Exhusband being shady?

  • I'd like to start by saying, I'm asking for guidance on here about something thats been bothering me for a long time now, because I have noticed that I've really been able to move forward with a few different situaitions in my life in a very positive, and healing way whenever I did seek the guidance of others here, I also love whenever I can help someone or I feel the need to relate to someone about something they are going through, just awsome to see so many gifted, wonderful souls coming together, I Love it! So that said, I was wondering if anyone wanted to guide me or share about an ongoing issue I have with an exspouse. This person has been cruel in the past, and always liked to push my buttons and then yell at me to stick up for myself when I wouldn't fight with them, later on I fought with them a lot, and sometimes I think it showed them I wasn't going to take anymore crap from them, and sometimes I regretted allowing myself to make mistakes like being cruel back, he was always depressed, and I always have had a lot of sympathy for him, and I have tried to be as kind as I can possibly be, although sometimes he makes it incredibly difficult with a complete lack of respect, or regard for me at all,eventually he left the marriage for the final time, and by then I was tired and relieved that he hadn't come back. He seems to go out his way to interfer with my life now and likes to be very pushy latley, I've tried to communicate calmly, but he said he can't stand me. Our kids are being caught in the middle, as he has been hinting at wanting them to live with him latley, as far I'm concerned, thats out of the question, as he has never really taken that much of an interest in their lives before, and I feel they would as miserable as I would if that happend. He does have some stability, but has moved several times, and had a lot of different gfriends in a very short time, our children have a few unique qualitys like adhd, and auspergers that require extra attention, he has been using this as a way to disagree about whats best for them and thier education, instead of being supportive or helpful, he just came out of nowhere and said he wanted the children, now I feel like he's watching every little detail of my life, which isn't anything outside of my family and home,I had a medical condition that has become much better, he uses it against me to say unfair , untrue things like how it could interfer with motherhood. I wouldn't put it past him to exagerate or lie if he thought it might benefit him somehow. I have been growing concerned about his recent involvment, and wonder what he's up too, if he really bieleves he's right, or what is his motive is for being so disruptive to our lives now? Thanks to all, God Bless

  • If you are LEGALY divorced and the agreement is already written then all he's doing is playing cat and mouse--chipping away at you. He would have to take you the court and it would take a lot for a judge to reverse what has already been agreed apon. In fact ,if you have the financial means you should get a lawyers "what if advice"--try and find a good female lawyer. The more fearful he makes you the more paralized you become--he's a bully. Avoid fighting with this man. Also, Spirit says he has some mental health issues as well--an impulse disorder. Untreated this is a big obstical--it is hard to get along with him for too long--his mood can turn on a dime. Sorry this is short, I'm done for night. Have a joyful holiday and wishing you a hopeful New Year.

  • give me your dobs, yours and his

    I'll see what I can pull out tomorrow or next week

  • give me your dobs, yours and his

    I'll see what I can pull out tomorrow or next week

  • Oh my, I'm sorry I missed the replies, I hadn't realized my thread on this had any yet! BluMoon, thank you so much!Your right on target as usual, yes he does appear too have a few mental issues going on, he can't see that, or he just doesn't want too. He has continued too harrass me and my family, not a dangerous, pyshcical sense, but more threats as in he will get an attorney or already has one, and will take them away if I do anything other then his way. He has had a string of unsuccessful relationships that usually end in a pattern, he moves out, starts too become not as involved as usual with kids lives, then the same pattern will start again, he meets, moves her in, and starts verbally battling me for custody, stressing out our family, and lately our children, as theyv'e gotten older, its sad, and often puts me in a bad mood when I have too deal with him at all. LeoScorpian, thank you! His is 03/19/76 Mine is 7/17/77 thank you kindly for your time,energy many blessed returns too you!

  • Thank you so much , I hope the same too as well!

