Passionate big mouth Sag deeply hurt Cancer B/f..silent treatment..Help! LONG!
Good afternoon! This is my first post here although I've been an observer for some time now. I appreciate the feedback/advice given and hope you can offer some on an issue I have. Sorry for the length but want to give background since it's my first post here.
Background: I'm a Sag with my moon in Aquarius, Gemini rising and my Venus in Capricorn. He is a Cancer with his moon in Leo, Libra rising and his Venus in Cancer. We met on a social networking site almost 2 mos ago with our first face-to-face meeting planned for Mid-Jan following the holidays (We live in diff states but only about 100 miles from each other). Both of us had been married once. He's had a few bad relationships and carries a lot of guilt still from them. He has a very strained relationship with his parents. This info is very relevant to the issue at hand today.
We met online and immediately there was a connection on both ends. It's inexplicable really, and trust me I'm a cynic when it comes to online relationships. I'm on those sites for friends only so it really threw me when I felt something more with him from the start! But trust me, he fell a lot faster than me! He was gushing with emotion - it was so sweet. And I could tell...very heartfelt & sincere. Certainly by now I can smell the BS lines. Not him at all - 100% falling. I was the more reserved one. We would exchange messages online daily. I would leave him notes before I went to bed and he would send the morning messages. We'd be online throughout the day and again in the evening before bed. I finally gave him my phone number about 1 month in but neither one of us are phone talkers so we really hadn't planned to be spending a huge amount of time on it. So we had our additional way of communication offline.
Things progressed with both of us falling more and more each day. He had never felt so supported & loved by a woman. I had taken an interest in his biggest passions as a few were mine too. And I had never had such sweet, kind gestures done for me. He called me his angel he had been praying for - for 30 yrs and God finally sent me to him.I was shocked! And I said - but you were married for a long time...she wasn't your angel? And his response was no...I've never felt for anyone what I do for you. It sounds so illogical to tell this story as we hadn't even spent time together - so only we really know that connection and we really couldn't put it into words. He finally told me he loved me about 3 wks ago and I felt the same way and reciprocated the sentiment. And from that point we've said "I love you" everyday - and with all communications throughout the day. And he's the first one to make a joke that he's telling a woman he loves her before he's even kissed her. Of course thinking it was funny, said "yeah what if I'm a bad kisser?" And his sweet response was "it wouldn't matter if you were...I'd have a lifetime to work with you.";) We'd had the conversations already - do you see yourself marrying again, kids etc. Honestly, from things he was saying, I half expected him to propose during our first weekend together.
It's a lot of background, but I just wanted to give enough to illustrate that behaviors & actions were absolutely sincere. There was no mistaking how either of us felt about the other.Both of us were consistent with our words & actions and knew how the other felt. Well, almost consistent - communication on his end was an issue on occasion for which I'll explain and from what I've been reading is a typical cancer pattern. I only wish I knew that before this past weekend.
Now the issue: A few times last week, he'd say he'd be coming online in an hour or later- then no show. He has a lot of drama at home with a roommate who has kids so I just figured something flared up at home or internet trouble etc. It didn't have me worked up. He'd forgive profusely afterward and was shocked that I was still talking to him. I reassured him that it takes more than that to get me upset - that if he wasn't where he should be there was be a good reason for it and I'd hear from him when he could again communicate. I explained to him my time as a military wife taught me that and I guess I continued that theory even after. I could go weeks without hearing so couldn't get worked up after one evening. So easily forgiven - though not much to forgive in my eyes, but he was still speechless that I hadn't tossed him out for it. Hmm now I'm wondering if the first time was an accident, but the 2nd time wasn't actually a test?
So after work Friday and after his errands he sends me a cute text saying he's thinking about me and wishing we were together. I responded and we exchanged a few more mssgs after that. We were both having a later dinner but he said he'd be online in about an hour. So that hour came and went...nothing. Now as I explained, I don't get worked up for missing a time, but this time I knew he was there, we were communicating, he voluntarily said he'd be there. So this time...I was peeved. I did was send one text "Hey lol?" about 1 hr after he said he'd be on. Then 1 more hr passes and I knew he was in bed so I left a voicemail that I hope everything was ok and I'd talk to him Saturday. My Birthday was Sunday so I knew we'd at least be talking over the weekend.
