Nasty divorce



  • Hello,

    I desperately need help!

    I spoke to a psychic from Calif. psychics almost two years ago, asking advise about my marriage she was amazingly intuitive, she advised me the house was not worth fighting for...Roger is surrounded by too much negativity and I would love to reach out too her but.. I dont have money to pay for a reading. I desperately need help...I tried to get out of this marriage on good terms..He interfered in me getting jobs and controlled every penny I put my retainer on a credit card so he has chosen to make things as hard as possible ...out of retaliation. The attorney I hired has not done his job and followed through on any thing ( early court date, to get an order to make roger leave or any thing he was supposed to do...I need to know i this is fate telling me not to fight or should get another attorney?

    we have a thirteen year old son who he is asking for shared custody with (so he does not have to pay as much child support) I do NOT want too..the only way I will be able to prevent it is if I request a drug test and it comes out positive...I have been afraid to do that! I am at the crossroad that I have too! Has he been using alcohol or drugs that will show up on a hair follicle test?

    when I talked to him about getting a divorce Brad was adamant about living with me and having visitation with Rog every other week end... and since roger was served he has become "mr. dad " which I know wont last but Roger convinced him to have shared visitation...Is he agreeing because he did not want to hurt his dads feelings or did he truly change his mind? Or was he cornered by rog? I was asking continuously through out last year if he was absolutely sure that he wanted to be with me and over night it changed when I found out Bradley got very upset with me, and would not talk about it. He just responded... What is the big deal??

    I have sooo many other questions about where to go if I dont fight for the house.

    God Bless you all so very much!

    Teresa



  • My gut reaction?

    1. fight for the house

    2. change attorney

    3. don't interfere between your son and his dad.

    You may know your ex is going to let your son down. You are more than likely right BUT Rog is Bradley's dad and Bradley has a right to a relationship with his father. Be your normal self with your son. Don't bad mouth his dad. As far as you can, give your son options. If your ex scuppers things, don't bad mouth him. Just explain as calmly and as positively as you can to your son. In time your son will see and know you both.

    Believe me - I've been there and am now reaping the rewards of staying calm.

    Good luck. Hopefully one of the 'readers' will be able to give you more insight than I.

    Bright blessings



  • Roger has addictions to drugs and alcohol...that has been the stem of our problems.

    I have no desire to keep them apart but Rog wants shared custody 7days with me and seven days with Rog. Roger has had trouble with anxiety and depression since he was 13 years old,he can not handle pressure and refuses to get medication that would help instead self medicates with pot literally any thing else he can get his hands on. Me standing my ground is the only thing that keeps him sober, once I am gone I have no control!



  • I dont think you read my entire post



  • Actually I did read your entire post.



  • Sorry Cancer64 I shouldn't have replied snappily. You don't need that. It's not an excuse but my frustration probably is more with myself and being unable to offer anything more. I am tired and have some concerns of my own. As I said, hopefully one of the readers will be along soon to give you more insight than I can. Meantime, I wish you the very best and will be thinking of you.

    Bright blessings



  • Thank you 🙂 I have never posted on the forum before....not sure how it works...how can I get through to reader?



  • Never mind....you already answered that .....we are both in the same boat ! stressed, confused and exhausted!



  • You are not wrong there my friend. I will try to 'bump' this thread up until someone can give you some help. Meantime I must go to bed. I'm in the uk and it is the wee small hours.

    Hugs. Trust someone will be along to help you soon. That I'm sure of.



  • Caught this just before bed--forgive the short reply very tired. First--change attornys. Hire a female. You can't ignore husbands issues and you are right to be concerned. He does love his son very much and they need each other as much as he needs you. But dad needs an intervention and that is what you have started. He needs a doctor therapist who specializes in brain chemistry disorders. He is not in control of his brain impulses--depressions and anxieties he masks with self medicating. A good lawyer will advise you how you can best adress this issue so visitation is continjent on him getting treatment. This will help your son as well if has inherited this illness. You need now more than ever to not get too emotional and get plenty of rest and plan from your calm cool head. Best wishes. Hope I've said something you can use.



  • I agree that you should look at another attorney. The most important thing is you and your son. Because he is the father of your son then you need to do what you can to help their relationship. Is there anyone that can talk to your husband to encourage him to get help for your son's sake. I had a smoking addiction and there are addiction treatments that they use in prisons and other facilities that work and one of them is the acupuncture treatments for addiction. For many this works and although he really needs more help than that it may be a start.I Obviously he need therapy to help deal with his pain. I am an empath and therefore I can feel and not see the future. When my husband betrayed me after 30 years and I gave most everything up to save myself emotionally. You have your son to think of and if your husband does not get his life turned around he will have nothing in the future to offer you. So again my advice is to get a new lawyer and fight for everything, in the end you will have to give up a lot. Blmoon and Witchone both have given good advice and have insight. I do know that you wanting it and him are two different things. So you can only control you and you could not control him when you were married and so now will be almost impossible. I will say that I think that all the stress from my divorce caused my cancer and so I suggest that you try to not let it get to you. I had surgery a couple weeks ago and hopefully they got it all. Stress is a strong power so recongnize it. Blmoon and Witchone I would love for you to do a reading for me. New year not going well, yet still thankful for what i do have. won't know outcome of surgery for a couple months so stressed over that. Of course my love interest born 10jun64 came back in my life and now is doing the don't want to hurt you, not sure it could work out (he's never been married) and I am lonely, sad, worried/scared and need to know if my love life, finances, health will impove and if I should consider relocating, going back to school. My birthdate is 26feb61. Happy New year to all. love and light.



