I feel like I am at the end of my rope.



  • Hi. I have read a few forums and the advice seems very good. I have been unemployed for over 4 months now, after working as a florist for 8 years. I am an artist, and have always sought to find work that used some of my skills. I didn't have to have a career, I was married just short of 31 years, and my income just helped pay the bills. I didn't even get alimony, and my ability to make much money is almost 'nil. I have survived a lot, as my story will follow, but I don't know that I can survive this. There is nothing out there that I qualify for work, and the days are too long.

    My whole life has been difficult. My father left my mother and 2 siblings when I was 6 months old. For years I thought it was me...he stayed with the rest. Mom remarried when I was 5 to a man who never said one kind word to me in my life, yet I strived for years to make hime love me.

    I found out when I was a teenager that my "real' father murdered a woman. I wondered, did I carry that insanity within me?

    I married a man like my stepfather, I realized later to try to recreate and make things right. He had affairs, verbally abused me. I stayed in that relationship because I knew I would not be able to support my 2 boys and provide the college education I never had, to better their futures.

    I couldn't get pregnant for some years, then had a tubal pregnancy, followed by to premature births in which both of my boys almost died.

    A lot of other bad stuff happened, but I will spare you that. I have always tried to keep a smile on my face in spite of how bad I have felt I believe in karma, and positive and negative energies.

    My mom came to live with me, developed breast cancer and came to work every day so that I could use my lunch hour for her radiation treatments. After she continued to come to work every day for 5 years.

    My marriage became so bad that I went to bed one night and prayed to God to either help me or take me. The next day I found out my ex was a transvestite, with a website on the internet,

    Again, I could go on and on, but I am going to end it here.



  • bump



  • I have no clue what your reply meant. Could you please clarify?



  • I have only briefly described some aspects of my life. What I described is only the very tip of the iceberg. I had so many more tragedies. in my life. I am so tired of being tested. I know that people have had worse things, but if you add up all of the things that happened in my life, I think I have survived more than most.



  • I was bumping your thread to the top of the list to make sure someone would see it and get to you. I have been reading almost nonstop for several hours and promise to get to you when I've done with those I'm working with, but I didn't want you to give up or feel overlooked.

    You will get help soon...hang in there.



  • Thank you. I have felt more hopeless than I have ever been in my life. I have survived so much, yet when I tried to remain positive, it didn't seem to help. I really think I don't have anything to offer anymore.



  • You are just tired and can't put too much into anything you feel right now. Some days are just crazy days and that's all they are. You deserve a crazy day as needed. You've been through hell--you are not alone. Many of us carry silent griefs, betrayles, abuses and pain enough to have ended us many times. You are not alone. For those who come from abusive childhoods there is a pattern of pain gathering that follows through life. Then there is karma--the lessons we invited into our lives before born. When you are as depleted as you are there is a hopelessness that is just temporary. This can be fixed give it time and this will pass too. You are as strong as weak just wait for the tide to turn. Fill you inner child with love and attention. You can no longer wait for anyone else to heal your inner child--this neediness atracts the wrong energy into your relationships. You must right now take gentle care of your shattered self--nurture and mother your inner child so she knows how to recognize healthy love. Enduring great pain and loss always has it's other side--there is a gift. You don't see yourself today with loving eyes but you do have a gift for something. You have had many wonderouse and blessed days as well. You've just lost yourself for now. Now is a time for you to find the child you where born to be and not the WOUND. May your New Year be blessed as a new beginning (blue moon!). Beginning from nothing and building up---it is who you are--creative--A BUILDER.



  • Hey there Barbralee,

    I am new to posting, but I just wanted to reassure you, there are some very caring, wise insightful friends to be found here.

    I really feel the injustice you have had to contend with; it's just crunch time for you to say, "That's enough, I won't allow anyone to manipulate me anymore, & if that attitude loses me favour with anyone, bad luck deal with it. You're issue, not mine."

    Time to nurture yourself Barbralee, not dance to someone else's tune.

    However, I don't accept for a moment that the show is over & you have nothing to give!

    I just read where you said you worked as a florist for years, looked after you mom enduring cancer, raised two prem babies to young men and contended with an unloving and disrespectful husband for years! Stronger woman than I !!! And this is only what you've shared - the tip of the iceberg.

