Can't Forget Him
I admire and respect so much your strength of will and wisdom in seeing what was given to you, asking questions, taking it all as whole and finding your own answers. It takes SUCH strength and courage to do all that AND admit one's fears, self doubts, and weaknesses. Just your taking a share in the responsibility of how it happened is a BIG deal!
You aren't sitting around with a "woe is me, all men are monsters and I'm a poor, helpless lamb" song. You stood up and said "I want to know what happened, why it happened, what I am meant to take from it, and how to get past it and move on." What a strong, self respecting, DESERVING woman you are! No wonder he was drawn to you "like a moth to a flame" as Libraslair told me today. You are a woman of light and inner beauty. A love that begins within will always shine brightest without. (okay, much as I agree and would like to take credit for that last part, it came from from the drunkards with the bullhorns here)
Do you realize the example and shelter you will be to your daughter when she falls face first into the heap of heartbreak we ALL have landed in?? She is SO lucky to have such an open, enlightened, courageous woman to light her way!
Yes, Emereaux, we have all loved and cried over that darned guy. He has popped up in the lives of women from time immemorial and will continue to do so. He is not the first guy I'd like to get to know and I would NEVER introduce him to anyone I loved...but its through our time with him that we tend to grow and learn in ways we might not otherwise. The fact that just us here, on this thread alone, have opened up, reached out and spoken words of comfort and shared faith is a perfect example of just ONE aspect of loving that pain in the backside (among other things) guy gives us.
Still, I would rather have been given a book, a memo, a smack on the head with a wrecking ball...
You are all such lovely. extraordinary women. Participating in this thread has been such an incredible joy at a time when such an uplifting experience means so much to me. I am very grateful to ALL of you and hope we stay connected, as I too believe we were meant to connect in this way.
You know, Witchwoman, this might be another reason you went through that....that sounds very wrong. Not that we aren't all sterling company, but I doubt you would like us very much if you had to get your heart broken just so you got to meet us:)
I mean, it led you to a new path in your spiritual life, as well. A place from which you will comfort others, enlighten yourself and those around you, learn and grow...and OF COURSE, meet some FABULOUS women:):) LOL
Blessings, Light and Love to you all:)
Just read this post and because it resonated so much with my own endless questions & current dilemma, I felt compelled to post here and ask for help.
My name is Sukanya, Pisces - born Ides of March - 15th March 1968, Friday, 5.30 pm in Cuttack, India. Life hasnt been easy at all; over the years from childhood I've learnt to appreciate & accept that my life is different. The struggles, the heartbreak & the physical emotional pain served me well in catalyzing my spiritual path. I continue to seek the truths of my life, some answers have come to me and I still struggle with some more. Resonating with much of what is written here, the one area that flummoxes me even today is my relationships. At 19, I rebelled against all & married a Leo rock n roller, divorced 10 years later because he wanted to be with someone else. Thereafter, an intense relationship with an Aquarian had me believing this is it until he walked away....another decade had passed by.. since then I was on my own until a chance meeting with another Aquarian (26th Jan 1958) a committed bachelor who then went on to woo me over 2 years...until I actually started seeing him. He grew on me & today I love the man. its a long distance relationship, he is a senior military man & his work keeps him away with little access for me. Recently we spent a couple of days together (after a gap of nearly 2 years) & this time brought home to me the fact that we do share a lovely bond and have a lot in common. Prior to this I had felt him withdraw completely, but he came back with a number of calls over the past few months. I didnt know whether I should see him again; however I felt I had to take the risk because even if it was goodbye, i wanted to see it and feel it. This time, there wasnt any love making so to say, but we did talk, spent time together, went for walks, had all our meals together - I laughed and I cried a lot too.The dilemma i face is not knowing what comes next. All he said was that ''we have our whole lives ahead of us''. I know the nature of his work commitments, am proud of what he does. But if I try & look ahead for us, I dont see anything, and that bothers me a lot. It took a lot of guts to open myself to this relationship after all the hurt of the past; am deeply vulnerable here. Am I obsessing, because I just cant stop thinking about himand all the little things that happened between us over the months. If this is not meant to be, I keep thinking that I should not harbour any hopes from right now. How do I move on, how do I get closure? And if this isnt the relationship, is there one at all in the future? Why me? Are these past life issues? My own creations that result from my fears and insecurities?
