Out With The old and In With The new-- Ever need Change After A Break-up?



  • I was wondering has anybody ever needed to change after they broke-up-- or dumped-- or was dumped?

    I broke up with my guy about 2 months ago and I'm in a slump. Not a meeting new people slump but with myself. I wasthinking full turn-around. New make-up, new hair, new clothing-- THE WORKS! Get me all tippy toed for the new year.

    Does doing "THE WORKS" work? Or do you just spend a ton of money and still stay in the same slump???



  • I think it depends on how big of a slump your in. Just feeling little "blah"? Then some " me" time will definitely help. If you are depressed though, a new haircut will not help( but at least you' ll good).

    Try the makeover, you deserve it. Still feeling down , find a good therapist.



  • I'm in the same slump! Broke up with my bf 2 months ago as well.

    I have cut my hair, bought new clothes, and make up, while keeping myself busy getting all these things and feeling less frumpy,that makes me feel better, but I am still feeling down. I am hopeful that it will get better and then I will really enjoy the new stuff.



  • I don't need therapist --lol-- I don't think anyway. I feel restless. Like-- I want something new, something exciting. I feel like a change. I dunno.

    It's a woman thing I think. I know it sounds vain and shallow but I have long straight hair and I was thinking of a cut. I was thinking along the lines of "new do" = "new me". Like I said change the hair, the make-up, the clothing. I'm not frumpy --lol-- but I have a cute figure now (got better after my divorce --lol-- my ex always makes jokes that since we've got divorced I never looked better! --lol--)

    I love my hair but I was thinking a change would do me some good. shake things up a bit. I just don't want to change what's been working for me. My BGF suggested it over a McDonalds Pow-Wow. Starbucks WAS our usual haunt but because of the HIGH calories (FYI the calories in a drink is out of control-- almost 4 points for a drink!!!) we go to Subway or Micky D's. I am addicted to the South West Salad with NO chicken or dressing just the lime and chips.

    Anyway she suggested a new-do and had a really cute photo of one (to boot, the girl kinda looked like me in that she has my skin, eye, hair color and looked good with it. I work with a guy I'm friends with for many years and when I showed him the photo he was like "NOOOOOO" NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR-- MEN HATE SHORT HAIR!

    I know this is such a silly thread. I don't mean to sound vain or pathetic --lol--. I just was wondering if anybody ever needed a change and if it worked.

    When my exhubby and I broke up I went nuts. I hit the gym and got myself on a diet like a mad woman. I felt great. I lost 30 pounds in 14 weeks on WW. The change in my life with just losing weight was amazing!!!!! I have my ex realizing he made a mistake (i'll never take him back) my boss moved me up to a great position, my kids were happy becasue I was happy and my out look became soooo positive.

    I guess I'm just looking for another boost like that.

    Hmmmm--

    Happy New Year All!



  • Change is good. Enhancing what you already have might not be a bad idea. Maybe go get a facial and new makeup application. Every year they come out with new colors to try..so try some new combinations. Perhaps a trim on your hair will liven it up? Maybe a clothes shopping trip to add some new clothes? Enjoy your new happiness. I think sometimes we get so caught up in the issues..that we forget what it's like to be happy and enjoy every day like we should. Enjoy today and Happy New Year!



  • well if it worked for you before, then it would work again

    you said you hit the gym and all that after your divorce, so you can hit the gym again now to make you feel better at least and a bonus: get healthier.

    I wasn't dumped or anything, but I guess it's about the same thing happened. Was going to settle down with a Scorp, but he disappeared. A month went without news, I dropped him and confided in a friend who was a Cap. Got married 8 months later, been 9 yrs married now, no regret. I didn't have much money for make over at the time, because I also lost my job on the same week. But my Cap was really supportive I didn't need anything else to comfort me so I guess you can consider talking to supportive friends can help you through it too.



  • I am in the same position, only I was the dumped after 11 yrs for younger verison of me!! trying all the same things new clothes, hair cut, makeup etc, and it will take time, (only 4 mnths for me) I will keep trying, but hard to move forward, will myself to do so and I can feel a little better as the days pass,



  • Maybe the inside needs an overhaul. You gotta let yourself heal and see where things went awry so you can change whatever needs to be changed.



  • Missmarie9- OMG! Let me tell you! I found out 2 weeks AFTER I made the decission to break up with him that he had been "talking" to a younger female co-worker for months. He had been "talking to her and asking for advice" on how to save our marriage. I wanted to screeeeeeeem bloody murder!

    I went and got a look at her and decided that-- yes she was younger BUT I have something SHE does not -- the "IT" factor. Oh, and FYI ANYBODY can have the "IT" factor. I decided in my verrrrry early 20's that I was going to become one cute, fierce, bitchy woman and that was what I did. Then comes marriage, babies, bills--- ahhhh just life gets in the way. I had tucked my "IT" in the closet.

    You see "IT" is an attitude. I mean it's hard to be overweight and dressed like a slob and have "IT"-- and I am sorry I don't care what people say. This will get me shot and killed I know but here I go--

    I have been up and down on the scale my whole life. At the low end I was underweight at the high end up to 65 pounds overweight and I don't care what anybody tells you I WAS ALWAYS HAPPIEST WHEN I LOOKED GOOD AND WAS HEALTHY.



  • Ooops.. Don't know what happend there. Anyway It was only AFTER I had something happen that "triggered" my head into feeling sad or sorry for myself then I would let myself go.

    When I look on TV and I see these beautiful women who are 100/200 pounds overweight saying they feel great and love themself I know better. 65 pounds is not 100 BUT it is overweight. Also I know they have to feel tired and run down and older than they are.

