This is a extension from other topics on Cancer men.
I was advised from my fellow tarot users that my cancer man is emotionally manipulative and I know deep down in my heart he is. Can someone advise me how to turn this around on him. My story begins like this I have recently been separated from my husband physically that is. We both knew the relationship was over a long time ago. Anyways the sory is not about him. I found a new lover and has been dating for the past 7 months. My girlfriedn had her Bday party and I invited him. he lives closer to her so he was at the party before me . i live a great distance form her. her neighbours were also at the party. I dont know her neighbours neither did him. One of her neighbours was pretty young thing. When i arrived I saw him sitting beside her leaning towards her and saying something in her ears. My heart drop and like all women I felt something was wrong. During the course of the party he kept going back and forth with drinks in his hand one for him and one for her. he never ask me if i wanted anything to drink. I was crushed. The next thing I knew I saw from the side of my eyes he asking her to dance, well you should have seen her grinding up on him. I sat down and was silent , confused embar assed. Note that some peopel at the party didnt knew anout him and me. Only few friends knew becaz of my situation. he didnt tell her he was there with me either. My girlfriend told me shhe saw him toke the young girls number when i ask him he said he does not remeber if he took the girls number. The thing is my friends they hate him and im still seeing this guy behind their back becaz he convinced he made a mistake and wen he looked at it if I had done that he woiuld ahve felt the same way. the thing is I still in love with him and try to wean myself off him. but I do want to get back at him really. I will put up pic of him dancing with the girl becaz I need to let go . we still talk i thing I have forgiven him but I cant seem to forget .please help me.
To continue Im trying to post pic for you all to get a claer understanding. Please find pic of them daninc attached.
If he had any respect for you and your feelings, he would NOT have been dancing like this and flirting with this other woman right in front of you like that. Cut him loose, you are way too good for him. You do not need to take this c r a p. Who does he think he is that he can disrespect you and treat you like this, especially around your friends. He wants his cake and to eat it too.
Please, love and respect yourself more and let the universe know you won't stand for this anymore, give yourself a chance to attract a better man who will treat you right.
Classic my dear, classic. Remember a leapord does not change his spots. He's playing on your emotions and manipulating them. Your friends are looking out for you and you should listen, they dont want to see you hurt. Chances are this is'nt the first time and will not be the last. Stop listening to his excuses and move on with your life. Dont let anyone disrespect you in this manner. Chances are you will have a brighter future if you take out the garbage. Keep it real with yourself and you will succeed.
Thx wenchie Thats wat need I need honesty its hard wenchie caz he wont leave me alone. Wenchie i promise i will try, Plz tell me how did u do it? should delete him from all my social sites .He thinks evrything is ok, but its not, seriously and I cant talk to him anymore about it becaz thats all we have been talking about the last 2 months. i have ask him to call my friend to apologize becaz she feels he disrespected her house. he didnt even know these people. He refused to apologize saying he will but has not done it, 2 months now. There is a book people. that I used to raed but ihave lost it . its called "co-dependent no more" its basically states if u cant leave with love leave with anger, anger can help u leave him. so i think I need to get angry again caz i can leave with love.
Peaceful spirit i will try to move on, just dont know how, but I will one day at a time, im really hurting u cant believe how much this hurt me. and ur right he did the same thing with his ex- and told her its was his best friend girlfriend he was dancing with. He dance with another girl right in front of his ex. thats why they broke up too. he told me that too that the girl was his friend and that his ex was still mad and left, now i know better, thx u know what i feel something lifted from my spirit u wouldnt believe. i really feel like I can do it now after chatting with you and wenchie. thx keep in touch.
I know it hurts, but the pain will ease. You just keep in mind that you deserve better, you deserve a man who will love and respect you and treat you right. You do not have to accept anything less than what you deserve and you tell yourself what a smart, beautiful, intelligent, attractive woman you are and ANY man would be lucky to have you. Do not settle, it really is better to be alone than put up with that. Getting angry with him will certainly help you keep your resolve. While you let him stay in your life, you are not giving the space for a good man to come along.
Just hang in there Dorluv, it get's better.
My dear Dorluv,
I am so sorry you feel so much hurt. And it will take time to get through this, one day at a time dear. Now is the time for you to think about yourself and not another relationship. By finding yourself you will then be able to open your heart at the right time knowing what you want from a relationship. Move forward and learn to love yourself wholly. Dont let anyone take advantage of your heart and trust. Believe in yourself and march forward. Take care my dear and I hope to hear that all will be well with yourself in the near future.