Saturday morning comes and goes and I was wondering what was going on...after all I had left a voicemail and now I was beginning to worry. I sent one more text about noon which said "is everything ok?".Then about two hours later I received a reply that said "I'm in xxx doing Christmas with my folks. I love you!" Ok, so that one shocked me. How could I not know he was celebrating Christmas last wkend - one he had to travel a few hrs for". So in my Sag passion, prideful way, I was irritated by this point. I felt totally in the dark. And without any clarification about how long he would be there...I thought my birthday would come and go without him. So now I was hurt. I went about my day - didn't respond to his text until 11:30 that night - clearly past his bedtime - when it appeared I wouldn't be hearing anything more. I sent a text which I now regret but I was hurt and have no other explanation for it. I thanked him for the "drive by" message and said that no clearly isn't love and I'm not a toy to pick up and play when he feels like it.
So there you go...irrational...insensitive...stupid.... I knew he loved me. I just felt forgotten on my
birthday weekend and still no explanation from the night before. My flash temper/Sag passion took over and I made a huge mistake! Well unbeknownst to me he had come online (which shocked me as I was sure he was in bed) and updated his status to indicate what a horrible time with family he had and they ruined his Christmas. And all I thought was...oh no...he's going to get my text and he's had an awful day. And sure enough...the next status post was that the day just got better and thanks for the stab in the back and knife through the heart. Obviously directed at me.
I looked at my messages and he had sent me one just letting me have it up and down the railroad. Another "drive by" of sorts because after firing a few messages off at me he got offline and that was it! In the few replies I managed to get in, I asked if I could call. Said I wanted to talk...but no the passive-aggressive emails kept flying then he cut me off. He felt I was just going to spend time telling him how horrible he was which wasn't the case at all...I wanted to apologize. I tried his phone and he let it go to voicemail. I left a message.
What I didn't know about his visit (because he never told me until railing on me in the message) was that he was telling his parents about me. AND that they were celebrating Christmas early because he asked them to move it for me?!? And he was berated by them and he told them off. I was stunned! First of all, we never had a single discussion Christmas plans. He was clearly making an assumption with that. Secondly I would have never expected to spend a holiday together without meeting face to face first. And thirdly, I could totally understand why his parents were upset. So now...his lack of communication and everything that happened that day with his family had become my fault.
I felt about 1 inch tall. I knew he was in so much pain and alone (because I've received enough family background) and I couldn't do anything to help. He said I didn't give him a chance to explain. What chance did I ever think...he went to his parents for Christmas. He didn't say "i'll explain later" in the text. I had no idea there was a backstory coming. Here are excerpts from his final message to me as I think it speaks volumes of his past and his cancer tendencies: he believes everyone eventually leaves. He took this whole thing and basically said I'm getting what I want and just go! Here's excerpts from his final note:
"People don't use "you don't know what love is" to someone they love. Just finish it, okay? Just twist it deeper and get it over with so the pain won't last for years, okay?? You wanted out - you've got your "out." You want me to say it? Okay - I'm stupid, I suck, I'm thoughtless, I'm insensitive ... nevermind the 2 hours spent over 3 days on your special Birthday message and the fact I was going to make sure I was online for as much of it as you could handle or as much as you could fit in -- totally rearranged Christmas w/ my ^&-up family for you & found a sub for tomorrow-- because it was a special day for someone that thinks now I don't have a F&*( clue what love is and never loved her. Yea sure I want to talk so I can feel like the spitwad beneath your high heeled shoe! You said all that needs to be said - you made up your mind. This weekend sucks now. I finally open my heart and soul and give it away after almost a decade of keeping it locked away and for what? So my family can tell me I am the biggest idiot at Christmas-time and berate me for hours about moving Christmas just because of some woman I met online ... and then the very same person I did all these things for rips my heart out and stomps on it. And now you want to talk after it's lying on the floor in billions of pieces? Perhaps you should have thought about that before you flashed off that nasty hurtful message ... then tried to talk this out!"
