All I do is cause pain.
Tis is more of a cry for help. I seem to always do nothing but cause pain. No matter what good I do it always seems to turn around on me and hurt someone. Especially the ones I love. I need some insight please. This is a very intense and emotional subjec for me. I understand this post may be ignored or even just wrote off but I really need some advice or help..... If ou have any questions just ask. I feel Im just doomed probaly close to death, and alone.
Sometimes it seems like everything we do is wrong and causes pain, but it is never actually the case. Please tell me what is causing you so much grief and we can talk about it. Please don't feel doomed and close to death or alone, tell me what is happening and we'll talk it through.
Everything. Ive alienated myself from everyone. I havnt found one person I feel I can trust or be around without doubting or putting myself down. I always think something is going on around me but noone will ever discuss things with me, they only hint. I feel death is around the corner and people that are supposably close to me are behind it. I feel crazy! As well as my mom and I fight alot because of this. When I become hopeless I ask questions and it ends in a very emotionally draining confritation. I know Im not wrong, i dont know how but I know. Ive always been a significant stress factor in my whole family's life. Bit as a result of the early days in life I never give myself a chance. Its always so dang confusing. Not knowing which way is up sometimes. Theres so much more to this story which I really wouldnt like to share, but I was hopeing maybe a clarfoyant or very intuitive person could give me an answer, even though an answer isnt always what we want to hear. Im always giving the same excuse by people I love, ehich hurts alot. But in thoer eyes im the one who has no love. Its hard not to boubt yourself when just about everyone else is against you.
I think you are being far too hard on yourself. There is something and I dont' know what, but something that has happened in the past that hurt you deeply and caused you to doubt yourself and treat yourself negatively. I feel you are your harshest critic and that no one could put you down more than yourself. I feel you need to stop being so hard on yourself and stop worrying about what you think everyone else thinks of you. You are giving your power away.
I feel you need to focus more on yourself here, focus on your own inner healing. I feel your hopelessness comes more from how you make yourself feel MORE SO than how others make you feel but it would be good to distance yourself from anyone who makes you feel less than. Stay away from them as much as possible and the situations that make you feel insignificant.
Serious, you need to work on things that make you feel good. You need to be kind to yourself, find little ways each day to treat yourself with more kindness and compassion, stop beating yourself up. Every time you have a negative thought, follow it up with a positive thought. Tell yourself everyday good things about yourself and what a good person you are. Unless you can start to find some good in yourself and see it for yourself, then no one else will either.
I'm sorry, it's really late here and I probably haven't been much help, but I have called in some the cavalry and asked some others to come on and give you some insight. Don't give up, hang in there.
I forgot to say, you won't find love until you learn to love yourself first. Please I feel the universe is trying hard to send you the message that it is about YOU now, not everyone else and what they think.
serious7 do you live at home with your mom or are you living apart from the family? I don't know what is going on but you would have to give me a little more back ground as where you are in your life. Married with children or living with someone. I don't have enough and I think you are going to have to help anyone out a little bit more really. Maybe someone else can pick up something I can't help at this point. But I am sure one of us will be in here to help you. Peace and harmony your an air sign too and I know Gemini's are very strong even battling your other self.
I'm not psychic, but I would like to do a tarot reading for you, if you're interested. Please let me know if you would like me to try ... You've already received some great advice here, but I have gone through some of what you're talking about here and would like to help.
You can't do this on your own. Even if you pull yourself out of this episode you will be back same old same old. You are right to feel it isall too much and your problem has become other's problem and you can't see how you can possibly love yourself and be this person of conflict and pain (you've had enough!). What if it really is not all your fault? What if you have a mental illness--imulses out of whack in your brain and if you could get a good doctor and recieve treatment you could be on medication that really works and your life would change dramaticaly. The world is full of succesful and well functioning people who battle mental illness. It is very treatable. You are too paralized by depression at the moment and your perspective is tainted by that. Looking through dark glasses no wonder all you see of yourself is distorted and dark dark. You need help. Reach out beyond the usual. Do something different this time. When you are ready for real change you must do something different otherwise it would not change. You must take care of yourself in a loving nurturing way. First stop with any bad thoughts about yourself. This is a bad energy that spins its wheels fast down a dark road--no good can come of it. First get your energy up. More lights on--get outdoors more--listen to upbeat music--move around enough to work up a sweat--watch favorite funny movies--hook up with a friend that makes you laugh--get out of your head! Once you do this the next move will come to you--you will know what you need to do and once you make that move all kinds of help and guidence will come to you. Blessings on your New Year.
