mum would say to me, it comes to us all, i live alone and have done for some time, and i have lost special people in my life as well but not thru death except for my mum my sister and my dad of whom are all deceased, i have my three children and 1 grandson, just recently a special person moved out of my life and it was a male, it felt like a death as i know that i wont see that person again, so i get to understand in other ways how you must be feeling, imiss my mother very much and am starting to walk again, i suffered a breakdown 3years after my mother died, it hit me hard and its only since my children coaxed me to get onto a few sites around the net that i have started to walk again, i did some work with a very beautiful man a light worker, his work has now finished with me and he has moved away, an awsome experience which has assisted me into accepting being and allowing and taking time out for me, i wish you much peace and love and will be thinking of you and placing you in my prayers and lightxxxx

  • Dear Dotthorey,

    Thanks for giving me an internet hug, Sometimes I am afraid I would sink into depression so that is why I started to go to bereavement counseling. It is okay but this site helps me express the loss of my husband.I did not know our relationship could bring so much joy and also bring me such great sadness..

    I am so confused and do not know where my life should be now. What am I suppose to do with my broken heart?How am I suppose to live without him now? How do the tears turn into memories? What do I do about the plans that my husband and I made?


    These are the questions that my mind asks and I still have no answers.

  • dotthorey, thank you for that post. Well I did go and see Blackie's sister she passed a week later, so thats another funeral I will be attending here in the next couple of weeks. So much sadness it just literally blows my mind. Sometimes I think how much more of this I can take. I will definitely check into that healer you had mentioned. Again thank you for your post. It meant alot. Blackiespistol

  • you know rooster 5 i have had those same questions in my mind with losses that i have experienced over the years, and after thebreakdown i suffered not so long ago, those questions come into my mind again, somehow and with much understanding from a very special and patient person i got thru it, words dont mean much when you go thru this stuff as nothing can console, you are the only one who can do this for yourself and lean on caring and understanding people, i had so much stuff that i was holding onto and such pain in my heart it took me quite some time to work thru it, i lost my job and i lost a lot of people as they did not know what the heck i was going thru, bit by bit i dealt with 1 issue at a time, i had healings i had lightwork i had councelling i had some terrible times alone, one thing i learned was to get up and light 1 candle in the darkness, meaning i made a cup of tea, i had a shower i made my bed, i slowly started to make myself do things, even now i still am dealing with the day to day, but when this happened to me, i could not do anything much, i didnot eat properly i did not sleep properly, i did not know where i was going or what i was going to do, it was thru the generosity of this dear lovely man who assisted me to see the light in ones darkeness, who taught me about facing ones fear and to trust the processof which iwas going thru, who taught me how to get up and keep on getting up, who walked beside me for 14months patiently listening to me and telling me the same thing over and over until it finally sunk in, you learn to live a different life, its awful and its strange and its scarey, but each day when you get up, somehow you put one foot in front of the other and you begin to slip slowly into the day, you take your time, you be kind to yourself, you explore avenues that assist you to become stronger, you try different things and get out of the house, you spoil yourself, at first i did not know what spoil myself meant, so he spoiled me rotten, with kindness, keeping in touch and giving me a crutch which was himself for just a while until i started to walk , day by day and week by week, unti i could do it alone, the tears in time will stop it will start to slow down, you are in greif and greif can be a very strange time, it can do such a lot of odd things,to a person, its facing the issue head on, its so hard, but you know that he is in the light with god and you cannot have things the way they were going to be, so little by little you take 1 day and 1 step at a time and you try something different, i dont know if you work or if you are up to doing some voluntarey work, but helping others and taking interest outside of ones home and head does help, if your not up to it, well you just gently do what you do as of now, when you are ready to accept and move forward you will do so, you make different plans when you are ready and able, dont be hard on yourself, your life is where you are as of now, and that is where you are, you are where you are, until you start to feel a bit better, their is a book written by esther and jerrie hicks, how to manifest your desires, it explains about the emotional scale and it helps you move up the scale to a better place of being with in yourself, it shows how you go from depression into anger and move thru anger to feeling better , it is a good book, and i feel that you should really read it, you can get it in book stores or newage shops, its a very positive and wonderful book which will give you some insight, into helping yourself and becoming more empowered with yourself, i really am so sorry for your loss i truly feel for you, my mum lost my dad to cancer, he was 55 years old, mum and dad had plans, they changed, mum got involved wwith the local catereing group, and other groups around the town, she travelled overseas quite a few times and also around australia in her little car, she lived life to the fullest, she was like you and did not know what to do, but in time time answered that, give yourself a break, dont be hard on yourself, i am giving you a big internet hug and thinking of you and wishing for a big shift in your feelings for feeling better, this will change for you, as it cant stay the same as life will always change you just flow with it, in time you will, i think there are a lot of lonely people on this web site who need some hugs and lots of tender loving care, funny movies are another good way to help yourself too, life is changing, and a new you is emerging, you can do this you will, you are reaching out to people and thats good, you take care and i will catch up with you soon i hope on this web somewhere, i really hope that i have answered or enlightened you in some small way, we have to be shown sometimes how to help ourselves, as we dont always know the answeres, but once we have been thru bad times and come out the other end, thats when we can help and be their for someone else, god bless you and much love and peace to you xxxxxx

