Finding happiness



  • I would just like to know if I will ever be happy again and out of debt. I have been separated from my husband for 4 months. I just can't seem to find a happy place. Thanks



  • Hi Marcs135, I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know the feeling. I have felt so lonely and sad at certain points in my life too and just when I think I'm the lowest I can be, an opportunity comes up or a wonderful friend enters my life. I know that will happen with you. Keep yourself out there. Put yourself in situations where you may meet new people or try new experiences. You will feel better eventually. It may seem like a long and never ending road now but it will get better for you. I'm sure of it. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy right now and pursue or do things you enjoy. You are not alone out there!!! Also, please remember, and it is so true, you never know where a great job opportunity , wonderful friend, chance of a lifetime or possible love interest will be. Make being happy and being good to yourself your top priority. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.



  • Oh, something else that has helped me when I'm feeling down is having pets. I don't know if you already have them or if you are ananimal lover? I recently went through a tough break up and quite a big life change. I was very down and lonely. Since then, I've gotten involved in activities I enjoy and have met some really wonderful friends. However, you know what really helped during the toughest days? My animals! I went to the local shelter and found two cats. I adopted them and they have been my little shadows ever since. Even if I'm alone at home, it is hard to feel lonely and it is just so comforting to have those little furballs around. I call them my little tranquilizers. lol! It's hard to be stressed when you have a loving pet rubbing against your legs, sitting on your lap or wanting to play. Please write again if you want to. I'll check back often and trust me...I know the feeling....but you will be just fine.



  • I do see you finding your happiness as soon as you find out who you really are again. Give yourself some time to get used to your new life and to find what it is that really makes you the special person that you really are. Happiness comes from inside of us and that is a very hard thing to learn. Once you find yourself, and like yourself.. Happiness cannot help but follow.. I think you are looking at about 18 months to focus on yourself. Don't rush it or get frustrated. You need to give yourself time so try to just let yourself do that. I hope this helps, and I wish you many blessings! Xanthe444



  • I agree with you the pets do help have 3 dogs. A jack russell that's my daughters, A border collie, and a rat terrier named Ace and he is my baby. Your right he makes my day. Unfortunately my husband has become an ASS&*^$. In the 26 years we were married never could say a bad thing about him. Now I have nothing good to say. The man just has a whole new personality.



  • Xanthe444 do you see me meeting someone?



  • Aww... I love dogs too. I wish I could have one but I don't have the right place for one at this time. I've always especially loved border collies. They are so cute!

    Anyway, hang in there. I completely agree with Xanthe444. You may feel unhappy now but you'll be ready to move forward again. When you are ready to receive, you'll move on to better and brighter things. Also, take this for what you will as I don't claim to be psychic but I think you are meant to find someone who is more suited to you now. People change likes, interests and philosophies as they grow and it sounds as though you and your ex moved forward in totally different directions. When I read your question asking if you will meet someone else, I had a very strong gut feeling that you WILL meet someone and he will be more in line with the person you have grown to be. Again, I am not gifted like the many of the readers here but I do sometimes get impressions and gut feelings about people that turn out to be correct. Anyway, I'll be interested to see what someone who is more practiced than I am has to say.



  • marsc135 you've only been separated for 4 months. And not knowing your relationship just before that you may or may not really know what it's like to enjoy your own company. If you haven't experienced that then this is a very important step for you. When you really enjoy your own company then you will probably realize a change in yourself. You learn a lot of things about yourself at that point. Like wow you do have a mind of your own and your own identity. When we are married for as many years as you have you sometimes loose your identity. You now have a chance to reclaim that. Do somethings that you wanted to do but didn't make the time for yourself. Or go places that you wanted to and never took the time to. Develop your own beliefs and feelings. You will gain strength that you never realized you had. You no longer have to agree with someone to keep the peace. This is a learning and searching period for you. And I hope you like who you find. When you truly like yourself and are happy with yourself your changes will draw someone to you. New beginning can really be enlightening. Be happy.



  • That's good advice, but I really don't know where to start.



  • You start by spoiling yourself. I know your saying what. I was the same way. I didn't know what I wanted. But I could sure tell you what I didn't want. Ok try making a bucket list. Set some goals that are attainable. Small steps at first. If you work instead of jumping up and running to do errands and cleaning house on your day off.. Lay in bed and read if you feel like it. Take a long bubble bath. Burn some wonderful incense that takes you to another place it smells so good. Don't jump for anyone anymore. And learn to say no if you really don't want to do something and don't make an excuse. Just say I don't want to do it. Thank you anyway. Or I want to do something else and I just haven't decided what it will be yet. You know the wonderful thing about when I went through the change I could say no with no problem and it didn't bother me. That was the most liberating time for me. Cause I didn't want to let anyone down before that. I was even able to tell my adult children no. No guilt. It was so nice. And not let anyone manipulate you with guilt. It only works anyway if you let it. So what if they don't like the new you. Your learning more everyday about who you are. Like I said small steps are wonderful if you are overwhelmed anyway. Your going to be great.



  • My children are grown, and I wish I could say no. My husband who we never had any problems just decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He hooked up with a evil tramp and has dropped them to. I have never been nasty to him until recently. He is seeing a new person, and I think He knows I have the upper hand, it scares him. He is just not the same person. I hope he rots in Hell. When she realizes that he is broke, because he spends all his money on her, she'll drop him. He says he wants a divorce, so I told him to go for it. He may do it I don't know. I may eventually when I have to. I work for an attorney so I have legal advice. He would have to pay for it.


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