Can't Forget Him
I dearly would love to put a broken relationship and torn heart behind me for the new year, but I don't feel I'm able to without some answers no one has been able to answer for me.
I'm desperately hopeful that someone reading this forum will be able to give me some insight I need to put this painful episode of rejection behind me.
I have been mending a broken heart for most of this year, and battling to forget a man that I knew oh so briefly, but had an intense relationship with. I met Shane 4th Dec '08 - when we met at the computer store, because he was the tech assigned to fixing my computer.
Being the workshop manager, he was always out the back, but I was told the day before we met to come back the next day and ask specifically for him, as it was a confounding problem for the guy at the counter.
When he came through the workshop door behind the counter, it was an instant Wham for both of us. I sensed some heavyness/grey cloud around him but he was recovering from bronchitis at the time, and lived with chronic back pain requiring him to take morphine medication everyday. Once I learnt this, I figured thats why I sensed what I did.
Aside from that, I was instantly smitten as though I knew him and had reunited with the love of my liveS.
He ended up texting me for days, silly reasons at first to do with my computer, then finally we decided on a time to talk on the phone.
I was so nervous, I just knew this had to go well. But I was also very nervous About it going well because I sensed that this relationship was going to be intense and important. And tumultuous. And extremes of passion. I was scared of allowing myself to go there with him, but I knew I had to, like it was inevitable.
Anyhow, we went out, fell intensely under each others spell, made love, spent the weekend together, talked about everything. I was delirious, & I believe he was too.
I loved what I was hearing - "There aren't any problems - just solutions" (in a relationship).
One thing that concerned me was that he wouldn't let me know his address or come over. He said he was ashamed of his unit because he'd let it go and he was moving soon. He said "You can come over anytime you like" (to the new place) I was placated with this for a bit, but reassured that it didn't matter, I just wanted to spend time with him in his world. Eventually, I asked him if he was actually alone & not living with someone else because we never went out in public, he would just come & go as he pleased to my place. I explained that it made me feel like we werent in an equal relationship, he said he understood but nothing changed.
The other issue of his 4 kids - 21, 19, 14, 3.
He didnt want me to meet them, to protect them until we were more established. Fair enough, however he was meanwhile happily sharing meals with me & my 10yo daughter. He ended up bringing the 3yo Tara over for tea one night, but I was so worried about stuffing it up. It went really well, but he didn't bring her back again.
I reacted to all of this by withdrawing to self preserve. He got very upset with me on numerous occasions when he could sense I wasnt all there. I explained why, & he seemed to understand but do nothing to remedy the situation.
Then- an old friend of Shane's commited suicide. This sent him into a tailspin & he pushed me away completely. I spoke to him 2 days before the funeral & reassured I was there for him but respecting his need to have space. He never told me when the funeral was. It was the day before Valentine's Day this year. The weekend I was meant to be spending with him in his new place & it was such a big deal.
He never contacted me, I withdrew, he was offended, I didnt know what to do or how to feel. I sent him drunken text msgs. This made him lose total respect for me.
I felt so selfish & yet so hurt and disregarded. He didnt want my love & support, what could I do?
About a fortnight later, he sent me a msg that said something like he knows he was put on the planet to be with me. I was so happy & responded immediately. Then nothing.
I went to the computer shop about a mnth later to collect a disk of photos he had of mine. He was so happy to see me, I was so despondant and heartbroken. I had to return the next day to collect them & decided to be more upbeat. He was sooo cold & spoke to me like a customer he didnt like very much. That night I sent him so many msgs begging him to talk. Eventually, he said he hopes I'll find someone,take care. Nothing since. That was March.
I don't understand and need to know why, why, why???
I sent him a nice msg for his birthday 29th July, and one 2 days ago saying I still think of him.
Why did he wipe me like that? I've been in love, with beautiful men. But this was intense. Ive been consumed & depressed all year. I'm getting there now but would love to put this behind me.
I would so appreciate some psychic insight please.