So this obviously makes me look like one heartless woman. And I'm not at all. I have a big, giving & forgiving heart. But I made an obvious mistake. One thing he fails to take ownership for is the fact that for the entire week prior, I had been trying to arrange a phone call - which for whatever reason on his end didn't happen. I was trying to talk. So as far as not having the chance to explain - he had plenty of time if he wanted to clue me in ahead of time. He interpreted my mometary question of love (which was a HUGE mistake and I know he does. I was a fool) as my wanting out. He couldn't be more wrong. I'm being punished now and I'm not sure what to do.
I sent him an email on Sunday (my Birthday) apologizing and asking for a chance to talk. I couldn't believe he would cut me off cold without a chance to resolve this conflict. This has never happened before. I was compassionate in my apology but also stood my ground. I reaffirmed my love. And I explained my text (not looking to excuse it) since I didn't get to do it in person. I said I was sorry for my part in the mayhem...but I didn't deserve all of that. I said I would only be leaving if he tells me to go - and he has to own that. I'm very much here. And I'm not leaving because he's TELLING me that I've left. I own my feelings!! He needs to own his.I think I got the railing he wished he would have given his parents.I'm torn because I'm so hurt right now but angry that my voice has been taken from me. And I feel like he's proving my point...I foolishly questioned for a moment his love...but now it almost seems like he's proving my poing with his behavior.Can you love someone and not give them a chance to even speak? Could you cast someone out that easily for good? He made a statement once when I was crabby and he started giving crabby back to me that he can dish it out as well as he takes it. I can't help but wonder if he's trying to make me pay with the silence as he knows I'm a talker and the silence is killing me!
I sent an email yesterday explaining that I understand his anger and just reaffirming I'm still here. Last night I sent a text which just said "I've sent several mssgs apologizing and the silent treatment is really hurting me. What do you want?" I think I deserve to know if he's walked away. No response yet to the text. That was my last attempt for now. I'm going to give him space to process but I need to strike the balance btw space and my not leaving. I think he's deeply injured and I'm in so much pain because of that. I think this could be another test. The whole rant was "letting me off the hook." For some reason, he's not revealing what he wants?Does he want me gone? I don't believe that's at all what he wants...and certainly not what I want, so I need to find a way to get him to see that everyone doesn't leave, while still being very much the independent, strong woman he fell in love with. He's been waiting to give his heart away. He wants a relationship ...this I'm certain of.
I'm good about listening to my gut when it comes to men...and right now it's telling me he's still here. You can see he tossed it all off on me and conveniently never said how he felt. I think the fact that he didn't say goodbye is the tale. He still has me as a friend on the site - still in the #1 spot. I honestly think if he was done he'd block me. I think Saturday was overload for him (he's extremely emotionally fragile by his own admission), he already hates the Holidays's and now he's retreated into his shell. He's a video gamer and has also admitted it's how he escapes and takes out his aggressions.
Help me please I'm looking for outside eyes who have experience with cancer males to weigh in with advice/feedback. I had a long marriage to a Taurus and a dated a Libra...but this is my first Cancer so please help!!! I'm so deeply hurt right now for the pain I caused someone I love and who in my heart knows he loves me. I've told him before that when I hurt someone, you can be certain it's hurting me deeper. On the site we're on, he has me in his family as 3 things : the other half of his soul, god's gift to him, and his heaven-sent angel. Obviously there is a deep connection we've both felt. I'm hoping he doesn't stay in his pity party thinking his destiny is that bad luck follows him and this is another case of it. He makes comments and did in a different message that night that he knew he was never good enough for me. That couldn't be further from the truth and I wish he could see what I see. I may have lost the man I love over one stupid thing I said. Earlier in the week I showed him how I'm able to forgive and love through it. I just hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me. He knows I love him. I think he's been waiting for the shot to fire these things at me as a part of his self-fulfilling prophecy that "everyone leaves". It doesn't work out with everyone so yes, some people will leave you. But at this point people leave him probably when he cuts them off cold! What else can they do? Somehow I have to show him it doesn't have to be that way. I just don't know how to do this when I've been silenced.
Thank you for your time. I know this was really long and I sincerely appreciate any advice!
O M G . You say you have only known this guy 2 months ? Try knowing someone for 14 mths and have him dump you with no explaination what so ever . I would like you to read my story "Have I lost my cancer b/f for good " mine meant everything to me and we were totaly in love , but i will leave you to read my story first . Please respond on my forum . God bless you I know exactly what you are going through , believe me .
