10 years of dreaming - why?

  • After 14 years of marriage and 4 kids I had a horrible, traumatic divorce that lasted 3 1/2 years and striped me of everything I held dear. In spite of my ex's malevolent actions and a nasty case of PTSD as the result, I continue to dream about him A LOT! For 10 years now I dream about him 4-7 nights a week waking up with the emotions rocking me either with hope or sadness. The story line is either me wanting him and him thinking about it but not saying yes or he's taking me back but I'm fearful that he'll change his mind and not follow through. The feelings about recapturing my life as it was always excite me and I'm disappointed to realize that it was just a dream and I feel sad - I often attempt to go back to sleep with the hopes of picking up the dream where I left off, but I'm unsuccessful. I've tried everything I can think of to reconcile this whole nightmare as the associated emotions are unsettling to say the least. I believe I've forgiven him, he seems to care less. I'm a 14 degree Leo with a 9 degree Capricorn moon and 3 degree Cancer ascendant. He's a 9 degree Capricorn with a Scorpio moon and I don't know his ascendant. How can I free myself from this torturous pattern? We're civil to one another now although he was extremely mean-spirited and avoided me at all costs for the first 8 years and is barely cordial to me now. I was devastated for a couple of years but have been very kind and forgiving toward him since then because it was too painful to hold on to the anger. I've worked hard on coming to peace with this atrocity both legal and moral. Any insight might help me to find peace in the night.

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