Urgent assistance needed, please

  • i really don't even know how to begin as the reality is so surreal right now. i am haertbroken, totally shocked and somewhat still in disbelief... yet, it is real and happening so quickly like a ton of bricks falling on my head with no recourse or protection.

    i am capricorn dating cancer man for about three years, he is married. to sum it up... how is that done? anyway, his wife found out about us last week, came to my residence with threats. oh, she knew about us a couple of years ago but 'he' seemed to have quelled her curiosities. nevertheless, now i am in such a place of hurt and cinfusion because she has discovered/rediscovered that we have been seeing each other, yet he denies his involvement and is now saying i floolwed him and forced him and i don't know what else. this is so complex, i am having difficulty expressing. i am distraught and terrified because they got in a fight this past monday... i have a policeman come to my door today saying i am accused of battery. see how outlandish and surreal? i don't know what to do or where to turn. i feel that he is sacrificing me and/or us to try and save his marriage. how cruel and unloving. i thought he was the epitomy of the opposite. i am crushed, can't articulate and really need some advice. thank you so much for any words to help me work through this serious matter. i appologize if message fragmented, i am shaking right now..


  • Teardrops,

    Did you know he was married while you have been dating him the past 3 years?

  • yes, i did. i know now in retrospect, but i didn't choose to feel this way, did i? the energy was so strong and it seemed i couldn't resist him. i was weak and now am even weaker, but in a not so sexy way any more, ya know. i feel guilt, yet at the same time, i felt that our relationship was somehow meant to be because of all the synchronicities and experiences that neither of us had ever experienced. it was beautiful, to me, anyway. thank you for your response. i can answer any other questions as i try to regain my senses. 😉

  • In my opinion things happen for a reason, this relationship was never destined to bloom. As much as you wish it had it has only fallen apart because it was never meant to be. It was wrong from the get go dating a married person. You need to do some serious soul searching. I beleive you will be ok in the end, but you must remember that we reap what we sow and although you may not admit it now, you know in your heart that this relationship should never of happened, for it only left you broke my dear. I wish you all the best for a brighter future.

  • thank you for your response. i also believe that everything happens for a reason as we are here on earth learning our soul lessons. so to me, when you experience the good, the bad and the ugly, it is for a reason, to strengthen and learn how to preservere throughout challenges and yet to experience love and beauty. i think it was meant to be for a time, not 'forever.' there are always multiple aspects within any reality, including my situation, therefore one can't really surmise a sum total at first glance. ha! that my problem, huh?! 😉 thanks again for your candid response, very helpful, also inspiring my attention to other sides of the facet. wishing you best future as well, as we all

  • You sound like a very intelligent woman. And you are right. Lifes lessons are hard to swallow at times yet all we can do is learn from them and become stronger from them. Set your soul free from this for a while and work on finding yourself. Your strengths, weakness. Learn from them and let them guide you into a bigger better tomarrow my dear. I do truely wish you all the best in your life and know that you have the strength to overcome this. SHINE ON!!

  • i still feel unsettled and quite anxious about current events being that he is accusing me of hitting him and am potentially facing legal action, that is my main concern right now. i am terrified of what he will do to me as he is making me the scapegoat to save his marriage. hey, right or wrong, personal opinion about dating a married man, always variables involved. my main concern now is how to approach this situation as i have/had strong and sincere love toward him and now it seems it was a stilted illusion. should i protect him? should i spill the beans for all of creation? i seem to have difficulty in deciding because i do not want to hurt him while he is sticking it to me.... hmmm, i realize that sounds rather nutty indeed, yet, why can't i stand up to the reality that he seems to be creating for me. wanted to add that i am aware of cause and effect and reaping what one sows, and i had a hand in the immoral aspects here, but i do not deserve to be burned at the proverbial stake because he chooses to not be honest. i need to know if i should continue to hide or comeout in full glory.

  • peaceful spirit: just got your response... thank you, your words are uplifting and encouraging, as well as my favorite flavor -- bittersweet. yum! 😉 you are right and resonate with that small still voice within that i usually keep locked in the closet. i truly appreciate your straightforward style as that is what i seem to require to get any penetration in this thick skull of mine. 😉 you're looking pretty shiny yourself, thanks for the light.

  • My dear Tendrops, I am so sorry this situation has taken such a turn, regardless of marriage or not it takes two and you are not the scapegoat. Stand up to your fears and face them, as hard as it will be you will truely never have peace within yourself until you do. By him putting the blame on just you is enough if it were me to stand back and say HELL NO!! we were in this together and well go out of it just as responsable as the other. It also shows me that you need to get past the sad feelings you are having and get pissed off enough to stand up for the truth. All the love you had for him was genuine and real, I feel it. But he did not feel the same way if he found it so easy to disregard you when it all fell apart. Be wise and stand up for yourself and believe in your strength to overcome this coward. Show your full glory dear for he has already disregarded you so what do you have to lose. Stay strong and be yourself always. And remember!! SHINE ON.