Me - Andrea - 31 August 1971; Shane 29 July 1966.
Thankyou all so much for reading my story XXX
I have beaten myself up over & over since then.
One thing that troubled me was
Don't know what happened at the end of that !
I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE, to do this or even say this the way I am being told to say it...he had no friend that committed suicide. He had no unit he was ashamed of. He had no reason to lie to you,string you along, or give you false hope, and worse, he had NO reason to blame you, push you away, or be so cold to you. Except that he lied to you from the very start. He is married. You got too insistent, too close, too sure to ask more questions and less likely to placate and keep quiet. He ran out of lies and excuses to keep you quiet with. He did care for you, but this isn't the first time he has done this and it won't be last. He is a habitual liar, cheat, and selfish man. He's very mean inside. SO cold and calculating. I get the worst sense and feelings from him.
You can put this behind you now. The doubts and suspicions that you pushed away and all the things you felt guilty for even thinking were true. You have NOTHING to beat yourself up over. You were lied to and taught to beat yourself up for heeding the voice in your heart by a master manipulator.
It isn't HIM you haven't been able to forget, its the nagging feeling inside you that there were answers you never had, things you never knew. THAT is what has stayed with you and kept him in your mind. You NEEDED to know, confirmation that you weren't stupid or suspicious or insecure, or anything else other than LOVING, forgiving, and TOO SMART for this man to play for too long.
You need to know that there was nothing you did wrong or wrong with you that brought this to such an abrupt end. There was nothing you could have done or didn't do that would have stopped it from ending. YOU DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. Be at peace with that.
You have been given the confirmations, affirmations, and answers you needed to exorcise this from your life. You can now be freed of this. Please take the gift of this message and be free.
I'm sorry. I'm so terribly,terribly sorry that the way the message came across this way. I feel just awful. I hope you find the healing you need and deserve.
Blessings and Light
Thanks so much for responding so quickly.
Don't you feel bad for delivering your post bluntly; I totally agree that a large part of my grief/heartache is the no answers; I just don't get it. Why text me over & over about spending his life with me if he wasn't free to??
What is with the intensity too? I wasn't expecting it at all. It wasn't even his looks, it was being bowled over with his presence. I'm sure this is past life stuff, I just want to understand it.
Is your response your opinion or a psychic/intuitive response? Please don't think me rude or disrespectful for asking, it's just that I have seen a witch a number of times about this and she is just boiling with anger on my behalf. I feel her answers are her opinion, so I still don't really know.
Friends don't understand my pain as it was such a short time.
Thanks again for your thoughts, love and concern. It means a lot. X
You are most welcome,as sorry as I am that the guides were so blunt. Its not my way at all and it pains me to no end. I appreciate your understanding and kindness in the face of my pushy guides. I will lecture away at them and try to shame them into being nicer:)
As for your questions...you don't want to believe it, do you? As many times as you've thought it, begun to question it and pushed it away...as many times as others have told you, you are STILL doing what you did when you were in the middle of it...you found reasons to believe it was not true.
The intensity, the texts, the passion and promises were a man living a romantic fantasy on stolen time, wooing and professing things that are not a part of his real life. He was a lover, a boyfriend, a date again. He took pleasure from the make believe world he built for himself as much as for you. It was fantasy. Make believe. He could say and do anything with impunity in the stolen words, hours, days he had to live out his fantasy. So he did. Why not text you about spending his life with you? It was a part of this other world, this other life he liked to have once in a while...it made it more romantic,more passionate, more REAL.
Of course you were bowled over by such deep,intense, unbound passion. Of course you were breathless and dizzy and swept away. He came at you with an intensity born of the knowledge that every moment, every touch, every kiss might be the last. Added to it, the thrill, the fear, the excitement of cheating and getting away with it. The power of knowing he was still a man that could bowl a woman over, woo her, daze her....are you surprised to have picked up all that urgency, that crackling energy?? Its a wonder you didn't singe a few hairs every time he got too close!
