Captain.......i just don't know what to ask!!!



  • I do not get along with my dad. hes a virgo and im gemini. and whenever i tell him about my scorpio sister that shes becoming psycho, she does stupid things, he doesn't listen to me. He thinks hes the only one who knows about everything. He lost so much money in making business and the money which he had put in business it wasn't even his own earned money, his family gave him money so many times so that he could get success in business but everytime he got betrayed coz he doesn't know how to do business, all his friends have betrayed him so many times in business that we have got nothing now but hes SO stubborn that he doesn't listen to anyone. He thinks that he can do business. anyways my main concern is my sister. the school has thrown her out of school coz she went to some shop and stealed a coke can and the shop owner showed the video to the school about her stealing coke. the school said that she hasn't been coming to school for a week but MY DAD didn't ask her. As a gemini i see all sides of a situation but sometimes i think my dad's naturally slow or maybe hes becoming old, he doesn't get what im saying. I try to show him all the sides of the situation but he ignores it maybe coz hes a slow thinker. It takes so much bloody time to make him understand that it is like this. It is not like the way hes thinking. I got upset when i showed him the message on my scorpio sister's phone where she wrote to his bf that "we cannot fuck coz adam is coming". I told him that shes doing something wrong but he says that its just the way they speak, i told him that u have come to this country recently and u don't know what happens here BUT NO he doesn't listen. Before i told him that my sister has a bf coz so many people from the school and my other sister's freinds and the other neighbours which never lie coz my mum knows them quite well told us that my scorpio sister has a bf and she saw her kissing some guy outside their house but my father didn't listen and i also told him WHY WOULD ALL THE PEOPLE LIE. THE WHOLE WORLD CANNOT LIE but coz my sister denied it he said that he doesn't have a bf. Im also not the kind of person who believe anyone or everyone but im not THAT stupid if something is making sense and when i can see the whole picture, ill deny it. I just cannot believe that how can he be SO stupid, seriously im fed up, totally fed up of living here.



  • Forget your father - he's not your problem. He's HIS problem - his way of burying his head in the sand will only hurt him more than anyone else. He is too stubborn to change so forget that. You perhaps can help your sister. I feel she really wants to be popular and cool with her peers and thinks if she behaves outrageously, people will like and admire her. She thinks acting out her dark side will improve her reputation but she doesn't realise she is destroying it. I doubt she will listen to reason from you but you can try to convince her that this is not the way to be popular (but don't be judgmental or critical). Being liked by others is about being your authentic self, not a 'pretend' self.

    Otherwise you will just have to accept that no matter how much you want to help your family, nothing but very hard knocks will get through to them. You may be able to use your common sense for yourself but some people need it knocked into them by life. Look after your own well-being and, instead of trying to make everyone see the error of their ways, wait until they come to you for help.



  • Thanks Captain,

    I do not talk to my sister anymore coz so many incidents happened where i used to shout at her before her being thrown out of school that my father told me not to interfere in her business. I didn't use to interfere in her business but i kept an eye on her and told my father the things which she(sis) had been doing but he never used to ask her which kept frustrating me. He used to tell me that he has told her(my sis) the things which are wrong?..what else can he do?.....i told him if she doesn't understand then he can take her phone away coz she uses her phone for hours for nothing....i mean he is his father....he can even slap her if necessary or if she doesn't listen to him....BUT BUT BUT he thinks the way he is broughting up is the right way....he can do his EXPERIMENTS on business but he shouldn't these experiments on the children which can ruin their personality, career, life, their thinking towards life/things.....he should be strict towards her.........i mean if he will not stop her now....then she will never get stop in the future life and will keep doing the things which shes doing.....if the father cannot stop it then who else will stop it?....no one else from outside can come and stop it....can he?...and coz he had been saying to me in front of her that i should keep away from her matters and i should keep my own business.....so whenever she lies about BIG or even small things, i keep my face to my father and ask him the questions about the situation which she lying about so that he could throw these questions to her coz as i said he CANNOT see the big picture......wotever being said to him...he will think deeply about that ONE THING and doesn't see how the people, in this case his own daughter is making him fool..... (my father cannot see shes lying but coz im also a bit psychic and i can see through her, i can see and understand when people are lying or when people are making up....the body language, the way people speak and when people try to convince that they are not lying when they are totally lying....and the main reason is also coz of her history of lying.)...so when i tell him the questions, she says that "didn't he tell u to mind ure own business"....she says that because she doesn't want me to show or help my father to see that shes lying....then she shouts on purpose so that no one reaches to point where she gets caught in lying....and at that point , my father just gives up and says that "i don't know if she does or doesn't do the things which shes doing but if she does that then let her ruin her life, she will face the consequences.....i have told her wot is right and wot is wrong....if she doesn't understand .... then let her go to hell"..........i mean please U CANNOT GIVE UP ON URE CHILD LIKE THAT....its not an excuse....wot are the parents for if they cannot told their children off for wrong doings....u cannot only verbally say to a child...u have to be strict when the things are going out of hand so that the child should know that yeah she is my mum or hes my dad and i should listen to him/her.....And yeah after the coke incident she denies that she stole it even after she saw herself on the CCTV and says that she gave the money to some guy who works there, again lied but seriously i think my father is the main reason of her being like that coz he didn't stop her at the right time....n then these things started building up.....and now the way she lies, it really seems like as if shes telling the truth...i don't think any normal person can see shes lying.....only psychics or experys can see it.....i feel sorry for her.....so many incidents happen in so many years and its so hard to write each and every incident here....and each incident has made her the way shes today coz i think if she would have gotten a slap or two from my parents, then she wouldn't have become the person she is now.......wot should i do?...i cannot let her ruin her life more........i really feel hurt when i see her like like that coz at the end of day shes my sister.....i do not want my family members or friends to bad mouth about her when i know that shes wrong but its NOT ONLY her fault in her being like that.. ...seriously im physically, mentally and emtionally drained....i feel like as if im gonna get mad one day....i feel like as if im 40+ even though im only 25........i feel like as if ill die soon.........i want to get out of the house coz i really feel sick here.........i feel like a looser....I WANT PEACE!!!



