The Captain...please help. Sag Man Leo Woman
The Sag man I dated for 6 months had just broken up with his girlfriend of 18 months when we met. We hit it off right from the start, talking for hours on the phone, finding we had everything in common and a real connection. He started pushing me away at about 5 months and then told me one night, with tears streaming down his face, that he needed a break. Some time to breathe and just be alone to get his "ducks in a row". I understood since he had been in 2 serious relationships for 3 1/2 years straight. Both of which were pressuring him into marriage. I feel as if he just got scared because he felt the strong connection between the two of us. I explained to him in he beginning of our relationship that I am not looking for marriage as I am recently divorced after 13 years. I am trying to be patient and wait for him to return. I told him that when he was ready to be in a relationship, I would be there and we could start again.
We still talk and have hung out on occasions as friends. But I need to know if he is serious about trying this again or if he has no interest. I know that if I pressure a Sag or give him an ultimatum, he will run in the other direction. Do I just need to be patient and wait? Any advice on how to handle a Sag man in this situation is greatly appreciated!
My DOB: Aug 15, 1973 3:30pm (FL)
His DOB: Nov 26, 1970 don't know time
There’s a karmic connection between you. Both of you will feel as if you know each other really well, even when you just met. You mirror each other’s enthusiasm for life and enjoy what the other has to offer. You share many of each other's traits: optimism, love of travel and general curiosity. You’ll be able to engage in plenty of entertaining and valuable discussions with your friend. However, you may compete with each other - you should try to stay on the right side of over-competitiveness. Also you may be wanting more from him than he can give. He won't understand why you need extra attention (and he won't really care). He can be tactless and insensitive also.
The focus of this relationship, and its greatest challenge, is coming into more meaningful contact with society. Both of you have a rebellious or antisocial side that comes out in response to being told what to do by those in authority. Both have an innate sense of fairness and honesty that often lands you in hot water. One of the important tasks for this relationship then is learning to be less outspoken and more diplomatic, not only towards other people but between each of you. This task will certainly include the cultivation of patience, for together you two tend to overreact.
In a love affair, each of you must quickly learn not to let the other push your buttons so easily. Learning to be more detached may be part of the solution; another part will be for both of you to be understanding enough to imagine yourselves in the other's place. Passions often run high here but natural affection and love will usually overcome other difficulties in the long run if you can hang in there. Acquiring social skills as a couple interacting with others will often help maintain harmony, since it will include the attainment of politeness, diplomacy and tact. Problems with your friend's strong sense of right and wrong can cause trouble here. Certain of your attitudes and activities, including your tendency to talk down to people you consider beneath you, can appear quite questionable to your friend, who will also frown on your ability to overlook small daily taks that you feel are just not worth your effort.
But it's not all bad. Your friend likes to work without a lot of fuss or human interaction and you can teach him something about the need to establish strong bonds with the people he deals with. Keeping control of your emotions is the issue here for both of you. If you can be more open and patient with others and yourselves, and work on lessening your irritability, this relationship can work. But as you have seen, your friend loves his freedom and independence and, if you get too demanding or pushy, he will head for the hills. You don't realise how strongly or powerfully you can come across. Your friend is extremely gun-shy from past relationships, but this doesn't mean you should have to pull your head in forever. There is nothing you can do at the moment but wait - but don't wait too long for this man to get his act together.
Thank you very much for this insight. I know that I need to be patient and not pushy with him but it is so hard for me. I need to learn self control and know that I can not "fix" what he is going through right now. It is just very difficult to not have the ability to heal his wounds.
For now, I will let him be with his thoughts. Before we took "the break" from our relationship, we had it planned to spend the last week of June together for our vacation. In recent conversation, I mentioned to him that I still have this time off and he responded "sweet!". I didn't want to seem over eager about getting together during this time so I didn't go any further. I wanted to see where he was at emotionally and leave it up to him. I have heard nothing further from him about getting together. So I am making my own plans to load up my dogs and get away. Maybe if he realizes that I am not sitting around waiting for his call and I am doing other things without him, it will make him think. I just hope it doesn't backfire on me and he thinks that I have moved on. That is my biggest fear. That I will do something wrong causing me to lose him.
I greatly appreciate your help and advice.
You are behaving exactly right.
Tonight as I was getting ready for bed, I said told myself how good I was doing by not contacting him as tempting as it has been. I looked at myself in the mirror and said good job!! Well after over a week of letting him be by himself and not contacting him, he broke the ice tonight and texted me about a half hour later to see how I was doing. Even though I have some sudden traumatic issues come up in my life, I kept things light and happy by telling him I was doing good. He loves playing poker so I asked him how he played tonight and just kept the conversation general. I didn't bring up that we both have next week off and hoped that I could see him. That was very difficult for me but I am going to wait for him bring up the subject of what I have planned. I am definitely still leaving Friday for North Carolina for a few days to see the family but not telling him of my plans until he asks. I'm just gonna keep playing it cool! It's been hard not contacting him but am very proud of myself. I have to admit that with everything going on with my family, it has made it easier to keep myself occupied and not think so much about my Sag.
Thanks for all the encouragement and comments. I will keep you posted.
PS Sag men love a woman who is mysterious, aloof and unpredictable, who takes things slowly and is not over-emotional.
Okay...here's the latest update....
In the last month before our "break" I skeched a Celtic cross for my Sag that he admired saying it was the type of cross that he wanted to have tattooed on his back. I received a text yesterday saying "Ur drawin is fixin to be permanent on me". My initial thought was that my drawing away was getting to him. When he clarified that it was the cross that I drew, I told him that it was cool and I would've loved to have been there to see it done. His reply was "Come on. Let you know when." Probably Monday which is awesome since I have the day off.
What do you think??! Am I reading into this too much? My thought is if it was completely over, he certainly wouldn't be having my sketch permanently displayed on his back.
He then asked me to call him. I did and he kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to be strong and not over-emotional but after just coming back from seeing my Dad in not-so-good health, I lost it and just sobbed on the phone with him. He told me how sorry he was and told me "put your shoulders back and stay as strong as I know you are". I told him I would. That made me feel better. I've been wanting for days to call and ask if I could borrow his shoulders to cry on.