    BUT you can't look good for anybody but you. YOU have to make your self happy then the rest will follow-- like my ex. I laugh all the time and tell him he should call Miss Hot Pants and ask her for some more marriage advice seeing how her advice has worked soooooo well for him already --lmao!--

    The BEST revenge is to look good and be happy and show you don't need him or anybody, just you and your kids, Or if no kids--- then just you.

    LeoScorpion Ahhhh I love your story gives me hope for the future! I am So tired of kissing frogs!



  • Oh Missmarie I don't know if your overweight you could be as skinny as a rail for all I know. I was just using the weight because for me that was my issue. If you have the "it" factor than you can ride over a girl 20 years your junior. TRUST ME.

    My ex's little Miss Hot Pants is 10 years younger and the best, for me, was when one of my husbands friends asked his friend if I was officially single now because he had wanted to ask me out for years but knew I was married. My ex got wind of it and called me up and went nut's. telling me how silly he'd look down at the club -- to which, yes, I am still a member and so is he! --lmao!-- He's not leaving anytime soon and I'll stay just to prove a point. Even though I can't stand at least over half their phoney "Keep up with the Jonses" a$$es!

    There's a great song called "Now I'm That B&tch" I love it. Run to it everyday, over and over. I hit repeat on my ipod. Makes me think and smile. Always remember YOU had him first. SHE gets YOUR scraps. Try not to think of it the other way around.

    Yeah we women get traded in--- but just remember an old toy on ebay costs twice more than most new ones.

    I say tap into your inner "it" and drop that B&tch up like some sorry old immitation Barbie doll you get in the drugstore VS. the real one you know you are. You came first-- your not the drugstore Barbie YOU'RE the Toys R Us B&itch Barbie!

    Always remember the BEST is to live well and look damn good doing it! Oh and if your not in the best money shape--- square that away too. THAT KILLS THEM! My ex goes batty over that one.



  • OH and to everybody-- I went to Home Depot bought paint and painted the kitchen and bathroom-- myself!

    Looks--- ummmm--- well, if you look close you can tell I can't cut for beans BUT the change is refreshing!

    It's a start.



  • Birdee-- I have poseted like a million times I know but one more wont hurt. Your right about what you said. My breakup with my ex husband took about a year and I did realize what went wrong. I let myself go, I was 100% my kids and the house. I didn't make my husband feel "special" and with some reflection I did see how I jumped on him the second he would come home from work.

    Or, for instance when I came home from work and the house was a mess I'd flip out. So, in turn he also was inconsiderate at times, not helpful, assumed I could and would do everything. I acted like his mother and then he grew to be content with that and expected it.

    I figured him for a mind reader. BIG mistake. I assumed he knew I needed help and just didn't care, when he'd say something like "why don't you just ask"? I would jump on him and say something like "HELLO! Cant you just tell???"

    We never cheated on each other but sometimes words hurt more than actions. Especially if the words are screamed during a fight.

    There comes a point where somebody decides that they had enough-- in my case it was me. My ex said so many hurtful things that he pushed me to a point I can't forget. I can forgive one day but the thought is always there.

    He told me he said it all out of fustration and anger and I believe him but I can't have the fighting around my kids. Children live what they learn.

    Your post was right birdee-- when I looked at myself it did hurt to realize-- and I had to make those changes about myself first. He noticed those changes and so did my kids. And that was where my transformation started.



  • it must be something in the air. i was seeing a man for the past 6 mths and then all of a sudden he quit calling and taking my calls. i have been in a slump for the past couple of weeks. i was questioning myself of what did i do wrong and i finally found the answer, i was too available. he never had to wonder what i was doing, everytime he called i answered, everytime he wanted to come by i was available, if i was in the middle of something i stopped doing what i was doing to accomodate him. everyone kept telling me to stop being so available and let him wonder what i was doing, but i thought that was playing games and i am not into that. now i realize maybe i should have. it seems as though while i was involved with him men were coming out of the woodwork trying to strike up a conversation, but now that i guess i have been dumped.... nothing. i have been here before and i say do the makeover not only will you feel better but it will give you a boost of confidence. when you look good, you feel good.



  • I have been dumbed too it Was a 5 years relationship got engaged then about 2 months ago I found out I got pregnant and that's where he went crazy asked me to chose between him or the abortion and you can guess what I ended up doing so he left, only thing is I can't seem to move on I'm so sad all the time and I tried everything makeover and all no use it's been a month and a half now so god bless you if it worked for you that's great I'm so proud of you cause I know it's hard to move on but I'm hoping theres other ideas out there on how to deal with this.



  • every time i go through a breakup i do the same thing. I think its because i want to feel beautiful and attractive. It gets me back up and going and its helps when your ready to see new people. So get all dolled up and walk with you head held high girl.



  • well out of nowhere mr. decided to call, i was not thrilled like i used to be to hear his special ring come from my phone. i didnt stay on the phone long, now i am thinking i may just be over him and the whole situation.



  • He called? wow. Did he do the "I want you back dance"? Or was it the "let me feel her out and see how mad she is" one?

    The most important thing is that HE called YOU. That puts you in control of the situation.

    good luck!



  • moon beauty.... it was more of the lets see if she is mad routine. i gave no sign that i was heated but i was very dry in my conversation. he claimed he would call me back, he didnt. i started to call him but decided against it., i dont want him to think i am chasing him in any way.



  • I would do the same thing. I am A VERY firm believer that if they want you they'll come after you. Just be warned they may not always come after you. It would seem my guy is not following after me and I don't want anybody to feel as bad as I do.

    Everytime I feel myself want to cave and call him I tell myself "If he wants you he'll come and get you". I hope I'm right.

    Keep me posted!


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