The witch you have been seeing probably feels what I feel; your pain and sadness AND your continued resistance to accepting the truth. She may be getting frustrated or feeling helpless.
If that is true, then you not only know that her answers are not simply her opinion(one more excuse to believe his lies still is now gone) but you do really know. YOU HAVE ALWAYS REALLY KNOWN. Deep within you, you knew. Is it that you feel guilty for turning away from the truth from the start? Or do you feel foolish for believing him? You know the answers....but blaming yourself is both destructive and useless.
No disrespect or rudeness taken at all. I get very embarrassed/uncomfortable rattling of a list of "gifts" and titles. It feels like bragging and makes me very uneasy. I will say that these messages were not from me personally. The psychic/intuitive description is good. Nothing special. Just me and some guides with bullhorns:)
I am getting a blondish, ruddy male ...not obese, but a few extra pounds...any guesses to who that is:)
You're pretty acurate with his discription! And also with the fact that I'm struggling, as an intelligent woman to accept this was his fantasy, logically I get it, but at some level I'm struggling.
Can you perhaps help me to understand why I had to experience this - what lessons I had to learn.
I feel that perhaps it was to trust my gut/intuition & have more value & respect for myself. But did I have to experience so much pain to really get it?
I'm interested to hear if you can elaborate on this at all.
Also...I would really love to hear some uplifting positive news regarding my life partner. WHERE IS HE???
Have you any clue as to when & where I can expect to meet him?
Thank you once again for taking the time and genuine concern to help me through this. I feel
as though my sadness has lifted a little already.
I believe from other threads Ive read that you're in Australia? Me too - Ballarat victoria X
Also, yes...I do feel feel foolish for believing him. And yes, I could never quite shake the feeling that he had this other life that he ensured I never encroached upon.
It's hard to accept behaviour that you wouldn't be so heartless to act out yourself. Twists my brain trying to fathom how some people are seemimgly mature, well adjusted adults yet behave in a most bizarre fashion.
Thank you Hisbablove (& horned co!
First, thank you for your response on my own thread. Your insight was very helpful for me. I'll respond more to you there later but just wanted you to know that I saw what you had written and appreciate the time you took to respond.
Ok, I don't know how much of this is intuition or just feelings dredged up from my own experiences with men but here goes.....My first thought when I read your story was that this jerk was married. I read hisbabloves response to you and I felt she was right on with her response.
I think the reason why he did this was because you acted as a mirror for him. A realy flattering mirror. He liked the way he appeared in your eyes. You made him feel like a really desirable man. Once he took what he wanted from you, there was no need anymore to continue. In other words, he took the light you offered him and left while he could. I don't think it had anything to do with how he really felt about you. It all had to with him and how you made him feel. He doesn't have a lot of his own light (I can't think how else to describe it) and you have an abundance of light. He wanted some of your light. You made him feel really fabulous and for him that was all he wanted.
I've experienced a few situations like that too. Everything seemed so perfect and then the man just took off. I always came to learn later that the man was hiding something.... a girlfriend, wife, his true sexual orientation that he was not ready to admit. It was never my fault. It was his own problem that I just got caught up in. This is true for you I believe. Also, what I learned from these experiences was to be a more careful about who i gave my heart to. Also, to trust my intuition. I keep a journal and it is interesting to me that everytime I fell into a relationship like the one you described, my first instinct after meeting the man was that he was hiding something. I couldn't put my finger in it though and I let their words and seduction cloud my true intuition about them. When I would go back to my journals to read my first impression of these men after everything was said and done, I saw that I had actually received a warning about them and had written it down from the very beginning! I wonder if you had that same gut instinct about this man too when you first met him but brushed the feeling away after he came on to you with such charm and seeming sincerity?
I think you will meet someone who equals you. Someone who will match your light. That sounds cheesy but like I said, I don't know how else to say it. You'll learn from this and you'll start attracting potential love interests who are sincere and perhaps more on the same spiritual path as you.
