Can't figure where I stand



  • three years ago my high school sweetheart contacted me after loosing track of each other for 48 years. The last time I saw him was at his wedding. In 1962. He had 3 kids and divorced her twice. Anyways he contacted me he lives 600 miles away and I have went out to see him several times. He finally got around to tell me he was married and has attempted to end our relationship several times but keeps coming back. My marriage was not a good one but I stuck it out for 34 years. I have 2 kids. When I met him in the resturant on thankgiving day in 2006 I took my granddaughters with me to meet him. I was so nervous. He had his wife with him.

    I love him with all my heart he says he has loved me all these years. Maybe he has maybe he hasn't. He says he don't love her he just married her so he wouldn't be alone. But I find no record of their marriage. He lives in Colorado. We have been to bed together. many times.

    I was going to move out there as it is time for me to have a life of my own. The last e-mail I got from him was very loving and begging me to come visit him again. But then he tells me he has moved his computer into the living room and it will be harder to write to me as she might see him. That has been 7 days ago. I want so badly to write to him, but I am stubborn and I am going to wait just to see just how long it takes him to get around to writing me. I love him so very very much. It is a love I have never felt before. But he won't leave her due to her health. So I am trying to decide if I am wasting my time. I am 64 and my time to start a new life is fast coming to an end. I am still a very healthy active, sexy lady. Don't guess I expect anyone to have any suggestions for me, just basically venting how I feel, but if anyone has something to suggest I would be more than happy to hear from anyone. I am so lonely without him, I miss his sexy love letters. It is tearing me apart. But I am not picking up and moving to a strange town and take the chance he will decide he is tired of this affair. I really don't know what to do.

    Thanks,

    Barbara



  • Sounds like this guy is just full of different excuses for not leaving his wife. I think he likes having the both of you around. If you can give me both your birthdates, I can do a deeper analysis of your compatibility and personalities.



  • Pisficker - wow, I don't have any real advice for you, except that I think it is really cool that you still have an active sex life at age 64. Well. actually I do have some advice. It is the same advice that I give everyone. Date other people. It will make you feel better and more confident. And Confidence is sexy. Your guy will pick up on it and he will probably be more accommodating to you. Also, move if you want a fresh start but don't move to the same town as him, just nearby(unless it it a big city) and make sure there are plenty of single men for you to date.



  • To the Captain,

    Thank you for your input. My birthday is March 17, 1945 his is Feb 25. 1942 will welcome any advice

    thanks so much



  • Pisficker, you two can be extremely close yet still not get along well on a day-to-day basis. There is a marked tendency in the relationship for you to pull back from each other and retreat into your own private worlds. You can gain great satisfaction from being together, yet at the same time can experience great loneliness when your needs are not being met. Part of the problem is that both of you have a deep need for each other's attention, which you simply take for granted most of the time, not noticing how much you count on it until it is withdrawn. You are extremely sensitive to each other's disapproval, which in certain cases can be wielded as a powerful weapon to gain the ascendancy.

    A love affair is emotionally complex. You two can be tremendously irritated by each other but may also show deep vulnerabilities, leading to pain and hurt. Extremely loyal, you are proud of each other's achievements and steadfast in your support for each other. Interconnections and mutual dependencies often guarantee that you will stay together, although not necessarily in the greatest harmony or psychological health. In the marital and professional spheres, you can be extremely effective in setting up and running a business, a family or both. As a couple, you have strong nurturing qualities, with accompanying domestic and maintenance skills contributing to a stable and efficient home base. On another side of the relationship, however, your accepting and overly generous qualities can lead you into being taken advantage of by freeloading types. A friendship is often pleasure-seeking, relaxed but also devoted to spiritualized, religious or new-age pursuits. Such relationships do best when you both are free to withdraw for periods of time, without fearing accusations and without arousing feelings of rejection. ADVICE: Be more selective about who you invite in. Give each other the breathing space you both need. Beware of using disapproval as a weapon.



  • PART TWO:

    You Pisficker must release your need for material security. Your creative strengths and natural gifts may be so pronounced that it will be hard for you to hold yourself back from expressing yourself. You will experience your share of ups and downs in life, especially if you neglect to nurture your talents or try to appear 'normal' when you are in fact anything but. If you don't share your talents with the world, you could live with unfulfilled expectations. You must spend less time pondering philosophy or abstract notions of the meaning of life and more time examining your inner workings. If you can balance these two attitudes, you will find success. Your best partner will be someone who is unconventional, unusual or original in some way. You may have to grapple with other people's disapproval or discouragement over your lifestyle choices but you need to find an authentic personal way of expression.

    Your friend can sometimes be far too passive and has to learn to become a creative problem solver. Generating a positive can-do attitude will balance any tendency to be aloof, self-pitying and negative. Having an elusive, mysterious, even ethereal quality can make life more difficult for this highly sensitive and emotional person. He must develop more practical and effective ways to achieve what he wants. If he can bring his expectations in line with reality, he will be much less dissatisfied with his life. Cultivating more objectivity and releasing an irresponsible side will be important as will the willingness to simply toughen up a bit and refuse to allow his insecurities to get the best of him. He has a great desire to do good and to place himself in the service of others but must not allow himself to be exploited because of this. In his early life, love affairs were shortlived and highly passionate but rarely productive or meaningful in the long run. Due to his romanticism and sensitivity, it was generally him and not his partners who ended up most devastated from the breakups. Ultimately, he will become adept at forming mature relationships based on mutual respect and give-and-take, rather than falling for more idealistic and less realistic choices that only leave him alone.


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