Lost in love and so very confused? Needing advice.



  • Where to begin......long story but I'm telling it because I could really use some advice, guidance, or maybe just some kind words of encouragement...

    Here goes: I met a man online a year and a half ago, on myspace to be exact...We hit it off right from our first conversation. Bad part about the whole thing, he is married..unhappily he states..and at the time so was I...unhappily as well... We decided to meet in person and from that first moment we saw each other and had our first kiss I knew...he was my soul mate (yes I believe everyone has one).and that he was my one true love..Iam an Aries sign and he is Taurus sign...... We talk like there is no tomorrow, we laugh at each other, its like we were made for each other....So we continue our "involvement" which has been going on for a year and a half. There were also things, "signs" that would occur throughout our "involvement" that made me feel like we are meant to be together..Silly I know...But when you feel so strongly about something you go with it, you go with your instincts...you go with your heart....And that is exactly what I did.......We would text each other, call each other, and communicate thru email when we weren't able to see each other.....I felt like we made each other happy in our lives when we weren't happy in our marriages.....We discussed each others feelings in regards to getting out of our marriages. And I accepted his reason for staying in his until his daughter turns 18 feeling that she wouldn't be able to cope with divorce while still being in high school...I understood his concern because I have a son the same age and I worried about him dealing with divorce as well...But I couldnt take being miserable in my marriage any longer......I recently seperated from my husband of 15 years.....

    My situation is this.....I didn't enter into this "involvement" with this man with intentions of falling in love with him...It just happened, and I know the exact moment that it did happen.....

    I hate myself for letting myself fall in love with him knowing that nothing could come of it as long as each of us is still married....I just dont know what to do anymore..I wish he would tell me how he feels about me, if he loves me, if he feels the same way I do about everything......Do I keep the "involvement" going not knowing how he feels about me, if he thinks the same about things I do, if he loves me???? Do I end the "involvement" and live knowing that I made a big mistake ending it???? I just dont know what to do at this point.....



  • Does your husband know what is happening. Your marriage is truly over in your mind. Yes, I think you should end it because you don't know if he loves you. Sometimes it's about doing the right thing because in the long run that is your answer. It may not seem like it now.



  • Wow. I have almost the EXACT same situation going on except that the guy I met on myspace over a year ago is NOT married, I AM. My husband knows that I'm in love with this other man and we're going through a seperation. (The state I live in at the moment requires a one year legal seperation before you can file for divorce...) My husband and I have been together for 12 years, since I was 16. The new guy has told me that he wants to be with me, that he loves me, etc.

    In your case I would suggest you bringing it up to him. Seriously. Do NOT be afraid to just ask him how he feels! If you don't know if this man loves you, don't concern yourself with the "involvement" with him. You can't continue loving and wanting to be with someone if you don't know if it will ever go anywhere. ASK HIM.



  • No my husband doesn't know about the other man or that it's been going on for a year and a half..I've hidden it pretty well...and yes my marriage is over in my eyes and in my heart....

    It was over a very long time ago with just the emotional abuse I dealt with for 15 years with him I had just had enough....

    Thanks for the great advice!! I am soooo very afraid of asking this man I am so in love with how he feels about me.....I do need and want to know if this is ever going to go anywhere...I have put so much of myself and my feelings into things with this man...Its like the old saying " sometimes you can just look at each other and you just know" I always felt that with him.....

    But I guess the only way I am really going to know is to ask him..

    Thanks so much for reading and for the advice and opinions...It does help having someone from the outside giving their opinions...Thanks 🙂



  • I just want to say that I'm in a marriage of 21 years and know that my husband is cheating with another woman. I read one of his emails and it said that he was getting divorced just so he could have a chance at falling in love with her. Men can be very deceiving. He hasn't filed for divorce. Men sometimes go through some kind issue with themselves and feel like they need to have their cake and eat too. They get lost somewhere along the line and have this need to feel like can still have it all even if it's with another woman. That life could maybe be better. But the truth is they will never let go of what they have had with their wives for so long because they are used to the routine. I too am lost because I don't know if I can forgive this. It's hard to think about being without him when I have truly loved hims for so long. Truth be told, if he really cared about you and loved you, he would have left along time ago just so he could be with you. He shouldn't be using his kid as an excuse. Men that truly care and love another person will do whatever it takes to be with that person and nurture the relationship. If he hasn't left yet, he's probably not going to. Another thing, have you ever thought, if he is doing this to his wife that he could do it to you too? You have already done alot of sacrificing and he hasn't. Do you really believe he is going to? I love people in general. I just don't want you to feel that pain I am in my heart. Also, have you ever thought about what it's going to do to his wife? Think about your karma. I wish you the best!



