WHY DO WOMEN ACCEPT MARRIED MEN?
Swingers just amaze me. I once moved into a new neighborhood and kept getting the weirdest feelings--I thought I was paranoid and kept laughing to my husband that I swore neighbors where watching me funny. Also, every Tuesday night a big blue church bus pulled up and took all the kids in the neighborhood to church for the evening while I noticed the adults all seemed to be getting together at someones house. Weeks went by and I couldn't shake the weird vibes. Neighbors would stop by when I was out front and ask me the weirdest things I thought but what I couldn't shake was the feeling they were realing looking me over. Then the next door neighbor asked me when I was going to send my kids with the church bus and I said no we have our own religion thank you but they kept at me about it. One man said he was a musicion so I let him in thinking we could jam and did but he kept acting odd and it just went right over my head--first he grabbed my hands in his saying oh how delicate they seemed and I pulled back and just changed the subject then he said he had taken benadryl was feeling tired could he lay down in my bed! I sent him home saying you need your own bed! He came back the next day asking me if I would bake him cookies! Honestly I was so caught off guard and bust out laughing--he seemed confused and said all the girls make him cookies! I sent him on his way saying buddy you want cookies you better bake em yourself. He turned and said you sure you don't need nothing taken care of cos I'm abredextrious and thought you know maybe your man ain't pleasing you. BAM I got it! I laughed so hard when he told me they were all swingers and met while the kids did the church thing! He looked so surprised I was laughing--I mean the guy was a little old redneck not an ounce of sexy. Again I'm like what the......! When I told my husband that night we laughed so hard then my husband said do I go punch him out? But then we'd laugh some more. Next day the other neighbor a woman came over all seriouse like and sat down and wanted to know what my plans were. Plans? Yes she says because I noticed your a bit heavy and my husband loves fat girls. Again, are you for real lady. I assured her that I was no threat and not going to join the swingers. We lived there for two years and never got friendly with anyone after that. This story would be just funny and harmless but I must add it had a very sad side. The lady next door with the man who loved chubbies had two young teenage kids who stayed home from school one day while parents were at work and found some tapes of their swinging parents and the others and watched them with there friends and all h ell broke loose. It wasn't so funny anymore. Are we a strange species or what?
My co-worker, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind me telling the world..But she was married for years her husband cheated on her, and she divorced him and has since turned into..The Life Of The Party... She has been with Numerous men..we are both Scorpio's and she loves to share Everything!!about her encounters...and when I say there have been quite a few...I'm being modest..But today...she told me she has ound a new Papi...A Married Papi..and he stopping by for s*x and drinks...She shrugged at what I'm sure was my not happy face, and said They do it to us...I'm just doing back to them and making myself happy... I use to be a just a tad bit jealous, because she sounded as if she was having a Ball... Don't know what to think now...
Am I just Not in Touch with the Times...Married so long that a new phase has come in and I didn't know it...and then she said...No one values Marriage anymore...
It does seem like a lot of people don't value marriage any more. People are treated like they are disposable. Makes me sick! What ever happened to "For better or worse"? Bored at home? Find some exciting tater somewhere else until you stir up enough drama and heartache for yourself that you have that " Oh ****" moment and realize that what you had at home wasn't so bad after all.
I have a friend much like yours. She has tarnished her reputation so badly that a decent guy won't give her the time of day. The guys she does get use her for one thing and then they are done. I feel so sad for her sometimes. New times.... Same ol' double standards! If it ever gets out that your friend is dating a married man then no woman will ever trust her again. This applies for the men too. Once someone crosses that line it makes others wonder if they could betray them like that too. Being a home wrecker still is taboo whether anyone wants to admit it or not. That also applies to both men and women. If a person has no morals or standards then it leaves little else of substance. How you get them is how you'll lose them!
I understand your question. I used to ask the same question. I was raised to believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I have seen and heard many infidelities. I started to wonder whether I am walking backwards instead of moving along with the trend?
But I have come to accept that there is a lesson in everything and life is meant to learn and move forward. We do not live in the physical world to judge or change others, for change has to come from within and we all have our shares of mistakes. I am not saying you are judging anyone, I’m just saying that I used to condemn these people, only to find that nothing changes in fact more people fall for it.
