Another confused by a cancer

  • Sorry for this long post. I'm only going to put down a bit background and the latest.

    As so many of you my story is no different. Met this guy through dating site, communicating for a year before i have eventually agreed to meet him.

    From the very first date the energy between us was great. We could talk for hours about everything... laugh a lot and enjoyed each other's company.

    After two months he went silent. At that stage it haven't bothered me too much. Just wondered what the heck happened. So in the 2nd week i send him a mail to say i do not know what is going on,, but if that's the way he wants it... cool.

    He replied, saying how sorry he is etc. Said he would love to see me again if i still want to.

    When we meet he explained how upside down his life was, and i could understand why he completely withdrawn from everybody.

    Continued to see each other for another three months. Became so much closer to such an extend that he invited me to go with on family vacation.

    Then he pulled the disappearing trick again. This time i lost my cool, telling him by mail exactly what i think of his behaviour. Saying that i was angry is putting it mildly. Deleted him from facebook, network friends on dating site etc. Shortly after that i cancelled my profile at dating site because he kept on viewing my profile, heaven knows why. That was kind of upsetting. He did not want to talk to me but still wants to see what i'm up to.

    Opened a new one about a month later. The very first day he "discovered" my profile. Send a mail to tell him in no uncertain words to stay away from my profile. Not that it helped. He still visits from time to time. For the full five months i haven't heard a single word from him.

    Two months ago, out of the blue he sends me a message on site. Merely asking how i am doing. At first i had no plan on replying, but because i was curious to know why now, i did a few days later. Haven't given any detail or whatever.... only said i am doing great.

    Silence!! Only now he visits my profile each and every day. Sometimes twice a day. I'm sure he know the word on there like the back of his hand by now.

    A month later.. another message. By now i'm really tired of this mail ping pong. Want to move on but still have this little bit of hope. I then send him a message saying that he always said if i want to know something, i must just ask. I don't know if its still valid but i am going to swallow my pride and ask straightout if he wants to see me again. The answer is real simple, only a yes or a no. If i don't hear anything i'll take it as a no and that's perfectly ok. I just want to know.

    Surprisingly he replied immediatly, saying that he wants to see me again. The weekend is a bit hectic, but shall we get together the next week. If my cell number is still the same. I only replied 3 days later. By then i wasn't too sure if i really want to see him again. I made sure that he had to wait a few days. He made me wait for months. The ever stubborn Taurus. Again replied almost immediatly saying he is looking forward seeing me again. What the heck. All the months of dead silence... and now

    I have to say i was a nervous wreck by Wednesday. Had no idea how to handle it. What to expect or what to say.

    Took the day of the meeting of from work. Went shopping, take a long batch... pampering myself. Luckily i felt much calmer and was ready to face him and the devil too.

    Him acting like there was no time inbetween. Like it was before. Haven't really go into details of what happened. He just mentioned he was in no mood to play games. What!! According to me he was the one that played games. I have to add that i am still married, although seperated for a very long time and divorce soon to be final. On asking what make him changed his mind... his answer: time. He said he reallized i've been going through a rough patch at the time. Told me he's been seeing an ex gf for two months after they landed at the same party. Adds that he knew the 2nd day that it was a huge mistake. I've asked him whether he is still seeing her,as i would not see him in that case. Turns out that they stopped seeing each other two months ago. Which was the time he started contacting me again.

    In all ways things were just like before between us... except in my heart i've been so afraid. At a stage i got a little emotional while he was holding me. Asked me like four times whether i am ok. Said he would love to see me again, he missed me etc.

    I let him understand in no uncertain terms, if he pulls that stunt again it's goodbye forever.

    Haha... everything like before. Weekends when he has his kids, i am used to not hearing from him from Friday till Monday morning. Exactly what happened now. As in the old days.

    Wish i knew what's going on in his mind. I'm taking baby steps right now and try to not let my feelings run away with me.

    Advise girls... please

  • okay so you became his b list. ex was a list. Happens all the time with men, not just cancers. But a list is probably now more like c list. From a cancer point of view, your still married, scary scary scary. Why? I'm separated? right we don't care, you could just as easily turn around go back and be in your happy home again. Until its done we don't trust you. If he keeps asking if you are okay, that is a clear signal to open up the basket of fears.It's our way of saying, hey what is scaring you? Also, of course he isn't calling when he has the kids. Kids are number 1, noone else matters, not even you, if you can't live with this fact, move on. You can never come between a cancer and their child. We devote our time and love to them and make the most loving parents because of this. When you are more spouse material you will see that your needs are met before ours but the kids always come first. Give it some time, cool down, you must understand that cancers have their hands in everything, sometimes we just don't have time to call, we will make time when we want, but we are always thinking of you. This guy sounds like he is loyal when a lister came around he broke it off, not the proper way but the reason why is because he didn't want to loose you for good, so easier to just hang his hat up and go silent, I do this as well. When he's done there will be no mistaking it. He will write you off for good.

  • Mooninsag, thanks for your input.

    I have no problem with the fact that his kids comes first. I totally understand and accept it. My kids comes first too.

    He only went back to the ex gf three months after he stopped communicating with me. So, i don't think that was the reason. When the ignoring start i acted like a damn teenager... spiteful and stubborn. Although he is not admitting it, i do believe that i have hurt his feelings at the time.

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