Turtledust, come back here this INSTANT!!!!!! Please!!! :-))
Please come back so Hisbablove can give you the rest of your message so her guides will be quiet and Hisbablove can stop stressing!
Didn't mean to scare you away, just a whole lot of deranged sense of humours to deal with here! You'll get used to it!
Hi - I am back - I got lost. I forgot where I had been. I just got home and was able to log back on. Sorry I missed you. I am trying to put things back together. But entropy seems to be winning.
There you are, you naughty, naughty girl:)
You have driven me distraction tonight young lady! I'm so glad you're back! Now, I'm drained and falling asleep on my computer. and you just got home from work and need to rest, too.
So give me a time we can catch up and not be blind with exhaustion so I don't babble any more incoherently than I normally do and you don't fall apart and run away from us again:)
I really am glad you're back. I was feeling terrible...wait till we get you comfortable with our mad bunch...THEN you're in for it Missy!
Blessings and Light
Oh my, I just burst into tears when I saw your posting/ Thank you for posting back I will get back to you tomorrow Thank you
I didn't see you back yesterday and wanted you to know that I am still here and ready to help. I'll be around for a bit today, then I have to run out again, but know that I'm here and you're not forgotten:)
Blessings to you.
Hi I'm back for a bit. Until I get a call. I think I will get a call tonite.
Are you still here, hon?
Merry Christmas to everyone - I will be back during the day.
I haven't given up on you...I'm still here
Hi - I am here now. I am trying to get some things organized at my desk at home. I will check back periodically. I do hope everyone had a good Christmas weekend. I am preparing my wish list for the upcoming Blue Moon/eclipse. Since I will be spending it alone, it gives me something to look forwards to!.
This post is deleted!
I'm sorry for the above spam post, but glad we're here. Now that you have had some time to get past the blues you were feeling originally, we can get your messages without you, the guides, and me being agitated so we don't see clearly.
Two things I want to say though...First, you were NOT whiny and you MUST stop being so hard on yourself. You were feeling normal and EXPECTED human emotions which you SHOULD let out or go insane. Its just important to know that, when you're needed to release those emotions, that's all you should do. Thinking clearly or hearing anything at that time is asking too much of yourself:)
You are very hard on yourself most of the time,aren't you? You don't give yourself much room to be human,with weaknesses and failings, and moments of doubt. I feel like a lot of this has been the result of your marriage and early home life, but one led to the other and both created a lot of years when you were made to feel and came to believe that your normal needs, feelings, and desires were somehow wrong. You were beat up in a lot of ways, expected to do and be so many things to so many people, had so much to deal with yourself, that you've come to have the same demands and expectations of yourself that others placed on you, as if it was all justified. You've kept a lot within you for so long, even believing YOURSELF that you were wrong to weaken. Its got to, and WILL stop:)
Now, I know your mind was racing everywhere when you posted originally, and we can see what messages we get for each aspect. So, why don't you start? Let me know where you are and what's on your mind now, and we'll see what the guides have to say. Then we'll go from there to the next thing. I can't promise that we'll get answers for everything, but we will get you some peace and direction. That IS why we are here:)
I'll be here ready when you are:)
This post is deleted!
Hi - I am checking in. I promise to try to get on line at a reasonable hour today. I made it through Christmas and have gotten over my cold, A few days ago I felt like I was standing in a hall of mirrors not knowing which way to go. Today there are not as many reflections confusing me. I have had some very good conversations with my friend. Just conversations about the world, kids, life, philosophy, etc but they are good conversations none the less and I feel like I have finally found someone who listens to me who I can listen to, if that makes sense. Also, I don't feel like I am crazy today. I am pretty sure that my husband (exhusband) is the one who might be missing some marbles. I don't feel quite so lost in the universe..
Okay - I am here at work and I am logged on for about an hour if anyone is around. I am not so stressed today so perhaps things will be more clear. All I really am wondering is what you feel around me at this time and if anything, for the future. I know that I have guides to help me and watch out for me, but there are many times I cannot feel or interpret them. I do better for other people, but not so good for myself. Thanks!
I'm so glad we caught up with each other...at least I hope we did:) I have a lot of messages for you in one area after the next but have been told that we need to do this a little at a time so you can let each bit sink in and gain the full understand of each message.
First, as with yesterday, I'm being told to focus on YOU. Not the children, the friends, the divorce, etc as much as starting with you. The message is you need to become more focused and centered. Get away from the inner turmoil, the focus on your feelings that has had you in a semi stranglehold for so long. You almost can't move because of the tornado of emotion swirling inside you. For all of that, you keep it inside and seem to be outwardly numb in many ways.almost like you are immobile but inside you everything is going on at top speed.