What happens is that people rely on others for happiness. They constantly look for the ultimate person that will complete them. But because they are not happy with themselves, nobody and nothing can ever make them happy. In everything, we have to start from within. If we do not know our weakness and strength, how are we going to accept ourselves hence love ourselves? Then how can anyone or anything make us happy, if we don’t know what or who it is that can make us happy, complete us and so on.
Two people get married, believing they are meant to complete each other. But as years go by, one person feels something is missing. He no longer feels complete and so he goes looking for the thing/ person to complete him once more. Then he finds a single or probably also married woman, also looking for the thing/person to complete her. They are drawn to each other. There will be back and forth commotions. They know it is wrong, but because they rely on others for happiness, they can’t avoid falling deeper. They even find justifications to their acts: “don’t worry about other people, they don’t live our lives” “why can’t we be happy? Other people can!”
But the answer lies within ourselves. The man, instead of looking within, he is looking outside. So is the woman. They are attracted to each other, because they see the longing in each other. Knowing what they do is wrong, actually makes it more attractive. But since the attraction is not based on the truth, it dies as problems arise. Maybe the spouse or family finds out, they have to choose. They might choose to abandon each other, or they choose to leave their spouses and be together. But since they don’t truly understand what/who is it that can make them happy, the same longing will return hence the cycle continues. The cycle won’t stop, until the lesson is learned.
I almost fell into temptation myself. It was my first years of marriage and I felt so much pressure. I was tempted but before anything happened, I stood up and ran out. I was hoping hubby wasn’t home, but apparently he got home early that day. I knew he knew where I was, but he asked anyway. I said I was with a friend. He asked again ‘was it a man’ I wanted to lie, but I said ‘yes’ he asked again ‘anything I should worry about?’ this time I smiled, I even laughed ‘no’ and I added the obvious ‘you know me!’ I learned from my lesson. I am now more content of myself ever since I learn to accept my strength and weakness. I know that the other man, as attractive as he is, doesn’t love me for who I am. If he does, he will respect my marital status and back off. He called it love, but love is not selfish and he is being selfish, for wanting someone that belongs to someone else. No, I don’t want to share my life with a selfish person.
Due to bad experiences in the past, hubby was easily jealous and suspicious somehow he put a lot of restrain on me. But after that day, he loosens up and he even uses that word sometimes ‘I know you’ LOL yeah and I know myself he knows my fantasies, and he knows my body is his.
Since I have been there I know how hard it is to resist temptation. This is why I leave it to the person to learn their lessons. I do feel weary sometimes hearing and seeing more and more infidelities but the time will come when they learn the truth and the truth will change them. I was puritan before. I judged these people and then the universe sent me a temptation, to show me how hard it is to resist it. Since then, if someone tells me about their infidelities, I just tell them to look within for the answer, for they can’t find happiness anywhere else.
To the universe, we are all equal. We get back what we send out. Maybe we have never betrayed anybody, but we have made mistakes of other kinds. You and I and those who believe in the sanctity of marriage, are not moving backwards or living in the past. We make a promise and we do not break it. This is the lesson we have learned. Other people have to learn theirs, and they will.
goodness sake I typed a lot again. I have to go now, and go back to my usual fun loving self
Ladies (and gents, if there is any)
just found this. you can www in front of it but don't think you need to.
just copy and paste it into your browser
have a good laugh!
blmoon- I can't stop laughing. I am actually in tears! i would have been just like you thinking that the town was insane!!!
What happened with the teens & the tapes??? Did the church-goin-swinin-hipsters stop???
"Hey, Dears ur Momma wit Mr. Johnson from the Tidy-Mart!" LMAO!!!!!!
Ok, you win the prize Blmoon! You just made my day!!!!!!
Oh wait blmoon-- Hold the phone! I just watched the video Leoscorpion mentioned--- LMAO!!!!!! There may be a tie!
I just have to lmao at the arrogance of many women who assume their men are faithful and that there is some great mystery in lying and cheating. I would think that by a certain age we all realize nothing in love is gauranteed, NOT!
Wanting is better then getting and that's why men contiune to want even after they already have what they thought they wanted. No one is perfect so even in the best of relationships there is an element missing, they look for that in another womans eyes, smile, thighs.....
Everything changes love is not the exception. Temptation, yearning, feelings of being wanted and needed and that perfect mate always call... male, female, single, married, children or none. love is something that we contiune to seek for a lifetime and when we think we find it we react weather it is right or wrong weather we want to or not. we are all slaves to our own desires infedelity is everyone's reality. sorry to burst any rose tented bubbles.