  • Hmm...insight just came to me. He's jealous. He's very jealous that you have someone and are moving on and he can't find anyone to do the same with. That's why he's picking at you and using the kids. There is a pattern, when he gets into a relationship, he is trying to one-up you and show to you that his relationship is better than yours. Show you that he's is more stable, much happier, better than you are. When it fails repeatedly it pushes the point home even further that he isn't happy which in turn angers him that you are. Jealousy does lead to mental instability. I'm glad you found this place to balance out that negativity. But truthfully, sounds like he needs a little of this too to figure things out.

  • Amen too that AuntBuck, your insight is dead on! I wish he would just go on with his life, I don't know why he chose now too start butting in again, he tells me he's not going anywhere, and that whereever or whatever he was doing in the past, not being there for the kids much, mistakes he made are in the past, which would be fine, except for his approach, he charged into our lives and tried a hostile takeover, yet knew nothing about all of the things he wanted too take over. His currant relationship was a bit strange, no one knew where she came from, she just sort of ended up living with him one day, the others, the kids would meet them on his visit days but they didn't just live with him right away, didn't take long at all, but this one just literally was not there, and then was living with him. We found out they met online and he went too pick her up in a different state and bring her back too live with him approx. three months after his other break up/move out. Now he suddanly wants my kids, and is under investigation for the other thing, on my other thread. You are so right AuntBuck, he seems so jealous, he actually went out and bought a kiddivan with a tv! I think he's going to regret that one, as I don't feel he will need it as much as he thinks. I wish, as I always have that he would find happiness, and go on with his life. He left us long before I was ever happy, or centent in my currant life, so I don't know why he does this, I get the feeling that your right that he isn't happy, and isn't really in love with this girlfriend he has, I don't mind her at all, but it all does add up too serious issues, hopefully he will find some way too his own peace without trying too ruin our lives.

  • That makes me wonder, I'm not asking legal advice, as we've contacted a lawyer for a future meeting, but I'm just curious, as my divorce didn't end up in court, since I handed everything over and walked away with my kids, and a low monthly child support payment that they required, not me, so I wonder if all the ugly, sad, sick things he did in the past would even be relevant in court, if they only knew, but I figured that they would just want too know the here and nows, even though its a long standing pattern, but it would clearly show he needs some guidance.

  • I know my divorce and all the ones that I did were dissolved due to "irreconcilable differences." There isn't a lot of fault based divorces anymore. Unless you have people that witnessed the previous behavior...it will end up being your word against his. I think that documenting the conversations...good and bad...will help show a pattern. I don't know if it would be admissible in court or anything, only your attorney would know that but I know it makes you feel a lot better writing it down. It gives you the ability to release it and leave it in a specific place.

    So he's feeling guilty that he didn't measure up to the standards of being a parent and is trying to gain a measure of respect back but instead is overwhelming everyone by being a tyrant. Great. If he is verbally abusive to you during these tyrants...I agree with what everyone else has suggested which is a restraining order. Any chance you can document how many relationships he's had since you split? By constantly changing companions he isn't showing a stable environment for your children. All things that you can bring up to your attorney.

    Keep praying for him....I had to pray for the willingness to have the willingness to pray for my ex at one time. It was pretty bad....and he's still not perfect but we co-parent pretty well now. Hang in there...

  • Thanks AuntBuck, yes, I can write down all the info, infact a couple of women approached me back when they were with him too complain about him and his manipulative ways, said they respected me for not putting up with it, we do have proof that everytime one of relationships ended, he would end up moving. So he's had just as many adresses. Were as I have had the same one since I first moved out of the house we had shared before we split. I really hadn't any choice but too give up the house, as he would go in when we weren't home, and show our house to people that he wanted too rent it or sell it too, before I was even aware that was his plan. Then one day when I was at work, he went in and took all of my kids and my belongings out of the house and put them in a cheap, dirty storage unit, then told the owners he did it for me, gave them my contact information so they could send me the bill. I had too pay for it, but mice ended getting into it and ruining most of our things. He couldn't sell the house without me,so he would harrass me constantly until I signed the papers too sell it his friends for what we paid for it, regardless of how much I had put into it. I let that all go though, because I found a much better place, if thats all we lost, then it was worth it. I too have too ask for help with blessing him on too his greater good, it helps if I don't speak too him, then he can't push my buttons!