When I read your story I wanted to scream out: tell this guy to Kick Rocks..Beat it…but because You Say you still love him, I wanted to share something with you about my own marriage, I’ve been married for 13 years..and we still Love each other, it can be trying sometimes, but we still LOVE......but when we First started dating between his ex’s & my ex’s it was Rough! and thats putting it mildly… he spent the night with one of his ex’s,…my ex boyfriend physically fought him EVERY chance he’d get…and the madness went on for several months….Not the spending the night business that happened only once… and it’s a miracle that I forgave him that… but my point in telling you all of this Is that if your Heart wants to Love him …You Can forgive him.. I’m a Scorpio, N forgiving does Not come easy for me.. (I wish it did) but it doesn’t…I will be honest and tell you, that I too always have a need to get back at him, when I‘m really hurt..but let me give a lil advice if I may..Getting someone back for doing something that hurts you may feel good in that moment…but It hurts you in the long run…I would end up feeling so terrible, cuz my paybacks would be Drastic…(I got stories lol). N he would always forgive me..Let me say if you stay in a relationship with him, he is gonna need to forgive you for Something sooner or later…and you are most likely gonna have to forgive him for even more stuff…so it depends on if this offense was offensive enough for YOU and only you to Never want to see him again… Love is so powerful.. Anything can be forgiven… but only if he comes correct, now I’m not talking about a real bum..who is not apologetic and really downright Horrible..Only you know the real deal…Peace & Love…
KittyGalore thanx so much for such a wonderful story, makes a lot of sense too. and most of all funny. it made me put a smile on my face. I do love him and can see beyond this, we are not looking to get married or anything like that caz both of us have just come ou t of relationship. we just want something long term but we are not looking forward to living together or having kids or anthing like that. We both have big kids and dont want anymore. i never ever want to live with anyone again. Me and my kids live together allof us in school and that how its gonna be for a while. Im planning to go to law school, my kids to med school eventually and one wants to be a teacher. So we dont have spzce for no one in my life at home. How is your relationship with your guy? love u , peace
Dorluv...I congratulate you on doing such a Wonderful Job with your children instilling the importance of Education...thats Great to hear...Now if we could only get such a good handle on the Men in our lives....I had to LOL, when you said you never ever want to live with anyone again...Good for you to know yourself..and your limits....My guy and me.. well we are alright we are working everyday to get it right... He sent me a text just the other week that I locked in my phone, I'll share...
Every passing minute of everyday is a chance to turn it around, Our opportunity to get things right... I believe in our possiblilities.
I thought this was sweet of him, and can actually be used in Everyday life not just in a relationship, but in each of us to strive & be our best...
I read his text and he does sound genuine and sensitive. My cancer guy to me is also sensitive the thing I dont know if he is emotionally manipulative or sensitive, I look at how he treats other women and I think he is emotionally manipulative. You have to know the differnce I guess. If he and I dont make it I dont want to be friends with him anylonger aand as far as i can keep away from him I will. I really wanted him to prove to me that he was sorry and that genuinely love meby doing one thing call my girlfriend and apologize to her . He says he will and agree that he should but to date hasnt. My girlfriend treated him so good even gave him money when he was down and out. and he refuse to even pick up the phone to call her and apologize. He is intimadated by her becaz she would curse him. but good luck with your man girl its a leearning experience and hope the next person I have I will make a better choice. this guy didnt show his true colors 5 months after. love Dorluv
what I am saying here doesn't have anything to do with Cancer men, but more about yourself. I don't have good experience with water sign males myself, but then again they are in the past and I have to leave them there. I have been in a blissful marriage for almost 9 years with a Cap, so you may think that it is easy for me to say what I am saying here. But I am not saying this to belittle you or anything. I am saying this because I have been in your shoe and I know how you feel. Read up and if it makes sense, try to follow the advice. If you think it's utter nonsense, ignore it and I wish you the best.
life is about learning and moving forward. it is not about changing what others do or say to us, it's about how we deal with it. the universe deals with us individually. what we get out of it is what we send out. if we send out negative energy, we will get it back. if we send out positive energy, we will get it back too.
everything happens for a reason, for life is meant to learn. do not dwell in the past, for it is negative action and will invite past hurts to keep coming back to you. learn from what happened in the past then close the door. make an honest assessment about yourself, have you ever harboured anger/jealousy/sadness/wish bad luck anyone even if they are strangers. then make amends when necessary or possible. and move forward. start a new life and live it in the truth and balance, for both are positivities. lies and denials, no matter how much it will make you look stronger, are negativities and will not help you move forward. nurture your physical and your psyche in any way you can. both are important to live your life fully and experience all that the universe meant you to experience.
