Feel Like a Fool



  • Met someone recently. He told me from the start that he wanted to make me his. My intentions were to be friends but I don't think I really articulated that. I do care for him and maybe it would have developed into something more. I have known him for about 5 weeks. He rents a room from a lady, so he likes to come to my place. He e-mails me everyday and they really started getting suggestive. When he came over he'd make suggestive comments. I have certain beliefs that I don't stray too far from. I told him that coming over to my house was not an invitation to have sex. I like to get to know people. He says he wants to marry me. I know one thing for sure--he wants sex. Anyway, I feel like I'm in quite a situation. I feel llke I led him on. I don't feel that most people think like I do anyway. Would like to remain friends but feel he'll always be working towards the same thing. Just turns me off when I feel someone is counting the days and minutes until they get sex. Feel pressured. Hate feeling this way.



  • Awe it sounds like you really did have good intentions and were taken advantage of. If this person cared enough things would take their time, but by pushing them and your not interested in the intentions suggested then stand your ground and let that person know where your coming from and that's that! YOU are worth it so say it! If this person cares enough things may slow, but if not then you know you've made the right decision. Good luck 🙂



  • It doesn't sound like you have led him on in any way. It seems like he just simply isn't listening to what you have to say. I too like to take things slow and not just jump into the sack with someone whom I hardly know. If you are feeling that all he wants is sex, then you are probably right. You should follow your instincts on this one.

    Also, if he ever makes comments that make you feel uncomfortable, you should just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. I don't think that is being rude in any way. Also, it will make it easier on you and you will feel more confident in communicating to him what you expect out of your association with him.

    I have also been in situations similar to this, and it makes me very uncomfortable. I always have a feeling that I should tell the person that I am uncomfortable, and every time I don't, I regret it.

    I hope you can find a way to be tactful and clear at the same time. it's a hard balance, but with time and thought, you can figure out an appropriate way to do it.

    Good luck to you.



  • Hi, You are not a fool. You acted from your heart with integrity. Be proud that you have respect for yourself. If he is not able to wait and know someone before having an intimate relationship then he is not worthy of you. Yes, you fancy him, but having an emotional connection is of far more value in the longterm for a future for you both than the physical. Lets face it men are different and that is why I am attracted to them. But they have to respect my way which in this day and age is probably more old fashioned than most. (it works for me!) Stay cool, make yourself happy and let him earn your intimacy. If he is decent he will feel more valued and more of a special man.

    All the best.



  • Be careful....I mean what do you really know of this guy? He is renting a room, why not his own place? What are his hidden agendas especially if he wants to move so fast. Just keep communication open with him and don't worry about being rude. I would do a check on him just to make sure. I know this sounds so untrusting...but with things the way they are now days...and the fact that I just had a friend who ended up in a situation like this and she married him and he took her for alot of money.



  • Hi, Thank you for responding. We have remained friends, although we are not intimate. He is a friend. He has problems, not related to me. We do have things in common. We are both artists (draw and paint). I did in fact have to tell him that we will remain as friends. I did get to know him and based on that it is much better as friends. Had to talk about it with my therapist. He suggested that he is probably a right-brained thinker. It's never a good situation to feel pressured and that alone was my decision.

    Thank you!



  • oooo leave that one alone!



  • I agree, this one isn't good news. Best to run away as far and as fast as possible, hehe.

    However...

    Celticlady69, I find slight offense with your statement. Are you implying that people who rent are somehow less trustworthy than people who own their own place? I hope not. Not everyone has the money to buy a house. I wish!

    Good luck with dealing with this person.



  • Dahlia,,You were right in remaining just friends. Men just don't listen and have a tendency to hear what they want to and proceed onward. Good thing you didn't go much further he doesn't sound like a good opportunity for you anyway...Much better picks out there...I met a famous west coast muralist/faux/artist two years ago boy was he messed up. His art work keeps him sane in the brain without it he's lost in woods....literally as he paints in the woods he's a true cowboy and needs to be with the wildhorses and open spaces that's what is artwork reflects..

    Best Wishes



  • Is this the same man you speak of in your most recent post? If so, I hope you don't mind I was only looking for more background...

    I think that you need to strongly consider exactly what the intentions of this man are. Has this relationship developed straight from this post into your most recent post desiring marriage? His character still seems somewhat genuine -it is possible that considering you have a well established friendship with him, he could honestly feel a special sexual attraction to you explaining this post. However as I stated before in your most recent post, I urge you to proceed slowly, in your own time, and take much caution.

    x



  • not sure how this site works



  • can any one help me please



  • Hi Dalia,

    I thought I might ask how things are going? A progress report perhaps?

    Hope all is well,

    x



  • Hi Sugarpop, Thanks for asking--maybe you sensed all has not been well because I have had a bad case of the flu. This Fall I will definitely get the flu shot. Also, the person I mentioned in my post has been in my life and I'm not all together comfortable w/the situation. I guess it's just me facing the reality that I'm not ready for a serious ... relationship. I really need to tell him that but it's hard. Don't want to lose him as a friend. I've known people who say that they don't date etc. I never really understood that until now. For me, there are too many complexities that I don't want to get bogged down in. I don't want to give the wrong impression or lead him on. I do feel like I have been pressured by him. This is not a comfortable situaton for me whatever happens because I do care for him.


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