And hey, I am compelled to think that my intensity drives people away... deep deep feelings, seeing through every commitment I make, being responsible... its so much a part of me.. professionally and personally... a post grad in psychology led me to work with disadvantaged communities, thereafter for the past 15 plus years am working in the communication & development sector, have a fulfilling work life which has as many opportunities & challenges.. I have created my own little space where i am mostly content to be on my own... the one aspect that I am unable to unravel the knots are my romantic relationships.. especially the current one described earlier...am very emotional, super sensitive, believe in standing up & getting counted, deeply spiritual, somewhat intuitive, love all things natural...aesthete, poet, dreamer...have a nasty temper & sharp tongue when irked.. do these traits shoo men away?
Any insights, advice, reading would be of great help at this point.
Thanks a zillion, keep those shimmering lights on...
love, light and abundance for all
Wow, I've got the warm and fuzzies BIG time. You all are fantastic. Do you feel as though a huge weight has just been lifted from you shoulders WitchWoman? I do too and it wasn't even my question! It's almost euphoric to be involved in a discussion like this with everyone extending so much love and compassion to people they've just met on a forum. Also, WW, I think you are absolutely right that people who are currently or have been involved in the same type of situation, will read this thread and draw comfort as well as strength. I'm so glad you decided to jump in here and post. It's good for the soul to come to these boards and meet such caring, thoughtful people. Make you realize the type of person you really want in your life. No more Mr. Takey Take. I hope you feel better about things. I think it's going to be a really wonderful New Year for you! (((Group hug)))
Couldn't agree more Hisbablove re: meeting fabulous women as a result of my "that darned guy" experience:-)
Your upbuilding words mean a lot, especially the bit about lighting the way for my daughter, Emily.
Put that way, any heartache and grief is worth enduring if it means I will grow into a better example and she will benefit from my experience. It's hard to immediately see the silver lining when your feeling emotional, so thankyou for pointing that one out for me to apply not just to this saga, but whenever crisis strikes.
And of course, whoever else may be reading this post, I wish for you to take on anything that resonates with you, as being for you too. Just accept that you were led to this post to read the wise counsel from these amazing women and accept it as an answer from the Universe.
I am truly blessed to receive such genuine, unconditional caring from you all.
I sent out that I wanted to start the New Year enlightened and with this episode behind me, and knowledge gained as a result and Whala! Here you all are
Springof68, you truly are in the right place to receive the wisdom and guideance you seek,
I will post something just for you soon. Must go down the street for a bit now.
Ciao til then
Hisbablove, stonyeye, turtludust, blmoon, emereaux & friends,
Hope you're sitting down & redy to catch your jaws..........
I bumped into Shane - that guy - at the supermarket before, after spending all day being empowered by you amazing posts!!!!!!! and-after not seeing him since March!
I started a new thread to tell you all about it "hisbablove & friends-check this out".
I would love it if you would read it and give me your viewpoint.
As ready as I tried to be, my jaw hit the floor anyway and my eyes fell out of my head. Isn't that a secksy visual?LOL
I posted on your new thread...WOW!
You aren't being ignored at all, hon. I recommend starting a new thread so others will see it and give you some personal help.
For now, the immediate message I got for was (again, please know that my guides have been rather rudely blunt lately, which hurts me deeply, but I have to give the message as I get it) You see nothing when you look into your future with this man because there is nothing. He has held you on a string for too long and what you have with him now is all you will ever have. It has been easy for you to stay in this relationship so long because it was a little convenient for you at at first. You have a busy life and this was a nice diversion, a small leap into romantic possibility that didn't require too much effort or thought on either of you at first...a phone here and there, an email....easy.
Now, when you want more, there is no more and you are left with the same relationship you had for the last two years but with different expectations and desires. I am also getting that, because you've been hanging through this for so long and maybe feel that there is no other viable or interesting possibility before you now, you are more convincing yourself that you are in love with this man than you actually are. This is your biggest mistake because it not only isn't as true as you think or want it to be, it is also setting you up for heartbreak you wouldn't have had to go through otherwise. You're too smart for that.
If you start your own thread, you will get a lot more help and maybe my guides are wrong...sometimes I really wish they were, or at least a bit nicer about it.
