Insight needed...thank you
My son is 19 years old....I have supported the roll his Dad's new wife held and made sure my Son understood that he was to be respectful of her...I fought for custody twice and lost. I know at first you're thinking I must be a bad mom, drunk? drug addict? Farther from the truth....his father and I decided since he had a better job that our son should stay with him while I got on my feet....little did I know that would change when she came into the picture....she raged war against me and still I supported her position, she drug me through the mud in court...fabricating moral situation trying to make me look horrible as her sister the laywer won the case and then went to work for my first husband and successfully getting the reversal of a custody order on a technicality and taking another of my children out of my house.....all the while I supported her and felt that karma would take care of the problem. Last year my son was a struggling 18 year old failing miserably at getting a diploma and as usual they called me to play the heavy and get him to do what he needed to do. He in fact got his diploma and they immediatley kicked him out of the house...then he enlisted in the Army....no one has given me any information regarding his plans, so I wasn't able to plan the trip to see him before he left (I live in another state, forced to take a relocation so I could support my two younger girls), then they didn't bother to tell me he was getting a two week christmas vacation so I could plan a trip...so when he was on vacation he didn't even call. Any info I got about him was off of his Stepmoms Facebook page....so the other day she says how she crying n such over him leaving and I make a comment (kinda mad) about ~sarcasm~ How nice it was to hear from "My Son" over the holidays....she immediatley removed the comment and deleted me as well as my daughter as contacts. I start to dig and I find that most of her aquaintances think that my son is hers. what to do? has she poisoned my son against me? All I ever tried to do was be supportive and hold up my obligation finacially even at the cost of being forced to relocate. Any help here? My DOB 11/19/1964....my son 8/23/1990...hers 10/08/1963
You and the ex-wife both have territorial issues - you both staunchly defend your own patches. You can both also go to emotional extremes at times. Actually you seem rather alike in the worst ways which is probably why you are so antagonistic towards each other. The ex is a very controlling type of person who has a deep need for material security. She enjoys power and prestige and is very concerned with status. Her motto is that the end justifies the means and she does not deal well with failure or its consequences. She is afraid that her unique and unconventional way of thinking will be revealed and she will be shunned socially.
It's a good move to try and develop empathy and understanding for her, hunnybunz, but sometimes your goals are unrealistic. When people get taken out of your life, it is a sign that the Universe is trying to give you more free and quiet time in which to reflect and find peace. A born romantic and fantasy-spinner, you must try to release any ties to the past or to traditional ways of doing things and come up with a different new plan. Take each day as it comes and attend to the small matters, rather than pursuing grandiose schemes and dreams.
Your son has a fear of change and, when feeling hurt, can sometimes withdraw into himself and behave like a victim. He needs to undergo a separation from family and friends in order to experience true freedom and be able to live an authentic life of his own. He is a very talented person yet may have trouble coming to terms with who he is and what he wants. He may be carrying a secret (s) that need to be publically disclosed so that he can feel free of the fear of exposure and not let secrets rule or ruin his life.
Thank you for your response.
I happen to be the ex-wife....so I'm not sure who was who in your answer. If I am supposed to be so controlling though it makes no sense why I would be supportive of her position in his life. I understand that his new wife feels insecure because she and my exhusband have no children together, she has two children from a previous marriage and their father supposedly doesn't want anything to do with them but I now am questioning in my own mind if that is the truth or if she squeezed his involvement out too.
It is not easy for me to admit how hurt this whole situation has left me...As a single mother with two children still in my household and no formal degree I think I did pretty darn good at providing over 60k in child support payments and that doesn't even include the insurance benefits I supplied.
I just really feel that if his dad and stepmother were truly interested in the childs balanced emotional condition they would support his relationship with me. It's not as if I have been abscent and only sending money, up until 5 years ago I was in the same small town....some of those people know me but it isn't me who's getting any sympathy for my son joining the armed forces....it's as if she is playing it for an attention card.....
I turly believe that ANY parent in my shoes would feel hurt and betrayed. What kid doesn't call his "Mom" on Christmas??
captain would you be able to help me with some insight as well? i am wondering about an ex, we have been broken up for 6 months but i feel like it is not over. i really want to try the relationship again. my birth date is june 6 th 1983 and his is january 17th 1984. if you could i would really appreciate some insight. thank you.
