Looking for a true reading....



  • My husband died last year, I am loosing our home and so many more things, on top of that, I have started dating someone that I have surprisingly have found, that I very much hope ,I have a future with. I have children and I recently became a grandmother for the first time. My life feels shaky and I have had thoughts of giving up on life all together, just here recently.I am in a constant state of confusing, riveted with guilt and hopelessness. Then I am happy, full of love and hopeful. Does that sound crazy enough for anyone reading this? I feel I am loosing my mind at times.

    I have included a picture of myself, if that helps.



  • Hi Kay328,

    I'm sorry I am unable to do a reading for you, but I would like to say please don't think of giving up. I get that you have been through some really trying times and I can feel your overwhelming sense of sadness and hopelessness. I know that for a lot of us things have been really crazy and we've all been going through some trying times, but it feels like better days ahead are just around the corner. Just hang in there, things will get better.

    You are not going mad, you are probably just having a "spiritual growth spurt", many seem to be going through this at this time. I have contacted a few people who may be able to help you. Just hang in there, there are many caring and generous souls on this site that are willing to help and encourage you.

    In the meantime, I'll send some light and light your way.

    Blessings

    Wenchie 🙂



  • You are still grieving over the life you had before your husband passed. I also get that you are feeling guilty because you acted in ways that you feel you should have handled differently. Forgive me if I am being too direct, I am only saying what is coming to mind. You feel somewhat twisted over the situation because part of you is feeling relieved and the other part is feeling like its wrong. I know its going to sound really cliche to say this but the changes that are happening are really for the best. I think you already know this but are afraid of whats around the corner. Even losing your house is a blessing in disguise because its so much of a responsibility for you right now. You need a smaller place to live that is more manageable and you will be much happier there. You are starting over and it feels like its too late in life to be starting new but I think its actually the best time for this to be happening because you still have much life ahead of you. Your having a hard time coping with all the changes happening at once. Its like your mind is swirling around and it doesnt no how to stop. THe times you are feeling full of love and hopeful is when your angels are carrying you through this mess. Its no wonder you are confused and not at your best you have been through so much. You still have a little more struggle and then its going to be better and get progressively better. Think of it like labor pains. You are having painful contractions and they are getting a little sronger and harder but then will come the final push. You are going to have to push through this with all your strength, but you wont be alone. God is going to be right there with you until the end. THen you will give birth to a new life. You must hang on dear and know that your life is very important and I hear this message " I am not through with you yet" . I am very sorry for what you are going through. I am here is you need to talk about anything that you need to and so are so many others. Keep talking and hold your head up high you are going to be stronger then ever. You are being transformed into a new woman and Gods love is all around you and your children and even the new baby even if you cant feel it hes giving you moments of peace so that you can sustain this painful time a little while longer.



  • Also wanted to add that your departed husband is sorry for what he put you through and thinks you should not feel guilty about anything you did what anyone else wouldve done. I am not sure what that means but I am guessing you do. I hope I am not way off here its been a long week for me as well. Let me know if i am way off base.



  • Good evening Kay328 I have to agree with Wenchie I also feel that your are overwhelmed. I know that all of this chaos is keeping you off balance. I can only suggest because I am having a hard time getting a good feel for this. This is easier said than done but I don't think you have given yourself time to grieve for your loss. And now your looking at even more. I have found for myself that out of what seems to be a very bad time comes good. Really sometimes you have to make room for new beginnings and to be open for a better time than what you can see at this moment. Believe me many of us on here have had some pretty tough times and come out on the other side mush better. It is coming. Take time for yourself really find quiet time and try to meditate. Even if you can't tune it all out the fact that you distance yourself for a while will help you. Use some aroma therapy to relax. Lavender in your room on your pillows will have a relaxing effect for you. I don't know if your new male friend will be a lasting relationship because of the situation you may feel like you need someone to listen to what is running through you head and it does help. It's not hopeless it's just a lot to deal with so try it one day, on hour or one minute at a time. I hope someone else can give you more but It is the best I have right now. Peace and harmony, love and light.