Anyway, like I said. I don't know how much of this is intuition and how much is just that I'm drawing upon my own experiences and relating to you. I hope you will be able to get over this man and his false promises and you can move on to someone who is a much better match for you. You are worth having someone in your life who is honest and truly loving. Not some man who is only looking out for himself at the expense of others.
Take care. Wishing you lots of love and happiness for the new year.
Thank you again for the validation. I do have to say that my getting a visual of him was meant to give you some "proof" that this was really a message for you because it is time for you to accept what you have fought against, heal, and let go. The universe wanted to set you free and the only way to do that was to make you believe what you had known probably from the earliest days.
I applaud you for the courage it took to openly receive the message given to you, as hard as it may be to accept. So many will continue to blind themselves to the truth, even after it has been revealed so many times and in so many ways, for fear of looking or feeling foolish or the desire to still cling to their own fantasy. The real foolishness is in remaining in an unhealthy and dark place, never accepting or letting go and healing, Acknowledge that courage and strength in yourself. It is what will lead through the confusion and sadness to a new beginning and new joy. Staying blind would have held you prisoner to what was false and kept you closed from seeing the future and its happiness.
As to why it happened, I feel that it was to give you a lesson in your own self worth, For you to appreciate the accepting, loving, giving, sweet side of yourself and celebrate it, Priding yourself on intellect, strength, and enlightenment is wonderful. But, the universe wanted you to celebrate and acknowledge the softness in you as much. You might have lost touch with the spark of hopeful surrender, the sweet inner you that is more feeling than thought and logic. It was meant for you to reacquaint yourself with a side of yourself you had left a little behind.
With this reawakening, you were meant to reignite your passionate side and, more importantly, you were being shown that as much as you might have thought you trusted that inner you (your gut/intuition/instinct) the voice of the higher power within you, you had not listened very closely sometimes. This disconnect between intellect and emotion, heart and mind, physical and spiritual had to be closed. You are a whole being, you can't live in tune with one or the other sides of you. You had to be made aware that you will thrive and grow as a whole. And to nurturing your whole self.
This was not about him, though he was a horribly selfish and mean element of it. Stonyeye is right in seeing that he was drawn to your light, your goodness, your HONESTY. In you he found things he lacked. It is very often a subconscious thing that those who lack spiritual blessings are drawn to those who possess them in abundance.
Why the lesson was so harsh is usually because, unless we experience the extreme highs and lows, we don't learn the lesson, or even accept that there IS a lesson at all. We go along thinking we have the answers, everything is as it should be, ignoring what is lacking in us, our lives, our selves until we are forced to go through the fire, get a little burned, and heal. Then we heed the voice of the spirit within and become what we need to be. And, JUST AS IMPORTANTLY, we take that lesson and share it with others. We give and share our knowledge, lighting the way, preventing the pain, seeing another through it, growing as people.
Think about how much more you know about yourself now. Think about who you are and what you have become through this. You know that you are now more aware of things in you that you hadn't been. You have evolved in many ways. That is our purpose for being here; to learn, grow, evolve, and share our light.
You will find someone who will be good for you. This was a minor stumbling block on your road to the happiness and love you want. I feel that you will meet the right one for you soon, though I can't say exactly when. I do see a very good year for you coming up and a lot of happiness in your near future...a LOT:)
Do not make the mistake of thinking there was something special and different about him that has made it so hard to get over it and let go. You have spent the time you thought you were getting over him torturing yourself with questions, confusion, a need for answers, self doubt, and haunted by the knowledge of the truth you always knew but refused to believe. All of this you mislabeled "heartbreak." It wasn't, though you WERE hurt, you were fighting your own guides, the truth, yourself.
Now you know and its done. You can put it rest and release yourself from they "why's and what did I do?" that helped you hide the truth and romanticize a short, difficult, painful, but valuable lesson.
Take deep breath and let HIM out...its all done and you are free.