  • i just want to let you know that you are not alone. i really do feel for you and i am sorry to see anyone in this situation. i to am involved with a married man and have been for over 4 years. when we first got together i was in an abusive relationship of 14 years. i have since been single for 4 years.

    my lover and i are co workers which is even more difficult.

    i would not wish this sort of situation on my worst enemy, because it is so confusing and sometimes painful.

    if you want someone to talk to i am here. maybe we can help eachother.

    i wish you the best!!!!!!!!!!!



  • I too am in a relationship very similar to yours, except that it has been going on for almost six years and we live 3000 miles apart. If you feel in your heart that he really loves you, he probably does, but you HAVE to ASK him! I never meant for my relationship to go this far either. When my boyfriend first contacted me it was through Classmates, because it turned out we went to high school together and he confessed he had always loved me, since we were sixteen. My husband is an alcoholic and a verbal abuser and I did tell him in the beginning I was happily married, even though it was a lie. It was not planned at all, but as time went on, through emails and phone calls and then finally seeing him after 35 years, I knew we were meant to be together, someday. (he's married also) . I also, figured when my son turned 18, I would leave my husband, but that didn't happen either. I promised my son I wouldn't disrupt his life and stay until he graduated college, so here i sit. Yes, it is very, very, hard, so my advice to you is please, ask him, to make sure it might be worth it in the end. And if so, hang on as tight as you can. If it was meant to be, it will happen. Fate works in mysterious ways.



  • can i ask you why you and the guy are not together yet? it seems to me that it would not be a very easy relationship if the two of you are so far apart. and how in the world have you done it for six years? once your child is grown he is grown. it is time for you and your needs and happiness, right?

    you are right about fate. my friend, (i cannot say boyfriend because he is married) and i both agree that everything happens for a reason sometimes the timing just sucks. my friend also says he is leaving his wife bext year after his youngest graduates high school. though it is not because of me it is just how it was planned, at least that is what i am told. i have never been told that he is in a bad marriage or anything like that. they have a good relationship. life is just what it is.

    it is nice to find people that are in similar situations as mine and to share.



  • I share all your worries and i met a guy who showed me so much love and care when i was already in a relationship.I decided to end my previous relationship so to start with this guy who has showed me a lot of love and care. After we met and had sex his countanance changed but still told me he loves me and I had already fallen in love with him, meeting for the second time was hell as he kept on having calls from a particular lady and there i realise he was having someone at his town since we lived miles apart. It has gotten to a point that he no longer calls me and i am worried because i love him so much.



  • People! Don't you get it? If he hasn't left yet, he's probably not going to. Please think about your karma! If these men are doing to you all, chances are, they are going to do it to you too. Love can be blind. The saying is, you really don't someone until you live with them... talking on the phone and the internet really isn't knowing someone. You have to live with someone to really know what kind of person they are. Men in general are all about the thrill of the chase. If men are truly sincere they would tell their wives and move on. I know it's hard especially when you fall in love with forbidden territory but think about it. Not only are you bringing bad karma energy to yourself but chances are he will cheat on you too. They have to be honest to their wives and set themselves free before they can start a new one. Let's not be dreamers here. See reality as it is. Men are really good at making excuses. Don't settle for less. If they say they love you, they will do whatever it takes to be with you with no strings attached.



  • Well said, Mben! I firmly believe in karma. I've seen it happen too often to dismiss it.

    I don't understand why people cheat. If you are unhappy in a relationship, then LEAVE that relationship. Don't stay in it. How could you do that to another person.

    My BF and I just broke up and there were many reasons for the breakup. One of the reasons was that he decided that he was in love with a woman he dated a decade ago and whom has been married for 17 years and has 2 children. Her husband does not have a clue that his wife is telling my now ex-BF how in love with him she is. He has no clue that she is sneaking off in the middle of the day while at work to meet up with him, calling him from a new cell phone she got, going on and on about how much she loves him. She would sometimes call him 3x a day while I was still living with him.