WITCHWOMAN and STONYEYE...well aren't we just GRAND? LOL, I agree and keep getting more and more puffed up with all of your uplifting and empowering wisdom. I might start plotting taking over the world very soon:)
You too EMEREAUX! A few of us soul sisters have connected privately off this site and I count these beautiful women among among the great blessings in my life now. BTW, do NOT feel like you have to or worry about what I'll think if you don't! I'm just as happy to hang out here with you!
Blessings and Light
Hi Witchwoman, got tied up earlier and this is the first chance I've had to post! I hope your day was good!
First of all, I did several different readings and I kept coming up with the same answers in some key areas:
9 of Wands in the position representing you at this moment in time
Page of Wands in the position representing your family influences - Your Daughter
A Reversed Knight of Wands in the position representing obstacles to overcome- Your Leo Ex
Queen of Swords representing your core/strength
My interpretation is that perhaps now really is the time to stop, take some time out and heal yourself and your daughter's lives (she has also been affected by the way things have played out) - give things a rest with trying to figure him out, there's no way you can change the past even if there was a way to understand what he did. Forgive yourself, move on a little more every day, and remember that letting go is a process. You may have to 'let it go' every day for the next six months before you can re-balance your life in that area. But you have the strength to be able to do that - at your core is the Queen of Swords, a very strong and positive female/goddess archetype for both you and your daughter.
Your education and career direction seem nicely harmonic and in line with your talents and desires - and there are many upcoming opportunities especially if you are able to put positive energy into this direction - be open, go with your talents, finish what you started and be patient. It may take things a while to fully bloom, but you're heading in the right direction.
I also see that your daughter has some kind of talent as well - I don't know if it's music or writing or some combination, but nurturing it now will also give her opportunities in the future.
I don't see any romantic prospects at this moment, but keep in mind that you have to let go of the past before you can move into the future - otherwise the mistakes will keep following you.
Right now, perspective on what you have just gone through is necessary to re-establish your balance. And finding that balance will help you to move forward and heal your heart. Didn't I read on one of your earlier posts that you're studying a branch of homeopathic healing? Apply what you're learning there to getting past this challenge - aren't all cures about returning the body to the correct balance? You're very intuitive and you have the gifts to move yourself and your daughter to a much better now and a much better future.
If you have any questions, just let me know. : ). I have to log off and take care of a few things, but I'll log on sometime later this evening.
Blessings and light.
Doesn't sound as though it's even possible for this relationship to flourish any time soon, because your gentleman friend is a career military man, living some distance away.
Is it possible to move nearby to him?
How does the thought of packing up your life to be near him make you feel?
Your immediate gut reaction should shine a little clarity on your desire to be with him as a partner.
There are other options - he may become a dear, close friend you treasure. You mentioned there was no lovemaking when you saw him last, so clearly you genuinely share a bond of sincere caring, communication and friendship not just based on lust. Surely you can maintain a bond with him that wouldn't interfere with a new realationship; no need to 'give him up' altogether, just a little readjustment in how you view him. And there is no crime in continuing to love him either.
I agree with hisbablove - you can't see a future with him because there isn't one.
This arrangement may have suited you both just fine in the past, but unless there is a shake-up of some description, nothing will change. It feels stagnant to me.
Maybe explain how you feel to him, guys are a bit dopey at times, and often don't want to disturb the status quo. Let him know that you treasure your relationship, however the time has come to either move forward as a couple or move on as friends.
I'm confident you'll sort out fairly swiftly what you want,
Sending you warm frienshipX
Couldn't agree more with that last post.
Particularly liked the (((group hug)))!!!
Witchwoman, I just logged back on to see if you'd read my post yet, as well as to read any posts since I posted last night. Seems like we're all on the same page and getting the same info for you! I can't wait to read your post on seeing Shane. I'm sure you were very empowered!
hisbablove, I'll email you. Thanks for the invite!
Spring of 68, I agree with hisbablove's assessment. These experiences are painful, but sometimes necessary in order to get our attention to help us move along.
Thanks so much for taking the time to do a spread & reply.
I just looked up the meaning of 9 swords - I get the impression of defending something of a creative/intellectual matter, not physical or emotional.