  • I second what lovin says here Kay. I do feel that you are not trusting the process of reclaiming joy and a new life as you might feel subconsciously that it'll all get blown away in the next strong wind. This new man is riding the waves with you and I feel he stands back a bit when you're going through the dips in those waves. It's not because he doesn't care, but more because he knows you need to deal with these periods of residual grief without interference or influence from him. He's a very wise soul this one, and it is great that the Higher Ups sent him to you when they did. I get this message about him "i'll catch you when you fall". So rest assured, your feelings of a future with this man are based on a solid foundation and he won't let you down.

    Now you need to work on not letting yourSELF down here. Your husband is watching over you and is the one who sent this fellow to you (yes, he's one of the Higher Ups now). His passing was quite sudden, is that right? I think you really had to get back on with life too quickly after his death, and it's catching up to you now. Your inner strength is wavering a bit, but it won't weaken entirely. What lovin says about angels helping you when you feel your worst is right; they'll never leave you.

    Life will take a turn for the better, and these dark days will soon be a distant memory. I get the feeling that you feel you were at fault for your husband's passing? Was there a bit of an argument not long beforehand? Well can I ask you this: if he was still alive, none of the unpleasantness that happened before his death would be an issue now, would it? Do you understand what I mean? Unless you stood before him and aimed a gun at him and pulled the trigger, there is no blame to be levelled at your for what took him. He knows that and has tried to tell you repeatedly. He says to you, "give it a rest; I chose to go, it was my time" and then he wants to put a frangipani in your hair behind your ear as a way of comforting you. (Please bear with me here; like lovin, I'm writing what's coming ...) I see him in a red t-shirt and jeans. He's still the casual, easy going bloke you knew in life and I think he also blows softly in your ear. A rather cheeky soul he was, and the one he picked as his replacement is quite similar to him, but in his words "he's a whole lot more reliable than I ever was". He apologises for hurting you and leaving you alone and if anything, he blames himself for his death, as such. He's trying to lift a huge weight off your shoulders, but you seem to be clinging on to it. Please let him take this from you; where it's going, it won't weigh him or anybody or anything down again.

    I see him now holding a tree; a small tree, like a sapling. He's asking you to plant a tree for him; a tree with white blooms - maybe frangipani (think he liked that fragrance). Plant it in the backyard of the new house you move to, not this one you may lose. He wants you to leave this house as the memories are too hard on you. The next place you live in will be in a beautiful spot, and, as said, he wants that tree planted down in the back corner to the right. He won't let you forget to water it either, so don't worry about that. He also is saying something about a dog; like "don't you think it's time you got a new one". I get the name "jester" or "chester" or something like that. Sorry, things are a bit mixed here ...

    He's holding up what looks like the sun and says to tell you "this is what's coming for you Kay if you'd only let it in". He will also help you travel overseas in the next twelve months as a bit of r & r is needed for you and your new man. He's very happy with this fellow and pleased with his choice. He's also asking that you let this man in, as you seem to be pushing him away sometimes.

    Main messages here are:

    Your husband loves you and wants you to let this new happy life in

    He wants you to leave the house and is sending you a new one. It may have a white fence around it or white will be a distinctive colour somewhere on it's facade, not just on the tree you plant 🙂

    Yes, he wants you to plant a tree with white blooms

    He's asking you to let this new man in as he will be very good for you

    It's time to let him go as he needs to cross over. He will let you know when the time is right and you will feel a sense of overwhelming peace when it comes, not sorrow or grief.

    Put your trust in this new man and your worthiness to accept happiness and joy. It's yours for the taking.

    He's blowing a kiss at you now and I'm seeing a crooked sort of smile with a big dimple.

    IT'S ALL GOOD; that's the big thing he's saying.

    Please take comfort in all the good that's coming for you Kay. I hope this reading has made some sense and as said above, please excuse my raving; I wrote what came and I'm sorry if any of it seemed a bit perplexing.

    Take care and enjoy your life from now my friend. God and your husband know you deserve it :))



  • I also second what LibrasLair says, but my post must've gone up about the same time as hers did! xoxoxoxoox



  • Dear lovinmylife,

    Do you see any angels next to me 2/28/62 or do i need to give you a picture of me, does bill still come visit me?