I wish you every joy and blessing in your new path and always:)
When are you going to stop doubting your gifts? I'm going to whip out my handy cyber slapper:)
You gave a good, accurate, powerful reading and closed it with "I don't know how much of this is intuition and how much is just that I'm drawing upon my own experiences and relating to you."
Well, it was a reading, woman! We can all relate to heartbreak and deceit in one form or another since we've all been smacked with them more than once.
Our guides speak to us in ways ways we can understand. Sometimes on levels of our being able to relate to the person the message is for. But if that were all, then you would have said, "yes, I've been confused and hurt by a shady man or two" and that would have been it. The rest was a reading, a message Witchwoman was meant to get through you, so set that confidence meter on "HIGH" and get busy:)
Witchwoman...I'm in California:( Wenchie, Chris1962, and few others are your neighbors "down under" though.
Blessings and Light to both of you
Dear Witchwoman - I agree wholeheartedly with hisbablove and stonyeye (hi ladies!) He is married - this is based on psychic intuition (and I dreamed about this night before last! Talk about deja vu...) and not on projecting my past experiences upon you.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that you were sure this was a past life issue. You all have re-enacted this scenario out in more than one lifetime - and you will only come to understand it when you change the way you react to this devastating experience. You have NO responsibility for his deception. (I get the feeling that in a past life, you became pregnant and took your own life over this failed romance.)
Letting it go is the path of wisdom - this is a boulder you've been dragging around for too long. Things will change when you can lay this burden down by walking right into the middle of all of the pain you have felt over this in this and every lifetime. Acknowledge the intense love you felt as well as all of the pain and let go of all of it into the light - don't try to repress any of the pain or disappointment (cause we all know that doesn't work! It just bounces right back at you when you least expect it. I think that is why you're having such difficulty now.) Understanding, I think will come after you're able to do this.
Witchwoman, you are an incredibly strong woman with an equally strong psychic gift and you already know how to do this. I know from personal experience that it is tremendously difficult, but know that you have strong support from so many on this forum and we are sending you love and light to get through this.
I'm sorry to be so blunt and long-winded!
Blessings and light : )
Lol! Consider me cyber slapped hisbablove. Trusting my intuition and acting upon it is a challenge but I'm getting there. I keep getting affirmations and am gaining more confidence but I do still need a good shake now and then.
I'm so drawn to your post WitchWoman because I've done the same thing. We all have probably. I've given way too much thought and emotion in the past to people who really didn't deserve it and wasted a lot of time wondering why they didn't behave the way I expected them to. Once I decided to stop allowing toxic people to occupy my thoughts, it was amazing how many wonderful and GOOD people started popping up all over the place. People with whom there was an equal give and take relationship. No more of the take take take people. That is why it would be great if you could let this man go and slither back to whichever slippery rock he came out from under. Once you let him go and remember that you deserve to be with people who are capable of returning your love, you'll start meeting the kind of people you want. The right person will come along when you can empty this guy from your mind. Or as Emereaux said - acknowledge the love and pain you felt and then lay down the burden you've been carrying. This person is currently just taking up space in your head while someone MUCH more worthwhile is waiting.
Hi- I would like to offer some positive thoughts for Witchwoman on this. (I was looking for hisbablove which is how I got here) . When I started reading your posting, I knew in my gut that the guy was married and hiding it - if not married he is at least in some other relationship and tied down - he may even be in his second marriage and on his second litter of kids.
It seems as though he has narcissistic tendencies. People like this sweep you off your feet, are very intense at the beginning of what you believe may be long term relationships and are very good liars. Stoneye is 100% correct in that he saw your light and he wanted it to make himself feel good. That is what narcisists do - everything is for themselves. They may tell you wonderful things, make you feel wonderfull (initially) but everything is for and about them. I.E. they make you feel wonderful initially and then you in turn feed their ego. After a while thye get tired of making you feel wonderful, make prmises they never keep and so forth, but they still need their ego fed. Do not beat yourself up over "losing" this one as you have "lost" nothing. He didn't really give you anything. He just took. What you have gained is a lesson and it only took you a few months to learn it!!!