    I thank God that my exBF was at least honest and upfront with me about it and told me the truth about the relationship. I would be so disgusted if I found out that a significant other of mine was involved with someone else physically and/or emotionally behind my back. If you are not honest with people, people will not be honest with you.

    Now, I have access to this woman's home address, her husband's phone, her work address and phone number. I could have really messed with her for being so shady. However, I did not because I believe in karma. And the karma would hit me harder than any damage that I can do to her. Her karma will come to her. Sadly, I think the bad karma is already starting to come for my ex-BF since he was recently reprimanded at work. I don't wish him any bad though since he was ultimately honest to me.



  • I also was a married woman for 13 years. It was great at first, but the last 3 years was awful he had became an alcoholic. I new it was not gonna last much longer. Then I made a new friend who was not married but had been in a relationship for 8 years. which also was not going that well. after a two week affair we knew that we were in love and were meant to be together the next day i seperated and the divorce is finalized. He also left his relationship the very same day. we have now been together for 1 year and 1 month and are getting married in january. The point of the story is if your in love there is nothing to stand in the way and if you guys are not leaving the bad relationship to get with the person who loves you they don't love you. Nothing will stand in the way of true love. If these men and women are not leaving there current relationships to be with you they are not gonna leave. they are just stringing you along. Some men are just cheaters and they will always have a couple of women on the side.

    I too believe in karma and in soul mates. and if you are soul mates and after a year and a half or six years you are not leaving your currents for your new supposed soul mates get real it will never happen. me and mine knew we were in love and did not let any thing(even kids) stand in the way and neither would you. You should to realize if you guys are so far apart other than the wife he has at home he probably also has another mistress at home other than you as well.

    Be realistic. i knew i fell in love with another man and he with me and we did not let any thing stand in our way and true love will let nothing stand in the way.

    break off the relationship and if he leaves his wife to come and get you back then he does love you. but even if he does he has cheated now for years. what is gonna happen when he gets tired of you. you will always have to wonder if there is some one else. not worth it get out. I only had and affair for a little over a week and i felt horrible about it, made me sick at myself . i would have ended one or the other. luckily the new guy felt the same about me as i did him so we both knew what to do. if he has not left her for you he is not going to move on, it is the only choice.

    "if you love someone set them free if they come back it is meant to be"



  • There are a lot of misconceptions about the term "soulmates." People think that a soulmate means that there is one person you are meant to be with. That is actually NOT the definition of a soulmates. I could write a book but I don't have the time right now 🙂 To be brief, a soulmate can be a lover, a relative, a friend, etc.

    Fishy - I do agree with you when you say that if someone is truly in love with someone, they end the relationship they are in. One problem that I had and have with my ex-BF is that his new married GF is clear that she will not leave her husband b/c of her kids. She also did not leave her husband obviously when they dated 10 years ago. But they both have this conception that they were meant to be together. Some people just love the drama, sadly.



  • To Cap1962 and all the rest: You asked me why me and my bf are still not together, my answer is this: my son is #1 in my life. I’m not saying my happiness is not important, of course it is, but I feel my son is more important at the moment. I want my son to have a semi-normal life while he is still living at home. As some of you know, living with an alcoholic can go both ways. When he’s sober, it’s bearable, when he is not sober, it could be hell if you let the alcoholic take over your life. That’s what I was doing before my bf came into the picture. I feel he “saved” me from myself and he was brought into my life for a reason. Because of him, I got the help I needed. (Alanon, etc.) He made me “feel” again. He made me feel like I was a person again, a beautiful, caring, loving person. He opened my heart. I don’t even think he realizes to this day what he did. At this moment, I’m just happy he is in my life. I know our time to be together will come soon enough. I know I can hear you all saying, she’s living in a fantasy world. Ok, maybe I am, a little, but I’m really not. I’m trying to be realistic and responsible. (I have to admit though, in the beginning of our relationship, I kept thinking my prince charming was going to rescue me from the dragon and we would live happily ever after) We do see each other about twice a year, two weeks at a time and sure it’s frustrating, etc, etc, but family comes first. If it is meant to be, we will be together in the end. Anyway, thank you for your input. It’s helpful to see so many people with similar problems.