I can relate with everything you are going through. I have had to distance myself from those that I love because of the high standards they have set for me that I just can't live up to. That is what causes the strain in my relationships. All these years, all I could hear was what they all thought of me or what they thought I should be doing....blah, blah, blah. My head was so full of "THEIR" voices, that I couldn't hear my own. My rebelling against their "advice" and going off on my own is what tees them off. Just want to say, it's not you. All you want is to follow your own heart, but no one is willing to give you the option. I know. Time to break away and do the things YOU want to do, regardless if they think it is selfish or not. Someday, hopefully, they will understand.
Yall. I have no words how I feel right now that can describe my gratitude. Libra, as Ive said before I am empathic And I feel all I pick up on is the negativity of people instead of the positive. And it is a direct result of/and on myself. Yes I do live with my mom, and my past with her was very unpleasant. It is the first time back at home in 5 years. LSM that would be ok by me if youd like to try. The advice Ive gotten from yall has been very uplifting and very emotional. There is so much more to me then I allow myself to be. And my mom has put up alot with me, I get alot of my strength from her. I just forget as well people have to vent and its not allows going to be positive wods. Ive been through a vey long and dark road, just as many have. I guess ive always felt alone and never had any real trust.
I've answered Wenchie's call for help and hope I actually can be of help to you. Reading posts from others, including Wenchie, I agree with what's been said so far.
The main thing I get for you though, is that you are at a period of endings and getting rid of all those things which don't serve you, including people. Your feelings of mistrust are more towards yourself BUT having said that, there is some sort of two-sided behaviour going on behind your back. It's not as bad as you may suspect, but those you feel you can't trust, really can't be trusted, if that makes any sense. You are not going crazy; you are simply realising that in freeing yourself of all that drags you down, you face a period of aloneness while you think seriously about what you really want out life. This period will feel strange because you’re used to being surrounded by others, even if they don’t enhance your life or have your best interests at heart.
I feel you're someone who doesn't ask much from people, yet you have demands, which are often unrealistic, placed on you that you try to meet even at your expense. You know this has to stop, but feel you’re in a bit deep to change this behaviour. Well, you’re not. You are free to choose who you help and when and how much you do. Remember it is not your job to save people. Lending an ear and a shoulder is often all that’s needed. If anyone asks why you’re not as “available” as you have been, you can simply tell them that you’re tired and need someone to be available for you for once. Those who care about you will hear what you have to say and stick by you. I can see you coming out of this with only about two people from your original circle sticking by you, but these two people will be lifelong companions and confidantes. I don’t get that these two are related to you either.
I also feel your family has let you down outrageously in the past; judging you unfairly and expecting you to be the fall guy, so to speak. Now is the time to extricate yourself from this ball and chain situation. I have experienced similar in my own life, and I would like to extend to you the same mantra I’ve adopted: biology isn’t always best. As hard as it can be, if your family and relatives don’t support who you are and what you want, then they are not worth your efforts and time. Ask yourself this: would you pick any members of your family and/or relatives as friends? That should ease your doubts there I hope.
It’s time for you to help yourself; this period is all about YOU. I do know how frightening this can be to face, but you’ll be the one who will come out at the end of it able to sleep well at night, smile like you mean it and live a true and authentic life. That’s worth more than having the company of those who do little more than emotionally drain you, don’t you think?
You won’t be alone for long my friend. I totally agree with what Blmoon says above: you can’t (and won't) do this alone. I do get a sense that something is out of whack in you, whether it’s chemical or merely a physical imbalance, but it’s throwing you out some. Do you get pain in the centre of your back a lot? I keep getting that you have a hip out of place or one leg slightly shorter than the other which causes you some backaches. Or possibly mild scoliosis. I’m also feeling some sort of turbulence in your poor tummy! This could be anxiety, but I get that you suffer heartburn and nausea quite a bit lately. This could be Christmas over-indulgence, but I think you’ve had this going on for a few months on and off. Peppermint tea can help with this, but pop along to the doctor and get a checkup. Get your bloods done and hormones checked as well. Rule out all possible physical contributing factors, then you will know which way to go from there. Don’t think that modern medicine can’t help you here. Sometimes the old bod needs a bit of man-made help to get itself back on track, so don’t think you’re letting yourself down spiritually if you can’t help yourself with natural remedies aloe.