Use the lesson to watch out for others like this so that they do not steal your energy and light.
II know you don't feel this - but in a way, you are lucky, it takes some people years to figure out that the person they thought that they loved, who they were trying to please, was just sucking the life out of them with their narcisistic behavior. You definitely don't want to spend years in a relationship with one of these people. They never change. They are rarely treated by psychologists because they don't admit who they are. Instead, they leave behind them a wake of people who have to seek help due to the damage their behavior has causd. Good luck to you.
Use your lesson wisely and good will come.
Well there you go, Witchwoman...these ladies have given you more wisdom and clarity than my eternally babbling guides ever could:)
Stonyeye...you know I mean it in the best way. As everyone knows by now, I'm a terrible nag when I care for someone and my guides are just plain terrible nags. Wouldn't you know that that would be what I got saddled with?:):) You keep at it. I am never sure that the messages I get are going to mean anything to the person they are meant for or even make sense (it wouldn't surprise me if I'd also have drunkards or pranksters for guides just for the laugh the universe would get out of that:)) but I trust that I just need to get what I'm getting out there and that it IS real. Otherwise I'd be mute and maybe hiding under my bed by now:)
Emereaux! HELLO, you wonderful, sweet, wise woman,you!! With you being in agreement, I feel very smug now:) and relieved. I got that from you too Stonyeye, but Emereaux is one of those I would never follow in reading for someone unless the guides had me climbing the walls with their nagging, so her reading makes me feel much better. And maybe a little giddy:)
Trurtledust, WISE and VERY well done! I am very impressed. You stick to it. Find that voice of yours and start hollering...but yourself first:) I posted on the thread we've playing tag on. You will my little naggy joke when you read it:)
I am so amazed and honored to be here, on this site, with such beautiful, intelligent, just plain GOOD women! I just not give up on the human race thanks to you bunch:)
Blessings and Light
First I saw he was married or at least living so. Second even if he was not married your relationship is not meant to last as you have karma but you are just vehicals in passing obliged to "remind" you of goals set before birth. You "mirror" off each other your shadow side. You are both still in the dark about your dark half--everyone has one--and must name it before you can integrate it into your life and become whole. Spirit shows me a big sign that says EXCESSE. Wheels spinning fast. Pots boiling over. Tremendouse energy and no means of healthy containment or redirecting. He brings out the very impulses in you that need to be adressed and you do the same in him. He deals with his own emotional intensity with drug adictions. He is unable to maintain a relationship because he is not "present" in his own life and yes it looks grey. Spirit says lesson learned here is not ALL intense attractions are marriage attractions. And not all attractions are healthy or good if you know yoursef well enough to know your shadow side. Spend more time with yourself getting to know yourself better--this is an alone time but it will take you far and atract a more suitable long term man.
Hisbablove, stonyeye and emereaux,
As soon as I woke up this morning, I couldn't wait to go this forum to see what other wonderful, kind, thoughtful, insightful messages there were waiting for me.
I wasn't disapointed!
If nothing else, all of your posts have shown me that the Universe provides, and physical distance between us is irrelevant. We are all in this together, having our Earth experience supporting each other and sharing wisdom we've gleaned from our collective experiences and guidance, regardless of where we live.
Something else that has struck me after re-reading your posts many times, absorbing and taking in what you have all said, is that DUH! I did already know what your saying, I already knew what my local witch Evelyn was saying & the messages from my guides she gave me.
I didn't want to be told what I felt was the obvious, I wanted 'new light' shed on this situation.
I thought it was just jumping to obvious conclusions, however it's starting to dawn on me that it appeared to be obvious but was actually inner knowlege/intuition/messages from the universe I already knew. And was confirmed by my wonderful cyber friends. I just wasn't trusting what I thought was too obvious. Am I making sense?
Thankyou all so much, from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and frankness, but moreso taking the time to actually share this with me. Without first wanting $60!
To have you all so emphatically reassure me that he was just lovn the way I made him feel, as I suspected, and he actually had another life goin on, again as I felt in my gut, has brought me some peace already.