    Clearly, you have many talents and qualities.

    You are just worn out and at the end of tolerating and enduring what you always have, and the belief you have to behave a certain way to be acceptable.

    That's what your over, my friend. That situation is hopless, & it's time to decide what you want, what will make you happy. YOU, NOT ANYONE ELSE.

    I'm sorry I don't have any suggests at this stage as to what to do about work, I feel unqualified to comment as I'm in Australia and unsure of the job/welfare situation, and don't want to add to your despair with my ignorance. (presuming you're in the US)

    Sit tight and look forward to the wealth of wisdom and genuine assistance that will come through for you.

    Andrea X



  • Thank you both Bimoon and WitchWoman for your comments. One thing I didn't mention is that my youngest son has cut me out of my life. I had a restraining order put on my husband when I found out his secret, he had talked of suicide and I thought if his secret came out, he would commit suicide and possibly take me with him. My sons had a problem with that. They are military and live on the other side of the country.

    My youngest son, who had the most health issues as a baby, hasn't spoken to me in over a year. He even married and didn't tell me. My heart is so broken, and I feel like such a failure. I don't understand. I was a good mother, I sacrificed myself in an empty marriage for my children to be able to be better people. Now I am alone. The friends my husband and I had for many years abandoned me.

    I always thought how you treated people and led your life would lead you to a good place. Right now, I feel alone, hopeless and empty. What do I have to give anymore?



  • Hi Barbralee, I have a little something different here for you to meditate on with the Tarot cards. The queen of swords, the past is gone and the future looks uncertain, but you don't want to be faithless or fearful. You want to be at peace with yourself or your predicament and for your incentive to be restored.You may feel alone even when you'r not. Some areas may be at a standstill while you wait for things to develop, you may also be considering a new line of work or money-making venture. You will work with "whats so" in an effort to go with the flow and because of this will find the way easier, but you may be troubled by the feeling that your success was at the cost of personal fulfillment. You'll make a decision to resolve a conflict by cutting off the person who caused it ot by withdrawing emotionally. You will "inherit" faith and fearlessness in the face of the unknown, and with your faith and perserverance, success will eventually come.A fortunate adjustment will be made and a proverbial "path" will be found. You'll be grateful for a new avenue to pursue and a change in your outlook. A feeling of emptiness is sometimes necessary. A cup thats already full has no room for more. Relinquish self-guidance {ego} and allow the Higher to lead. There are times when earthly desires must be sacrificed in order to made room for a Devine plan, I hope you know that I mean well by this, not judgeing the situation. Wait for new products to develop and in the meantime, do something pleasurable.Learn to find satisfaction in that which you can do on your own. Though you won't know how, what, or why, you'll stay emotionally detached, trying to do the right thing until what you need to know is revealed. Lola means love that I am sending you and yours, and I talk from simular experiences as well.



  • Hi barbralee, I am also feeling the abandonment, secrets, and all kinds of things like you are exposed to on many levels. And I gave every thing I had as well and still do to some with whats left, keep in contact here to nourish your soul and I'm sure you will soon see the light at the end of this very dark tunnel. I have found some people to talk to that I never in a million years thought I ever would on this forum, Lola.



  • Thank you Lola,

    I hope that your prediction is true. I have been trying very hard to hang in there, but have never had such a difficult time as now. I can't tell you how many times I have prayed to God to just bring me home, but somehow I don't have it within me to just end it.

    You mentioned a Tarot card, did you pick one for me? I have gone to two incredibly gitted pyshics who read my life to a tee. I really wish I knew my purpose here, right now I feel like I have nothing left to give.



  • Hi Barbralee, no I did not pull the card it just came to mind, but if you like I can, I also think that talking on a daily or weekly basis may help you to feel like there is some one up there or here who cares. There are Empaths on this sight who can feel deeply for you even without knowing you, it is like having a family that can surround you and help you to regenerate. I can be here for you if you like, and I do care how you feel, it breaks my heart to see so many people isolated, or being given the run around from loved ones or society in general. I understand this deeply and am here to share with you or for you to lean on.With all my heart and soul please just give me or us a chance to help you to find your way out of the desert, your closer than you think! Lola and eat some thing yummy today, spoil yourself, you deserve it! I will hold you in my heart now, you are not alone anymore.



