Libra and anger- is it justified?
hi i was wondering if any fellow librans out there or anyone else for that matter, ever felt guilty for being angry at someone or something? the reason i ask is that someone has been making me increasingly angry and frustrated. i tried to assertivley but calmly put my point across but he dismissed it which mad me angier, more assertive and less calm! I don't think i blew up at him, i didnt swear and i was as understanding as i could be but i still feel guilty for even saying anything at all like i shouldn't have rocked the boat. It's a libran trait to be objective, to always see both sides so i know i'm at least part to blame when things go wrong but does that mean i cant get angry if someone hurts me? even though this guy has repeaty played with my head and my emotions i feel like im not justified in being annoyed because its my fault for letting him.
well im not a libra, im a sag male, but i have been dealing the wrath of the Libra as of late!! lol ive been seeing this girl for 4 months now, but we "friends" but maybe down the road into being something more, we both have agreed. YES for anyone that seen my other thread about me "losing" this girl and always pushing her, to the point where she got extremely piss-ed and said she is done, and blocked my phone number, blocked me on myspace, and we didnt talk for a week (only a week yes i know) , she told me to leave her alone and which i was doing until this other friend of mine which is a girl ive been telling her whats been going on with me and Libra girl, and SHE TEXTS HER and trys to fix things between me and her, this was last wednesday, and as of right now, we are friends again on myspace, but i still gotta see if my phone is blocked, probably hasnt had time to remove it,
Roseydaisy, your posts sound exactly the same as my situation, i hope your name isnt jennifer!! that would be weird as he-ll LMAO i would like to hear more about what your guy does to play with your head. is he playing with your head? or its just he has mixed emotions about you and cant make up his own mind? it may feel like he is playing with your emotions but its his own emotions messing with him i think( it is with me). ill tell you what i have done to drive my Libra girl to the breaking point and explain why after wards.
First off, im a sensitive guy, ill watch 'a walk to remember" and ill will cry lol im a big 6'5 baby yes i know, im a Sag/Virgo/Gemini and ive posted my entire chart before too, and people have said that it looks like i will say anything and not hold back, very blunt and too the point, and yes i am that way, me and libra girl from like the 2nd time hanging out brought up all sorts of serious talks and were moving way too fast, but then we said we would be friends and i was cool with that(for a while at least), the more i got to know her and find out how much we have in common and how great of a girl she is my feelings grew for her of course. so one day i said (in a myspace message, we both shy so thats easier to talk lol) i said that i loved her. which im sure she didnt know how to react and i could tell by what she wrote. she didnt want to hurt me by turning me down but she did but in a nice way but it devastated me of course. so from then on it was awkward, since i do love her i kept asking all these questions about her feelings towards me, and she wouldnt respond or would get angry, cause she always said that she cant let herself feel that way for anyone right now cause she needs to be focused on school, BUT HERES THE THING, all those questions i was asking, i wasnt asking them to push her into a Relationship with me. i just wanted to know if she felt the same way about me that i do about her. so the day before thanksgiving i got tired of it all and i felt like i needed to know how she feels or im gone an Ultimatum in other words. and thats when she got mad and said goodbye to me and blocked me. cause this wasnt the first time i pushed her to get angry with me. SO ok onto the anger part
since im more in touch with my feelings than most guys. after looking at it from her point of view i realized that even i would be piss-ed at someone for doing what i have done to her. i understand she has had every right to be angry with me, she was asking me to listen to her and i was BUT i didnt HEAR her. Roseydaisy, with whatever this guy has done, i think its ok to be angry at him, why would you be angry at him unless you didnt care for him? you let this guy get close to you and now what he says and does matters to you right? god i feel like im in the twilight zone, this is just like my situation LOL, but i can say this for me not him, that I am not used to having what i say and do matter to other people and have it affect them so much. i was the shy quiet kid in class lol so i felt like what i said didnt matter, and now that im becoming NOT SHY anymore i tend to say things without thinking at all about how it affects people. and i am learning that now, i know i cant fix it over night but i will work on it. anyway i think im done typing. i hoped this helped!! interested to hearing back from you cause its weird lol
My best friend is a libra and she does get angry at me but I just ignore it and she cools down. So I'm guessing the same thing will happen to you?
roseydaisy if your talking and that person refuses to hear you it's not unsual to loose your temper. Sometimes they don't think what we have to say is important. And so they will talk down to us or ignore our opinion. Then they can't understand why we stand up for what we think or feel. Don't feel bad for doing what you would advise someone else to do. When your cornered or feel you are, you get on your high horse blow and get over it. Does feel guilty.