Some reiki healing should do the trick for you, as well as a reputable naturopath. You need some sort of tonic, your body needs straightening out (in a manner of speaking) and your whole self needs rest and a break from worrying about everyone else in your life. And you need a pet: something you can stroke of a night, if you don’t already have one. A nice little kitten would be good for you, or even a rabbit.
I see you sharing your future time and space with quite a few animals, and some select people who have been hand-picked by you very carefully. You will not make the same mistakes that have contributed to where you are now ever again. This lesson has been a very hard one for you, but you have learned from it, and will continue to reap the benefits of this new knowledge. You are learning the all important skill of picking people to have in your life who will make it better, and you will be glad for this tough lesson, given a few months.
I can’t tell you not to feel afraid, but just remind yourself that nothing truly worthwhile ever comes without risk, some fear and/or some sorrow. And stop biting your nails ... or at least, don’t start! You get so angry with yourself when you do that. Go and get some acrylic ones put on this instant so you aren’t tempted
Now I want to hear that you’ve soaked in a nice long bath, ignored the phone and other irritating interruptions on your peace and that you feel just that bit better for it. You owe it to yourself. And don’t worry: you won’t get selfish. You don’t know how to be selfish. You just need to distribute yourself a bit more evenly than you have been.
I hope all this ranting has helped you some, and apologise if some of it makes no sense at all! I do feel a great deal of sympathy towards your situation, and relate to a fair degree to what you’re going through.
I, too, will be facing life alone in a matter of days and to say I’m not the least bit scared would be a fat lie. I’m afraid, doubtful that I’m doing the right thing, etc, etc, but when I think about what I truly want in life, and what brought me to this decision, I know I’m not doing the wrong thing by me.
So let’s both take a deep breath, search deep inside and pull out that courage we know is there inside ourselves and go and face this world-gone-mad with guns blazing! You’ll come out of this like a warrior my friend, and one day, we just might get to sparr some, you and I. 300, eat your heart out!! (I sure hope you've seen that movie ... otherwise you'll think I'm a bit of a d*ckhead!!)
Good luck, happy new year, and many, many blessings go your way. Please let me know how you go.
Take care of YOU my friend. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
That's supposed to say: "natural remedies aloNe" not aloe ... though aloe vera is very good stuff ...
You are not alone my dear...you have family here and we LOVE YOU! Unconditionally!!! Your family here will support you in any way we can, whether that be through readings, insight, guidance, prayers or to just be a life jacket to protect you from sinking into the dark abyss until you find your footing and can walk on solid ground.
"Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working 24 hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force."
"One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself sufficiently often, whether the statements be true or false. It comes to be a dominating thought in one's mind."
"Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change."
These are just a few of the quotes that have great meaning to me that I have posted around my desk as reminders to myself. Each one has such a powerful meaning and is so very true! It starts with you my dear! Make the choice for your dominating thoughts to be of a positive nature, start a list of all your good qualities and traits, things you have to be thankful for and of all the good you have in your life. Don't worry about how long or short it is, just start it and add to it daily and keep it nearby or with you so the you can add to it everytime you think of something or something good happens or to just have it handy to remind you of all the good in times of despair! And yes, good things will and do happen to you everyday, we just sometimes are blind to them because we are in a place where we are consumed by negativity and despair! It may sound sorta silly I know, but you will find yourself amazed when you read over it and feel the warmth that comes over you.
Focus on YOU and all the positives! Don't allow or give power to others negativity or to make you doubt your self worth or your place in this universe! You are a unique and special part of the universe and most of all, you are loved, so love yourself so the universe can manifest love through your being! It starts within you my dear, you have to love yourself first! You have the strength within you to have all the good and love in your life that you desire!
I don't know the specifics nor will I pretend to know what is going on in your life, but I just want you to know that I am thankful that you are part of our tarot family! We are here to love, support and help each other...all you have to do is ask and we are here for you to help in anyway we can. I will be praying for you my dear!
