• just happened to come across some pictured of him and his girlfiriend at his parents for christmas and i can't handle it. i can't handle the guilt. i thought i had come so far. but now feel like i'm back at square one.

    i've looked back so often at the the time when i met him 15 months ago. how clear it is now the way it was supposed to go. how ridiculous it is that back then it felt like too much having just gotten my dream job and the guy. i was on top of the world and took everything i had for granted. especially him. it was all about the job. i don't think i'll ever get over what i've lost. what i've let go of.

    is there a way to put this in perspective? i can't look at those pictures without knowing it was supposed to be me. it was supposed to be us! it's no coincidence i haven't got a guy since. i'll never get rid of these scars.

  • for the record i think i've known for quite some time that girl was with him but it's the first time i saw the picture evidence. i seriously doubt the pain of losing him will ever go away.

  • it takes time for one to heal of something like this, i am not going to talk about myself but beleive me i do know and understand how hurt you are feeling, destroy the picture dont keeep looking at it, if he really wanted you he would be their now job or no job, you are going thru greif and it takes some people a longer time than others, call upon the angels, for assistance tell them everything thats in your heart, write tham a letter and put it under your pillow for about six nights, remember those who right the most letters get the most replys back, dont punish yourself, it makes it more the worse for you, each day when you get out of bed ask your angels to help you with your greiving and emotional feelings ask them to assist in the process of healing, you wont meet anyone until you get thru this, as you cannot love another until you learn to like and love yourself now, be gntle to yourself, take it easy, talk about it with people who care, and keep yourself looking nice, and eat well go for long walks, rest drink lots of water, if you find that it is engulfing you so bad that you cannot function please go to see a spiritual coucellor or a dr who will assist you to the places for help, i hope this helps or is a comfort to you, just that someone cares enough to have listened to you and responded, take good care of you

  • thanks Dotthorey. I feel slightly better but still in shock. Trying to preoccupy myself with other stuff.

    what i meant to say in my previous post was that I felt that that girl was with him, I didn't know but it's one of those things. you know without having confirmation.

    as hard as i try, i can't see anything good that's come from this experience. is it too soon? i don't know. almost wish i'd never met him. for all intents and purposes i should've been over him a long time ago. it's so frustrating to discover that despite all my efforts i still care about him a lot more than i should. but i have been confused for such a long time. clarity must inevitably follow soon. and god knows i'm looking forward to that.

  • The only thing "Real" about your story is the emotion. Spirit shows big sign that says GUILT GATHERER.. This is a constant challenge for you and you must learn to recognize when you are doing this to yourself. There is a part of you--your shadow side--that doesn't feel deserving of joy. Without this foundation you are unable to live in the moment. You are either paralized by imagined mistakes or worries that steal the moment. Your mantra for the new year should be "It is safe to be good and it is good to be safe" Let go and trust the universe more--not all bad events and disapointments are a mistake. You have childhood issues that have ingrained a thought process that does not trust you are safe to follow your dreams and passions. You learned somewhere that to be empowered was dangerouse and selfish and something bad will happen--and it will be all your fault. Your time with your boyfriend was not ruined by you. You did not screw it up. He would have stayed if it were meant to be. And please keep in mind that this thought process of internilizing guilt and what ifs and I'm just a selfish screwup just squeezes your world so small! You need to get out of your head! You are young--life is short and holds so many surprises yet--trust the universe that guides you. Get outside more and stay buisy and everytime you want to feel guilty please stop. This is not what God wants for you. This episode with your old boyfriend is only one chapter in a long book! You can't loose faith. You deserve better and it will come--give it permission and keep your energy positiive or you WILL invite stagnation and sadness. Shut that final door so you can open the next.

  • Wow, you're so right. This IS a constant struggle for me to the point where I've given up because I don't know how to fight it. I am worried ALL the time. And scared to death of making a mistake ALWAYS. I think I have a pretty good idea where this is coming from but it doesn't seem to help me with my struggles. I do feel like I need to take a course on enjoying myself which comes naturally to most people. I always thought it has something to do with not having enough confidence.

    You're right, it hinders everything beginning with ambitions and aspirations to just living out my everyday life.

    But in this situation with my ex though it's not only feeling guilt and inability to forgive myself but also the fact that I miss him and think he was one of my soulmates. And I still don't know what went wrong. In my gut I've always felt that this is not it between us. But what do I do with this? As long as my intuition is feeding me hope (false or otherwise) I do find it impossible to live in the here and now.

  • the now is not always very pleasant, it doesnt really matter what went wrong it is the way it is, you will see in time that life will be and bring you much better opportunities, you know that relationship breakups are one of the most destructive things in most peoplese lives, until we learn to be resposible for ouselves, we are not perfect otherwise we would not be here if we are, its a challange for you and is also a learning, every time the thought enters your head it takes over and you continue asking questions,to yourself and before you know your six foot in again, be kind to yourself and dont let yourself destruct in this way and it takes practice and practice but each time you get better at it, be the watcher of your thoughts, sit quietly for a moment and watch what thoughts come floating thru, be aware of your thinking, its a learning, your true self has already gone form where your brain is at the moment, allow yourself to see these thoughts and allow them to move on,, all that matters now is you, you are the most important person in your life right now, you are on your journey and he is on his journey thats his worry if he does not forgive you not yours, you dont need to feel guilt or blame yourself at all, by being the watcher of your thinking thoughts it seperates you form the emotional body, try it and practice it as much as you can,get hold of eickhart tolles book the power of now and there is another one out which is easier to understand read it and you will get some insight into what i am attempting to say here, goodluck and just allow yourself to be, its hard at first but it comes with committment and willingness to get thru, love you you come first and be kind to you, much peace to you give yourself a chance and tell yourself i can do this, heres a verse that might help, my thoughts weave the tapistry of my life

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