My Scorpio guy keeps zinging me!
Ok so I am a Cancer female crazy over a Scorpio male. hmmmm-- Girl crazy and confused over a Scorpio guy (lol) that's a new one!
So I have known him for over a year now. When we met I was working my way out of a relationship and he said he was stuck trying in his and tying to get out. While I was "working my way out" he had tried to get me to fool around with him but I always turned him down citing I felt it disrespectful to myself and my partner. So we stayed in this calling, email, texting limbo for a while. While in limbo I got to know very little about him but he got to know a lot about me. I didn't mind though as he seemed not to like any probing. I accepted that about him and in return he would tell me things on his terms and when he was ready. I was fine with that.
I don't know where the twist happened but it did. I still can't figure out how he did it.
After-- right after I was free he invited me out and pounced on me like a cat. I didn't mind (he's great!) also we had been talking for over 5 months by that point. This is where the problem started-- He would make little zingy comments about the way I looked or dressed or anything actually and I being a sensitive Cancer would always respond the same "this is not for me" and leave-- then he would be sweet and pull me back in. I would like to say that I am not an ugly woman I work with a lot of men and I get asked out constantly. I never say yes of course. I am very picky. He knows this. Also I noticed that he flipped me into a friends with benifits position without my catching on right away. Further, that relationship he had to get out of-- he is still in it!
I couldn't take it anymore. I felt he was making me feel bad about myself (he has ruined my self esteem. I used to be all happy and cute and now I am self concious about everything) to keep me at bay, and we were nothing more than FWB's so I confronted him.
He completly flipped out and stated that he never expected to like me so much, and that he has obligations, and can't one person like two people at once, and I should grow up, and just because every other guy falls in love with me did I really think he was going to, and did I really think he would change around his whole life for me, and why do I need constant reassurance, ect, ect, ect.
I was stunned. I felt like a truck ran me over. I have never once said "I love you" let alone "I
like you" I always just felt "if it feels good leave it alone". Sex with him was beyond amazing and I don't know if he read it in my face or what but I never was clingy. I didn't call him, he would do all the calling. I've never initatied anything. Sometimes (not often) he would go a couple of days or a week with no contact but I just figured he was doing his guy thing and I left him alone and he always came back.
Anytime I felt he was rude or mean I would tell him that's not how I like to be treated so leave me alone-- and HE would come back. Not me to him.
After this last big fight he asked if he could do a project (for work) for me (money for both of us) and if we could stay friends. I thought I could stay friends-- but it hurt too much so I told him no.
As cruel as fate can be it turned out I could not do the project on my own and I needed his help. I VERY KINDLY explained I needed his help with it-- NEVER mentioning the relationship or the breakup JUST the project. He agreed to help me. (I think he knew I have to do it and can't do it without him)
BUT he stated that this was project help only. He want's nothing more. I just said thank you never mentioning what he said about just project help only nothing more. I figured it was best that way.
Ok here is my problem-- He keeps mentioning we need to meet (we don't a phone confrence is fine) and it seems he feels the need to "zing" me every chance he gets. Like "why did I do this instead of that" type of zings. I keep ignoring all his zings. Like he never said them. I am keeping it all work. By doing this he is starting to zing me harder.
What am I doing wrong? I have little contact with him and I refuse to acknowledge his zings. He has cut me so deep. I still don't know why. All I did was be myself, give him space and give him my heart. He threw it away. He had me 100% and he threw me away. I don't need or want to be hurt anymore. Why does he feel it necessary to zing me? He knows I need his help it's not like another person can do what I need-- believe me I looked-- it killed me to ask him for the help.
The worst part is that he knows how deeply I felt about him (I never told him-- but I know he knows I could tell) and the zings are a constant reminder of how disposable I really was to him. It kills me because my intuition is usally dead spot on but it was off with him. I really thought he was crazy about me.
Why is he still zinging me and when will he stop? Should I zing back? I don't want to hurt his feelings because even though he is all hard an tough outside I know he is soft inside and a zing back would just be mean. Or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know. I can't take him back even if he was trying (although with all the zings I doubt he's trying) because I don't share my guys and I'm not a FWB's girl. Advice? Anyone?
You sound like a very insightful smart lady who has indeed been zinged. Reread your own letter on a day when you are not feeling so rattled and confused. Detach yourself from your emotions and pretend it's written by a woman you really care about and needs your advice. Make the woman's welfare priority and do not consider hurting this man's "feelings". Believe me he is well in charge of his feelings and is much more ruthless than vulnerable.The logic of this man's intentions will never make sense because his intentions are out of your line of thinking. He is teaching you something. He is in it for the chase. The smarter you are--more level headed you are the bigger pay off for him. He is not honest about himself as he will not give you anything at all that will empower you in this relationship. Your lesson--intuitive--forget what he says and pay more attention to what he's doing and don't make excuses for him. He's playing cat and mouse--playing with you--clouding your otherwise strong inner voice--with too much emotion and too many questions. You are more likely to be his catch if he can widdle you down some. The moment you felt his first hit and acknowledged that wound as being way over the line of your personal boundries you should have run and never looked back. He showed himself for real that moment and you must believe it. It was no one time accident--keep coming back for more and he will oblige you. He has done this to many other woman. Do not NEED this man for anything! Loosing a job is nothing compared to the damage this kind of selfish intent can bring to your life.
Thank you for taking the time to read my long post. I must say that the whole situation hurts so much. I understand what you said about the chase. I guess it makes sense in some ways.
To zing me and push me away only to retreve me back. Honestly I thought it was him testing me to see how far he can push me (as some men love to test women) but I guess it could have been for the chase.
I guess it was the way it was done. Why make me believe there were feelings when actually there were none. I just don't understand what goal all this accomplished. Just seems hurtful and immature.
I really did think he was into me. When a man loves you, I think he will move heaven and earth to make you happy.
I have been beating myself up because in all the time I saw him I never once told him how I felt about him I just assumed he knew and I figured that was why he acted the way he did. Because I pushed him away.
I think it's time to let this go and just accept that the zings will continue untill for whatever the reason he feels he is finished. Wow this whole thing hurt a lot.
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vanillaskies last edited by
Hey Fellow Cancer,
The Scorpio/Cancer combo' is a good one. I read your post from start to finish and feel everything you've done thus far is very well placed. My first advice to a fellow cancer in any relationship issue is to back off (but you have done this) because us cancers have a real problem with getting the pincers in and hanging on for dear life.
the hurt will go away as it sinks in more and more--you did nothing wrong! New moon in Scorpio today a perfect time for new beginnings that stick! I think judging all Scorpios as the same is not the way to go for big descisions and my first response was more psychic than astrological. But I do know some of their comman traits well. I've been with a Scorpio for fourty years and raised two Scorpios. Several of my closet friends are the best of that sign! What I do know is once a Scorpio does committ it is a very strong bond to break. Just as they are extremely loyal to their loved ones the less evolved ones can be very promiscuious. If your Scorp is already attached and says he can't get free you had better question that statement. Believe me, Scorpios have no problems cutting loose from any person or situation once they decide to. In fact they can cut the cord between head and heart faster than any other sign when it comes to taking action. You will do fine, keep your head up and resist any "victim thoughts". Hold out for the more highly evolved man (with heavy Scorpio influence!) up ahead who will make up for this hard lesson to swallow. If you resist now, I see a new relationship in about 6 months. Be good to yourself--start this new moon and life by buying yourself flowers today.
Thank you all for the replies.
I realized yesterday that he is not going anywhere-- ever. He is in his spot and that is where he will stay. It hurts to say but thats life. You can't make people like you.
I have decided to give myself a break and not be so hard on me anymore. Fact is as much as this hurt me I'm glad for this whole experience because it did help me jump start into a great diet and fitness plan I may not have started on my own-- or not been 100% into otherwise. It's funny too because I remember telling my best friend about 6 months ago that I would do anything to look the way I used to (one should always be careful what they wish for).
I am quite suprised at how as I'm changing back into the girl I used to be-- it's actually changing much more than my appearance. I think it's time to close this box and open another one. Who knows what I'll find.
Besides I have noticed that because I have changed so much these past few months-- my choice of boxes is quite vast indeed!
Thank you fellow posters! Best of luck to you all.
Oh but one thing for anybody who reads this post-- It is very hard to let go. Much easier said than done-- but I have no choice because he didn't pick me.
So please don't think letting go is easy-- it's not-- just necessary.
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Hi keljoran, you might have read them already. I'm kinda new to this astrology thing. I was all blah at work last week and on of my friends asked me my sign then his and said " you two should be getting along great according to the zodiac". He gave me the web site "Astrotwins.com" and that started me off and running. I've been hooked ever since. Have you read DXP.net questions or Yahoo Questions? Those two are my favorite (no offense Tarot -lol-). It's mostly questions from other people and I liked all the different opinions.
Know what's strange but in a good way? As a Cancer my general feeling with a guy has always been to hold on for dear life. But with this guy my feeling was the exact opposite. It was strange. From the very moment I met him something told me "relax, he likes you, leave him alone" and I did and it felt ok.
I didn't feel insecure like I usally would if I didn't hear from a guy for a few days. I didn't take his insults as insults. It felt like he wanted me to change things he didn't like becase he liked me and wanted me to look better not to hurt me. If an the past another guy said something about me I would be very insulted. It didn't start to hurt me until I started to read into every action. Part of me wonders if that was the problem.
I told my best girl friends (so they would join a diet program with me for support, even though they are far from fat) what he said about how I looked and for what I considered to be a suggestion they didn't take as a suggestion at all they took it as an insult.
When I thought he was taking time off for himself it was suggested that maybe he was distancing himself from me.
As I look back the FWB thing was never in my head either.
I'm not very easily influenced (even though it sounds like I am) but I think with the ego thought system, a couple of girlfriends and a Starbucks... scary combination.
I'm still not going to call or try to go back to him. I can't. But I do wonder if I started to change and that's why he did as well. Something to think about.
Oh, but my point. It seemed to fit like a glove with him and never really took much thought. Cancer and Scorpio do seem to be a good combo, just not in my case.
Thanks Blmoon for your help.
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Queenmarlene last edited by
Your problem in the beginning wasn't the whole cancer/scorpio thing, just part of it. You initiated contact with a man who was alreadfy in a relationship, married? Maybe so, but until he ended it neither of you had no right to hook up and have sex. He may have been just looking to have a fling and maybe he does this all the time. He could just be a 'cheater' who strings women along. The next thing you never do is have sex with someone you work with. That is a big NO. There will always be complications. He probably found some other 'hookup' to have on the side to make him feel better when his other relationship isn't working out just the way he wants. Or maybe his relationship/marriage is working for him, for now. In any case, move on and chock it up as expierience with the wrong guy. Look for someone who you feel more comfortable with that you have more in common. You're heart will tell.
You are welcome
And yes yes yes---when you change it does "start something"! All roads to change start with much resistance. You really are as smart as I thought! There is a Goddess crown waiting at the end of this trip--no you can NOT change anyone! It's a waste of energy. The kind that keeps people "stuck". Invest that energy in yourself and the men in your life will either step up to your level or fall away and be replaced by another who matches your energy. I took the time to respond to you not because I'm so all knowing-I am just the messenger-- so you can send a prayer of thanks to the spirit who guides you and persistently urged my response.
Ok so I had to update even if for my own reasons.
Well, he text me about the project and was very sweet. So I text back- also sweet and work only. But then I snapped and asked him via text if I could get personal and ask him a question without him quitting the project and getting all angry.
He agreed. I let it all out. I asked him why he started seeing me, all the nonsence-- everything. BUT I was very respectful, never insulting.
He responded VERY NASTY by saying I got too serious and it wasn't fun anymore. He also said I was too much to deal with on that level. He also said when he spoke he was just being honest and too bad if I didn't like it. AND if I want to keep his help I am never to bring any of this up ever again.
I took a step back and a deep breath. And responded in a VERY respectful manor and said that I appreciate his help, that I don't think I was too serious-- I just refused to be his second choice. I also told him that I promise to never bring it up ever again. That I got my answer fom him and I am satisfied with it. From now on it's business only.
He never responded back. Funny part is.. I feel soooooo much better. He'll never know it but he taught me a lot about me-- and I look and feel so much better because of all his pushing-- not that he'll ever know as I refuse to see him. Life is so strange.
Thanks all. Wish me luck on my future!
cancer1990 last edited by
Well, how do i start about my story? i'd be really appreciate if anyone could help me out, cuz i'm so confused and don't know what i should do next. Let me start by telling that i'm a cancer girl and my crush is scorpio. My problem is that i don't know which decision to take.
He sent me signals...it's important to know that we're university students..well, the story started when he helped me to get a part-time job but yeah he did put me a lot of pressures..it was this process of him helping me out that makes us close together. he took me from places to places to meet his managers ( he's lots of network i think), and on the way, we talked about random stuffs, about our future goals and family and so on but i guess he knew about me more than i knew about him because he's always extended the questions and keep asking this and that....BY CHANCE, WHEN I KNOW THAT HE'S SCORPIO, I'VE STARTED TO KNOW THAT IT REALLY DESCRIBES HIM....he wants to know alot about me while him being secretive.....
the story started when i told about him to my close girlfriend and she kinda have a big mouth and speak out anything that's on her mind ( i just realised) ....my only intention is i just want to tell her how a good person he is...then, she was joking and asked me do i like him? i was laughing and just said " no...he might already have a girlfriend" , i wasn't really serious or anything but at that time, i started to feel sth about him...i just feel some connection..i don't know how to describe! then after that when she saw him, she was shouting to me IS IT HIM? IS IT HIM? and asked him " did you have a girlfriend?" he said innocently NO..then my friend told him that i fancy him in a joking way...it's just like teasing...then i was so embarrased and keep refusing and saying random stuffs while he was lauging and also helped me to change the topic to the lesson he just missed.
We became closer, what i mean here is that we just started to talk more to each other and ask each other random stuffs about everyday's life, lessons in the class and my new job....i started to like him and so did he ( good friends). he talked more about his feeling and told me how to keep up with my new job since i've found it difficult! he's asked me for help in his study (i'm kinda best in the class) and yeah i always try my best to help him since i really appreciate what he's done for me! he's kinda demanding though but i don't mind as long as i can help him in return.....i think he started to trust and like me since he sees me always by his side to offer help..actually, i dont really offer help easily unless a person has tried his best but that's a different case for him....once, he called me that he really needed notes from me and asked if i could meet him the next day. then the next day we met, but i was late and you cann't imagine how many times he called me and asked where i was..i told him m on the way and i'm sorry and he kept calling and calling, he said he needed to go to work...it's like he's very in a hurry, but when i arrived, he was so relaxed and dn't feel the need to copy my notes. I got a feeling that he focused on seeing me rather than the notes. He asked if he could bring my notes to his home and would bring it to my place the next day? i was kinda not sure cuz i dn't really trust people to take my notebook, then before, i could even answer, he said i don't look convincing and happy fo him to take it hom. i was stucked and tried to find something that could compromise. i also dn't want him to come to my place yet, so i decided that i would come to school again for him the next day. he was speechless at that time hahaha..i asked him if he needed to hurry to work now, he said yes but seemed so relax, and dn't really want to leave. when we seperated, he hugged me and i sensed his face on mine lightly...i felt kinda shy though because i don't do that in my culture..i forgot to say that he's from a different country from me..the next day, after he copied my notes, he said things like he's hungry and wanna go to eat but i said i'm in a hurry. then, again i just said a normal goodbye, and he hugged me and kissed me slowly on the cheek. i felt so shy and i don't know if he knew it but i tried to pretend to be confident. he dn't normally do that to me before..i know he always does it to other friends from the same country as him but not others...
things started to get intensed..i know deep inside that i like him but i just don't trust him yet! he started to be close to me sometimes that i cann't resist but stand still or just ignore him.....i'm really shy actually but i always try to look confident....then at one point, i feel that this relationship is just not like before....i started to feel kinda jealous when he's with another girls and he also acts and stare at me while i'm with other guys. he dn't say it but i feel it. i don't know why i feel some kind of connection with him. we started to stare at each other once in a while. after that, once, at break time, he went to toilet and so did i. strangely, when i came out of toilet, he was outside. this time, i cann't ignore him cuz he saw me..so i just pretend to be confident and said hi, how ur assignments? ( actually he sent me messages and email to ask him to have a look) he then looked happy ( honestly, i can't really know what he really feels because he's good at pretending) and he asked me to give him five but ending up holding my hands still while we were talking...i'm kinda stucked again but i pretended like i'm ok...about 10seconds later, he let my hand go since we finished our topic...i was so shy that i wanna run away so i turned my back slowly to walk to the class and he started turning me back and pushed me to see the view from the window and said it made us feel relax( we're on high floor)...i got nervous since it was quiet and he dn't say anything, so i posed stupid question suddenly to him like u wanna jump off the window or what?? he stood still..then we went back to class.....i like him a lot now but i always get nervous and i feel like it's not the real me when i'm with him...it's different from before...our relationship doesn't get anywhere by then....i think we kinda getting confused of each other feeling and there's lots of misunderstanding and miscommunication. i just feel it. i'm not sure if he feels the same ways.
before, when we dont really know each other, i texted him asking about the job, he never replied. that includes my calls. i'm a person who tend to feel unsatisfied if the other person doesn't return my text about something. so i never texted him random stuffs. once i think i made him angry and jealous, since he asked me to sit near him for the exams and i said NO cuz i don't wanna sit at the back ( i cann't see the board well), he then found another table close to the board, and asked me to sit there...i said NO, i asked him to sit behind my back. honestly, my motive is i want to show him that i'm persistent and believe in what i believe, and i dn't simply change for him.....he then said it's so embarrassing,then walked away but he also said that let him to know if i changed my mind. i think we both are persistent, that's the problem. there's silent story going on between me and him. Remember, it's just my feeling. we don't really communicate verbally i guess. our behaviour are cold to each other.
i just wonder if he likes me? if he likes me, then why doesn't he pursue for what he wants? he's scorpio so he tends to be secretive, but if he likes me why didn't he text me more or find a way to get close to me? i confess that i'm always with my close girlfriend at uni but he can text me sometimes, cann't he? also, if he's scorpio, why doesn't he try to get me?i've heard that scorpion are persistent. he tends to remember things that i think he would not . i feel that he's so cold to me sometimes that i don't know what he wants. i texted him how was his holiday? he didn't reply, this is the first random text i sent him and he dn't reply. he replied me though when i sent him christmas wishes and new year wishes but he never asked anythingelse about me. Again one more random text, after the first exam, i texted him how was his exams? ( we had seperate room for exam) and he dn't reply. now i started to feel hurt and disrespectful. then before the second exam, he called me once but i didn't pick up purposefully because i want him to understand what he did to me. Then before the third exam, he again called me once and i also didn't pick up but after half an hour, i decided to call him back twice. guess what he didn't pick up for whatever reasons i don't know. Actually, he always calls while i always text. then after exams, i saw him and i think he saw me too, but i pretend not to see him while he was trying to gain attention by laughing loudly with his friends. i still pretended and walked pass him with my close girlfriend to another guy. i can see from the corner of my eyes that he kept staring at me and stopped laughing but i pretend not to see him. I JUST WONDER WHY didn't he just say hi to me or watsoever? i was so hurt but i try to pretend like nothing happened. I don't know if he knows that i ignored him or not. Then when i arrived home, i wanted to text him but i hesitated. i think he might be really angry or jealous since i ignored him and talked to the other guy. then at night around 11pm, i decided to text him since i remember that he will fly back home the next day. i texted him like nothing happened. THIRD RANDOM TEXT, i don't wanna be hurt like before in case he doesn't text back, so i don't pose him any question in my text..i just said I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE EXAMS WEEk, and hope he's doing well and enjoy his big holiday....he didn't reply but after one and half hour, he texted me that i am a bad girl and never pick up his calls, hope my exams went well and big hugs....i texted him back that u r a bad boy, i called u twice back but u didn't pick up....have a safe flight! he didn't reply back.....see?
I wonder if he's angry at me not picking up his calls? but how about me texting him, and he doesn't reply? so what games me and him are playing? cancer and scorpio? why people said we match? actually, i like him and fall for him because i never forget how helpful he was to me, though he acted cold to me.......i wonder how he feels? i don't know what to do next after holiday...i cn't really concentrate on anything now..the fact that he's scorpia, and after i've read some information on the net, i feel him. but does he even like me? there's lots more than this..i wonder if i'm self-centred or do i overlyze his behaviour?
should i just move on or hold on? i can move on and continue to be just friends with him, but what about all those cheek kisses, hugs and holding hands? and why did he act jealous? i'm confused....i don't want to lose him if he likes me too. is there a chance for us? remember, i also have my own pride, and i can't go over my limit. i'm willing to surrender for the one who truly loves me though...what can i do?
Any scorpio guys or girl who used to be in relatioship with scorpio guys can help anwer me? should i move on or hold on?
Please read, even it's long cuz i really need your help.
Hi! when was the last time you two spoke/email/text? Do you work together now?
cancer1990 last edited by
no we don't work together! and we last texted on this friday...he never seemed to ask me anything further though! every words he used seem to be sharp!
sexygem last edited by
I've had 2 scorpios fall madley in love with me, but I couldn't return the sentiment, because they are so controlling. That's what the zings are about, he doesn't know any other way to keep your emotions entangled. I sudgest you start counting his zings, then every third one zing his ass back he makes an obvious attack, give him eye contact and smile (instead of bow your head) make strong eye contact and say "was that neccessary?" the second time say "that's twice" the the third time say " that's the third time, why are you being rude, do I bring up when you ......" or that's the third time, no one is perfect, take you for instance. then start all over always make eye contact when he zings you as a way of saying you accept his challenge, then smile as if his digs are superficial and meaningless. He won't like that game as much as the one he's been playing up until now.
tonib3741 last edited by
Well I'm a libra, and I don't mess with scorpio men. I have a friend, male, who is a cancer, he was married to a scorpio lady, she stung him so bad, she waited until he got laid off his job, had the police come, put him out, only let him have his truck, and he was homeless.