Not sure what to think anymore



  • After almost three years of being friends, recently intimate, things are now really going not so good. I opened my mouth and let him have it. He always said he was trying to keep it real, and I told him that my interpretation of keeping it real was probably not his interpretation of keeping it real, and told him what I was feeling about his situation. We seemed ok after that, but later I started getting this overwhelming feeling that he thought there were ulterior motives to my forwardness, and it hurt me really bad, because I am not that type of person. I let him know that it hurt me and since that day things have been really bad. I opened up to him like I have never opened up to any one before. I am going through a real rough patch financially right now, and thought about heading back home, and texted him to let him know, he responded back asking me when would I be leaving, and I told him if things did not go through for me, then it would be in two weeks, he never responded. However, now I have had a change of determination, considering I only have next week before finals, then one more class, which is my thesis, before I finish, and I did not feel good about giving up right now. I tried to reach out to him yesterday, but again no response. A few days ago, I had a dream where we were communicating in the dream about the things that transpired when he was last here, and felt that we had reached some sort of understanding, but not sure why he is not responding now. Can anyone let me know what is going on? He is a Libra, and I am a Scorpio.



  • Hi dejasmum, im guessing you're feeling pretty vulnerable right know because you've opened up about how feel you and stood up for yourself which is not a bad thing but being a libra we dont show our anger that often so its strange to us. I've been in a similar situation with a guy and let him have it a the weekend I posted a thread about on here about libra and anger if you wana look at it?

    It sounds like he's thinking things over maybe in a day or two he'll get back to you or else he's not quite sure how to put into words what he's feeling. one of my good friends is a scorpico and when she's challeged she'll vary between two extermes she'll either attack or withdraw complety. If he really care's about you and he isnt a complete stubborn ass he'll get back to you.

    one thing though try not to give up on you're studies I'm in the middle of finishing my PhD so i know how hard it is to keep motivated and not get bogged down by studying constantly, but it will be worth it in the end. If you're having finacially diffuculties is there someone in your university or college can talk to? I know in mine they offer hardship grants. I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you 🙂



  • dejasmum, I'm reading your post and it sounds like there's maybe more to his situation. If u could open up more about where he is? and how far apart you are?, than you'll maybe get a better answer. I will say though, that libras HATE conflict! They do'nt want to argue or be upset, especially the libra males. I't sounded like he came at you in his way, and you felt like he should've came at a different approach. People are what they are, and speak the way they feel it. Don't try to alter or change it, either except it or don't. You've moved his balanced scales into a more negative lean...they hate negativity! My guy is a libra and i'm a sag, there real deep thinkers and like things there own way..in the event you guys talk to each other again, allow him to be him. Don't lose yourself trying to prove something either, always be YOUSELF!! If he can't handle this then it's his problem, and maybe he's not the one. Just be true to yourself. I hope this helps you out.:)



  • Thank you so much for your response. I wont' give up my studies. I can't I would feel very let down if I allowed myself to do this. I hope your right and he will get back to me soon. We have such a great friendship, and I would hate to lose it over this.



  • Shinyluv,

    You are right about more to his situation. We met almost 3 years on a business networking sight, and there was an instant connection, I felt like I knew him, so I emailed him, and that triggered our friendship, in the process he is involved highly involved, and we tried for years to keep things at bay, but our attraction and love for each other got the best of us. He then retreated and told me he could not see me again, I understood his dilemma and said ok. He then called me on my birthday which I knew he was wanting to see me, because I felt it. That day, we talked for hours, laughed and had a good time, no intimacy, for I knew how he is about having to lie about things, and did not want him to feel bad again about anything.

    So that day when he was leaving, he kissed me, and he said that he did not know if he would be able to come back again, because he was trying to keep it real. That is when I said..OH Really, I was not angry or upset with him, I just told him that the vibes I was getting from him were not what he was saying. And asked me like what, so I told him that for instance he was not with the right woman, and that he should listen to his heart, and say what is in his heart.

    He lives about 20 minutes from where I live. I do accept him and the situation as it is, and told him that I expected nothing from him, and would never expect him to give up what he has for me. But it hurts me when people cannot be honest with themselves. In the three years we have known each other, I have developed myself in a way that I can be true to myself, and he has helped me develop myself in this way, by always asking me to tell him my feelings, my mood, etc. And I love that about myself.



  • bump



  • dejasmum, so he's already with someone else???? and you've known this. Anything that starts off as a lie will end up as the same. It's hard to expect something from someone that was NEVER 100% yours. I'm sorry if it sounds mean. All i ask is if you were in the same situation, would it be ok for a woman to be like this with the man you trully love??? It hurts the other person as well. I know you may feel connection with this guy, but if his heart is somewhere else, (and it sounds like it is because he's still with her) you have to let it go. In the famous words of tiger woods media, "don't be his jumpoff"! your worth more.