    Thank You, 228



  • Namaste Kay. I am guided to offer you the following messages:

    First, you have a great deal of mental energy being expended and it is causing confusion. So please take a moment to take three deep breaths right now. While you're doing this, place your internal focus on the area of your heart, not to the left but directly in the center of your chest. While you are breathing you put your internal focus on your heart, and look down at your hands in your lap. Keep your eyes on your hands, internally noticing the heart, externally noting your hands. Now breathe. This centers and grounds you in the Now, and internally reconnects you to your higher self.

    Without an outlet for that mental energy, you will make yourself feel crazy. I encourage you to use your hands as one outlet, and to continue taking action on what must be done first. We'll get to that a bit later.

    You are experiencing a life purge and this is common for one of your years and current spiritual evolution. No one is indicating it will be easy, but if you allow yourself to take a bit of direction you'll be singing instead of screaming before you know it. Everyone survives this kind of shift, and so are you surviving it.

    You recently lost your husband, and while this has been a deeply experienced fracture to your life, the energy that took over after this was one of fear, burden, and self pity. You are allowed to mourn the loss of a beloved, however, now is the time for you to begin standing for yourself and letting go of your idea that someone else is going to carry you through. You are the creator of your life and you alone choose the directions you take. Your life is in need of stabilization, and the development of a greater sense of responsibility and a more practical conscientious outlook on life. You, like everybody, have probably made many mistakes. It is now time to learn from them. If you are using the same strategy you have always used when embarking on a new venture, you cannot expect your life to improve or serve you well. You may be keen to get back out into the world and into life, to try new things and have new experiences, but you must notice the obstacles that present themselves on a day to day basis.

    You are being encouraged to explore life, with the understanding that some paths will offer reward and others won't. In order to open new doors, you must first close the old ones by facing your fears and making choices that promise new beginnings, and affirm Life.

    You are a vital part of the fabric of Life; you are Life itself, and every beat of your heart reaffirms this. It is your continual connection to everyone on Earth, and your connection to Spirit, too.

    We all yearn to take charge of our lives and to make a difference to the world. We yearn to believe in our selves, to have faith in our ability to heal and realise our potential. So you are being reminded to nurtue the Wisdom in you and make your healing possible and your life more fulfilling. Now is the time to face your fears, and strive to achieve your dreams. Embrace your life as it stands right now, act with Purpose, and reclaim your personal power.

    Where does your personal power come from? Here's a hint:

    You are the Power your Love possesses. This means that the love that you are, the love that comes from the Original Source, is ALL that you are. You have the ability to tap into this at any moment as deeply as you like. All energy and substance is the energy of love, and that includes you. So by recognizing this simple fact, you become that in greater and greater ways. Every breath you take is love, every exhale is peace. Every action you take with love as its essence is love in action. Hugging your children. Delighting in a strong breeze that scatters colorful leaves. The sun on your face. Letting someone go before you in the grocery store. Choosing your next steps, based on love for yourself, and by extension for those around you.

    Learning to love and laugh at your mistakes. Letting yourself be vulnerable and afraid to go forward, and doing it anyway. Resting properly. Eliminating alcohol and sweets from your diet. Giving yourself time to contemplate next steps. These are all acts of love, when love is the focus.

    This period of your life is designed to skim the dross to reveal the gold beneath. It is designed to lift you up to the next level of what is possible in your life, so you can shine radiantly in all that you do, and go farther and higher than you ever thought you could. Your goals are worthwhile. Your life has purpose. So ask yourself, if I could give one thing to the world that would live on as my legacy, what would it be? This is where you are headed, and while this is not an 'end' to anything, it promises joy, fulfillment, and a new deeper engagement in your life.

    Without you in this loving fabric of life, the tapestry falls apart.

    You are being asked to reconnect with Spirit, to recognize that there is something greater than you (on which you can rely) that is directing the events of your life, yet still understand that within this direction lies all the opportunities you are seeking as well as the healing you need, if you will only notice.

    Trust that this supportive fabric has your best interests at heart and that when you are in need, your calls are heard. Identify your strengths; look forward with courage. When you do this you will begin to recognize that all is as it should be.

    Your affirmation, beginning today, is: "I am the power my love possesses." Let this fill your mind when you feel things are out of control. (they're not out of control, only seeking your guiding hand) Return to this phrase and you'll find it serves you well.

    Use your hands as one way of grounding yourself and releasing energy. Plunge your hands into the earth and pull weeds; buy a bag of potting soil and keep it in the garage to use during the coldest months. Sweep your kitchen and focus on your hands gripping the broom. Play pattycake with the baby. Get a squeezy ball to relieve stress. Make felt bookmarks with pink sequins. Doodle happy faces while you're on the telephone. And remember to breathe.

    You may like to consider joining the Circle of Gold, an affirmative prayer and manifestation group. You'll find the thread in the Divination forum. We'll be hosting a teleconference Open House on Wednesday Nov. 18th at 8:15 p.m. EST to connect with members and new members, and give everyone some insight into what we can do for you. Membership is free.

    Prayers and gold Light go out Fridays at sundown, so if you'd like to join now you can receive right away. just send me an email with your full name.

    Remember Kay, you are being guided and protected at all times. Even if you can't hear the whispers of the angels, they are standing beside you, at the ready, awaiting your call for assistance. Respectfully ask them anything; help with healing; to help you find the peas in the grocery store; to help you find your center; to bouy your faith if it wavers.

    It's all okay; this too shall pass.

    Blessings,

    love light and JOY,

    ~Ahliyah

    ps: to everyone who reads this post, please affirm with Kay loudly joyfully and often

    I AM THE POWER MY LOVE POSSESSES.

    NAMASTE!



  • 228 I believe we all have angels around us. so to answer your question, yes you do have angels around you. Was Bills name actually William? He loves you very much and wants you to smile more. You frown too much. Thats all I get right now.



  • Reply to LOVINGMYLIFE: CRIS1962

    All the readings were exactly what I needed, but the two from LovingMyLife and Crisi1962, brought me to tears. Not a bad thing, because they were amazing to me, in how you two hit on things that I never revealed in my original post. I will explain in my reply.

    I am feeling guilty, because there was a severe argument that involved police and a fight between my husband and my son, where my son was defending me. My husband was an alcoholic, he had lost a very good job in March of 2008. The picture I included with my original post was taken a month before his death. He died on 08/28/2008. He was born 10/07/1968 and I was born on 03/28/1968. The 28th of every month is very hard for me and it falls on my birthday, day.

    The man I am currently involved with was born 06/11/1965. He doesn’t drink or anything like that.

    Kay is my middle name, I go by it a lot online and my husband called me by that name. I feel guilty over that day I mentioned, I feel guilty because he took his own life. I feel guilty that I am still here and he isn’t. His family and some of his friends blame me as well.

    I feel guilty that it has only been a year and I have feelings for someone else, in fact I feel a soul mate connection to this new person and it overwhelms me. I do hesitate in this relationship, because I have fear of loosing someone as I did with my husband. I don’t ant to make another mistake and mess things up. My son is now 20 and my daughter is almost 19 and she is the one who has made me a grandmother on 10/17/2009. To a beautiful baby girl named Harmony. My daughter is in an abusive relationship and I can’t seem to get through to her on how dangerous this is. I am afraid.

    Money is not there, although I work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, sometimes 6 days. I do not know where I am going and how I can help the ones I love. I have a hard time depending on others, because the fear of that is, I will loose them and be in the same boat or worse then I already am. I feel beat down and hopeless most of the time. Yet, friends and even the man in my life think I am strong. In fact, he just told me last week, that he has never seen anyone who can turn a bad situation around as I do and take it on in such a positive and strong way. I do not feel that way about myself and I wonder who in the world they are all seeing? Because it isn’t me.

    This that lovingmylife added to her post, was so earth shaking for me and comforting.

    Also wanted to add that your departed husband is sorry for what he put you through and thinks you should not feel guilty about anything you did what anyone else wouldve done. I am not sure what that means but I am guessing you do. I hope I am not way off here its been a long week for me as well. Let me know if i am way off base.

    I have to work late tonight and then early again tomorrow, but I will check in here before I go to work in the morning. I feel so stupid and weak, for posting all of my issues here or anywhere. I should be able to deal with all of this on my own. God has been here all the time, otherwise I would not have made it this far.