HOLY CRAP! thats a tough situation. OK lets see here, first off im a male SAG , virgo moon, and Gemini rising, and i can be very much like you, and very hurtful to the people we love if we feel that we have been wronged, or in my case want answers from them but they dont say their true feelings, in case you havent seen my posts, i have been dealing with a Libra Girl and we both felt an instant connection, within a 2 weeks we were talking about meeting eachothers parents, but in my case she is not "open" about her feelings, and i am very much and i have told her i loved her twice now, over 5 months of knowing her now, after the first time i said it i feel like she didnt believe me cause i said "im sorry i dont feel that way anymore, i dont know what love is, i never have experienced it" i said that the next day, because her response wasnt the one i wanted, she never said she did or didnt, but i could tell she didnt want to hurt me, and didnt know what to say to it, as of now she still hasnt said that she does, but she is afraid of being hurt alot. what do you think? everytime i talk to her she updates her status on myspace and and sounds extremely happy, and then text me the next day saying "good morning!" and acting like a little kid,cracking jokes, saying silly things, god its soo dam cute lol but then when she realizes how shes acting she turns off and then goes quiet, its like she thinks that her acting like that isnt ok and may come off a little "obsessive" or "clingy", because she is a strong girl, but when we have spent time together, im sure her friends even notice that she acts completely comfortable, and more talkative around me, in which as do i, cause we both the shy type.
but anyways, since i think she loves me but doesnt say it, i got fed up with it a few times, and i would send messages wanting answers, and being a jerk really, and of course she got extremely mad cause she doesnt want to talk about anything thats "personal". i even said "what? you want me to leave? just dissapear? how would you feel then? which of course pis-sed her off, and she even said this to me "if it makes your decision any easier, id always thought you would leave, so maybe thats why i never let myself get closer to you" , she has trust issues, and fears being "left", so me being here for as long as i have, putting up with all her "silence" on the deep issues, that drive me crazy and act stupid, we are still talking, and i think she is finally starting to see that im not going anywhere, and i also noticed and she has also put up with the way i have acted and hasnt gone anywhere either, but a few weeks ago i thought i completely ruined everything, everything is fine now but, a few weeks ago i wanted answers and i said if she doesnt answer now that im done. her response was a simple "goodbye" because she was so mad and hurt because of what i said to her, but i didnt swear or yell at her, she blocked myspace page, and she blocked my phone number, it took a few INTENSE messages back and forth before she calmed down(a week later). i had to say im sorry for sooo many things, but i did point out that it wasnt JUST MY FAULT that it takes two to tango lol, she did bring up "love" alot saying "you dont love me, you dont even love yourself, how could you love me?". but since im this caring,sensitive guy, and i kinda "understand women", im easy to talk too, people come seek me out for advice, that probably why when girls get past me being "scary" 6'5 big guy and intimadating ,everyone sees this gentle giant lol
OK sorry LOL, it seems you can type alot and so can I. we both have the same sun sign and rising sign lol, and im a guy! and by the way im only 22 and the girl i was talking about is 23, but im wise for my age lol ok back onto your guy, after what i have said about my thing going on, i hope you see that i understand yours too.
do not worry when you feel these connections, ive never felt anything like this before, but ive also never had a relationship, cause i never felt anything for anyone else so i didnt bother when girls liked me. yes he has every right to be mad at you, but you must have faith, he will realize what he is doing and come back, why would ruin the best thing thats ever happened to him? and as for being video gamers!!! LOL me and this girl i talked about are both GAMER NERDS! lol and yes i was very depressed as a kid and grew up in a home that had alot of chaos, thoughts of suicide etc.... so games was and STILL is my way to escape from reality. think about it? if you think so badly about yourself and feel like you are worthless, why not play a video game? where you can be the hero that saves the world, GETS THE GIRL AND ENDS UP HAPPILY EVER AFTER? geez i kinda feel like if you and him combine into one, you would get ME lmao. oh yeah and i also think that girl i love is too good for me BUT i think she thinks im too good for her also. its toooo good to be true right? but i dont think so, maybe we supposed to be together? after all our heartache, bad childhoods, everything good or bad that has happened, just what if all the chances we didnt take, led us straight too this amazing person we have found? i could see myself marrying her one day but of course i cant say that, shed go into shock lol we have both seriously thought about joining the army in the past, maybe we both didnt for a reason? maybe i never played football in highschool for a reason?(im sure i would have had colleges beating down my door) and if i did, i would have been away from home and never met her? who knows? OK im rambling once again!! i hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or anything, just ask, im like you as a sag, and a depressed video gamer like him LOL take care
Bump! saginluvwithacancer, im curious to see what has been going on with your situation
Hi! Sorry I fell offline there for a few just crazy with my little one & Christmas
Well he eventually replied in the form of an email and suffice it to say...it wasn't pretty. I received the Cancerian male rage x10! Wondering what kind of heartless person I could be, what kind of childhood I had to have questioned his love which was flowing so freely (needless to say...yeah I'm really feeling the love right now ?!? Said that I just go and be with "those military types" (yes he said that) because then I could have my temper, they could give it back to me and then we could have good make-up s&* without any emotions attached.Yes...he really did go down that road!