This would be right - at present, I am working hard completeing assignments and preparing for exams in a couple of weeks. It was a Bachelor of Health Science - Naturopathy I'm studying, and it will probably take another 7 yrs to complete part time, as I still need to work and have time for Em.
So this resonates with me as right, and how you said it may take time to "bloom". Good choice of words!
As for Em, she wants to be a singer and a journalist, so you were spot on with her. She happens to possess this Alicia Keys soul girl voice. I'm mystified where it comes from!
Em is also gifted with language, writing and understanding abstract concepts which will be most useful if she continues to follow her current dream of journalism.
I see you have read my other thread re: bumping into Shane at the supermarket, I really feel he was put in my path like a puppet in a play, so that I could integrate my experience/journey I have had with you ladies, into my physical reality, as to date it has been in my thoughts, my emotions or on a spiritual level. I doubt I would have conducted myself with as much dignity or empowerment had it happened sooner.
Thanks so much again emereaux,
Warm wishes and friendshipXXX
Hey there thecaptain,
Thanks for taking the time to post your view, always interesting to look at issues from many perspectives.
Dear WitchWoman, Hisbablove, Emereaux and friends: Thank you for your insights. Well, I did feel a twinge of heartache – somewhere I knew this. But not to worry, I am open to the truth of the insights offered. I guess, it has lurked subconsciously for a while, there’s this tiny voice harping away inside - that this is all there is, it will always be just a ''point'' with no moving anywhere. I just couldn’t ignore that insistent nagging voice, which is why possibly the urgency made me write to you all.
Hisbablove, the first instance when we met was electric, and thereafter too the chemistry has been intense. But it took a lot of effort on my part to open myself up to this relationship. In fact I fought the feelings and emotions for a very long time but in the end I gave in to exploring the possibilities. And I ignored/overlooked the other opportunities that came my way during this entire time because deep inside it felt so right. As is my wont, I wouldn’t give up without exploring.
However, this time, before I agreed to see him, I did go through a lot of introspection and I realized that I had to tell him how I felt, what I needed and desired. He was taken aback when I repeatedly mentioned that this maybe the last time we were meeting if the status quo remained; and that I was giving him the choice - he had to decide whether he has the space in his life for me as a woman, because I wouldn’t ever be happy in a ‘’friends with benefits’’ situation. He acknowledged that it was far more than being friends, it was a man-woman relationship and kept saying that ‘’we have our entire lives ahead of us’’. I had the strength (unusually so) to be completely forthright and reiterated that we would be friends if at all that evolves (because there is a deep connection between us); but I would only ever see him again when I felt that I have truly moved on. We have spoken a couple of times thereafter, (he is away on a special assignment) – in both the conversations he has come across as if he is struggling with the idea of letting go, he is struggling with the feelings he has for me yet there are the seemingly insurmountable issues of his own – control, regimentation, inabilities and constraints in communication, his position and status (military hero, decorated soldier etc..).
I guess the reason for this entire time, the purpose was for me to learn and evolve, more than anything else, for a lot of internal changes have happened in the process. Articulating it all here and now I do realize that the angst, the anguish no longer exists! That I feel freer, and know the direction and path I must seek now.
WitchWoman, I have thought long and hard about relocating to be near him and every time my gut reaction has been the same - I would do it. I have examined what it would mean for me as far as my work is concerned, or my life as an individual – the answer is still the same, guess only somewhat not relevant now in the present. And yes he will be someone I treasure and love for a long long time. Like you said, I have considered and accepted the fact about viewing him differently; and I hope that slowly I will grow stronger in that. This visit I have told him that the time has come to move forward or move on.
Emereaux, yes these experiences are painful yet I know there is a greater purpose to it all and that gives me solace and comfort. I am not afraid of pain anymore in this phase of life. Sometimes one needs to get that punch in the face to be jolted out of complacency. It has been a time of great learning, and I believe in facing realities, we only grow, despite the pain. Kahlil Gibran said – pain breaks open the shell of our understanding. Would you read the cards for me and tell me what comes up hereafter for insight into the present and immediate future? Not just about this particular relationship but overall where is my life headed and how do I not veer off course.
In my heart and mind I am clearer now; and your insights strengthen my resolve and I do hope that in a short time I would have sorted myself out. Do keep sending me all your blessings and prayers – I need every one of them.
