Is this marriage worth saving



  • my husband is in Iraq, has been working over seas for 4 years, he had a fling with a woman before we were married, all was well when he came home, we got married and even renewed our vows a second time when he was home between tours. Problem now is since being back in Iraq, all was good, until his emails changed, no more Love you's, no more cute names, babe , honey etc, then questions about $$ arose , almost an angry tone, then he told em he wants to "talk" when he gets home, that he loves me but is not in love with me, and that he is tired and he has tried to tell himself that he is..what do I think? Is it the stress of the job, the place he is in, or has he found someone else? we have been living together 10 years and married over 3 years , he is a Taurus, I am a Libra..what is going on...he is good one email, distant the next..I am so confused as to what to think...he says wait till I get home..that will be 7 months from now.



  • tell him bye hes not good enough 4 u



  • He has found someone else. You are not surprised and have known for awhile but feel like you need someone to reafirm this. If he was just going through a rough time he would need you more not less. I don't see his current infatuation as being any more permanent as any of his flings.. You've done nothing wrong--the intimacy issue is with him. He is not going to change. I'm sorry. How frustrating it must be for you not to even have him here to help face your anger and fears. He has to be in control. You feel it right now--like you have no control at all in this. But you really due as long as you think with your head and not your heart or worse your hurt. You should not put your life on hold for seven months. Because he has HIS emotions in check right now and is not worried one bit what you think and he is making all his plans according to HIS self interests. Don't be the victim here. He could leave you financially devistated if you do not seek legal counsel soon. He does not need to know about this. Find a good female lawyer and tell her the situation and let her help you not be TOO surprised in 7 months. You need to surround yourself with the people who love you most. They will keep you strong. You will get through this. Try not to get so caught up in your own head too much. Stay constructively busy as much as possible--it will help give you more of that feeling of empowerment that he takes away everytime he keeps you guessing.



  • Hi, From reading your post, I feel that he's definately having second thoughts. The reason could be another person or maybe he's spending time with someone else. I think you will find out or get a clearer picture when he returns. I think you should be prepared. I know you have a lot of time and everything else invested. To me, it doesn't do any good to skate around the issue. Acceptance is best. If what I'm assuming is right, I think you'll know--if not already.



  • I somewhat agree with Dalia. I know it will be hard because it is constantly on your mind. But just weght things out. We are all just assumiong what he's going to do. But remeber you are still the wife and don't do anything out of charcture where he will be ablr to point the finger. Just make sure you play your cards right. PRAY over the matter.



  • I agree with blmoon here. I feel like this current thing isn't permanent but that he is not the one for you. I also feel VERY strongly that you waiting 7 months is not only a mistake, but will be devastating to you personally and financially. He will torture in that time and you will compound your pain needlessly. I feel that he will try to use that time against you. Please don't let him.

    You had serious doubts around the time you renewed your vows. You have known this would be the path he took. Now is the time to listen to the voice that his been inside you, telling you this all along, and protect yourself. End it now before he comes back and makes it almost impossible for you to leave without being destroyed. I feel very strongly that if you don't take steps to protect yourself before he returns, he will make things extremely hard for you.

    You will be in my thoughts.

    Blessings and Light


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