Trouble in Paradise
I'm a libra female in an intense, passionate relationship with a leo man for the last 9 months. This is a person who I had known for about several years, but not close enough to know the "inner workings" of his mind. By that I mean I did not know some of his past issues of child abuse ( he was abused) or his depression that he suffers from till we became very close.
From the beginning of the relationship things moved very quickly on his part, then somewhat quited down, as he was apparently dealing with his depression. We were very close,in the heart & mind. and many times he could read my mind at times.
In about October, he started withdrawing into himself. There was as subtle feeling as if I was under a black blanket with him. He got on Prozac but by the time he was taking it I had had enough & told him I was done with us. I was pretty mad & some of the things that I said were out of anger. Not terribly bad but very point blank as to how I felt.This was not what I had wanted to do, it was more out of anger because I didn't understand the change in him and his strange behavior. Like he was withdrawing into himself. No there wasn't another woman , as he has a hard enough time just dealing with what he has on his plate. Sadly enough I was at work & we were texting & then I texted the "breakup" as I had had enough. I realized how juvenile it was, ( we are both in our 40's) and respecting his space, I emailed a heartfelt apology to him.
Anyway, 3 weeks passed & we didn't have communication at all. The he texted me the week before Christmas. During that week we had sporadic communication, neither one of us were trying to push the issue. He says he isn't ready to talk yet, he's trying to get his head straight. So far it has been in the form of texting & emails from him.
I have respected his need to get right in life and feel if he's not happy with himself he can't be happy with anyone else. I saw a medium before this blow up happened & she saw the break up coming because I wasn't happy. She also said this will come full circle. I would like to see her again but she is about 3 hours away.
I truly love this person. The connection we had before this depression set in was very close.Much closer than I had ever had with anyone else. He is the male version of me & I am like the female version of him in many ways.
The first thing that I want him to do is get his mind straight before anything, if there is ever going to be an us again. I realize with him it is going to take time. But this texting & emails is just more of a torture to me, almost immature way of communication.
As a true libra ..we are always trying to balance the unbalanced!I am tryng to figure out where to go from here. One side of me just wants to put it on the back burner, go on with my life & just wait it out. The other side just wants to say rememebre the good times & just be done with it all.
Any input would be great. If anyone has any feelings on this I would love to hear them.
First of all I wouldn't beat myself up over the fact that you ended things by text as I'm sure things had been hashed in person and by every other means of communication many times over. It just so happened that things came to a head while you were at work. (there is no perfect time for a breakup) The breakup didn't happen suddenly...from the sounds of it this had been brewing awhile. The thing that puzzles me is that when you met him things were great, right? What was he doing or not doing during that (time) that he was able to keep his depression under management? If his depression is/was triggered by abuse as a child Prozac isn't all that is needed. Counseling in partner w/ meds' would be highly recommended, because then your not just trying to cover up the symptoms, but rather dealing with the cause. He wants the two of you to patch things up he needs to first take a proactive role in his own health-care. You can be there for him (if you're up to it) but the work can only be done by him. As far as the texting and emails being a torture to you...strike a BALANCE. Set guidelines or draw the line of communication that both parties can live with during this unsettling time. Sounds like your needing a much needed breather. He's got his prescription...Now write your own. You need space for your own well-being...Get it!
These are my thoughts. I wish you and yours the absolute best,
Thanks. I know he needs more than prozac. To be honest I think he cycles. That is why things were so great at first. I have watched the pattern now over the months. and its been rather back and forth.
I think if he was any other person I would have been gone a long time before this. As a nurse I know that prozac wasn't the right med as after more than 5 weeks things were not helping him, in fact it made it worse. I can't fix him, only he can do that.
The hardest part is I have seen the good in him, and he is a really great person but this "dark side" isn't so good, but after subjectively looking at his past it has been a repitition throughout time. I have come to realize that I am not falling into the game of what he wants when he wants to talk. This has to be a two way street if this is to even work out the rough spots.
Like I said only time will tell. Its hard to give someone your heart then take it back. Much worse its harder when they don't say its over, drop dead, I never want to talk to you. Like I said its kind of childish to leave things hanging like that. But not all are able to speak their feelings.
I told him last week I made the mistake of caring for him more than he cared about me. And his response was I dont think so,. Leaving things hanging as well.
I'll figure this out. Gotta... I'm not going to make his problem mine, but I don't want to lose him either.
Funny how you replied to my comment and now i am replying to yours... i can relate to your story, when you love someone's soul you see beyond rights and wrongs. you are right about the "only time will tell". In the meantime send him positive energies and thoughts, which is what i am doing after my relationship/engagement fell apart.
That is very strange! How often does that happen? Good luck to you. Time has made this better for me. I have actually enjoyed some of my solitude. I get alot more things done in life when I am by myself. Things were getting to unnerving for me, wondering whats wrong with him. Somethng was wrong with me for not letting it go sooner.
I feel that even if things do not go the "politically correct way"... and what is "normal".... I appreciate the good times. This is a time to take care of yourself... and pamper YOURSELF. When I put my heart & mind through the wringer its always a feel good to do something nice for myself.
If things were meant to work out.. and that is he gets his head straight.. then it'll be good. If not the problems will still be there.
Good luck to you!