Have i lost my cancer b/f for good ?

  • I met my cancer fella 15 months ago on line . We chatted several times a day , then we met He lives 300 miles away We connected instantly and fell in love . When apart he would call and text me all the time even through the night . I am older than him but he said that diden't matter as he loved me more than anything . All was going well until july this year when he went back home to India on holiday .While there his parents arranged a marriage for him, as you can imagine i was gutted , but he told me not to worry as he did not want to loose me and he had no intention of getting married in the near future . But things got worse phone calls became less and our conversations were not the same as before . I asked him when i could see him again and he replied he could not get time of work so soon as he just had 6 weeks of in july , but out of the blue he called me to tell me he was going to India again in a couple of days . Well all hell broke loose , I just lost it ...All of a sudden he could get time of to go there but not to see me . Next thing i know he is at the airport ,and he'd call me in a day or so . Sure he did , so i asked him ( Is it this week or next you are getting married ) He assurd me he was neither getting engaged or married and that he would call me soon . That was the last I heard from him . He was due back this Friday , but he still hasen't contacted me . I miss him so much and my heart is aching as i do love him truly . I just feel he has used me and has lied to me from the start . I could call him but i haven't done anthing wrong so why should I , Its up to him now . This is killing me Can anyone advise me on what i should do next , but plz dont tell me to forget him .... Help !!!!!

  • You should trust life. Not life has imprisoned you, you have chained yourself.

  • Girlfriend I feel your pain!! And i would never tell you to give up, because our loves stories are so similar,just like i wrote this myself and i believe we are also aquarius, and the freaky part about it is my cancer is living in indiana, and is engaged!! we grew up together in pennsylvania and have found each other VIA the internet. and all these emotions came pouring out of each other( he iniatied it also) at first i thought it was one last fling before the big day, but i'ts much more. and it is real!! i'ts just he put;s his heart on his sleeve no matter who it is and then he has to decide if that was right or not. i consulted the cards and other tools. WE are the one but it's not going to happen over night, looks mid next year(if you can wait so can i will keep each other together!! LOLkeep me posted, it will work in our favor!!

  • Hi. I don't know if this will help or not but I know what a broken heart feels like and sometimes all opinions are helpful and if not helpful just make you feel better to read.

    I am a Cancer woman. Now as a Cancer woman I will tell you how I feel and you can take from it what you want. My family is VERY important to me. I don't mean my children (as they ARE my life) I mean my family like Mother, Father and Brother. I am a grown woman and their opinions really do matter to me. I am American and come from a VERY American style Family so i don't think it's a cultural thing I think it's a cancer thing.

    It would take some super, strong, heavy feelings for me to abandon my family-- and with an arrainged marriage your Cancer guy might have to do just that.

    Try and understand it this way... My parents can be mean and cold (both Gemini's-- no offense to Gemini's) and as mean and cold as they can be I still need them in my life. Notice I say need and not want. It's a strange pull us Cancers have to our family. Even the worst of the bunch will always be given a second, third, fourth, fifth chance because a harmonious family life is what we strive for. If he has a good relationship with his family he will have an even stronger bond.

    As a Cancer I would seriously consider anything my family asked of me before i just shot down the whole idea. He may be facing the threat of losing all communication with them if he does not obey them. Also there will be a pull toward his culture and how he was raised. Us Cancers hold that dear... very dear.

    Like the Jewish religon (I am not Jewish but I respect their ways of family and tradition) we Cancers hold our family's traditions and history dear. I have male and female Cancer friends and we all are the same in that respect.

    If it were me I would not flip out on him anymore. It will only push him away from you. I would take my time and write him a letter. No pressure that way. In it I would ask him to be honest with you. I would tell him you respect his traditions and understand that he may have to make a decision that he does not like. I would tell him how you feel about him and that you would like an answer no matter if it is good or bad.

    Us Cancers are strange when we break up with people-- or at least I am. I hate confrontation so I generally just let the guy fade from my life when I'm not interested anymore. I know it's not the best way but that's how I operate. I also usally like to keep the guy as friends and always have a window open for "just in case I made a mistake" which so far has never happened. Eventually the guy will get bored and just stop calling because he gets tired of the brush off.

    I hope this helped you. Good Luck.

  • Lezzete. Thank you so much for your understanding and support . And yes i am an aquarian . I just cant and wont believe he has just dumped me . We were so close and i helped him a lot espically money wise , I paid for his Visa to extend his stay in this country and university fees which amounted up to over 3,000 pounds I also paid the hotel bills for the 5 times we met . Now i just feel he has used me, and even up to 5 weeeks ago he asked me for 300 pounds . Now i;m thinking he put that aside for his trip back to India . Its been 3 weeks since i've heard from him . I also suspect he was home last weekend ,as he logged into messsenger logged out and logged back in again as invisible to everyone , Do you think he saw me on line and diden't want to talk to me ? I knew that one day he would go back to India for good , probably next September when his Visa expires and i have accepted that, As i said to him , He could of told his parents this and then he could settle down with the girl they choose for him . Do you think he has got married and he is bringing HER back here to the uk. ?, as a few weeks prior to going to India he told me he might extend his stay here for a further 2 years. You said you consulted the card and other tools , but if he has decided to move on with his life and his new g/f then why would mid next year make any difference ? I just need to know if he's got married or not , Its the not knowing thats so frustrating . You seem so sure it will work in our favour ,But i am not so sure .... I hope we can become friends and keep in touch with this senario. god bless you and thank you again ...... llindieloo xxxxx