  • You cannot live another person's life for them. The best thing to do in this case is to leave everyone alone to get on with their lives, come what may. Your father and sister may be feeling extremely pressured and criticised by you so they react by closing down to you. Even with family, you don't have the right to interfere with their rights to live their own lives they way they choose. You will only find peace when you accept that it is your own life you must focus on and manage now. It probably would be better if you got out of the family situation. Can you move in with a friend or get your own place?



  • Captain, no i cannot move anywhere or get my own place coz from the background i have come, they do not appreciate the fact that girl should live alone....they can only leave the mum's house when they are married...the country im living in right now, i can live alone as im old enough but i cannot just be selfish (just coz the country's culture doesn't mind the girl living alone before marriage by herself or even with someone else if u know wot i mean) and think only about myself and leave my family and give them more trouble as its the thing of disrespect for them if the girls leave their mum's house before marraige just to live alone and also even if these tradition things wouldn't be there.....i wouldn't have left the house even then coz i would never want my sister to think and get advantage of this thing as well that if my elder sister can live alone then she can also live alone and do wotever she likes at her young age....so this is the problem.....thats y i wanted to get married and live my own life in my own home where theres peace hopefully so that i can become mentally stable again like the way i used to be before coming to this country.......



  • Captain i also wanted to ask you how can i send u a personal message on this forum? coz theres one thing which i want to ask u about my sister and i do not want to ask it here coz i have seen that i cannot delete any topics here otherwise i would have asked you.



  • There is no personal message system here and personal emails are deleted if they are posted. Sorry!



  • If you stay at home, then you will have to learn to respect the rights of the people you live with by not interfering in the way they choose to be. Your father and your sister have both chosen how they want to live and think and you do not have the right to try and change them, even out of love and concern. Judging people is very wrong. The only right we all have is the right to change ourselves. The best thing that you can do is to live in the best and purest way you can so as to give a good example to everyone else.



  • This post is deleted!


  • You are judging that your sister and father are wrong.



  • ok im judging but im judging coz my father was wrong, has always been wrong, took wrong decisions, hes stubborn, never listens to anyone, thinks that hes always right....maybe that is y everyone in the house is becoming mentally unstable....and judging my sister coz she steals, she lies, the person who cannot be true to her parents, he/she cannot be true to anyone....she swear insults me and everyone in the house with her phone open so that her friends could listen how she uses her toungue with her own family.



  • Did you get my email?



  • And do you realise that you are being just like your father in thinking you are right and everyone else is wrong?



  • yeah i just got the mail, i know im being like that as everyones saying the same thing. The reason me becoming like this is coz i think hes the one who has turned my sister like that. She wasn't like that before he came to this country. I also posted a post about my marriage thing where i said that i know hes concerned about me too but he shouldn't force and think that only hes got all the knowledge about people/life coz if he did have, then he wouldn't have lost all the money in the business in his whole life. He hasn't earned money in his whole life. I don't think the guy i told u in my earlier topic was good for me anways He hasn't got the eye to see through people...im not saying everyone has that but no one's really that blind that when the people are showing that this this thing is wrong with the evidences, even then the person ignores those evidences and says that no all the people are wrong and im right.