  • Hi,

    I just wanted to say my mother found herself in a similar situation. She stayed with us until, I the youngest, was 18. Did she think we didn't notice how unhappy she was? She projected that energy all the time. She started see this man, who is still married not to her, when I was 13. I overheard her complain about my father. She would go away on trips when she didn't normally travel. I heard her talking on the sly to him tell him she loved him and then walk in pretending everything was ok and she was happy here when clearly behind her eyes she wasn't ok. She's happy being his 2nd woman and I am glad she is finally happy.

    But I haven't been in a long term relationship without finding myself wander, and not on purpose either. I find myself swept away by romance when things are stale at home. And that's when I break up with whomever because I never want to be stuck like she was. I went 8 whole years without it happening once! I just want you to know that whether your conscious that your projecting negative energy or not, children can feel that you are.



  • I DO NOT THINK THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD AT ALL. OUR SITUATIONS ARE VERY SIMILAR. SO IF YOU ARE IN A FANTASY WORLD SO AM I, LET US HOPE BOTH OF OUR FANTASIES TURN INTO REALITY. AS MY LOVER SAYS EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND I BELIEVE IN FATE..IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I AM HERE, LORD KNOWS I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHO CAN RELATE TO THIS SITUATION....



  • I too believe in KARMA and I say to all of you who are cheating with married people ,why do you expext to be happy when you are causing the married persons partner so much pain and upset. In life you get back what you give out you reap what you sow. Flattery from anyone is nice but the minute they mention they are married you should say bye see you later, that person does not belong to you, he belongs to some-one to whom he made them vows, for better or worse. If you are so unhappy in a relationship then you should end it before you start another one, You are creating yourselves some really bad karma which will come back to you tenfold. Treat people the way you expect to be treated and think would you like it if it was you. Dont expect to be happy when you have created unhappiness to some-one else.



  • people do not belong to people. things change in life. people grow and change and relationships change . i do believe in karma but i also believe in fate.



  • Thank you all for your input....Cap1962, you are right, things in life happen, people change..You cannot help what happens or who you fall in love with...It just happens...I did not enter into this "involvement" with this married man to fall in love with him...We instantly connected online and decided to meet face to face and things just grew from there....

    I do see how some would say if he hasn't left yet he's not going to leave his marriage...I can honestly say that I totally understand why he isn't leaving right now and he has told me two years and nothing is holding him with his wife, he's gone....He is staying because of his daughter and I totally understand that....People stay in unhappy marriages because of the children and I can say that I was one of them...No one knows why they stay because it isn't to salvage the marriage....Its routine and its safe....My marriage just got to the point of my husband being verbally and emotionally abusive along with me finding out he was doing drugs and hiding it from me for 4 years!!!

    I do believe in soul mates and yes people to misconcept that the meaning is that is the person they are meant to be with...I say soul mates because me and this guy connected with each other on so many levels..We have so much in common and we are very similar to one another which is strangely odd...LOL....When we met face to face the first time, it was in the cemetary where my father is buried, right next to his grave and that is why I say "things happen for a reason and sometimes it is meant to be, just didn't happen at the right time"...

    I am waiting for the moment and the right time to ask this guy how he feels about me..Just because someone doesn't tell you they love you, doesn't mean they dont....

    I trust my instincts and what I feel in my heart....How can I ignore that????

    I am a good person, with a good heart and I wouldn't hurt anyone ever......Just things happen in life like I say that we have no control over....

    Cap1962 I would love to chat with you about our situations...Maybe we could help one another...



  • RENEE73,

    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU WROTE. AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. THESE SITUATIONS SUCK AND IT IS NOT SOMETHNG THAT I WOULD WISH ON MY WORST ENEMY. PEOPLE THINK THAT OH THE POOR WIFE. WELL I DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY. I HAVE EVEN ASKED MY LOVER "MAYBE SHE IS MESSING AROUND ON YOU TOO, AND HIS RESPONSE WAS; YA MAYBE SHE IS" NO ONE KNOWS EVERYTHING. BUT IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART THAN I THINK YOU SHOULD FOLLOW IT. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER 4 YEARS AND I HAVE CAUSED THE MAN ALOT HEADACHES BECAUSE THE SITUATION GETS UNBEARABLE SOMETIMES. BUT WE ARE STILL TOGETHER.

    I WOULD BE HAPPY TO CHAT WITH YOU WHENEVER YOU LIKE. NO NAMES WILL BE MENTIONED TO PROTECT EVERYONE INVOLVED.


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