  • Moonbeauty, Nice name, i also want to thank you for your input . I do understand the cultural thing and i do respect what his parents want of him . but he only met this girl for the first time in july this year, and do you think he will marry her so soon when he still has another year at university here in the uk , or will he marry her and bring her back here with him . ? .... The last time i spoke to him , the last thing he said to me was... I love you . As you can see by my comment above i looked after him money wise and i supported him all through his exams at UNI, and this is he way he treats me ........... Only for me he would have had to go back home last August cause he failed one of his exams and had to re-sit it which cost 360 pounds and he couldent afford it , so i helped him achieve that as well. Now i'm thinking i wish i haden't of bothered and let him go back home, it would of been less painfull. Some days i get so mad thinking about what i've done for him but i love him so much and could never hate him ..... Its the not knowing thats so frustrating .... While he was away . another friend of mine who used to talk to me on line contacted me and we now chat all the time ,and guess what ....He is a cancer as well . ooohhh nnnoooo I bet you are thinking ? What am I letting myself into .. he lives in Ireland and i am also Irish he is in dubai at the moment and is coming home to ireland in December for 2 months and wants me to meet him just after Xmas or on my birthday at the end of january. what do you think ? I dont know what to do as i cant get my fella out of my head , he is on my mind all the time and i keep thinking "Whats he doing now " But why hasent he contacted me and tell me one way or the other ,or has he just wiped me of his mind altogether ? And the longer he does the easier it will be for him not to contact me ...... I dont want to appear pushy or demanding as i know cancers like time out to think and can go for days , weeks without a word so i think i will wait another week before i decide to contact him. i will keep you posted and thank you so much , plz keep in touch . llindieloo xx

  • Hanswolfgang, i know what your saying is probably right , but i love my Indian fella so much , i would do anything for him which i have done already . If he would just contact me and tell me one way or the other then i WILL move on with my life and wish him all the luck for the future . Its the not knowing and the secracy that hurts thank you again .

  • llindieloo>>but plz dont tell me to forget him .... Help !!!!!

    Sandran>>He probably is not married yet.But,his family is trying to talk him into going through with it.Have you tried to see if he is online?Is it invisible?Have you tried calling him on the phone?.I'm sorry but, I would be one to say forget him.But, I also agree that you need closure with it.Cancer's just take too long in corresponding.Being a Cancer myself.I have this bad behavior pattern.Didn't you say you could text him?Just ask,say..I've been worried about you please respond.

  • Sandran712 .... i have just text him saying "i have been worried about you please let me know you are alright ? See how long it takes for a reply .... I just need to know the truth wheather he's got married or not ,then i will wish him luck ,and i can then move on with my life and my other cancer fella in dubai . I appreciate your advice and support and i will let you know the outcome if there is one , not holding up any hopes but we'll see eh thank you again xx

  • lilindieloo-First, let me say I am so sorry for your pain and all you are going through. I feel as though you are almost beside yourself with what this is doing to you and I know that awful feeling all too well. I wish no one ever had to feel it.

    As far as your Cancer, let him go now. I will not say forget him because that is plain ridiculous. But, within yourself, let him go. I know you need closure and you deserve it, but you don't have to be at the mercy of his giving you that closure. He isn't in a place within himself that will prompt him to do that for you. He's in a very self centered place now where his focus is on only himself. He's closing his eyes to the unjustness of his actions and making HIMSELF the victim here, rather than being honest with himself.

    Do not throw fits or try to contact him in ANY way at all. I KNOW how terribly hard this is, but if you do, it will only make things worse and diminish who you are in his eyes. He's looking for excuses, a way to justify his actions with regards to you. If you contact him, you will give him that "ammunition."

    Your anguish comes from feeling and, in many ways KNOWING, you had been used. Don't beat yourself up over this or waste ANY time in self recrimination. You loved and gave generously of your self and resources. That is wonderful thing. Be proud of yourself for that and don't worry about whether it was misplaced or not. But learn the lesson here, too.

    Honestly, your pain is more over the situation than the man. Think about that, really deeply inside yourself. That doesn't mean you aren't hurt or don't love him. It means that its too hard to unravel all our feelings when we are reeling with so much pain to know which is which.

    I feel that you are so angry with yourself for letting him take advantage of you and with him for using your love for him against you to get what he wanted and/or needed. Added to that, you are genuinely hurt at his cavalier treatment of you after you shared so much and you KNOW in your heart what path he has taken. All those things are too much at once so you are only looking at the first layer of your emotions; the hurt and the love.

    It IS scary, but dig deeper and accept ALL your emotions. That will get you through this a lot faster than clinging to that first layer of just loving him and hurting.

    You DO know all the answers to your questions. And they hurt. I know more than you can imagine and my heart just aches for you.

