Cancer man withdrawing on me - I need him HELP!

  • Dorluv; No worries .

  • lindieloo>> dorluv >>> Remember we said that llindieloo shold have left out the husband part , but she dident . Where does it say that ?

    Sandran712>>This story left me in an emotional uproar.Because..While she is falling for the Cancer guy she says she is married/separated.She proceeded to tell her husband about this guy and..He mentioned to her this Cancer guy is not interested.And..She talked about her husband to the Cancer guy.Cancer guy got emotional.Well..Duh...Cancer is about trust and this was a slap in the face to him.It nearly killed me to read this long winded post.I skipped a little towards the end.But, I concentrated on it half way down.And I am sorry if it pissesss everyone off for my belief in getting tangled in a relationship that is against God.It is in the bible thou shalt not commit adultery.I am not married and never have been.Maybe it's stories like these why I don't half a chance with a man.Every body else is too busy sccreewing them all.

  • sandran712. Well said .

  • Dorluv>>Sandran712 trust me sometime life sucks, but sometimes u meet people in life who really have an effect on you so much it hurts

    Sandran>> Yeah life does suck..I meet all kinds of people.But, when I come across a man.The first thing I ask is are you married.Or have children.The thing to do is complete one relationship to start another.Get divorced and then go to another man.That is what they do in this day and age.Heck..the church I go to..For the single woman never married..They think the man should be widowed or single never married.And that for married/divorced to remarry the man/woman should be a widower.I don't think I could go there.But, since I have never been married before I guess I am not ready for that time unless there was someone to think about.

  • lindieloo>>sandran712. Well said .

    Sandran712>>Sorry I got so emotional.But, ain't that what a Cancer does.We blow up when something bothers us. I dated a guy for 5 months one time that was going through a divorce.The trust nearly scared me out of my mind.The fear of him going back to the ex.Heeellll I could not handle it.And it was eating at me knowing it was a sin to date a married/almost divorced man.I told him I could not see him anymore.Ain't seen him in 5 years.

  • sandran712. i totaly agree with you I am catholic and was brought up very strict , and i understand where your coming from .

  • lindieloo>>sandran712. i totaly agree with you I am catholic and was brought up very strict , and i understand where your coming from .

    Sandran712>>I was just upset that someone telling me Life just sucks.I'm the one with no one.At least these people on here whining had/have someone.I'm the one who should be whining.I guess I should be blessed with the sign God gave me.Because..I am not wallowing.I am always busy I don't have time to check on and spy on a man.My son keeps me too busy worrying over his health.And I'm busy in my personal life. When someone has a crisis they come running to me for a solution.I have a very full plate.

  • Have you seen the movie or read the books "He's just not that into you"? Might be worth the time...

  • rnwdvocean>>Have you seen the movie or read the books "He's just not that into you"? Might be worth the time.I have heard of them.Never read them tho.I am starting to get hated on this subject anyways.On another thread .My words are too hurtful and blunt.I am sorry.But, I was not given the gift of being a pushover.And this subject pushed me to the limit.Because I actually read most of it where no one else did.

  • Sandran712 nobody hates you its ok to say what you feel and its ok to say what i feel we can agrre to disagree cant we ?and still love each toher isnt waht thsi board is suppose to be about ? support for each other we can disagree lovingly. . My point again is not to judge peopel but give them advice based on what they aske for. she didnt ask for any advice concerning her hubby. why we going there. if any of u all have one man or none or twenty trust me i will be objective. but we love you sandran712 trust me we do.