You have kept yourself in this state for SO long. Overwhelmed with feelings you can't sort out or get out,yet still and numb on the outside. The storm inside you has to break in order for you to move forward. Without dealing with all the stuff coursing inside you, almost like blood through your veins, you will remain immobile in your life. You have suppressed so much for so long, it has made you numb to it in many ways. Like you have an injury that aches to the point of incapacitating you, yet you have learned to drag along with it there anyway.
Your sadness and fear are palpable. I can see you almost limp sometimes, just there, barely moving or thinking, awash in feelings but numb and mute, looking around yourself and hardly seeing anything, with stuff heaped down on you and you not even moving or flinching, Yet the sadness, the helplessness, even the rage that you so quickly push down are almost physical.
In this state you are looking for something to hold on to, something to hope for and believe in so you can continue to plow on through. But, whatever comes your way will be another brick in the wall between you and your truth...until you turn your attention on YOU and see your life as yours and yours alone. You have to stand up and take control back from everywhere and everyone that you have submitted to. You MUST see yourself as the one and only source of your happiness and your destiny. You have never done that, You have always been at the mercy of circumstance and others, giving in because you didn't want to give up and find yourself floundering. You would rather suffer in silence, even at the hands of others, than face what is inside you. You need to face your fears. Stand up to it and for YOURSELF.
You have spent so much time floating adrift in this sea, letting waves and blows crash over you, be they the ups and downs of life or the whims and needs of others, never taking hold of anything and struggling to swim on your own,or even defend yourself against the crashing of the sea. All of this because you were too afraid of doing what you needed for yourself. Too afraid to be alone with yourself. Too afraid of facing your truths. You have chosen to suffer silently rather than take a chance and end that suffering by opening your eyes and mind to what is inside you.
But, you are too good, too precious, for the universe, God, whatever you believe in, to let you go on this way. Because you might have lived this way forever and never the work in this life that you came here to do any other way, you are being led to this point. You will have to take that leap of faith and begin to unravel what you spent your life suppressing. You are being given a tremendous gift, an opportunity to become now what you were meant to be. To be the woman you didn't get to become, didn't allow yourself to be.
Unless you open up and make the choice and the COMMITMENT to do this work now, you will remain as you have been,only heaping more sadness and disappointment that you never speak of onto yourself. This is your chance. Its up to you to take it or not.
When you've read this and feel that you are getting what you need from it and want to get the rest, let me know. Please don't feel that you have to. It really is completely up to you. I hope some this makes sense to you and ignites the spark the guides intend it to.
Blessings and Light
Wow - thank you. This is sort of what I have been told and how I want to look at it really - not the end but the beginning. A chance to be myself. To do that I have to get rid of a mountain of "stuff" both physical stuff in my house and emotional "stuff" That is going to take some time.
I am slowly making a dent in both. You are right about being surrounded by "stuff" and being limp and unable to do anything. It takes a lot of work to unravel and, weed through the physical and emotional "stuff" and get rid of the unwanted. I don't want to do this after work and after dealing with everything I have to deal with on a daily basis. I want to go back to a time when I had very little except for books and clothes and a few cooking utensils. Until I doing this "clearing" I don't feel like I will really be able to figure out who I am. I often feel like I should load everything into a truck and push it off the side of a cliff. Meanwhile, I do have to go to the job everyday and work and do it well because I have to really rely on myself now. And I have to take care of my littlest girl and do what's best for her. You are right, I have been in turmoil for many years. I have not yet done whatever it was I was supposed to do given the brain I have. "Things" got in the way that were not part of the grand scheme perhaps because the choice I made for a life partner did not allow me to be whatever it was I was meant to be. Then came the kids and all the "stuff" that came along with kids. I do want to keep my home and my pets and take care of my kids but I need to find some freedom and the only way I can do this is to unload everything (as much as possible). I want to go and see and do and be. The question is - how am I to do that given that some of the anchors I have cannot be changed at least for many years? Thanks again for your insight. It is too true. I am lucky to have such good advice.
I'm so glad these pushy guides of mine can be of use to you:) Sometimes the messages I get are so puzzling to me that, when I send them, I am pretty sure I'm going to be laughed off the internet entirely:) Thank you so much for the affirmation and for being open and receptive to the messages you are being given. We will work together and I will stay with you until we get to everything and you can begin to have the clarity, peace, and direction you are meant to have. Those 3 words came as a message to you, not from my own head. (My guides sometimes have very little manners and interrupt when I'm speaking:) So now I will let them do the talking. Here we go:)
You have taken the very first and most important step,that of recognizing what needs to be cleared away and dealt with. You also recognize that you have suppressed your SELF, your truth, your feelings for the sake of peace and out of fear. Now is the time to begin anew. You are going to have to get to know yourself again. NOT as someone's wife or mother. The true you first.