And it just got worse. I was so hurt by his long rant about me being the worst thing walking upright that it literally made me sick to my stomach. It was nothing short of an intentional character assassination that I just haven't mustered up a reply.
Oh and I don't want to leave out the guilt it was laced with. I've killed him and even his own usual repair tactics won't work on this one. Basically he's going to lock away his heart so no woman can ever get close to it again.
This from a 45 yr old man!! I serious felt like I was reading something from a teenager! I don't know if I'm more furious or hurt...I can't decide! Because he likes to refer to my "flash temper" throughout (which he only was the benefit of once), I half think this reply was a test to see if I'd launch back at him and prove the point he was trying to make? Well I haven't and I won't.
But I'm certainly left with a multitude of questions - the biggest of which is...how could you ever love such an evil wench as I ? In spite of what he thinks, I'm wise enough to see that it's easier when you don't feel you deserve happiness, to tear the other person apart, make them look like they aren't a big loss or worth you time...thus making it easier to walk away and hide. The fact of the matter is, I think he probably would've walked at some point and was just waiting for me to give him an opportunity. His letter was laced with all sorts of things like "I pretended to like the music and video gaming"...thus calling me a liar...nice! There's no way I could've found him attractive...so every compliment I paid him was fake apparently.
I read and reread the letter and he didn't mention one positive thing about me. Now I'm letting it roll off as I do believe he still loves me in spite of the feeling that's dead now, I just believe he's running because that's all he knows. What I can't figure out is if he's coming back? To tell me I should go find the military guys to be happy...who is he to tell me what I need? And no thanks, that's not what I want! He commented that roles are reversed these days and women think they need to be the overpowering ones and society has it all screwed up.
So herein lies where things get interesting...there are some things about me that he doesn't know...and he is aware he doesn't know them. For reasons relative to the ex's military position and security, I was not going to be telling him everything until we met in January. He knew this and was ok with it. But he never let his mind think of what those things could be...like could I be a mom? And I am. My ex and I have an agreement not to send pics of our child over the net - for security and just something we don't wish to do as parents. So I had decided to wait and tell him when I could show him pics in person. Had he asked me the question I would have of course answered him truthfully...but he never did. So why is this relevant? Well, this whole email diatribe when he proclaims to know me and berate me to all heck...is on basically only about 25% of who I am. To accuse me of not knowing how to love unconditionally (apparently as he does)...when I'm a mother...is preposterous!
Personally I leave judging others to God as it's not my place nor do I think it's others. But to be judged on what isn't your total self is horribly cruel and heartless. He said if I knew anything about the cancer male I would've known and been able to recognize his love.
So in the end, here's where I am: I've done a lot of reading, and I've come to recognize that he had in fact identified me as "the one" and I was already up on that pedestal with those high standards attached. And I truly do understand now the deep pain he is feeling and what my comment did to him. I understand his urgency to retreat with the associated drama and I guess I understand his ranting email.
But here's what I don't buy: cancer males want us to understand their complexity, when they don't always have a handle on it themselves. He says I should've known it was love he had for me...and then he so easily casts me out without so much as a verbal conversation?