    Know that you are absolutely NOT alone in this.

    Love and Peace:)

  • llindieloo>>i can then move on with my life and my other cancer fella in dubai

    Sandran>>That would be best move.It won't hurt to act upon it.By that time if something would develop .The other guy would be out of the picture.Just knowing that he used you for money is beyond unspeakable.Men are pigs that ask women for money.Watch Judge Judy on tv if ever you have a chance to get this station.She is a real judge that televises real court issues.She has a book out called Beauty Fades Dumb is Forever.Her name is Judith Sheindlin. Not sure how to spell that last name..I never read it.But, I am blessed to see her show weekdays...LOL

  • i felt very sad for you when i read your post, you poor girl, but darling you have found a new friend on the web to chat with, if this indian male does come back to you i would be very careful, use this experience in your life to learn from, no its not nice its horrible for you, tell yourself every day and beleive it, something good must come from this, dont wait to long as you are the most important person in your life and you do matter, and please take good care of yourself, i wish you all the very best of goodluck and many blessings, praise and acknowledge all the good in your life, and watch it come backone thousand fold, god bless you you are a real sweety

  • Cancers are all about family. I have lady cancer friends and male cancer friends. All of them took me to meet there mother, fathers and families. Luckily I was adored by the family, because I was told by every last one of them, " if my family did'nt like you, i would've let you go...lol ". They tend to put themselves in some odd situations to please family, not even themselves first. In your situation, he's already married. Usually when they arrange a marriage it only takes a couple of months to finish up all the details before he /she brings her to the States. ( I went through it with a moroccan guys years back). I know it hurts, but if your able to, let go and let god and move on, your real love will come through.

  • Sandran712. So far no reply to my text , its really as i expected and anyway i've tried , then again maby he is still in India, but i doubt it very much . Maby he did love me once but this arranged marriage has got in the way of everything , i know he has to obey his parents . He could still of let me know though. Maby one day he will. ( wishfull thinking ). thank you very much for your comments , and i will keep you informed about my new fella in Dubai xx

  • hisbablove, . you have open up my eyes . Yea maby i am feeling angry and upset for the way he has used and treated me , never could i imagine it would turn out like this, all the things he said to me ( I love you so much , you are my life , i will never cheat on you . if you ever met anyone else i will burn with gealousy and would fight for you all this is from my heart , I just love you end off ) Did he mean any of it ? . ...... I have had such lovely very caring comments and support.and i feel blessed to have met really genuine people on here and i thank you all from the bottom of my heart . Please keep in touch ,maby one day we can all look back on this and have a good laugh about it

  • llindieloo>>know he has to obey his parents

    Sandran>>He doesn't have to obey his parents.If he was a mature man.Alot of guys become defiant in the love department.I think he would feel pretty stupid to go back to you with the reminder over his head that he took your money and ran.Think as a person close to you they stole from you..Do you think they would come back to return what they stole..I think this guy is long gone..This Dubai guy might be a little more hopeful...

  • llindieloo- I am glad you have been led to a path of awakening and realization. Don't hurt yourself with questions about whether or not he meant what he said. Even if he didn't, YOU experienced it and grew from it. He might have meant it at the moment because I feel he's someone who lives in the moment and from HIS perspective more than anyone else's. He was feeling good at the time and went all out...when he was done, he was done. I don't really get good feelings from him, hon. Don't dwell on what he "did" to you, it will only keep you in a place of victimization and hurt. Take the power back from him and keep it within YOU.

    If you want to assuage your anger, make it through this with your head held high. Turn your back on him and don't look back. Showing him you're hurt and abandoned will feed his ego and diminish who you are. If he does contact you, just tell him you are not interested in him or his explanations and what HE needs to know is that you are free and happy.

    I wish you strength, release,peace and joy.

  • one more thing...Sandran is totally right. Don't make excuses for him and blame his parents. He did what he wanted to do.

    Ok,,,I'll stop now:)

  • dotthorey,... Icried when i read you comment , You are such a genuine sympathetic person , thank you and i know I have found a friend in you . I am trying so hard to let go, each daythat goes by should get easier .. I hope ... I will keep your suggestions in mind and maby one day i will get rewarded one way or another . Thank you my new friend xxxx

  • you probably have lost him.

    I met a few Indian males, not friends, but sometimes work took me to meet many people

    they are mostly traditional and in their traditions, family means a lot sicne traditions are carried forward from one generation to another.

    this can probably go for any Asian families, since they are usually very traditional they can not allow marriage to different race or religion. arranged marriage may not be as popular now but I'd imagine they still limit marriage to same race or religion or at least they know the family.

    so if this guy's marriage is arranged, you can imagine his family would be pestering him over it until he gives in and marry the girl.

    in this case sun signs don't matter. my hubby is Cap and before we got married, his family and work comes first before me. after we got married then I am his priority, since by marriage I become part of his family and he is Caucasian.

    I'd suggest give him some time, but meanwhile don't close your door for another man. He must be in deep pressure now he can't answer you right away. So don't give up on him yet, but you should also get out and about. who knows you might find someone less confusing and in less dramatic situation?

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