I don't doubt my feelings were true, I spose it's difficult to accept that his weren't . It's also painful in that I so want to just find my man, my life partner, have someone watching my back & share the load with. Not to mention waking up each each day with someone you love, adore, cherish, treasure& I wanted it to be him. I do believe that I glimpsed, if only for a moment, the highest good in him, & thats who I've been yearning for. Unfortunately, at this stage anyway, all those other traits such as deceit, self preservation, manipulation etc. are overshadowing his true nature that I loved, as they do with so many. And thats the reality of the situation.
He must know in his heart of hearts, what he has lost by rejecting me/us as he has. I know he felt our connection as strongly as I did, if only momentarily and even if he shuts his heart down that little bit more, he still has to carry the memory around of someone loving him so, and the knowledge, however he dresses it up, that he is the one responsible for destroying it.
It really is time to lay down my burden, this mill stone around my neck. I think there is a part of me that felt as though if I were to let it go, it would confirm what I felt wasn't real and I would feel foolish and unlovable. And maybe I would lose hope that I will ever experience the real thing with someone who is genuine. I'm sure I'm not alone in being driven a bit nutty by some guy, but having the geniune concern, support and insights you've shared are giving me the confidence to trust, trust, trust and step away from hanging on to my idealised memory of Shane and hanging on to those few moments of euphoria I felt with him. Literally a few moments of time if I'm brutally honest. The rest was spent wondering what was going on.
Hisbablove, I feel as though you know the situation and both him & I better than I do! He has dark blond hair, is about 5'10, blue eyes, tans well and a big man with a big presence and gruff demeanour. Sounds enchanting, I know:-) Really appreciate your frankness because I can sense it's all said with love and highest of intentions. This is just perfect for me - no mincing of words yet delivered kindly.
Emereaux, you confirmed what I suspected - my pain wasn't just from this brief relationship, but deep seated grief that I was carrying in my soul that has surfaced to be worked through & released for ever. I knew there had to more to it. Evelyn had told me he has done this to me time& time again and will continue to until I stand in my own power and break the cycle.
So thank you for more confirmation and empowerment.
Yeah Stonyeye, stop being such a doubting Thomas!
How can you doubt your gifts? It's clear to me that your receiving communication from what you have told me and reading your other posts.
It's fabulous to be able to draw on our personal experiences to relate to each others issues, however the three of you, and some others, were the ones I have been drawn to after reading your responses to other people posts. I have been reading them for a while, and certain names stood out to me and I resonate very much with the three of you and your energy. I felt compelled to reply to your post the other day SE, regarding your mysterious dilemma, because I got such a shock at the impressions that came to me that I just had to share, but also I've been so impressed that so many clearly spiritual people have taken the time to reach out to strangers, endeavouring to shed some light.
For the last few years I've been a closet student of all things esoteric/psychic/tarot etc. Maybe I got an impression about you stonyeye, because I have been reading what you've said to others and it has also resonated with me? I haven't read your post this morning to see how you've replied to me, so that will be very interesting ! As I'm so new to actually acknowleging and sharing what I'm intuiting, I'm gonna sound just like someone else we know when I say, "It's probably all just my nutty ramblings."
I'm still re-reading your posts and no doubt I will glean more insights and experience more lightbulb moments.
Hisbablove, Stonyeye and Emereaux,
Thanking you all once agin,
Have a safe holiday period everyone and I wish you all the most fabulous year yet for 2010
Just read your post.
Thankyou for further enrichening my understanding.
Yes, I felt EXHAUSTED with him, and fed his ego constantly. And YES, his sweetness and loving behaviour soon disapaited which tells me it wasn't genuine.
Everynow and then he'd text me something to keep me hooked, but not in person which is what I needed, but reasoned he was just more comfortable for now doing it this way.
I've been in energy draining relationships before, but this was extreme. I was becomimg a nut case and vey concerned about what the intensity of this relationship was doing to my well being.
I had also stopped reading and practicing my spiritual books, so coupled with exhaustion and confusion, I was a real mess.
So, logically, I agree that I was very lucky not to have been caught up with him for years, it's just the emotional aftermath and unanswered questions that have been harder to contend with.
It's very kind of you to extend your support and concern and insights Turtledust,
Much appreciated X
Thanks for you insights!
I can relate to what you're saying about the dark side stuff and exess.
I was shocked at what a nutcase I was becoming. Here I thought I was well balanced, mature, spiritual...and suicidal. Even before it was over. His punishing silences drove me insane.
As for being married...you have all come up with this, and it seems quite obvious really.
I don't know if he was married or not. I know he was fresh out of a long term relationship with Kerry that sounded very co dependant and disfunctional. She sent him messages that I was aware of saying what a slut etc I was. We had never met - she was just acting out.
I had nagging thoughts of him and Kerry that I put down to paranoia, didn't want to fully look at. But as you have all come up with what I suspected, it's highly likely he was maybe punishing Kerry with seeing me for a while, meanwhile getting his ego stroked by how much I adored him. He never did give me his new address or even the new phone number. Always really vague about when it was being connected.
You have all helped me in just a few, short hours to accept what I already knew, which Hisbablove has been so subtle about, NOT:-)
I'm guessn you're all quite mistified as to what I found so attractive about Shane.
I'm guessn it's unresolved past life stuff that I've had to rehash one more time to resolve, and until I was ready to hear what you GOOD WOMEN have extended to me, Ihaven't been able to let it go or put it to rest, draggn it around with me like a corpse on my back.
Must apologise Turtledust, Just realised I spelt you name wrong in my last post!
And yes Blmoon, it has been alone time all year, but I'm really over it!
One more request my friends, If I may be so pushy.............
It would really mean the world if I were to receive some promising, encouragement regarding meeting my life partner. Of course, I appreciate frankness - is he on his way? Will I meet him next year, & if so, any details as to where, when, any little signs to look for or happenings linked to him?
Surprises are good, but I'm over all this waiting. I have a full life - I'm studying to be a naturopath, I teach adult literacy, my 11 yo Emily is fantastic and we are closet witches together! I have worked so hard on being kind, thoughtful, being the best I can be. I'm 38 and would dearly love to give Em the family & siblings she so desires. Am I asking to much here girls?
Anyhoo, I can't express how blessed I feel to have you all respond as eloquantly as you have, and I strongly feel that you have all been guided, & me to you:-)
Witchwoman - oh sweetie, yes, we have all been there and loved that guy - and no need to wonder what you might have seen in him, because I'm sure he was irresistible - in retrospect, we all have 20/20 hind-sight, and never realize the weight of what we have been carrying around until we put it down!
hisbablove, OMG, I have the same nags in my head too - and I also find it hard to be subtle when they're blaring at me! : )
and stonyeye, I so understand what you are saying about learning to trust what it is you're receiving. For too many years, I've started conversations with '...I know you might think that I'm crazy, but...' or be too afraid to say it aloud to someone, then write in my journal, '...I know I'm not crazy, but I saw/heard/experienced...'
I think it is amazing to be drawn to such positive and supportive energy, and I feel so lucky to have shared in this energy with all of you ladies who have posted to this thread.
Witchwoman, I agree with the others who have predicted that you will be finding something much better in the coming year. I gave you all of my immediate impressions, but will take a look at my cards to see what else I can see and will post later. BTW, I think it's wonderful that you and your daughter are sharing wicca and exploring that together!
Love and light to all! : )
I think it's amazing too that we have all been drawn together to discuss not just my issue, but an issue that many will relate to and benefit from reading my experience & responses, and the insights that have poured forth.
Each post has been a cornucopia of wisdom, guidance, empathy, compassion, kindness and honesty.
Many more will surely benefit form this positive and supportive energy. as you have mentioned.
Looking forward to hearing what you come up with later Emereaux!:-)