I feel the need to answer his email, but I'm not sure how to go about doing this in the most effective manner. I promised him I would fill in the missing pieces of my life when I saw him in January..and I absolutely want to do that now. It upsets me that I was judged without him knowing this HUGE piece of the puzzle...my daughter. So when I'm short with him, or not as sensitive to his issue that day...perhaps there was a valid 3 yr old reason why? It won't make a difference in his stubborn mind, but if you are going to judge me, than at least have all the information and your facts straight before doing so!
His closing paragraph was "good luck in whatever you do or whoever you are with but what was once, is now dead."?!? And he says repeatledly "don't worry about me...blah blah... Of course he knows I'll worry!! So it sure sounds like I've been ditched....but my gut is still telling me he's testing me to see how much I care. Then again, he lived for almost a decade before he gave his heart to me, so perhaps he's content living in pity & solitude. So he said it never would've worked because I'm not who he thought I was?!?! So am I a huge disappointment or what lol? Geez! My apologies were all notes of support for him, and his reply was how I couldn't do anything right, and I was the most heartless & cold person walking this planet.
As I reflect on why that comment came out of my mouth, I've come to the realization that I hadn't yet surrendered my heart to the situation as I should have. All signs pointed to happiness. I miss him terribly. Those cutting remarks aren't really him - he's still angry and embarassed. He treated me like a queen and he's right to be upset - but not right to go down the belittling road - I don't deserve that. This whole thing began over my birthday weekend. He had said he wouldn't forget and I shouldn't trusted in that. But what he doesn't understand (because I hadn't gotten into my marriage details with him) is that for 18 yrs, I didn't have that kind of love. My bdays would go by without so much as a card. If I didn't buy my own christmas gifts, I didn;t have anything to open. I was with someone who put in zero effort to make me happy. So after being disappointed the first 5 yrs of marriage, I buiilt a wall around my heart...I wouldn't let my mind go the the nice "surprises" a relationship might offer...and then I couldn't be disappointed. For 18 yrs...that's all I knew.
So fault me for not recognizing what I didn't know could exist...of what I had blocked so deeply so as to avoid repeated disappointment. I need someone to love me through this transition to the good places love can take you, not club me over the head with my weakness I already know exists. I'd like to be able to explain about my daughter (that's a biggie) and about this love that I was used to. It won't change anything in the end - he's very stubborn, but it would make me feel like all my cards are on the table at least.
Do you have any advice lol? Is he gone? He still hasn't blocked me on the social networking site and I can see he logs in once per day at least. I have no idea why he's on or what he's checking, but part of me wonders if he hasn't blocked me because he still wants to see what's going on in my world. And telling me good luck...is that the same as good bye? It seems like a test...like will I come back with a good bye?
What do you think? I miss him. Today on Christmas, it was very hard. The one person I wanted to speak to - I knew I wouldn't be Thanks again for your time in reading and commenting on my very frrustrating situation with my Cancer Man!!
i think you are right, i think he is testing you, but maybe he was just very upset at that moment in time, and now regrets what he has said to you now?, cause if he truly loves you the way he says he does, i BET he feels bad about what he said to you, and is probably hoping he didnt completely push you away and is hoping you respond in a way good way and showing him that you are willing to put up with his C-rAp, I WAS in a similar situation, once i sent that message to the Libra girl, after her response was just "goodbye" once i saw that i couldnt help but think about it ALL DAY while i was at work, i couldnt keep my focus on things cause i really thought that i had thrown everything away, remember that im a video gamer and use those to "get away" also, i have always pushed people away from me that i let get close to me, and i seem to be unapproachable, it seems like he is like this also, but after i have been talking to this libra girl for 5 months now, i have changed alot and have been more comfortable with who i am and have someone that likes me just for being me and doesnt care what made me this way, she just likes me. SO
you say you love him SO are you willing to put up with his attitude right now and try to make things better? or you just gonna give up? im glad my Libra girl came back after blocking me out cause i realized how stupid i was, and i never want to feel like i did when she "left again, so i have changed my ways so it doesnt happen again. ask him if he wants to keep talking to you? or if you are that bad of a person that he cant stand you.
so case in point, i think you should send him a message clearly stating, how mad and hurt you are from his message, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT WHAT YOU DID WRONG ALSO and say for it but also explain why you said what you said, and that you didnt know he was gonna change his whole family christmas plans for you, tell him that he didnt give you any notice on what he was doing and you jumped to conclusions and say im sorry for that, but also let him HAVE IT! lol if your angry about what he said, let him know, cause im sure he feels bad about what he has said and doesnt want you to leave, ask him all the questions you wanna ask, was what you said so bad that you deserved for him to totally cut you down? if you love me like you say you do, why would you hurt me so?