Th situations do sound slightly simalar lol. I dated this guy briefly in the ummer until he lost his job which left him depressed and he decided he want to find himself. which was fair enough i was more than willing to help becasueI'd been in similar positions myself. however he refused my help and decided and a month or so of blowing hot and cold, we would be friends. only his idea of friendship was that HE text me once a week. which he's done for the past few months, he'll text and we chat away for a few hours, however if i was to text him I'd get a brief but polite reply.
He's also been exteremley flirty saying thinsg like "notice how i always put your name in my texts to make you feel special" !? and he'll text first thing in the morning or the middle of the night??? the reson i had a go at him over the weekend started because the past few weeks he's been saying things like "i dont like being single at christmas", asking me what im doing at the wkends and when i said i was goin to a certain bar he said "oh really i've been meaning to try that place" so i did the polite thing and invited him along. only he ignore me! which wouldn't have been so bad only i lost my grandmother, who i was very close too just a week and a half ago and the night out was to cheer me up. added to that he was very insensitive over my grannys death saying "well she was a right old age" she was 89 but she was still my granny!
I lost all my patience, I've been so compassionate with this guy, while my granny was dying i was boosting his confidence because he felt down! I told him it seemed like he pnly wanted to be friends when it suited him and he was like 2 different people. which he is I know I've made him sound horrible but he can be really sweet sometimes i just think he hasn't grown up yet and he was maybe keeping me on the backburner until someone better came, either way the whole situation makes me feel bad about myself, always second guessing what i say, i cant even stick up for myself without feeling guilty because i know i should be more understanding that he doesnt like his current job and feels lost, but im tired of being confused and hurt. his heart isnt in it as much as mine as painful as that is.
Maybe you should think about things with this girl and figure out is she worth all the pain? it sounds like shes much like my guy and is still trying to find herslelf.
Hi libras lair thats for your reply that is so true, it does feel like people cant understand why we stand up for what we think or feel. however to me feelings and beliefs are so important lol! I still feel guilty and foolsih but at the same time i feel i was right. thank you again
hi aquariusss lol he's an aquarious too and definatley ignoring me! don't know if i've cooled down yet though i know its so trivial and i should be more patient and kind, but i get the feeling he's using me and i don't like it
roseydaisy being objective is what we do with other people bu when it's us not so much. And I am surprised that your Aquarius did that to you. Most and I say most that I have known don't like to make waves. But I know some who antagonize to the point of an argument. But I would think maybe that could be their ascending signs personality coming into play. Different for us when we are in the forest verses being outside looking in.
Libraslair im not quite sure what you mean by us being in the forest? sorry. I don't believe he antagonised me deliberatley i know in my heart he's a good guy but i don't think he was aware of the effect he was having on me, maybe i was wrong to bring it to his attention, maybe thats why i feel guilty...
Roseydaisy, two things:
1. On anger: The bane of a Libra is to feel intensely all sides of a truth and to feel personal injustices more deeply than we may when we recognize them when they occur to others. As others mentioned here - we can be objective and feel deep compassion for others when they are wronged, but when we ourselves are wronged, we can become immensely irrational.
That aside, the source for the wrongdoing is still real, although others may interpret their actions differently than you. I have personally learned over time that things that felt like horrible wrongs done to me are magnified; my anger can be magnified grossly in comparison to the actual acts. What to one person is something minor they did or said to me without thinking is to me immensely cruel or inhumane that I am suspicious they did deliberately. So I have spent the past years going out of my way to calm down and take my time before coming to "final" decisions about how I want to handle a situation/person/relationship if I feel I've been wronged/crossed. I also personally have Venus in Scorpio so when it comes to love I can be especially intense about perceived betrayal.
That said, after you have taken the standard Libran "days/weeks/months" to deliberate on how you feel about the perceived wrong, you will come to what you know is the "right" decision. And when you do, you will feel comfortable sticking to it. Deep down, you always know the truth, even if you waffle back and forth about what that truth is and what you should be doing about it and whether you may have overreacted or not.