  • Teardrops,

    Been there, done that! We weren't sleeping together but were physical with each other and having a full-on emotional affair. These things RARELY work out in your favour, I find they are more a karmic relationship and/or to teach a lesson or catalyst. In my case, he was my catalyst to get out of an unhappy marriage, as I was his. He is still in his unhappy marriage, but that is his lesson to learn, we weren't necessarily meant to be together for good, just there for the right reason at the right time, and that time has now passed. I fell completely in love with this man and learnt so much about myself through that time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and there will be another man for you in future, one that is not married.

    Get out of this now! I can't tell you how strongly I feel about this. This man has not got the balls to face up to his side of things with his wife and you ARE the scapegoat. He does not care about your feelings, only wanting to get himself out of trouble. Before you get involved in this any deeper and have any more trouble, DO NOT stick up for him, tell the truth and let him face his own consequences. Be honest, do not lie to protect him, and then distance yourself from the whole sorry mess. This is honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. I feel things will get worse for you if you do not get out of this now. Have nothing further to do with him, leave him to face his own consequences. I know this is hard to hear right now, believe me I KNOW how you feel, I was there, BUT if this man really loved you....he would be with you right now. If he loved you enough he would have ended his marriage and be committed to you only. It's easy to want to have your cake and eat it too and then when the going gets tough and they get found out, blame everyone but themselves.

    Look, when you start something with a married man you have to expect that things are going to end badly, the fairy tale of them leaving their wives for you is just that, a fairy tale. Give yourself time to heal and sort out what YOU want for yourself and in time you will attract the guy that is right for you.

    I'm sorry to be blunt, but I get a bad bad feeling about this and feel you need to get out of this and leave them to it. You do not need the hassles....legally or emotionally.

    Best of luck to you for the future. You will be just fine.

    Wenchie :-))

  • dear peaceful spirit: your truth has inspired my own. your perspective is right on and just what i need to hear. it does take two and the reality that he is making me scapgoat is so hard to face, it is heart wrenching and i can barely see through my tear stained soul. it is hard, yet i will stand and eventually feel peaceful again. i really cannot express how much your words have comforted and strengthened me, my resolve also. my natural instinct is to protect and love and nurture, and it always feels so good when you get that back, ya know. ;o) well, i get passed these sad feelings, and then save my getting pissed off for the right moment if i have to go to court about it. one thing for certain, i will never ever see or date a married man again. i just thought he was unhappy, i was unhappy, maybe we make happy. truly thought we did. just shows how lines can so easily cross between fantasy (ideals) and reality (rocks on the road). the difference is mutual desire and acheiving dreams while overcoming obstacles together when joint intention, or something like that. 😉 ya know, you really put this into prspective for me and it seems so much clearer now... i didn't say less painful. ;o) yet, i feel less alone and more empowered to do what i have to do and it ain't gonna be subservient mistress to a coward. you called it! full glory here i come! with all the owies to bear, i will shine on. you are a sweet dear and i truly appreciate your wise and practical words to me tonight. why you keep glowing like that? 😉

  • I am so glad I was able to find you tonight dear. I have complete faith in you and know you will come out of this just fine. Remember to stand your ground and not let him manipulate you any longer. Stand up for yourself and be proud. By the way my dear Tendrops, I to am a Capricorn and know that you have the will and desire to succeed. I will be here if you need me okay. You sound so much better about things and that makes me so happy. All my respect and understanding to you. For it takes a big person to admit to their faults and a even bigger person to correct them and stand proud.

  • wenchie: oh, how did you carry on to be so strong and wise? it feels good to know i am not the only one. i've heard that these 'situations' rarely work out, especially as favorably as we dream, yet we do dream don't we?! 😉 i believe as you that is a sort of karmic experience and i wonder when my bank will fill up, why i keep making it in the red. we feel like we give and give and love and love and it supposed to be a circuit of mutual exchange. when it doesn't happen, it is so shoking and so very painful, yet i think not only because of the emptiness, but the sheer audacity that someone you truly love or think you know so well can be so cold, callous and selfish when you have been the opposite. and when the catalyst does it's work and you're the only one paying attention, it get's lonely, doesn't it? ;o) well, i agree with you that we who choose to learn and grow (move on and reap benefits), do. also, starting to see that glimmer of light at end of tunnel, however faint. at this point, i have to believe.... have confidence and recover my integrity and dignity, without too much pride and ego. it's like any kind of experience; life/death; beginning/ending; stopping/starting; opening/closing, and so on... yada yada. yet, we are sentient beings (hopefully, right?) and we have these crazt emotions that we have to learn to navigate within the parameters of this physical world so we can really fly in the spirtiual one. it's how we get our wings, i suppose. i get out now, ok? i no lika man with no balls, that never any fun, huh? 😉 i not stick up for him no more and i be honest, tell truth and maybe even enjoy him feel some of what i feel now, in a karmic way, of course. he always said he wanted mutual experience and share feelings, now he get what he want? that leads to another question about unconscious desires. your man before, married, maybe he wanted out and unconsciously utilized you or your relationship as catalyst, oh, but he have no balls so he stay and he miserable. you smart and went with the flow of the universal innate nature of your soul and now life more fulfilling. that is true karmic recompense, as i understand it, just wish i could cope better with some of lifes more challenging learning curves. oh, that experiential knowledge that happening now. oh, i think i am too spirited right now to resonate with earthly matters, getting more glimpses of flying now. ;o) umm, so your advice is awesome, very profoundly penetrating and effective, eases my soul as i feel more empowered and not alone. thank you so much sweetie for sharing your experience and offering me such sound advice. i listen, heed and will prevail! although i do tend to fall into fairy tail dreams, i keep one eye open and one foot on ground and maybe i see that true love on horizon one of these days. 😉 oh, i like your bluntness, it snaps me like i like and need. thank you again, you are an angel.