there are people out there that hurt others intentionally and unintentionally. it is hard to forgive and forget them, but remember the universe deals with us individually and it will deal with them. revenge is negativity and will be returned to you, even if you feel you have the right, for you have been wronged. because we are only here to learn and move forward, the universe will take care of the rest. despair, fear (of anything including of the future), worry and sadness are also negativities. don't dwell in them and don't let these drain you. whenever you are down or start to 'sink' tell yourself This too shall pass. for they will. negative energy drain you by taking you away from hopes and bright side of life. don't give up. live your life as I described. the universe timing is not linear like us, but it always returns what we send out. when the time comes, you will find what or who you seek.
healing and nurturing take time and efforts. give your self the time it needs and continue to live your life the way it should be lived. if you nurture your physical with balanced diet and routine exercise, nurture your psyche with spiritual exercise (you can find yoga and meditation online for free, or go with your spiritual/religious leaders and read related books) and be active go out and about for spiritual cause or meeting. Keep smiling even if your heart is in sorrow, you are spreading positivity that way plus you never know who will be attracted to your smile. base all your thoughts/actions/ words on love and tolerance. there is no need to be angry/negative to those who angered you or be negative to you. the universe knows and will deal with it. leave them in the past, for you are living your life for the future.
Leoscorpion thank you so much but especially when you said worry and sadness are negativity and harboring them will only drain me> I really never saw it like that. We had reconnected after the incident but I couldnt forget and he kust be sensing my unforgiveness becaz he hasnt call and thats not like him, I guess he has moved on. I need to move on too and will try the things you mention like meditation. But you know I always would tell my kids "This too shall pass" those are my favorite words for encouragement. The only thong leoscorpion I forgot to encourage myself. Would you believe that?
here is something for meditation I copied and pasted for you
another long read, sorry, but admin will delete links so I have to do it like this
Background of Zen Meditation Technique (Zazen):
This was the meditation technique of Lord Buddha - I should have to say no more in order to motivate you to try this meditation. It is one of the most widely used meditations in the world and is the heart of Zen Buddhist teachings. If one was to make a short list of the best meditation techniques, Zazen would most certainly make the top 10 list.
Tools required for Zen Meditation Technique (Zazen):
•Zafu (traditional Zen Buddhist meditation cushion), Smile Cushion or other firm meditation cushion. I purchased mine from zafu.net. I also purchased a zabuton (meditation mat) from them, a zabuton though is optional.
•Loose comfortable clothing.
•An alarm clock, stop watch or other time device.
Benefits of Zen Meditation Technique (Zazen):
•Builds Concentration and Focus.
•Self Knowledge - both, the workings of little self (ego) and awareness of the Big Self (True Divine Nature).
•Improves health and wellbeing.
•Increases willpower and builds character.
•Bestows psychic powers.
Cautions for Practicing Zen Meditation Technique (Zazen):
There are very few cautions with regard to Zazen practice, but the one I would like to point out has to do with emotional storms.
There can be periods of time, either during a single sitting or spanning across several weeks, when emotions you may have suppressed rise up to the surface and force you to deal with them. During these turbulent times, don’t exacerbate the issue by chewing on the emotion laden thoughts that come up. Traumatizing yourself in this way has no value. Instead, sit with the emotions and related thoughts without resistance, then let them go and return your awareness to your breath.
This emotional cleansing is due to the visibility of the subconscious mind once the conscious mind is quieted by the meditation. In the short term, this can be a difficult time to go though, but in the long term its a necessary and healthy cleansing that will promote greater peace, depth, joy and clarity in your life.
Guided Basic Zen Meditation Technique (Zazen):
•Find a quiet place and sit in a comfortable cross legged position. If using a zafu or similar meditation cushion, sit on the forward third of the cushion. The objective is for your hips to be raised above your knees and to form a three point base with your knees and buttocks touching the floor/cushion (leave a comment below if want to use a chair or meditation bench and would like me to explain those details).
•Set your alarm or other time device for 20 minutes.
•Now elongate your spine upwards and to align it with the back of your head, subtly bring your chin back and in like a soldier at attention. There will be a slight inward arch in your lower back.
•Now rock gently from side to side in big arcs, making them smaller and smaller till you drift to a stop. You should find yourself perpendicular to the floor with no tension or pull from either side.