Short story - when a Libran gets pissed, there is a very good reason for it. It takes a lot to make a Libran angry. When people are shocked and dismiss a Libra's anger it is because they are so used to that Libra being quiet, calm, rational, balanced in times of strife. They literally can't compute a Libra getting upset/blowing up/going ballistic. I've had people cross me so badly I go totally cold and all feeling for them literally cuts off. I have told them calmly and rationally what I feel was wrong and they have totally dismissed it. And then they've come back to me later shocked and demanding to know why I stopped talking to them or hanging out, etc. They literally act as if they never heard me say what the problem I had was and seem to have blanked out while i was reaching out to them trying to fix it.
You simply have to move on. These people are not prepared to respect you at your fullest and only want to know you as the amiable, easy going type that will say "yes" whenever they want to hear it.
2. On love with an Aquarius - your story sounded exactly like something I experienced. I went back to check my past tarot.com readings with this guy who pulled the same thing with me. Lo and behold - he was also an Aquarius, surprise!
The signs demonstrate that although the Aquarius and Libra are immensely compatible in terms of intellect - they are not compatible in terms of grace/beauty/emotion. My Aquarius could be immensely sweet, charming, vivacious, flirty, sexy, white hot sizzling. And then he could turn around and say something so crude and so rude that he'd turn me right off. He'd hint and suggest and imply and then turn around and act like we were platonic, he had no feelings for me, and literally chase others girls in front of me. Then act hungry for my attention and affection when my attention strayed.
I finally figured out - as others have posted. He doesn't know what the heck he wants, and you are hitting it right on the nose, because your Libran nose already stirred you to the right answer. Which is - he is playing around with you until something better comes along. I ran every scenario of my Aquarius' behavior past friends, male and female, and one close male friend who is blunt and honest, said - he's got you on the backburner so when other things fall through he can call on you but he isn't really a friend and he isn't putting you first like you're putting him.
And it was clear as day when I looked at all instances, good and bad. Deep down you know it. You are absolutely entitled to your anger, because you realize what a dick he's being and how he's been messing with your head. And what is even more upsetting, of course, is how casually he's doing it - because he probably doesn't even realize he's doing it. It's even more insulting to realize he's doing it subconsciously or as an afterthought.
I hope this doesn't come off too sexist but, I've often found that that's a thing men do - dangle multiple "might-haves" so they always have an option, but as soon as The Best option comes along, they'll focus on that. If it falls through, they default to the backburner babes but in the end, they don't think of it as malicious, it's just practical. It is not malicious, it's just natural.
This isn't all men, but it's common in our society.
In my case I gave a couple statements to my friend (which he wasn't really, you don't treat a friend like that) making it clear he was on a short leash (he kept messing around with my schedule, making me move things around to suit him then falling through or being casual about availability and switching to some other activity at the last minute).
So he finally did it one time too many and I said, if you don't have a definitive answer about the time and place you want to do this activity by X time and date, I will proceed with other activities and other people without you. And he said, cool. Then that deadline passed and the day of the originally planned activity rolled around and he pinged to let me know he wasn't available, and I said, of course you aren't, because you missed the deadline, which I expected, and I have other plans.
Then suddenly he seemed to realize i was pissed and actually argued with me about my irrationality. But I was actually quite calm. He got mad and said I had no grounds to feel that way but I stuck to my guns. And I laid out the facts of his behavior and told him when he was ready to be an adult and treat me with respect he could drop me a line, otherwise I had better things to do. A couple weeks later he hesitantly pinged a bit asking if I was still mad or if we could move on. And i said, I am done with your bullcrap. When you're done dealing bullcrap, I'll stop being mad. But I doubt you'll ever stop dealing it, so I wish you the best, but if you ever wise up, you know where I am.
And he hasn't followed up since. The ending was clearcut and he knew, in the end, his childishness and "until something better comes" wasn't going to cut it, so he took that crap somewhere else.
You don't need it, don't deserve it, and have every right to say so and demand that others treat you with respect. It doesn' t matter how sweet he is when times are good. It matters how well he treats you during the good AND the bad times.
