What to do?
I guess my question is basically going toward when the time is right if I my conceiving will be through the help of fertility drugs.
Jastin, you are so single-minded I fear you haven't really taken in anything anyone here has said.
I have took ineverything that everyone has said and I understand that there needs to be more thinking in this situation. Yes I do want to conceive and my mind is on that topic however as stated healing and thinking needs to be done so best choices are made.
Not more than 2 weeks ago you started a thread entitled "I hate life". You were very unhappy and really sounded on the brink. In this current thread you have asked about your relationship in which you have shared that your boyfriend has kicked you out of his house in the past, you pay all his bills and you are afraid of being in that situation with him again. It is not much of stretch to understand why people are advising you wait and sort your own self and relationship out before worrying about bringing a child into the world.
On top of it, someone here has even been able to tell you how many children you will have, the years they will be born and yes...they even gave you the date of conception for your first born. I believe it was sometime in January of this year. You will have to go back and double check on that but I saw the thread in which you were asking these questions and remembered it because I was amazed that someone was able to tell you precisely the details you wanted to know. So if you trust these people enough to ask for their psychic advice, then believe them and stop worrying about the hows and whys. How about you use this time before conception to work on yourself and your happiness with yourself and also your relationship with the man who want to have this child with.
It would be great if you were really happy with yourself and your relationship. I want really good things for you and know you will have the children you want so badly when the time is right. Please remember though that there are many women here in their mid 30's and up who have never had children and are finding it a little worrisome that perhaps their time has run out. You are ...what? 21? Come back when you are 35 and I'll share your panic.
TheCaptain and Stonyeye are both right. I gave up saying anything because I thought perhaps it was just me but let me tell you what they BOTH said here is EXACTLY what I have been getting. Honey I really really feel for you, but the time for you to have a baby is NOT NOW. I agree with TheCaptain, I feel the Universe is STOPPING you from falling pregnant because you simply MUST deal with your own issues first AND be in a more stable position to have the children you want. I also totally agree with Stonyeye that you were in a state recently over your boyfriend, and you KNOW deep in your heart that this man is NOT father material. Yes anyone can be a bioligical father and provide the sperm but in terms of being an actual father, he is not the one for you. You keep resisting what you know to be true in your heart.
I too have been concerned over your singlemindedness in falling pregnant because you want a baby to fill the void and emptiness you feel inside you, it may bandaid things a little for you for a while but please trust me when I say it will not fix things for you or make your issues go away. You must face them head on yourself. I agree with the idea of volunteering with children, you can make such a difference in a child's life by helping and experiencing giving and receiving love.
Let's look at things rationally here for just a moment......you want to have a baby, no matter what, with a guy who doesn't have a job and is unable to support you and this child and who is not supportive enough and committed enough to you that he throws you out on his own whims. Yes it is easy for a guy to say "let's make a baby" but you want someone who is going to be there for the long haul, who will support you financially, emotionally and spiritually and you will not get this with this man. What happens if you do fall pregnant, and you end up a single mum struggling to support yourself and your child while he resents having to pay child maintenance for a child he didn't really want, but you were determined to have. That is not fair to put that upon a child. Your boyfriend puts other things in front of you, what makes you think he will put this child before anything else? This is not the right situation to bring a child into the world and to do so is purely selfishness on your part. I am sorry, I say this not to be mean and nasty but to point out the truth. I truly want you to be happy, but I know and I feel that if you go ahead and fall pregnant now....with this man, in these circumstances, and without having filled up your own emptiness and void (because if you don't no one else can do it for you, and this is the simple truth), you WILL be making the biggest mistake of your life and will regret it. And that is exactly why I feel you have not fallen pregnant.
Jastin143, I will not say anything further, I don't wish to upset you, you will make your own choices and you WILL have to live with the consequences. Whether you listen to me or not is not the issue here, the issue is you have been guided to look at the two paths you face now. Choose wisely and be prepared for the outcome of your choice.
I sincerely wish you all the best for your future.