  • dear blackiespistol am sorry again for this happening to you again, but you know this will strengthen you, its sad, but you will find the strenght to cope with this again, the challanges life throws at us sometimes seem so unfair, i will be placing you again for some time in my prayers, and am also giving you an internet hug, this website is very good for people to come and express their sadness and their troubles and just to know that someone out their is watching and ready to assist is really great for poeple who have or are travelling thru their greif time, please look after yourself i am often on this site, checking to see if their is someone i can b of help or freind to in their time of need, i am happy to be of assistance for you and i will no doubt find you here again thru out the forums helping and assisting someone else, take care of yourself and i will catch you again sometime, i wish you many blessings, and dont be afraid to ask god to bless you and ask for a blessing from him, he is just busting to asist you to, that is one other way that i got myself thru my troubles and it does work, peace to you and a big hugxxxx

  • rooster 5 i meant to sayto you also, when there are no answers, to your questions dont worry, as maybe you are not ready to see those answers, even though i have given you some that assisted me, be patient with yourself, time is a great healer, its what we do with that time that assists the healing process and the greif, you are learning about you now, and survival skills to help you survive and to move on with your life, its a whole different ballgame when we are on our own, yes and its frustrating at times to, as we can take 10 steps forward and and more than that back, but we learn new ways of living and new things come in, ask god to bless you as i said to blackispistol, and thank him too, he wants to help also, that helped me a lot thru down days too, and beleive me i was blessed, and i still am, bye for now and do look after yourself

  • I myself have lost a fiance through a horrible murder, years ago. Im now in m,y 50 s. I still miss him and think about what life would be if we were together. Soon after it happend, I was haveing dreams about him. I still do once in awhile . as I also do about a deceased brother. Its there way of telling us they are still around. And that they are alright. You will feel him at times too, his pressence. It takes them a while to get used to being out of their bodies. Just like a newborn babay feels when they are born. Trust, he is not far from you. But he does have alot to learn on how to (live) on the other side. They are alive , just on a diffrent level. Start writing down your dreams. Make a dream jurnal. This will help you to be more aware and remember. When we dream its easier for them to contact us. Through the subconciuse. You may of already dreamt of him , but cant remember it. You will start to. A;lso know they want us to go on in life and do what we were sent here to do. wouldint you want him too be happy if it were you that were the one that died.Time will help you understand more, the pain of the loss will NEVER leave you . You wont want it too. Its our way of holding on.But dont hold on too much. They need to know you are ok. Youll be fine . Hang in there. He knows you will always love him.Love and light, Carol

  • Dear Blackiespistol,

    I want to give you an internet hug. I can identify with your situation. About four years ago my mom was passing at the same hospital I was working at. Within an hour my husband had learned that his last aunt had just passed. I did not know who to cry for my mom, his aunt, my husband or me. It was difficult because we had to make funeral arrangements for both sides of the family.

    This time was especially difficult because it was my mom not to say that my husband's aunt was not a special person too. But I had to watch my mom pass in the same hospital I worked in and deal with all my co-workers coming by to give hugs and ask questions.My mom wanted a DNR ( do not resuscitate ) and did not want to revived.

    This was a time both my husband and myself kept giving each other lots of bear hugs to support our emotional state through this crisis. It was difficult at night for the both of us.

    This was a unique time that both my husband and myself experience pain of a love one passing. Lots of kleenex was being used during this week.


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