Sorry I called the other woman the ex-wife - I should have called her the stepmom. She is the controlling person I mentioned. Your relationship with your son shows astrological conflict and emotional friction between you, especially when it comes to determining his future life direction. There is an indication that you two will connect from time to time but more often than not, you will each be working on your own separate lives. Being together all the time would lead to fighting between you as you have different personalities and ideas, although you share the same strong work ethic.
Moonwomanme, your relationship works best as a friendship. It was more a learning matchup. A love affair just doesn't work very well between you.
The relationship emphasized being oneself. At least for adults, its focus was rediscovering the child within, the truly natural part of oneself. Nietzsche once defined maturity as "reacquiring the seriousness one had as a child at play," and indeed so-called responsible adults can learn a great deal about dedication to a task from children. You and your friend may have had difficulties with concentration, since you both are often so open to the newest exciting developments and diversions that come along. Your relationship was be a good teacher in this respect, and together, perhaps, you may have learned how to give your undivided attention to a job, marriage (not to each other) or other life pursuit.
You both have rollicking times in a love affair, but also quietly intimate ones. In both cases you were usually able to forget yourselves and be absorbed in the activities of the moment. True, introspection did not figure prominently here, but a person can learn a lot about themselves from watching what they do, and thus the relationship may have raised consciousness if you both were aware enough to learn.
A working relationship is grounds for learning how work and play can be related. An integrated connection between these two areas, or at least your abilities to achieve a unity or see a connection between them, is the key to success here. Success may be judged by productivity, but also by monitoring the levels alternately of stress and of happiness.
A friendship is apt to be open to and sympathetic to childlike behavior and the spirit of play, both of which receive a high priority here. Not only is the discharging of responsibilities accomplished with the same verve with which you two engage in play, but an imaginative spirit may be introduced in daily tasks to make them more palatable.
So Moonwomanme, instead of pining for what might have been (it wouldn't have) bless your friend for the lesson he taught you and move on to the next lesson and partner. Don't close yourself off to new romances.
Thank you so much for the clarification. It gives me piece of mind to know that he hasn't been poisoned by being told lies. I do want my Son to create the life he wants and I don't want to know eveything he does, but I would like to hear from him every once in a while and I would like to know how I can get ahold of him.
My adult life has seem rather turbulant until I relocated about 5 years ago....I spent about 3 1/2 years out of a intimate relationship to really learn who I am and be able to say I love myself. September of 2008 I started dating a man (DOB 7/30/64) who works for the same employer. We get along so good that I can't imagine why we wouldn't make a go of it.
Lately though I have been feeling alot of tension at the workplace where I transfered to and even today I find myself ready to throw in the towell over a comment made to me by the plant manager to make me feel like I was being punished for tatteling on someone else....yet I am the office manager and that was part of my job I thought....any feelings here on this? Because as of right now I have an interview next thursday for a company that would require me to move back to the town I transfered from 5 years ago. And if I did that would that mean an end to me and my love?
Hunnybunz and the Leo man - you two are capable of evolving fresh and new ideas. Your relationship usually focuses on following its intuitions and hunches., especially in sniffing out what could be the sweet smell of success. Together you usually concentrate on the positive and upbeat side of life, and if success is not forthcoming, you waste little or no energy on detailed analyses of failure - in fact you've probably already moved on to something new, provocative and exciting. Your relationship with this man is generally optimistic. There is little room here for naggin or negative criticism.
So he sounds like a keeper for you. See if you and he cannot work something out together where you are both happy. Perhaps you can find a new job in the same area? This year is a 6 personal year for you which means the focus is on responsibilities and obligations to the home, close friends and family, a year where you put others before yourself. It is a 4 personal year for your man which means lots of hard work and focus on career. He will want more order and structure in his life.
Thanks so much for your reply, I appreciate you taking the time to look at our charts and figure up our numerology.
I like to think of him as "Mi Vida" so it's nice to know that he really is my keeper! We have discussed marriage and I really thought I would get a proposal for Christmas and I was a little disappointed when it didn't come. But I don't want to pressure either of us to make a decision before it's time.
I don't have any interest in moving again and I just refinanced my house...I like it here so maybe its just a case of being "Burnt Out".....I just don't have the energy to give 150% to only be paid for 50% and acknowledge for 0%......