•Have your eyes half open with an unfocused gaze on the floor in front of you. You should be looking down at a 45 degree angle about 2 to 3 feet in front of you. You may also close your eyes if you prefer.
•Bring your hands to your lap and place them in the cosmic mudra. To do this rest your right hand on your lap, then rest your left hand on top of it and have your fingers overlap. Now bring the thumb tips together thus forming an oval frame.
•Close your mouth, swallow your saliva creating a slight vacuum and place your tongue against the roof of your mouth. After this point there should be absolutely no more movement of the body. No fidgeting, scratching, shifting - nothing - be like you are frozen in time.
•Take 5 deep, slow breaths though the nose. This will oxygenate your blood and relax you.
•Now bring you attention to your breath without trying to manipulate it further in any way, just become aware of its flow. Spend a few minutes just observing it intimately till it starts to become regular and relaxed.
•At this point begin counting your breath. Count an inhalation as one, then the exhalation as 2 and continue to count your breaths until you reach 10. At which point return to 1 with the next inhalation. If at any point you get caught in a mental story line and loose your count, gently, without passing any judgment, return to 1 and start over. That’s it, continue for the duration of the meditation.
there is an african saying
'one who forgives, ends the argument'
it is hard to forgive, but try your best. that is all the universe asks of us.
and above all, forgive yourself. or else how do you forgive others?
sometimes when people wrong us, we feel that we deserve to be wronged because we choose to love them or we feel that we are ugly/undeserving/lower than them
avoid this. self loathing is another negativity
negative energy doesn't support life, your life, life of your relationship
it drains you and then will move to those close to you, to drain them
it is draining you already, so much that you don't remember to encourage yourself
dorluv, do your best. the future is yours to make. with or without this man.
you deserve a better man. you will find him, or he will find you.
I hope for the best. take care now. let me know if you have any question.
Leoscorpion Thx so much to walk this road with me. Im hurting so much and have many slpeepless nites. But I have also made this motivate me to study harder. I have finals coming up so I have used this force to drive me. Dont know if im making sense here. But i have practiced your meditation today and I have found a little peace. Im starting to feel a little acceptance that he has probably moved on. I loved him so much and was even willing to work it out after the incident. by the way this happened two moths ago. Everything was going good I guess and then suddenly i stopped emailing and texting me. and he knows me. im not gonna email him either. He communicate with me everyday for the past 7 months. On Saturday was the last day i herad from him and then again Tuesday. but on Tuesday his email was so cold. maybe its just me but read it for yourself
"Subject: hi D
"how are u ? What is going on?"
And I responded "Im good."
and that was it he never repliedd to this day. and I have an intuition that he moved on. I feel it.
But sorry for such a long story. thx again for walking my journey with me. means a lot. I cried when i read ur response caz it is so true you said this"sometimes when people wrong us, we feel that we deserve to be wronged because we choose to love them or we feel that we are ugly/undeserving/lower than them" o my goodness u were right on the button.
dorluv ; lindieloo here . I know your story ,and you were helpful to me on my cancer fella .I also know exactly what your going through and my heart goes out to you , as you know i'm in the same position as you . Of course i still love my fella as much as ever 5 weeks today and not a word . Please keep in touch , like you I am trying to keep myself busy as well . Your friend Xoxox
the long story is fine. you need to get it out of our chest and writing it is a good way to do it.
I have been in your shoe. I understand and happens to find the right words to say it.
remember we are all here to learn and move forward. we all have done things to others and ourselves, good or bad. what happened is meant to happen. learn from them and move forward. what he does with his life is his own choice. you don't have to make the same choice because your feelings for him. make the choice for yourself, your children, your current and future.
live your life in balance. and in truth. both are positivity. we all make mistakes. choose to learn from these mistakes. make amends when necessary or possible, even to yourself. forgive yourself for then you can forgive others. this goes with the concept of balance. lies and denials are negativities, won't do you good. admitting you still love him is not the same as accepting what he has done as OK for it is not OK. tell yourself, every day, This too shall pass. your feelings for him will pass. and when the right man is sent your way, you will be ready to love again, instead of being drained and lost that you can't see him coming and dismiss an opportunity of a new love.
pray and ask for help when things are just too heavy to handle. the universe doesn't sleep. it doesn't take vacation. it will send you help. it already did so by sending you here, to this forum so you can be helped. and you gain a bit of peace from meditating. it will only get better from here. take care now and if you want to know more, just shoot. going off , gotta do laundry.