  • bluecat>>have been growing concerned about his recent involvment, and wonder what he's up too, if he really bieleves he's right, or what is his motive is for being so disruptive to our lives now?

    Sandran712>>I would guess mental issues but someone mentioned that.I've dealt with this in my past.But, never a married matter.I would guess.He's depressed.Don't have a life.Trying to wreck yours.Jealous you have a life and he don't.It's been years where 2 parents will use the other against each other when it comes to child rearing.

  • Thanks Sandran12, I bieleve he is jealous, which is dad, because I really do have too give him credit for propelling me into my currant life. Its not perfect, but he certainly seem too wait for anything too happen, if kids misbehave at school, it must be my fault, and so on. He always told me I wouldn't be with anyone better then him, that I couldn't do anything without him, and I realize that he is very jeaous of my boyfriend, and all the cool stuff stuff he's done with my kids, all the stuff a dad would do, and how successful, kind he is. He went so far as too call my boyfriend on Christmas Several years ago and ask him why he wastes his time being with me, that was the only time my boyfriend actually raised his voice too my ex, because it was clear he wanted too ruin the day for everyone. Everyone is capable of feeling envious, but why can't someone see it when they are letting those kind of feelings steer thier actions? I, for instance find myself surrounded by a lot of people that I feel are everything I'm not, whether be extremly good skilled at what they do, or very thin, and beautiful, or just plain lucky, but I don't care, I love them all, I am happy for them! They all inspire if I let them. He does seem too be in a competition with us, and I wish he wouldn't be. I know he has a lot of pride, and there were times when I would be financially responsible for everything, even on his visits when he was having difficulites due too his own choices, I think, I could have been awful,rubbed it in, but no really I couldn't, what good would they do? he would take my money back then, but later when he is above his financial strains, his pride and envy kick in and he sets out too even scores that don't even exist, as we don't hate him at all, just wish he would leave us alone.

  • which is sad I meant, not dad, what the hell? oh, my typos!

  • Does he have a drug or alcohol problem? It seems that with his inability to let go, it has classic markers for addiction behavior. Most "reasonable" people can let go....throw some mind-alterning chemicals into the equation and you get what appears to be what you have. He's an abuser...and a control freak and well...I think you're doing very well dealing with him. Ugh...I've met guys like him before and seen them in action with other people and its tough. Sending prayers and blessing your way. Pray for him and hope that he gets help. In the meantime...talk with your attorney and see what you can do legally.

  • He actually doesn't have problems with substance abuse at all, that was one of the things I didn't have too deal with with him. He acts one way in front of strangers, another with those of us who know him best.

  • Auntbuck>>He acts one way in front of strangers, another with those of us who know him best.

    Sandran712>>Hmmmnn! One of those kinds.My step-dad(Taurus)acts like this.I always thought this was an ego thing.Trying to build themselves up.Make them feel important.Needs validation from others.He's one of those that doesn't want to grow up..So he wants to hang with friends that are younger than he is and do things that a younger person wants to do.

  • .bluecat>> He always told me I wouldn't be with anyone better then him, that I couldn't do anything without him

    Sandran712>>I had this in a couple relationships.Told the guys to #$%^ themselves...This is emotional blackmail at it's best.!.....And..I realized men want nothing to do with a woman that has their head on straight.That they can't control.That is why I am still single.I won't tolerate a man bossing me around.I am the one that will stand up to them..Cuss them out and tell them to go to h-e-l-l-.LOL..I've been my own person for so long..I am not used to taking orders from a man.I would get kicked out of the service if I joined...LOL

  • So would I Sandran12, I never did like those bossy men either!

  • bluecat>>So would I Sandran12, I never did like those bossy men either!

    Sandran712>>I like to tangle with these kinds of guys because I am the domineering type.and I love to kick a guy's a-s-s and put them in their place...LOL..But, unfortunately.These are the coward men that only like to get thrills out of pushing women around.And they are intimidated by me..Aww and that just makes me sooo sad...LOL

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