Will post again soon, both the eve and the new year are working days for me…keep me in your thoughts and prayers. And if you get more insights, have advice to share or if any one would do readings - I would love to hear from all ye enlightened ones.
My gratitude and love to you all. Have a happy and safe New Year’s Eve, and may the year ahead be one of light, love and abundance in all our lives.
Only love and nothing but prayers…
I to need a Psychic to tell me what to do, I have a guy friend I cant forget either and its very hard. I have lost weight and wondered and worried.
I have known this guy for a long long time, fixed he and his X up 13 yrs ago til this summer she left him for another man and married right away.
He started calling me, my Husband of 34 yrs had died over 2 yrs. ago and I always considered this guy as a friend.
He would come, we would set out back and talk, grill out, or he would bring food, really enjoyed him, he made a statement he didnt want to commit, which was understandable after what he had been thru, was fine with me, after awhile I began to like him, once I trusted him since known him forever, felt safe and all.
He taught me how to text, so we could text each other, he would say to call him around 11 pm when he got to work at night, sometimes I would or he would call me. He wasnt married then.
Then he brought up a thing about FWB only called it something else, I knew what he meant, he said we both would benefit, again I didnt know, but thought he meant one on one really.
Later it did happen. Felt more like a friend. But, that to is hard for a woman to do and not feel more.
As time went on seemed like he didnt call as much, or text that often and in the beginning he was upfront but very smooth, but he called alot more.
i KIND OF FELT LIKE HE WAS USING ME AND MENTIONED THAT A COUPLE OF TIMES, He must of kept rack of things I would say. Then 5 months later I said do u have anyone at work? He said work? No. Then he said well have one at Post Office matter of fact two women which is where he picks up mail loading his truck for this trucking Co. He said have u met anyone yet? I said no, like a dummy, then said Do u want to know the truth, he said yeah, I said I like u. Worst thing I could of ever said, he got all nervous and said oh thats not possible. I didnt say Love I said like, didnt say anymore about it til later and said I meant as a friend.
Two weeks after that I texted him and said I had met a nice guy, told him I got his new Home Cleaned, he texted me back saying Thanks for doing such a good job Cleaning his home, Good to hear you met some 1 nice, then said Merry Christmas ...and his name.
I hadnt met anyone but didnt want him thinking I was waiting on him.
Then a week later, I sent a text saying Im going back to my oleself Independant like use to be, doing what I want when I want, if date will be with someone that has their own interest and me mine, and if he would ever be interested in doing anything think about it.
I said this because this is how he is, I remember when he was married. He stayed at home unless he was working.
Anyway Ive tried everything, cause I rewally like him.
One Psychic told me to call him tonite, wish him a Happy New Year, ask about his new home, and ask what he is doing New Years Eve to come over.
But first to Burn a red candle, after it burns out say this message, wait 15 minutes, then call him.
I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO BELIEVE ALL OF THAT OR NOT.
tHEN HE DIDNT ANSWER, I didnt leave a message for him to come New Years Eve, but she told me if he didnt answer to leave Happy New Year Message, then text him and said that I had a red Nighty with his name on it, and for him to come New Years Eve and we could ring in the New Year together, well sorry my friends but thats not me to tell a guy that. I think that sounds desperate. I told Psychic maybe I ought to just forget this and move on, she said oh no, give this a little time, she said the moon is changing and he will see u again. Another Psychic told me he would be calling me, but u know I dont like False Hope I just would like the truth. And I dont want to bother a guy, they dont like that Im sure.
So any Psychics out there give me their thoughts?
Hey there spring,
Hope I wasn't too blunt, would never want to add to your despair.
Am I understanding that you would move closer but have no encouragement from your gentleman friend to do so at this point?
You must be feeling that sinking feeling where you want so very much to be told tosomething other than what you felt was so:-(
Has he told you definately, at no time in the near future will you be together as in life partners?
May I ask, are you both in India? Reason I ask, is that I understand that if this is the case, there are other cultural issues to consider. I may be way off, but had to ask.
Glad that we all have each other to discuss, support and upbuild on this forum,
Hey there WitchWoman!
How sweet of you to write back again...