  • No, it does not sound mean at all. I have been in the same situation, and honestly No it did not feel good. Honestly, it did not intend to go like this, but hindsight is 20/20. I have no regrets, I don't feel guilty, and no I have never been the type a to be involved with attached men. Reason, season, or a lifetime. Everything happens for a reason, and you are right. I am worth more. Thanks shinyluv...please don't judge me, and no it was not a lie, he knew from the start he never truly loved her, its a relationship of convenience, and he knows it and so does she but like I always say....THEY LIKE IT.....I LOVE IT!!!!!



  • Thats my favorite saying, " if you like it, i love it"! lol...and i will apologize if you thought i was trying to judge you, that wasn't it at all. There are alot of people now in todays society, that are together supposedly for "CONVENIENCE". It's just an easier way to talk to other people without being too involved. I just pray that men and woman alike get together and make all this relationship chaos go away...literally. I believe we have it because we are insecure at times, and will fight to be with someone we know in h e l l we shoud'nt be with..and yes even him for that matter..(we've all been there..lol). But i do understand your hurt and hope everything in your future works out for the best:)



  • No need for an apology, really, it just sometimes people find them selves in a place they have never been or even felt before in their life, and the saying, " I would never" goes out the window. Not intentionally, but because of the overwhelming sensation of it all, it just seems like the right thing to do. It was something that either of us could have helped. The harder we fought the intensity got the best of us. I believe in being true to myself, so that said I did what I felt was right for me. He has his karma just like I do, I have no one to answer to other then myself, so in that aspect I do feel guilty for not feeling guitly...LOL Thanks so much for your sincerity. Take care and may you be blessed.



  • Dejasmum are you saying that you knew he had someone else in his life? I am just trying to get a clear understanding of what peobably went wrong.



  • dejasmum -- Being in both shoes, my suggestion is to walk away. If he really truly loves you and it affects him in such a way, he will leave his "conveinant relationship" to pursue one with you. If he doesn't, then he may have been lying all the while. (Cheaters are really good at this, so good that they will have the other woman believing and hanging on every word).

    On the other side, I have been the cheetee. I have been cheated on in the last five relationships I have been in. Me being me, as soon as I find out, I bolt. I cannot stand the thought of my man sharing himself with another woman. It just makes me ill. Even my husband cheated on me. I think that woman like me have a sign on our foreheads "Date me, I will take care of you, and you can have fun with other woman too!" That being said, I have just stayed alone for the past 5 years. It's easier for me.

    Either way, my suggestion is to let him go. If he comes back then you'll know he really loves you and that it is worth it enough to him to lose what he kind of has. If he doesn't, then trust me sweetie, he wasn't worth it. I know that's easier said than done, but believe me, I HAVE been in your shoes. Only it turned really ugly. I wished I would have turned him away much sooner than I had. He eventually raped me because I wouldn't have sex with him until his "so called" divorce was final. Yes, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. He wasn't even getting a divorce. Another man I dated said that he slept on the couch. They stayed in the same house for the children. Just call me gullible. I'm glad I don't listen to that crap anymore. Please be careful. Trust your head on this one, not your heart.



  • Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate that. I have decided to move on. I owe it to myself to do so. You are right if he feels I am worth it he will be the one to contact me. It's just really sad, because we had a wonderful friendship, many laughs, and shared many talks about everything. If our friendship is worth anything he would try to salvage that, forget the intimacy and the other stuff, the heart to heart talks we had were wonderful. I was told to hold the memories in my heart and just keep moving on, and that is what I intend to do. Thanks again.



  • That is very good advice. Just imagine that wonderful friendship plus a wonderful intimate relationship with that certain someone that feels the same way about you as you do about him....all to yourself. You won't have to share. 🙂 You can have that. Be sure you love yourself. That is number one. That is definitely number one. If you love yourself, then you will ameloriate love, and it will attract someone to love you, as you love yourself. So, I hope you love yourself great! Then someone will love you just as great! 🙂 I wish you the best!



  • Thank you Amantim,

    I do love myself and he did help in that area a lot, so I must thank him....but from a distance, at least put it out in the universe. I just wish him the best, and hope he is happy, that is all. Thanks and good luck.



  • dejasmum -- I'm happy to hear that. It took me 32 years to learn to love myself. I've gotten three blissful years! lol! & more to come. No matter how bad things seem to get, they're not as bad as if I still loathed myself. Congrats! See, he was meant to be in your life. Now you can take that and make it even better. 🙂


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