just say close to everything on your mind BUT dont fly off the hinges and be overly angry with him cause if you sound VERY angry it is just gonna make him more angry, so stay calm and relaxed and say what you wanna say without sounding too mad, sound more hurt than anything, and once he reads you message and can sense that you are calm and just responding to him like normal without going all DRAMATIC on him, he will calm down also, and I BET once he send another message back to you, he will have come to his senses and realize that he was in the wrong and will Apoligize to you.
i think i ran out of things to say now lol well what do you think? i had to play both fields when dealing with this Libra girl, so i hope i helped. take care
The good thing is that he hasn’t deleted you from his friends list, so that means there’s still hope. An angry Cancer man can be difficult to deal with and so far I think you’re doing the right things. You apologized, sent him messages and you did not allow him to push you out of his life. I think these are all good indicators that you do not take flight easily at the first sign of trouble. I also think he is waiting to hear an explanation because he hasn’t blocked you. He will continue to provoke you into revealing the real reason behind your actions, so it’s going to be unsettled until the air is cleared so to speak. Help him understand where you were coming from, i.e. what you said about your bad marriage, but I wouldn’t put your child as an excuse for being in a possible bad mood. And I don’t think it’s the time to discuss about your not knowing about his plans, because it would sound like you are turning the blame back onto him. My 2 cents worth.
I read your posts in detail and just tried to post a very long response but then my connection disconnected..oh well maybe i should paraphrase!
I've replied in your other post that I personally don't believe you can really love someone when you haven't met in person, but let's put that aside for now.
This is how I see the situation. It sounds like without knowing you (even if he claims he does, and even you say he only knows about 25% of who you are) he made you into his fantasy woman and put you up on a pedestal. He fell in love with this image of you, not the real you. What is making him angry is because you shattered this perfect image of someone and a perfect situation he had planned.
The actual situation that caused this, was miscommunication. Yes, you did react and send him that message, but it's because you didn't know what was going on for that weekend. It isn't fair to you that he didn't tell you that he was changing his plans so he can be with you on your birthday. You are not psychic and he can't expect you to read his mind. that just isn;t fair and then send you a letter of rage ranting how horrible you are. Don't take it personally, it's his hurt and anger speaking. He doesn't know you enough to call you a terrible person. You are not an evil wrench.
you wrote: " In spite of what he thinks, I'm wise enough to see that it's easier when you don't feel you deserve happiness, to tear the other person apart, make them look like they aren't a big loss or worth you time...thus making it easier to walk away and hide"
Yes, I can relate to this because I felt this way for a long time because I grw up with my mother telling me that i was a horrible person and no one would ever love me, so for many years I pushed people away thinking I didn't deserve love. So he pushed you away instead of trying to work out the miscommunication.
You were also vulnerable to him, because you had not recieved affection and love from your ex and you meet this charming person showering you with sweet words. But this is not love, this is falling into a spell of seduction (I've been reading a book about seductiion, it has been enlightening).
Love is taking the time to get to know a person. Love is accepting that person for who they are and loving them anyway, not creating an image of someone you'd like to be with and expecting that person to be that way, and then getting angry because that person did not fit that exact image. Love is working out miscommunication and listening to the other person.
So unless you want a man in your life who is emotional and dramatic and may call you all kinds of things, I would walk away, let it go. If you still want this man, I would give it time and maybe send him a friendly message saying "Hi, how are you" just a short hi, nothing romantic, and see how he reacts to that. Cancers don't want to let go of people completely. he probably hasn;t blocked you for that reason.Give him time to work it out, cool off his anger. Mine came back after 13 years, after I hurt him deeply (I didn't even know I did).
Don't take it pesonally. Cancers like to blame you when they are hurt. My cancer guy told me I ruined his life, made him fail his pilots exam, and put a wall around his heart because I hurt him. He was in 2 plane crashes and he said that didn't compare to the pain I put his through. At first I felt guilty and cried. Then I realized it was all him, I was not responsible for his feelings.
bump! i want to hear more lol