  • Okay guys here we go. i am a cancer woman and I married a cancer man years ago when we were really just a cancergirl and cancerboy ages:17 & 18. We were so passionate about each other. I idolized him and thought he was perfect and put him on a pedestal which nobody should ever do to anyone, it is not fair to them and puts too much pressure on them to be perfect. This is especially hard if you are driven to be a people pleaser, which I am and so was he. I always thought this was do to our abandonment issues from our childhoods. We both always try to anticipate what we think others want or need from us and give it to them so they will not leave us and will love us. But now I am wondering if it has more to do with us being cancers than it has to do with our childhood issues. I read on this sight that 2 cancers could have a great love life and be so happy together cause they both want to please and love and they want it in return too. Our marriage was bumpy but we truly did love each other we were just too young and we both came from broken families, so we had no clue how to make it work. We were married 3yrs. and separated for 2yrs. then he finally filed for the divorce and we parted as friends. Since then we have both remarried and had 3boys each. Our marriages are both around 20yrs. and in that time I have heard from my cancerman a couple times. Just a short conversation on the phone to catch up I guess. However a few months ago he found me on a internet site and contacted me. Which I didn't see until a few months later and then I contacted him back out of curiosity(I know it killed the cat!) We began to txt back and forth and before I knew it I was being sweeped off my feet just like I was twenty some years ago. He said that in all the years since our divorce if he added up the days that he did not think of me they would maybe equal a month. I never stopped loving him he was my first everything. And he said he felt the same. And before long we found each other strongly desirering to be together in every way for the rest of our lives. Now, before I get the rath of Sandran712 and Ilindieloo brought down on me, my husband and I had been having problems for quite some time and were not very affectionate. So naturally it felt good to be desired and loved by someone I never stopped loving in the first place. So when he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me I decided too leave my husband and Kids(which was not easy and still isn't). He was going to leave as well and even got leagally separated while still living under the same roof with his wife. Actually she filed for the separation when he told her about the truth, he may never have gotten brave enough to do it i don't know for sure. We had not sleep together yet cause we felt we should wait but we did fantasize about it though so I guess that is just as bad. Our plan was to wait until his divorce was final and then move in together and when mine was final we would remarry. we succumbed to the temptation about a month before his divorce was final however and it was great. For about a week he was looking at apartments and was excited about our future together. He was also worried about not being able to see his kids all the time and loosing his house and paying alimony and child support. Keep in mind that I had already left my kids and had to start life all over again. But I felt in the long run everything would work out. But he began to get cold feet and shut me out. He stopped txt me he wouldn't talk to me about what he was thinking and eventually he started to just ignore my txt all together. This of course drove me crazy and made me doubt myself and his love for me. I just didn't understand why after all he was the one who contacted me and sweep me off my feet. I just needed to hear him tell me why he had changed his mind. but he really never told me exact;y that he didn't love me and he had said many times that he was not in love with her anymore and never really was he even said he got married cause that was what he thought was expected of him. Anyway, I just got completely crazy and felt I had nothing to live for cause I lost everything that ever mattered to me and decided to take a bunch of pills and I am damn lucky to be writing to u guys now. I still can not hate him cause I really do not know for sure what his reasons are he just really seemed to be genuinely sincere about his desires and his love for me. I do not want to believe it was all an act and he used me but whatver the reason he must not love me enough to walk away from what he already has. I guess I got what I deserved for leaving my Kids. he did have a tendency to retreat sometimes when things got tough when we were younger, but I just assumed it was my fault cause I idolized him so much. But when we got together this time even though I loved him deeply I accepted the fact that he, in fact, is not perfect and I did not want or expect him to be. I have always been a very open person and u never have to force me to poor my guts out to u, and I am a Cancer too so why is it so hard for him and not me. My lesson here is that I can not make people do or feel what I want them to feel or do. Plus I should only be looking to myself and God for happiness and self love and not need it from others in order to feel good about myself. The problem with being a people pleaser is that u wake up at 43 and realize u have no idea who you are or what u like cause u always took on what u thought they wanted u to be. But I am glad to be here and happy to have the opportunity to discover myself and see my kids grow old. I will never give someone my power like that ever again, I am determined to be the one to decide my likes and dislikes and my future. But can anyone tell me what are some of the characteristics of cancers both men and women. Sorry so long and I will probably not get back to read this until tuesday morning due to work and therapy groups tomorrow. Gotta get strong quickly before he comes out of that shell of his again. By the way you two need to walk a mile in another girls shoes and stop trying to play Jury, Judge, and Exicutioner. Not to mention God.You have no idea what was going on in that marraige of hers. We are of much better use to each other and this world if we try to help each other and not hurt one another, right? Night guys!

  • Shellygirl trust me I read everyword, i usually do. we all make mistakes trust me. Maybe it was a mistake or maybe itwasnt to get back with your ex husband. the thing is to learn form ur mistakes if it was one . I dont know only in your heart u will know dat. i have a friend from the other forum her name is kay aries I love quoting her evrerytime. time is a revealer she says. she is very wise and objective. wish she was on this forum. My cancer guy still have my power but Im fighting it slowly. its good to come here guys. Just know we are here for you. whether you made a mistake or not. Its a good place for me to come to. But pray Shellygirl thats all I can say. The truth will come to you. and trust me if none of us forgive you here, he will and you need to forgive yourself too. ok love u girl

  • sandran712. Nobody hates you on here , I certainly dont , I am also upset , and I'm upset for you Sandran . At the end of the day I was only giving my opinion , advice and being honest . I too have no one in my life at the moment I am still trying to cope with loosing my fella to another . Life is a b****. But I suppose we just have to get on with it and hope there is someone out there who will come into our lives and love us for who we are . I am just going to bury my head in studying and try and forget about it , hard though it may be . I am truly sorry if I have upset anyone on here, that was not my intension. Love to you all .

  • lindieloo>>sandran712. Nobody hates you on here , I certainly dont , I am also upset , and I'm upset for you Sandran . At the end of the day I was only giving my opinion , advice and being honest .