  • Olivebranch...you will be in my thoughts and prayers!



  • Brad has been as miserable as I have in this marriage, I filed for divorce as much for his emotional well being as well as mine, Brad was adamant that he did not want to spend that much time with him. I have always been the one who spends time with him...I have done all the father stuff...fishing, going swimming at the river, playing basketball, Brad taught me how to through a football so we could just pass it back and forth. Because Roger does not want too. I have pillow fights with him and friends ( Roger comes in and yells at of us too stop) because he does not know how to have fun unless he is drinking or something else..( which I put a stop to 12 years ago...which has a tremendous amount of resentment from Roger to me. we have gone to counseling numerous times...I did intervention12 years ago when I realized how much he hiding from me...he was in rehab for 9 months. I have tried for years to get him on antidepressants because I know it would change every ones lives! But he refuses...to admit he is depressed! There has been years of empty promises from Roger.

    Thank you for your reply...and advise!



  • I wish you the strength to get over the hump because you will see better times before this new year winds out. As a psychic I am particularly drawn to the mentaly ill and the people affected by them. It is my special calling. I've been a caretaker many years. I know the success stories and I know the stories well that don't go happy but must be let go of to preserve one's own health and sanity. I only share this with you so you know you are not alone. You've done all you can spirit says and just keep taking it a day at a time. Your husband has never really been treated properaly--he is more than just depressed. He goes both ways and it takes a dilligent qualified phsychiatrist to give him indepth care to find the right meds. It takes many hit and misses sometimes because each person responds differently.. I know people who go years getting wrong meds from family doctors and it just scratches the surface OR doctors prescribe narcotics that make it worse. You are very right to say he needs medication. You cannot force him--you can only give him real boundries that encourage a choice but unfortunetly the nature of his illness blinds him--it really is not his fault or yours. So tragic these illnesses. Our society does not provide enough care and education. Too many people suffer rather than be labeled "crazy" because our society has little compassion for mental illness--it is physical just like any other illness but in the brain. I see your husband will get another chance at help--I see the number five so it may mean 5months--something will happen and he will be hospitalized--but nothing seriouse--his mental health will be questioned. When this time comes pray for the right doctor to be there. In fact you can start visualizing this event like a prayer--see the whole process and see him being ready. Again, spirit does send reasurance of better days that should start becoming visible by summer. You are watched over by many who guide you--despite your heavy weight to carry you have always felt the strength of something higher and that will never change.



  • Blmoon....are you still there?



  • Almost ready for bed but just checking in.



  • I am overwhelmed with emotion right now ...you have true gift and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so generous with it and sharing your insight.

    can I speak with you on Thur.

    I am in USA ...in VA it is about 6 hour difference...I am going to bed. leave me a message and let know when you are there and a good time for us to chat. Thank you so much Blmoon!



  • we must have been writing at the same time!



  • I am in the same time zone and check my posts daily as often as spirit moves me. If there's another message we will find each other.



  • i am dealing with a pretty similar situation. My soon to be X is making things difficult my first lawyer like yours did nothing he promised. I ended up firing him and getting a new lawyer. Chris also drank and used drugs and my new lawyer ordered a hair follicle test which came back positive, yet he lost visitation of my 3 year old daughter only until he had a 2nd test that came back negative. Since then the court has ordered him to take hair follicle tests every 3 months, he is not allowed to drive with my daughter in the car if she is in the car another adult has to drive. Just recently they ordered a breathalyzer installed in his home which he uses 4 times a week. But the courts have still maintained the i have my daughter one week and he has her the other custody schedule. We had to sell our house on a short sale because he stopped paying the mortgage, and he took all of the marital assets with him, he won't let me have anything. He pays nothing for the care of my child except half of her preschool but refuses to pay health coverage for her. I even has to call DSS on him because she reported he had left her alone in his apartment one night. He seems to lie his way out of everything and i look like the evil one. My lawyer now is wondering if we should go to trial which is already scheduled. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, The system is flawed and these guys know that if they make things tough on us there is a good chance we will give in. Don't let him win, your divorcing him for a reason you need to do what is right for you and your son, he can't control you anymore and that is what he is trying to do .... don't let him! and Good luck


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