  • Thank you so much Lola. I did have a good day today. I am trying to take positive steps.

    I went to a pretty good tarot card reader. I am fascinated with tarot, psychics, life after death, paranormal, etc. I have a little psychic ability myself.

    I do have a loving man in my life, although sometimes I think he sends mixed messages. I love him very much, but he has his own set of issues to deal with.

    Thanks again for your support. I appreciate it.

    Have a good evening!

    Barbara



  • Hi my DOB is 7/17/80 and the guy I'm dating DOB is 8/20/64. If there are any psychics out there I was wondering if this could very well be my husband? His initials are DLG.



  • Dear Barbralee:

    May the universe shed its light on your path so that you may see your way. Like you, I have been feeling depressed, lonely, let down and ignored but a few people came to my aid and shed the light on my situation and now I can see again! It took a couple of days but just hang in there, friend, and someone will read you. Did you list your DOB and time of birth somewhere on this thread? I do not recall reading it. You might want to add place of birth as well. The more info the better. BTW, some of our readers are from different countries so please spell the month.

    Now, you just relax and nurture yourself. Pamper yourself for a day, heck, make it two! Listen to what your body is telling you to do and being at the end of the rope is simply not an option, my dear. Blessed Be...

    Scribe1



  • Thank you Scribe1 for your kind words and support. Today was one of the best days I have had in months. I think the kind words and thoughts have helped.

    My birthday is May 21, 1951. I was born at 9:27 A.M. I was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I would appreciate someone doing a reading on my boyfriend, and see if it can clear up some issues that have added to my depression. His birthday is January 7, 1952. Time of birth was 6:35. He was born in New Beford, Massachusetts.

    Thanking you in advance,

    Barbara



  • Hi,Barbralee, I am happy for you that you have had a good day, I would like to tickle your funny bone now although it may seem absurd at this time I find laughter can be so healing. A few days ago some one on this forum sent me some funny things that really helped me see things differently and gave me the strength that I forgot that I had in reserve. So on a lighter note, I will tell you my story. I was walking down the street today and saw this guy jumping on a man hole shouting out the number 44! he kept jumping higher and higher until I walked up to him and asked him what he was doing? He said "You have got to try this, it is amazing! I looked at him a little funny but thought what the heck and stepped onto the man hole. He said 'O.K now for this to work you have to jump really high, and put all of your effort into it, and shout out the number 44 really loud!" So I jumped and said 44, he said "Is that the best that you can do!" So I jumped as high as I could and yelled out 44! As soon as I did this he pulled the man hole out from underneath me and got back on to it,he jumped and yelled 45! Ha, I am still here, although a little humiliated and bruised, just kidding. This is one of my favorite jokes, silly egh?Lola means love to you and yours, and Happy New Year! Elizabeth.



  • " at the end end of my rope " ... Sad choice of words . I feel for you , been there . Family history of secrets , pain and torment . In the hands of Dennis Rader in '74 . Mom O.D.ing every week on meds needed , no heat , water or food . Saved 2 boys from being beat to death at the skatepark . Couple dozen funerals in the last 10 years . Married to the fathers of my children for a total of 30 years ( 20 & 10 ) . Buried both lately , only 6 months apart . Now I have a child suicidal , leaving me with their infant . You'd think my child would know better after seeing all I have been going thru . Especially when their half brother and I found his father hanging by a ROPE . Dont give up . Keep hope , faith and courage alive in your heart . God has shown me miracles , angels and the truth . I still dont know why I am chosen . Probably never will while Im here . That would be like someone giving me all the answers to a test . Blessings ...



  • while looking through this thread i suddenly had the song "hero" by mariah carey stuck in my head "and then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on,then you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive. so just when you feel like hope is gone look inside you and be strong and then you"ll finaly see the truth that a hero lies in you." i believe that song applies to you and everybody who feels at the end of his/her rope very well. anybody can be strong if they try,there is no such thing as weak,true strength lies within ourselves. being strong is about carrying on despite the fact that you feel scared,warry(sp?),hopeless and alone. you are strong barbralee and what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger!. good to see your taking the right initiative and i wish you all the best.(: