I feel like I am at the end of my rope.

  • My landlords are really tough. They own the business next door to my residence, and I don/t

    t hink they would condone me takiing in any business. I live off of a very busy highway.

  • Dear Barbralee,

    I know things are rough now but you must pick your head up. I feel that karma will intervene because you are such a good person. My heart goes out to you and I know the Divine Being is listening and watching over you.

    Please have faith and don't give up.


  • Hi Barbralee, I just had an idea, I think it would be amazing if you started designing jewlery in the shape of the flower arrangements that you made, and perhaps make them large enough to put on a window ledge in the light. As well as jewlery for children and even animals! Like a selection of collars and matching handbags for the owners. Or beaded and fake jeweled door way hangings. Large hooped earings with symbols of all kinds of faiths, etc.Lola.

  • Another idea is to do body painting, you can put an ad in the paper. I am just brainstorming at the moment, and I hope I don't sound tacky, but these ideas could take off with your own ideas added, you could set up an outcall business for the body painting and do ear candleing at the same time.

  • You could take a course on reflexology and go to peoples homes and charge 50.00 an hour.

  • Barbralee you have a pretty large support system here on this thread and yet for every ounce of building you up they do you choose to go the other direction. I am not one to tip toe around peoples woes and I feel very lucky myself for over coming all that life has dealt me and some I actually opened to the door for.My life's lessons and trials are many and I am still alive. I have seen and worked with children that had physical disabilities that fought to survive and never complained for one minute. So when life became a life or death struggle there was not one minute that I thought of giving up. I have had plenty of lessons just like most on here and they didn't think about giving up either but they put all that energy into pulling themselves back up out of the darkness and said ok that's it now it's time to make some changes and they did it. You've got it in you to do the same thing if your ready to stop using your life for the excuse for giving up. Not everything that happened to you was so you would learn something so start looking at each relationship and incident to see what you learned from it and it doesn't have to be a huge thing. Anything even the smallest thing is a positive in your life. You don't have to have a full time job you could work two part time jobs. You could see if the near buy hospitals need someone in the gift shop. Or teach floral design to young women who don't have a lot of money to pay someone to do it for their weddings. Or your craft stores may use you too. You have enough talent you just need to think outside of the box and think where you can be used. Funeral homes, designers, store windows. Get a website started and teach online. Or just sit and think about how bad life has been to you. We have free will and it's up to all of us to learn, to be positive and better today than yesterday. To live to make someone else smile. I am sorry I am a little tired too so this is as good as I could come up with this evening maybe tomorrow I will have thought of more. Peace and harmony

  • You don't really understand all that I have been through. Father left when I was 6 months old, mom remarried to a man who never said one kind word to me. I didn't say that things were so bad, that as a teenager, I tried to commit suicide. My stepfather just laughed, when I told him that I ingested a lot of pills and wanted to go to the hospital.

    My real father murdered a woman while committing a robbery. He had been a war hero, saved several lives, but received a brain injury. At least I hope that was the reason he was capable of doing what he did.

    I married a man who had just moved to California from Masssachusetts. Mom had remarried to a man who made a pass at me. I couldn't tell her after all she had been through. She thought she was married to her true love. So I left my family behind and moved to Massachusetts.

    My in-laws were alcoholics who didn't accept me either. All I have wanted is to be loved and accepted.

    I couldn't have children for a long time, had a tubal pregnancy during my sister's wedding, and should have died...was sent home from the hospital twice. Bleed internally for almost 12 hours. When I finally conceived and had two children, both almost died, and their early years were difficult.

    My husband had an affair with my best friend, and others...tried to bring them into my life as friends. Used my kids to further his affairs.

    I stayed in part, out of fear, and knowing that I didn't have the ability to earn the kind of income that could provide them the future they deserved. They are the best thing I have done with my life...one is a helicopter pilot with the Coast Guard, the other is also in the same, a Rescue Swimmer.

    Every turn in my life has been difficult. I do understand though, that others have had it far worse than me. But still, mine has just kept going

    Again, I could go on and on with details...again the tip on the iceberg. I realize a lot of it was to teach me lessons, but I get it. I still always tried to stay strong, and be kind to others, even when I didn't get it in return.

    I feel like you were judging severely.

    I took my mom into my household, and brought her to work with me almost every day for 5 years. Do you realize what a toll that can take on a person? She was there when I woke up, came to work with me, and there until I went to bed. I spent more time with her than most with their husbands. I love her to pieces, but can you comprehend the toll it took on me?

    Then to find out that the man I was married to, was a transvestite, with sites all over the internet.

    This is where I will stop for now. So much more has happened, and I always tried to stay strong. I survived. I think I became a better person because of all that I went through.

    But where does it end? I lost the mutual friends I had had with my ex, because they couldn't understand the situation that ended my marriage. My youngest son has closed me out of his life because he didn't understand how I ended my marriage. I put a restraining order on my husband when I found out his secret...he had talked of committing suicide previous to my discovery. I really thought if the world found out his secret, that he would kill himself and take me with him.

    So after hearing just a part of what has gone on in my life,

    I just don't understand what lessons I am to learn now. Easy for you to say get two part time jobs. I have been looking and looking, and there hasn't been anything that I qualify for.

    I'm sorry to be such a crybaby. I just wish that something could come up to provide me with work. And by the way, one thing that kept me going for years was my art. I taught myself a craft that gave me peace and earned me extra money, even though my art form is painstakingly time consuming. If you want to check it out, my website is www.paperrosesquilling.com. I earned extra money doing it, but it is so time consuming, I could never make a full-time career of it.

    Thanks for listening,

    Lola to all of you!

  • I was going to respond earlier to this post but my pc was acting up

    when I returned to the forum I forgot what it's called LOL Mercury retro really messed up things

    anyway about your situation, from your DOB

    I don't see anything bad, in fact you are actually in a cycle where the elements are helping you

    this cycle is more advantageous than the previous cycle, which ended around 2 or 3 years ago

    the only thing about this cycle is that job situation is worse than the previous, but this time you have the elements helping you, instead of no help at all in the previous cycle.

    You don't have to earn money from employment, you can still earn from business or talents. job situation is worse than before but you can still earn if you are not picky. grab any job, even if it is nothing like your expertise. there is still employment for you or relocate if you need to. Waitressing, janitorial, housekeeping, etc doesn't need much skills but still pays, it's small to start with but it will build up by time. your money situation is actually better than before, but unfortunately in this cycle you also have lost the drive to keep on going and to find money.

    I would advise you try the suggestions people gave you here. Many of them are home based and low capital. If you are willing to drive to places where you can find a job, you will be able to save for the capital. I'm just suggesting that you keep looking for a job, any job to get you going and save for the capital, then you can start the business home based. If you drive then there shouldn't be much problem getting anywhere to work.

    As I said before the cycle you are in is actually an improvement of the previous cycle. The only problem is that you were all bruised from the previous cycle or cycles. I can share some tips on how to live your life for the better, but first of all you need to find it in you the strength to carry on and pick yourself up. Things will get better in time, in fact it's very true in your case. But without your will to go on and listen to advices or inner guidance, the elements can not help you.

    You need to exercise patience, everything blooms in the right time. Art work requires years of discipline and devotion. Get any job as long as it pays, while improving your work and talents/skills with any course you can afford. You do have patience when it comes to career and money, but the previous cycle(s) might have worn you out. It is now up to you to pick yourself up and find the strength to keep going.

    About personal life, you need to leave the past behind. Life is not about changing others behavior towards you, life is about learning and move forward. This is a lesson you need to learn. Leave the past behind and accept that you are not perfect. There is no one person always right always lucky their whole lives. By accepting your rights and wrongs, you will be able to love yourself, even if nobody else loves you. This is the start of living your life the way it supposed to be lived. Only then, you will be able to see clarity, the direction you need to take in life, and then courage to follow it.

  • Barbralee leoscorpio is right and I wasn't even going to read your response to what I said because you started out again using your past as an excuse for your present and future. Your past has made you who you are today. It's proof that you have over come a lot. So now is the time to let it motivate you instead of being an excuse for not going on. I did get it. Your no different than many and that's my point. Now use it to give you a push up. Instead of letting it run you into the ground. It's your choice knowing what you have been through and to over come it. What you have been through doesn't matter what you become is everything. Are you going to let it cripple you? You have free will.

  • You site came up unknown domain.

  • You are right.

    I have been trying to pull myself out of this darkness, but maybe not enough.

    I bought a litebox, because I know I suffer Seasonal Affected Disorder. I have been taking typing tutorials online, and just started doing word tutorials. I have been cooking all kinds of new recipes, I like to cook, and it makes me feel productive.

    I also have been going to the doctor for anti depressants. I think I need to up it more.

    I am trying to get help through unemployment to go to school. I think I am going for medical assistant. If I get accepted I do know I can do well. I have always done well at everything I have attempted.

    Maybe you will like hearing the good things I have accomplished. I taught myself how to sew in the 4th grade, and made all of my clothes. I did at one point open a dressmaking/alteration business with a partner, but by the time we paid the rent and bills, we found we weren't willing to sacrifice our families by working the amount of hours it would take to make it worthwhile. If we had worked 60 hours a week, it probably would have been profitable, but our children were young. We were good though.

    I learned to ice skate in 6 months of hard work and dedication, and was accepted an joined Ice Capades. I was tall, so I was a showgirl, and they don't have to skate as well as the shorter girls.

    I taught myself how to type and worked my way to executive secretary, but that was 34 years ago. I worked for the producer of the television show "Charlie's Angels". I never liked being a secretary though. Actually, I hated it. I really wanted to be an artist.

    By the way, this site won't let you click on my site. You can manually type it, and it will show up. I really did like the quilling, but as I mentioned, it could not serve as a career with the time it takes, just extra money. (It takes about 3 long days to complete one piece.

    I do make jewelry, and I am thinking of trying to go on Etsy to sell.

    Anyway, I do have to try to gain back my self esteem. I don't have hardly any at all.

    So, I am taking measures. I am also going to get myself in better shape. I have gained weight and haven't liked myself very much.

    Thank you for your support. As much as I have wanted to give up, I REALLY don't want to.

    Lola to all!

  • Good for you Barbralee. I don't know any Gemini's who aren't strong and will work themselves to death. Most will work more than one job. But watch that clutter ok. Don't let it fill your space to the point that you only have a path. You may be one who collects a lot. So you may want to think about doing some clearing too. That way there will be room for more to come into your life.

  • You are right on there. I am trying to get rid of a lot of things, and simplify my life.

  • Can you make any other suggestions on how to get myself together? Should I try acupunture, or a hypnotist?

  • libraslair and barbralee

    glad to have helped somehow

  • I want to thank you all for all of your kind words and support. I decided I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I will take positive steps to better myself and my life. I went to the bookstore and got a self help book. It's a start anyway.

    I have been so scared, worried, and depressed. I will get better!

    I was doing a lot of walking prior to losing my job. I am going back to that. I am going to start nourishing myself better, and being grateful for all that I have.

    I went to see my mom at the assisted living home today, and made some peace with my mom. I felt such guilt putting her there because she was so dependent on me. She told me she is very happy there. That is the first time she has said that. I stuffed the guilt I was feeling deep inside into depression.

    Thanks again,


  • Your doing very well. Just keep being good to yourself. Leoscorpio you were right and you said what was on my mind too. I don't know about the acupuncture if you hurt some place physically or have a bad habit that it will help. Maybe the hypnotist might help you go back to where you started to feel so mentally beat down. It could be from a past life. They might be able to regress you but be sure if that's what you want,and that they do this kind of thing. You want someone who really knows what they are doing for you. And just keep up the good work.

  • Thanks. My ex has gone to someone who regressed him to a past life, and uncovered information that later validated it. I really feel I have lived many lives.

    I am going to fight this, and I owe it in part to all of you here that have been supporting me.

    Love to you all! Those of you who believe in the power of prayers, please say one for me. I could use them.


  • So you see I knew you could do it. Yes a regression might just do the trick. But you seem to be in a better place now and you will keep it going I am sure. Peace and harmony

  • I will probably have some more bad days, but I am going to fight hard to overcome my depression and give more to myself.

    Thanks again,

    If you have any more advice, I will surely listen. Thank you, my friend and friends!

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