    peace and love,


  • If you can calm down enough to have a plan you will be ok. I don't see his battery charge sticking. You should turn the tables and cut off all contact with him and have a restraining order drawn up at your local police department against him and his wife. Be honest, tell them you had a fling and she found out and now it's gotten ugly and she has come to your house threatening you and he's gone a little crazy over it and is making false acusations to cover his butt and you regret getting involved with him and now you are afraid not sure what either of them will do. This will help clarify your intentions and will send him the message that you will not be the victim. By calling the police he has started something that can bite him back if you turn the tables. He did it because he is confident you would be too scared to fight back and you would never go to the police yourself. It's scary stuff! But it's already a reality so use the legal system to protect yourself. A restraining order will protect you if either of them do set you up later. It sends the message that he is the abuser.

  • peaceful spirit,

    i just had a reply all typed out and it somehow disappeared, oops, oh well. i try again. i so happy you found me tonight, or i think i found you. 😉 istand strong and proud even as the ground shakes beneath my sure footed cloven hooves. oh, you have them too 'cause you are also a goat that likes to climb all the way up. yeah, nice we have fins too because sometimes that water gets really deep, huh? 🐵 you are capricorn with abilty to get really high and really low, learning navigation can be so challenging sometimes, but we have what it takes to preservere and always come out on top, either on the top of the mountain or riding the wave of the deep blue. oh, what is you moon sign/ascendant? i gemini moon with capricorn ascendant... sometime make me feel like i am eternally bound and chained to the whipping post, and then there's the playful mischevious twins in between. am i doomed to be a caged devil child my whole life? umm, only answer if you have an inkling. that is my big riddle i have yet to solve. would love a clue. i can take all your straightforwardnesses and bluntnesses too. if i'm not shy, you not have to be! i like being in between sometimes, but only when it feels good. sometimes those flicks of fire on my bottom start to tingle, at least it get my attention. ;o) then all that air flows in and have a wildfire to contend with, body, mind and spirit. now what i do? oh, wise one who fanning my flames while quenching my thirst. 😉 you see i feeling better now? yeah, thanks again for your happy cheer.

    peace and love,


  • You sound very confused.

  • blmoon,

    yes, that's it. perfect. sometimes the emotional aspects overwhelm and i get intimidated and fall into helpless victim mode and then it perpetuates, ya know. you have just given me the perfect strategy to actuate... umm, just as soon as i get it together and still my palpitating heart. hey, at least it's still beating, right? yeah well, i will do this. i am so thankful for your advice because i am dealing (trying to anyway) with this on all levels, you know, emotionally is most challengong, then physically, that get pretty hard to, and the mental/spiritaul parts of it are necessary to bring all of me back into balance again, thus calming down, getting that peace of mind and rythmic flow going once again. your words are exactly the words i felt i was searching for and suddenly they appeared. what are you some kind of magician or an angel. well, whatever, whoever you are, i send much gratitude for your timely and ultimately effective message. song come to mind... 'you just saved my life tonight' ~ elton john. well, all the loving thoughtful and conscientious advice and comforting words i have recieved here tonight have, in fact, saved my life, tonight. how you saty thank you in all known languages? that how i feel, so much gratitude.

    peace and love,


  • dakini73,

    yeah, maybe so, and justifyably at this point, yet clarity is returning as the universe wills, and they seem to do it so nicely. how are you tonight? got clarity?


  • You sound as if you already have it figured out my dear one. Your knowledge of how you feel in your soul is the first step to moving forward. You need to dismiss the feelings you have of nothingness for yourself, you do matter and you are important. You need to love yourself for who you are what you stand for and what you are about and except no less. Do not feel as if you are a caged devil child. You have a beautiful soul. We tend to try and keep others happy and disregard ourselves in the process. Find yourself, love yourself and most of all be yourself. Im not saying its easy but with time and patience you will find where you feel comfortable. I for one understand your confusion. I as well had to learn to love myself. You will find peace dear chris and its the most wonderful impowering feeling you will ever know. Keep shining sweetie your doing great.

  • dakini73

    Confusion usually does stem from ones emotional stress. One tends to need a open mind and heart in understanding when dealing with a emotional situation. She will be just fine. Right chris?. ( :

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