Isnt it true that we ourselves add to our despair; not our friends and spirit selves/guides?? lol...
No, dont worry, you did not add to any despair.. and as I said, I did feel that sharp pang of heart ache, but that's all it was, just a pang, not the gnawing kind of pain... somewhere the rational mind has always considered this relationship not moving forward as the most real scenario.
Yes, I would move but have no clear encouragement from Cmdr. A S, till this point... but over time we have discussed my work, where and why and how scenarios. In fact I relocated from Delhi (the national capital) where we both lived and worked in the 1st two years after we met; to my home city Bhubaneswar in late 2007 - returning to take care of my ailing elderly parents - at that point he encouraged me a whole lot to make the move, because he too was moving south and we would still be close in neighbouring states. Also because he (like me) is the primary care taker of his elderly parents and that remains one of the common traits/ commitment/ responsibility we share and discuss a lot..The irony is, since that time he has never been in one place more than a year, and has been away at sea for most of the time.
No he hasnt ever said that we will not be together in the future. But at the same time, I feel he hasnt really figured out anything else himself. Knowing his mind, I normally dont push or suggest anything except once in a while remind him that being me, I might just disappear one day if he me left alone too long....to be fair to him, I know he has deep feelings and does express in his quirky ways...but being who he is and never having been in a committed romantic relationship for any length of time, he really hasnt worked it out yet. This time, my words triggered some thoughts, and i left it there...
Like I said in my earlier post, he was truly taken aback this time when I mentioned that we may not see each other again because it was truly difficult for me to go on like this - and I repeated that several times during the course of the conversations (over the 3 days he spent here with me), he jumped up at one point & asked what I meant with not seeing him again... I said its just that, I have this crazy feeling that i may not see you again....and he probed - why i was saying that, why was i being pessimistic because we had our entire lives ahead of us... and he kept insisting that we have our lives ahead and then he wouldnt hear me say it again and cut me short....when he called just before he left on his new assignment last week, I was trying to say goodbye and he just wouldnt...kept saying, hang in there, chin up, we will catch up...
Yes we both are in India; Cmdr A S serves the indian navy... a marine commando, head of special operations - I guess just that fact makes relationships seem difficult, right?
Am sorry, didnt get your point on cultural issues.
Yes I feel truly blessed for being led here, and to you all... your wisdom and experiences, your insights are and will be of great help, because I have no one to turn to, no one with whom I could ever even talk of these matters...
love and warm wishes
Witchwoman, you are very welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed the reading! But I said 9 of Wands, not 9 of Swords - but I also see how both would apply to this situation.
I applaud you looking it up and applying it to your own life references. I remember that you're studying tarot, etc. - If you would be interested in the layouts I use and the other cards I drew for your total reading, I'd be happy to show you how I do my interpretations - that way, when you read for yourself and others, you'll have a personal reference to anchor with the card meaning. Just let me know if you're interested! : )
Just a feeling, but I think you might meet someone interesting through your daughter's musical pursuits - nothing immediate, but maybe by next year's end? (I didn't see this reflected in the cards, but the thought won't leave me alone.)
I've read several more of your posts about wanting to slide back, but you really are doing very well and you're so determined! And I love it that so many are coming to this thread to post their support for you. I think that's the greatest thing!
Springof68, I'll take a look and see if there is anything I can add. But right now, I think you need to hear this - Get out of your own head and enjoy tonight's blue moon and ring in the New Year with optimism!! : )
Happy New Year to All!!
Witchwoman, after I posted, I realized you are probably more advanced at reading tarot than I'm giving you credit for - if you're not a newbee, please excuse my assumption! Just wanted to share. : )
Yup Emereaux ! Thanks, I just brought in a beautiful New Year....
The blue moon, the breeze on my terrace and the flowers right outside
flowing into my rooms twinkling with tiny candles
my altars with fresh flowers
soft zen music and chants...
mmmm... couldnt be better!
All of this, which has always been with me, my sacred space... irrespective of my circumstances, location, finances & relationships ... was reminded again to count my blessings... thank you all..
Happy New Year
Hey all !!
It struck me just now that it was possibly bad manners to jump into WitchWoman's thread and talk of my woes... Guess should be an independent thread... my apologies...my netiquette might be rusted... and in case it is so...am sorry...