Some things are too good to be true.
Okay.. from my last post, everything turned out fine. But that's not what I'm here to talk about right now. For about 4-5 months now, me and my boyfriend (the bandmate who's on tour about a month at a time) have been really great. I enjoy our company even when he's gone out for tour for a whole month, and we really get along. Like I've said before, we've been together for more than 2 years.. going on 2.5 years, and things settled. No child's play arguments and all the little things that people sweat about.
But recently, my boyfriend's band has been through a little break up. They lost a singer and a guitarist, so that only leaves my boyfriend and the other guitarist.. plus a back-up drummer (because they kicked out the other drummer a year or so ago). And I know how stressed he can get, especially this time around without 2 members. They managed to find temporaries and still went out for tour. He's still on tour right now actually, and his last tour date is the 16th. Before, my boyfriend wouldn't hit me up as constant (thats just the way he is) and recently he's been talking to me every day of tour.. which was never like him but i enjoy it.
There are things that get me mad about him, that I don't let it get too serious. He drinks often on tour, and do all these guy things, but i don't sweat it. Before, I would usually say b*tch comment or talk sarcastic. i.e. "I GUESS you're having fun.... going to bed, bye." But I've been saying positive things like "hey! i hope you're having a great time, and hope your show went amazing tonight! Talk to you when I do, love you!" just to keep things positive. And I've been real good with that.. so me being positive has really put a good vibe between us for months upon months. Even when he went "clubbing" in New York a few weeks ago with his friend Ashley (and the band), I wasn't a bitch about it.. all i said was to have fun and tell her I said hi. I made positive comments, and I knew who this girl was but I really didnt mind or care because we were getting along so well.
There was really no need for me to give him stress, especially since he's miles and miles away from home.. he's probably dealing with his own stress. So I don't give him the unneeded stress. But just last Sunday, he got angry out of no where and nagged at me for "not eating meats." Mind you, when he's gone on tour.. I tend to gradually eat "healthier" instead of burgers every week or eating late at night. I love my veggies but I didnt turn into a veg-head. I told him the deal, and he just kept flipping out about it. He said I changed and I wouldnt like it if he changed on the road without telling him. I asked to drop the convo right then and there, after we talked it out but he just neglected it and didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. It totally left me being confused.
Me and his mom have a great bond, so I call her because she knows him best. She said it could be a series of things, he could be angry that he couldn't make it to his aunt's wedding the previous Saturday.. he could be missing home.. or he could be jealous. She said if anything, it didnt have to do with me anymore, it was his own problem. So we (me and his mom) talked about it, and I was more at ease. I decide to give him a few days to gather his thoughts back together.
A few days have passed and I found out that his mood has gotten worse. So I did what I needed to do and talked to him. He wasn't cooperating well at all and was just nagging the whole time. He said I was playing games.. which really confused me because I didn't know what he thought really (he wouldn't explain himself, ever.) and then he said the one thing that hit me.. he said that I was tryign to look good for other guys. That made me realize 1) he was jealous / possessive or 2) after years of me dealing with his crap, he sees how much I've done and doesn't wanna lose me.
I was really turned off at this point, and after I told him to just drop the problem.. he kept piling on more problems that didnt relate to the current problem and just made it even worse. We ended the conversation with him saying "I don't wanna talk anymore" and I havent spoken to him sense. I'm sort of scared for his arrival, because I don't know what to expect. I've assured him so many times that nothing will change how I feel about him but I don't know what he thinks anymore. He's not a guy to express how he feels or wanna talk, so it'll be really difficult to try and see what's really bugging him.
I don't know what I should do. I'm seeing his family on the 22nd for a baptism and I'm sure he'll be home from tour by then. I don't know his schedule of his arrival anymore, but maybe his mom can find out. I have no problem talking it out with him AGAIN. Sometimes it seems like he always has to be the one "on top" of things just because he's a male. Can anyone help or give advice? I hope I didn't leave out any information.
oh and btw, he had his bandmates immediately contact me to not be a veg-head, and I just dont know why he had to bring his friends into this.
Hi Ty, That's funny about the Veg-head. Who in the heck cares if your a veg-head, anyway. I think he is thinking about you while he is away. Sounds like he is freaked-out because you are not showing jealousy about 1. Being gone., 2. Being w/a girl, etc. I think he's showing jealousy. Sounds like he's a bit on the control freak side. So, that's probably why, also. It's hard to control anybody if your far away. Is he kind of like the leader in this band. Also, sounds like he's suffering from a hang-over. Since his tour is almost over, maybe he is a bit stretched to his limits. These are just my ideas. For this to work, you have to be in control of your emotions and your actions. It's a hard thing to deal w/and something that I don't have a lot of patience for myself. I like to keep things simple probably because I'm 48. I've been thru all this. My ex-husband was in a band that toured. I'm mainly talking about him being in control of his actions etc. You seem like a nice person and I wish you the best.
Thank you Dalia! Yeah I know, I didn't see why he made it such a problem about me eating "healthier." He has been saying that he misses home a lot, and with his band 'drama' he really doesnt want to be there. He's actually just the bass player, but he gets a lot of business handled in the band than most of the other guys. I don't show jealously because I've learned not to sweat the small stuff, but instead just made things positive and tried to keep myself busy from wondering what he's up to.
He can be a control freak at times, but he just likes that feeling of "being the man" or "be on top of the game." Yeah thats true, he might be suffering from a hang-over at the time and I understood that.. I know him to get buzzed before he plays any shows. I like your ideas though, because I brainstormed and I just think the same, and so does his mom (i love her!).
I think things are looking up though, I will see how it goes this weekend