Much love, Peace and Blessing to you
serious7 I am sorry that I have had a hard time with you today but honestly I am having a tough week and this moon isn't helping at all. I have to make choices myself right now and working on patience and this isn't the easiest week. Thank goodness it's the last one this year. I think once I get past this week I will doing better. I am rattled and I know why and I just have to let go and let all the puzzle pieces come into place. I think this could be what a lot of us are experiencing right at this time. You have very good back up and what Chris is saying feels right to me and I hope she hit it on the head. I haven't read what anyone else has told you because of the day I have had I am not able to concentrate on it very well. Peace and harmony Airy one. Love and Light
The game of "All I do is cause pain" is something all healers get to come across one or more times in their life. It stirs itself up in the healer when the other person can't have the communication that the healer is sharing. The healer then tries to "read" what the other person is feeling which is pain due to the button the healer has pushed.
Since we've grown up in a society that is mostly unconcious instead of the person receiving the communication looking within to see what they may want to take a look at they blame the healer for the communication. After years of this occuring it builds quite the big backlog of the feeling energy and the healer walks around with the energy of blame, shame and guilt.
Forgive yourself, others and let go of the energy that holds you.
Wishing you peace and freedom in the New Year.
Chris, Danr, Libra, and cancer THANK yall. First chris You are spot on about my pains. I always thought it was due to posture but You are right about one leg shorter than the other. Danr It isnt easy but it is what needs and is going to happen. Libra I hope your week turns around and I know it will. :). Cancer your definatly right. I take all of whom I cared for and thier troubles and make them mine. Even ones I wasnt ready for. And I have a question. Do I give off femine energy? So much is going through my mind it crazy. Im learning to remember
sorry it took me a bit of time to get back to you. I just finished your reading and it echoes much of what has been said already, but here are my two cents anyway:
Your energy has been stagnating due to influences in your environment. The negativity has been building up in your system without a proper release or input of new, positive energy to clear it up. This is why you feel depressed, confused, etc. I suspect when you try and discuss issues with others, this is your way of taking out the trash, so to speak. Those who may have dumped on you may not be so willing to receive the same. This is not to say they are bad people- as others said, they may be unconcious of their own issues. However, there is no need to suffer. You've gotten some great help here - as a new member I'm impressed with the show of support on this forum! I agree that it's time to focus on yourself. The spread shows that although you have received some hard knocks, you are much stronger than you may even realize. You are going through a very intense spiritual house cleaning/ transformation. This is something that is difficult, yet necessary- surrender and embrace the experience, with all the turmoil, fear, confusion, hope, strength, excitement- they are all part of the process so live it up! You can do this! The cards confirm what Cancerrising stated- you will come out of this as a warrior! Also, be on the lookout for a passionate yet sensitive man who may be of some assistance. He might be a cancer or another water sign.
FYI I used the thoth deck and an ellipse spread. Here are the cards:
past: 8 cups indolence
present: 3 cups abundance
future: knight cups
solution: 9 wands strength
external influences: 8 swords interference
internal influences: the tower
outcome: queen wands
The strength card strikes me as a clear sign that in spite of everything you have the ability to face this situation head on and come through as a queen
I'm relatively new to reading the cards for others, so I hope that you take my reading as friendly advice. As I said before, I don't have psychic abilities like others on this site, but I wanted to help becuase i've been through the things you described. I've felt like I was losing my mind, like I ruin everything, like the world was spinning upside down. I have had a very difficult relationship with my mother and my whole family really. I'm currently in the process of distancing myself from my blood, so to speak. It's hard, but worth it. I also realized recently I am empathetic though I don't have a hold on my abilities yet. Have you tried meditation? It helps to ground me, especially if I use visualization techniques. Also, check out this website : http://www.eliselebeau.com/empathResources.php
they have some good tips for empaths on there too
I think someone mentioned this already, but I just wanted to remind you there is some crazy stuff going on now astrologically speaking ... So that might be adding fuel to the fire. But these influences pass so stat grounded till the storm lets up!
as for feminine energy- I'd say yes because I assumed you were a girl! Random question: are you thin with dark hair? I think you may have been in my dream last night
hope that helps! Best of luck to you! Have a beautiful new year!
serious7 yes you do give off a femine energy but I know your a male. Your definitely in touch. IBut your Spiritual alchemy is Yang predominate like mine.
feminine is what I meant and I separated from my family along time ago. And was much happier for it. It was the best gift I could give myself.