We all seek a loving reunion and unfortunatly,married men are attractive to some women as they have already shown they have the calibre to commit and provide and ultimatley,thats what we all seek.
Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one THEY love....
exactly LOL short but true
SexyGem..It's not arrogance that allow me to assume that My Husband is being faithful...but the fact that we have taken Vows does..Arrogance is not the right word that I would use in describing the fact that My husband EXPECTS me to be faithful, and I have the same expectation from him.
Suffice to say Nothing in life IS guaranteed, but when you take Vows of fidelity there is an expectation or at least for me...that if my husband decides that he can no longer honor his vows that he can be honest with me and we can take it from there, and age has nothing to do with it..
I don't think that there is Any mystery at all in Lying and Cheating, for those that practice this way of life...These traits are common for them..., and needless to say Lying and Cheating in my opinion takes a very Common Person to adhere to these dishonorable qualities, The life of a Liar, Cheater to me adds up to a Distrustful Person.. For those who don't practice or commonly use Lying and Cheating in their lives there is no mystery for them either, because they have chosen to Not live a life, of low character without Morals....and again Age has nothing to do with it.
What I do Hope is that by a certain Age.. we Have gained enough maturity to realize yes everything does Change, but have the wisdom and the perseverance of character...to Not become a Slave to those changes,...acknowledge them Yes..but become a Slave to them I hope not...
Blmoon & LeoScorpion...What can I say...I am Still LMAO..and so is my husband..LeoScorpio that video was a riot..
LOL healing water and moonbeauty
hubby got it from his friend
glad you both enjoy it
"What I do Hope is that by a certain Age.. we Have gained enough maturity to realize yes everything does Change, but have the wisdom and the perseverance of character"
I find myself in thinking about all of the aforementioned dilemnas..yes i am involved with a MM.It is not right, I struggle with it and, for me, its not like other single men are not pursuing me, cuz they are. I beleive the many reasons women accept it is because we can without having all the other "trappings" that some women do not want. I believe the reasons men cheat is because they can. In my case, this man has been drawn to me for years(unbeknownst to me). Even though we had gone our seperate ways, the connection is still there, the shared longings are very real and fulfilling at times.I used to think the wife must know, because if I was in that situation I would know. I am no homewrecker, made that part of it clear from the beginning. As most women who involve themselves with MM, I do not want him to leave his wife. It is not as cut and dried as Lying and Cheating...so much more for alot of us.
Stephanie...This situation is so common and wide spread, I suppose It really does depend on the Individuals involved. I would like to ask, if there are single men pursuing you why would you prefer to engage yourself with a Married Man, I no you've said some women don't want the Trappings..cooking washing, familiarity, snoring, bad breath, cleaning the toilet.. and then some...ok let me stop before I switch sides myself..LOL this Really isn't a joking matter.
What irks me the most.. is the injustice of it for the unsuspecting wife...I wonder if there are any wives out there that Do no that he is having an affair and Don't mind?
I have been following along with these threads. In my situation we never meant to be together it just happened. We were both lonely and in similiar situations. I broke it off with him on New Years Day. I'm still hurting, A day hasn't passed that I haven't wept. I still wake up in the middle of the night to cry. As much as my heart wants him my conscious says its wrong. I couldn't deal with the whole situation. I didn't know his wife. But I thought of her often, and how it would effect her. I didn't want to be the home wrecker. And the seeds we were sowing. They'll only destroy us in the long run.
We just fell in love with one another and no one knows I know his heart strings have been tugged back and forth for the past year too. I truly believe he is hurting too. But we both know what we did was wrong.
A mistake... we have to live with. I lost a damn good friend.
you gained a better friend--YOU!
Thanks, I'm finding her once again.
Healingwater: "What irks me the most.. is the injustice of it for the unsuspecting wife...I wonder if there are any wives out there that Do no that he is having an affair and Don't mind?"
I can't even think of anyone like that, even swingers that I know, they go as couple.
I think it would be different if one goes and the other doesn't. It's kind of strange the whole swinging to me too, even if they agree as a couple. Because the promise is about uniting one man's and one woman's body, soul, heart. Nothing is mentioned about other people's body there. So swinging on its own doesn't make sense to me, couple or not.
But then again, I might be just traditional LOL