**I AM ADDING THIS NOTE IN CAPS AFTER FINISHING THE READING TO LET YOU KNOW I DID NOT COME UP WITH THESE ANSWERS ON MY OWN, I ONLY TOOK ONE COURSE IN PSYCHOLOGY IN COLLEGE WHICH FOCUSED ON PSYCHOLOGICAL PHILOSOPHY AND HAVE NEVER GOTTEN A MESSAGE LIKE THIS BEFORE. THIS IS WHAT THE GUIDES GAVE ME TO GIVE YOU. IT HAS NEVER, EVER HAPPENED BEFORE. I'M BLOWN AWAY. I HOPE IT HELPS YOU.
Your first step is to make the commitment to do this and not back down or give up. Do not feel that you need to justify anything to anyone. Do not defend yourself, your choices, your actions to anyone. Do NOT feel the need to explain anything to anyone or answer any questions. Ignore the pressure you will face when those who are so used to you submitting your will and needs for the sake of others or to for the sake of what is "expected" of you try to pin you back down, which they WILL do when they sense the change in you.
Be calm, answer only what is their concern to know, and close the door they will be trying to pry open. I feel like this pertains to your exhusband. He still feels or acts like he has the upper hand he always had in your relationship. He will be the first one to question and maybe even mock the changes he will sense in you. You must respond with unfeeling,unconcerned, but FIRM strength and the conviction that it is NOT his place to question you or give his opinion.
Next, you will have to stop trying to tackle the whole thing head on. In order to unravel something, we have to pick at a piece at a time. We don't grab the whole thing and try to tear away it. If we do, we get tired of futilely fighting and give up. One piece at a time.
For your emotional stuff, sit down and write the first words that come to mind, without stopping to think. Keep writing until the words stop flowing out of you. When you are finished, take a moment to relax and then look at the words you have written. This is your emotional ball of stuff to unravel...ONE piece at a time. Read the whole thing ONLY ONCE and then pick a word to sort out. If its "Tired" for instance, think about what you are tired of or tired from. What does this word mean to you and what have you done to suppress that feeling you? How can you translate that suppressed feeling into a positive emotion you can face and work with, not stamp down and hide? If you feel like writing it, go ahead. Then leave the ball of stuff alone. Work on only that one word. You can do this while driving, showering, doing dishes, any time you have a few minutes to think. When you feel comfortable with expressing and acknowledging that, throwing away the past habits and connotations associated with that word, and feel like you have a grasp of how to express and USE it in a new way, move on to another word on your sheet.
For your exterior clutter, start by doing one closet, one room, on drawer. Just a little bit every day. A few minutes even. As long as you START, you will gain momentum and energy and start to remove the obstacles in your way. One piece at a time. Each time you start to grab at the whole thing at once, STOP. Don't overwhelm yourself with what needs to be done. Rather, open yourself to what IS being done.
Stop finding things to distract you from dealing with what you need to do. You do this, then see you haven't done what you feel you should/wanted to do and then berate yourself and feel guilty and even more overwhelmed. You tend to do this at the end of the day, when its too late to do anything and you end up resigned, guilty, and overwhelmed before the next day even begins. You have got to stop setting unrealistic goal, leaving huge tasks for "the weekend" and then distracting yourself for a few minutes that turn into hours that turn into guilt and more resigned overload. If you start with ONE PIECE AT A TIME, you will meet your goals, not feel guilty and build momentum and feel a sense of control over your SELF and your surroundings. What you do NOW is simply an exterior manifestation of what you do INSIDE you. You tap into the tidal wave of emotions, feel like your drowning, and tune it out, numbing yourself once more and trudging along with nothing resolved.
You do not have the anchors to hold you down that you think you have. YOU are clinging to those anchors as a barrier, a means to stand still in the sea because you're afraid to drown of you venture out. You will be led to let go and soar soon. Trust and believe.
Okay...I'm going to stop here because I'm wiped out, my dear. These guys are really thrilled to get to give your messages that they've been bursting with for days now, but their vessel is too pooped to party on and if I don't stop, I won't be able to do anything for you tomorrow.
The last thing they want to tell you is to go back and reread what you have been given. Soak it in. They are telling me you haven't absorbed everything yet. Relax. Take it slow and take it all in. It will be okay. That, I KNOW:)
Blessings and Light:)