    Sandran712>>It wasn't on this thread.It was another postie on another thread.Thought I was too hurtful with my opinion.Well I see it like this...If you are big enough to get in a relationship then..consider the consequences.If a guy dumps you.It comes with the territory.We all get dumped.Me asking about this Cancer guy .He was a classmate.I was never involved.Certainly not a boyfriend.I really do not know what a Cancer Man acts like.But,I would have to guess that they act like an immature crying baby...LOL

  • Sandran712. well i'm not coming on here again, so Ill see you on my forum if you want to comment , love you my friend xoxoxox

  • shellygirl>>By the way you two need to walk a mile in another girls shoes and stop trying to play Jury, Judge, and Exicutioner. Not to mention God.You have no idea what was going on in that marraige of hers

    Sandran712>> You don't either.But, I do know ..Talking about your husband in the presence of a Cancer Man..Expect fireworks.Can you blame him?.You should know what I would say.Your a Cancer too.As for FlowyAir.I stand by my comments.I am not a people pleaser. I am strong willed.Not all Cancers act the same way.In your situation you married too young.Had you married the Cancer when he got a little older things may have worked out.Kids in the picture makes it real ugly.Women are selfish..Maybe men too.Think only of themselves.Not a thought goes into the relationshipwith children involved..I grew up where everyone in my family have been married and divorced and cheated on each other.Should I feel bad.. I have never been married?.The family splits and you never see half of them.As for God if you look in the bible it clearly says Thou shalt not commit adultry.I am not playing God.God said that himself.

  • lindieloo>>Sandran712. well i'm not coming on here again, so Ill see you on my forum if you want to comment , love you my friend xoxoxox

    Sandran712 Yeah I know where to find you.This storyline got ugly real fast..LOL

  • will miss u lindieloo , u have a good heart and even when u telling somebody something I feel that u doing it from ur heart and not no hatred , thats wat i love about u, even when u tell somebody something negative u still do it with love. with me u wre honest and objective and u made me rethink my situatioon, becaz its not wat u say its how u say it. I believe that at the end of the day we all need help. trust me you wont be lonely for long because ur heart is open up to good things. it was so nice crossing path with u.

    bye babe

  • dorluv. Please , Do not say goodbye I will miss talking to you . You have also given me good advice and I have listen to what you 've said and I am now acting on it , So if not on this toopic please pop over to my forum and say hello every now and again . Dont like to loose touch with friends I hope I've made . Llindieloo. xoxoxoxo

  • I just want to say a few things here.

    First of all Flowy if you are married and not happy, don't start another relationship outside of it. Deal with your marriage first, separate or divorce or stay, whatever it is you have to deal with the current situation first. There is a reason for this. You are not happy in the marriage and you described why. If you start a new relationship, you will be living two lives. This won't work out, because you carry the wound from this marriage that still needs healing. Work on the marriage, if you need to separate/divorce, then do so. Take your time to heal from it, then you can start a new. Without healing yourself first, you will constantly project your pain onto this new guy. Doesn't matter what sign you are involved with, your new relationship will not last if your own life still 'injured'.

    How do I know you are projecting your pain onto him? It's clear. He is his own person, regardless he is yours or not. He only left for the museum a few days and you already felt insecure. He was attending school, not replying to your emails and you already missed him. This insecurity doesn't come from anywhere else but your experience in your own marriage. Heal yourself, for you can not live a fulfilling life otherwise, let alone be happy in a new relationship nomatter how loyal or nice he is to you. This insecurity will hurt him in the long run, he will feel imprisoned and he will want to break away, which is another heart break for you.

    Also there are children involved. You can't let them see you seeing another man while still married. They learn from example, if they see you do this, they will think it is fine to do it when they are married someday. You are not happy in your marriage, is it your children's fault? No of course. So think about them, their future, before you do anything like this. If your husband 'feels' that there is something going on between you and the new guy, I'm sure the children do too. They are more sensitive than adults, you can not hide things from them too long. I understand how hard it is being loyal when you are not happy, but I am not saying you have to stay in unhappy marriage, I am saying don't add another relationship if you can't work on one or not healed from the pain.

    Life is about learning and moving forward. If life is easy, what is it there to learn? I am not sure what your marital situation is now, but deal with it and take the time to heal from it. If you are meant to be with this new guy, he will be available for you when you are ready for a new relationship. If not, you will find another person. You are unhappy, and looking for someone that can make you happy. This is normal. But first of all you have get to the heart of the matter. Why are you unhappy? What makes you happy? Why do you stay in this marriage? What made you marry your husband in the first place? Until you work things out and learn from them, you will never be ready for a new experience, relationship in your case. I would lie if I said I am never tempted but I remember why I married my husband and I have been hurt before so I don't want to inflict the same pain on him. In my case though, I am happily married for almost 9 years. My heart was broken many times, so that I learn not to break my husband's heart. There is a lesson in everything. I can see what lesson you have to learn here, but I will leave it to you to see it for yourself.

    Bye now take care. Sorry I jump in. I'm a cat, can't help it 🙂

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