If he can't even treat you, your time, and your feelings with respect he isn't a friend, and he doesn't deserve your heart.
thmilin thank you soooo much you totally hit the nail on the head! when you said "He'd hint and suggest and imply and then turn around and act like we were platonic, " that is exactlly what this guy does! thank you for you kind words as well i think you're absolutly right that he doesnt derserve may heart! Im glad you realised that too with you're aquarious and go you for sticking up to him!
as for the anger thing you're totally right again "When people are shocked and dismiss a Libra's anger it is because they are so used to that Libra being quiet, calm, rational, balanced in times of strife" im soo used to hearing stories from my friends and familt about the few times i blew up because thats what they remember that it wa sa novelty! lol but I do agree with you that when a libra gets pissed it for a very very good reason even if other take a while to see it!
roseydaisy what I meant about he forest is the old saying about people not being able to see the forest for the trees. That means sometimes we can't really see whats going on because we are in it. Where if you are a person on the outside watching someone in that position you can see clearly what is going on and how to change things. That was what was meant by the forest. And yes for the most part some men play you and dangle you along waiting to find the next one before dropping the bomb on you that they want out. When you start to feel the distance getting further apart is when you really need to take notice. Otherwise you get blind sided. Voice of experience and it's not any specific sign. Where women will leave to save their own sanity. Men would like to have a warm place to lay down. I myself am testy at the full of the moon. And will or can show that flash side when I am questioned as to why I did something yet if they aren't around they know I will make the best decision after researching it. So if you trust me then why question me now? Yeah you will see the fire in my eyes then. And most of the times at the end of a relationship I will even then give the other person more than what I have to rather than take everything attained when together. I am more fair to someone else than I am to me. Which is ok cause I can sleep very well knowing that. Complicated aren't we?
Lol, yes LibrasLair, we are complicated! Heheh.
Roseydaisy, glad I helped! Yeah the Aquarius mind is suuuuper sexy to us, so I can totally see why you gave and gave to this guy. But you came to the right conclusion!
And Libras totally have a right to their anger. We don't knee-jerk with our anger - it, like everything else, is always deliberately weighed before we announce it.
Sorry, I wrote s.e.x.y. but the forums censor
thmilin now I know why we think so much alike. I have planets in different places but the Libra is on the money. I am Libra, Taurus moon, Sag. rising. So I might jump into the middle of things a little quicker than you.
As I can see being a libra concerning anger, I would like to say that I can get angry but it takes a lot for me to show my anger. I try to be whitty first and if they keep on with something that is not pleasable. Then I can be more blunt. I do tend to over do my words sometimes.. alittle agumentive on a debatable scale. I'm always avalible to listen to the other person. I dont like it when others are rude or sarcastic either. just giving my two cents in this conversation.. hope thats ok ?
It's perfectly alright jump right in. We are good listeners aren't we.
LOL. yes we are...I like to hear what others have to say all the time. I find that capricorn are difficult to get your two cents in when they have an opinion.
roseydaisy, one of my bestgirlfriends and my guy are both libras, i cannot say i've ever seen anyone of them upset with me..they are usually so laid back and chill. My libra girlfriend is also with and unfortunetly (snuck off behind everyones back) married an aquarius...They have some of the WORST fights in front of everyone, and disrespect each other at all times...usually him being childish and her just trying to get her point across. Yeah it's annoying but i love her. I just want her to be happy...drop the loser and get with someone that will understand you no matter what, and will listen to you even if your not talking about anything...lol...i'm a sag women, and i'm very understanding of different peolple and personalitys..but i will listen and appreciate u...wishing you the best of luck in the future, hope everything urns out well:) hopee this helped.
thanks so much everyone for your input! Its much appreciated:)
Libras lair i get what you mean now thanks:) I understand as well "I am more fair to someone else than I am to me" I have a libra sun and moon so i tend to put others needs before my own but i'd rather be like that sometimes lol we definatley are complicated!
Kimberly I dont think its a bad thing to over do words I think it helps to get you point across more effectivley rather than be misunderstood even if others see it as being argumentative was they really take in what we're saying they'll hopefully see thats not the case! I hate rudeness too theres no excuse for bad manners it really gets my goat lol!
Shinyluv thanks for the input it does help! i can understand why you friend is attracted to this guy its like thmilin said the aquarious mind is supper s.e.x.y to us libras! she prob gets so annoyed at him because she tries to put her pint acroos effectively but he skirts around the issue and confuses her! but libraslair is right too in that we sometimes cant see the forest for the trees i hope thiings work out for her she's lucky to have a supportive friend like you!
He text me last night, he admitted he was being a total dick he also said he was afraid to let me get to know him because he wasn't sure want he wanted. he says he likes goin out at the wkend with the guys but during the week he wants a girl to spend time with ???!!!! i told him he need to trust his instincts, he has some thinking to do and i know i should be patient but i don't want to wait in vain nor do i want to be mucked about anymore so im just gonna focus on my work and hope for the best!