What Are You Thoughts of Requestees That Turn On Readers
Hi Witchone, I think what you wrote above was very lovely. This quote from you has brought up some thoughts though and I really struggle with this subject of working on loving the unloveable......
"Secondly, it makes me at least, think of how easy it is to love the lovable but maybe it's loving the unlovable we need to work on. It's easy to show love and kindness to someone who is grateful. Not so easy to someone who is in such pain they can't accept the gifts/help that is offered."
I began teaching 11 years ago and started off very idealistic. I had one or two very unloveable students who I spent a great deal of time with. Too much of my time to be honest. These kids would look at me with big eyes and say all the right things and then turn right around again, walk out the door and assualt a fellow student. There was a conflict just about every other day. Meanwhile, the children who were well behaved, polite honest and kind were being shortchanged. In hindsight, I believe it sent the message that the worse you act, the more attention you will get.
I also have a family member who is an alcoholic. This person is very mean when they drink. Very very hurtful. After forgiving and forgiving this behavior and trying to help them for years, I decided it was time to walk away. This person would try to embarrass, harrass and hurt. I know it was because they were drinking but they refused to acknowledge their problem or take responsibilty for their hurtful actions. No apologies ever. Just denial.
I do wonder if trying to help the unloveable really just serves to make us crazy. If someone chooses to be unkind, hurtful and not willing to take help.... maybe that is just their problem and they will have to deal with consequences? It sounds very unforgiving but I don't want to give so much attention to a person who is hurtful and nasty. It is incredibly draining and takes time away from people who DO want the help and are trying to make a change.
This doesn't sound very enlightened of me and I am not writing to argue at all. I think it is very admirable. I just would like to hear more thoughts about this subject of loving/helping the "unloveable". Can you really help someone who does not want to be helped or doesn't even realize that they need help?