  • Kay I wanted to say something else earlier but didnt want to overstep my boundries but now that I know my instincts were correct I wanted to tell you that your husband left so that you could have a better life. Even though it was painful and horrible way to go about it, he felt that was his best gift to you. He will continue offering guidance until you are in a better place then he will move on. Did he have a very mischevious grin and kinda weathered look to his face, because I keep getting this mental picture of him nodding his head and smiling in agreement with what I am telling you. He is truly sorry for what he put you through and his parting was a gift of new life for you and the kids and he is still there helping you all get through this. He also wants you to not worry too much about your daughter because she has a good head on her shoulders and is trying to come up with a plan. She wont be tolerating the abusiveness too much longer shes hanging in there until the baby gets a little older. She is not dumb and knows how to handle her self. Shes very tactful and sharp minded. Just be there for her and dont worry. I keep gettin the word too "class" shes a classy type of person I take it. You are doing a great job with your children keep up the good work.



  • Yes he did have a mischievous grin and he was outside a lot, he did construction, was he was weathered in his appearance.

    My daughter has a strong will of her own, she will be 19 on 01/03/2009. She's a tough cookie.



  • She got that from her Mama! You are a good soul you are going to be just fine. I have to go away from here for a little bit because the intensity of your husbands spirit is a little too much for me right now. Just no that he really wanted what was best for you and the kids and still does. Its okay to be angry with him he feels he deserved it but doesnt want you harpin on the anger and turning you into a bitter woman. I think you are very strong and will have peace in your heart very soon. God bless you and your family, it can only go up from here. xoxo



  • I felt drawn to this thread and now I see why. Firstly to Kay I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't begin to give any better advice as you have been blessed to receive guidance from some of the best, very gifted, loving and respected/respectful individuals., Wenchie definitely hit it on the head in the fact that there is a lot of this energy going on right now I myself have experienced it to a degree off illness for months. I have been working very hard toward positivity etc, but I know I need spiritual work and time and oft times help and guidance. I realized that I had to step back and figure out what the universe was trying to tell me.I had lost my spirituality to an extent and became too focused o the mundane . I had lost myself in feelings of betrayal etc due to people I loved/trusted hurting me. Now I know I don't have to let that happen.I have to work everyday but the more positive and focused spiritually I am, the better energy surrounds me & the more strength I have.Things have improved in my life in every aspect from health to my relationship with my husband even to finances in a short while. Due in big part to me coming to this forum & advice from some of the same people who have given help and love to you above as well. Kay don't ever give up because you are a precious soul and you are here for a reason. You deserve love and happiness and while it may take work you will be rewarded with yourself and that is the best gift ever.

    Blessed be to you all,

    Rikku

    PS Ahliyah if you read this I was actually looking for you on the advice of Cris1962, and the fact that I have been drawn to your postings as well. It's nice to see the greeting Namaste. Anyway I wanted to say hi and since I came to this thread I now have a contact for you - is this the best way to reach you or should I just go to the Circle of Gold on the Divination Forum?

    Blessed Be to you in all you do and may your gifts continue to grow in love and light.

    Blessed be to you all,

    Rikku



  • also to Cris1962 I actually added one additional post to our original discussion/reading you were kind enough to do regarding my son's possible psychic abilities and if you see any empah abilities for me? I don't know if you ever got to see it but if you get a chance I would love you to check it. I again, understand I am a newbie and you not only share so much of yourself but have of course your own grief and personal life. I don't want you to think I am asking too much just was hoping you might read it if you can. I will also keep you posted on the Past life regression therapy and how it goes with Ahliyah. Thank you again for all your help and guidance. I hope all is well with you and yours.

    Blessed be to you in all you do



  • Grief is messy. First year in it overshadows everything in your life--life is surviving another day without going mad. Even though it may have been once incomprehensable to be in a hurry to leave this earth you will have those days and be horrified. The seffishness of those thoughts carry so much guilt. This in itself will have you wondering if you even know who you are anymore. You are not the same and the second year in this new reality you must swallow, slowly starts becoming a part of you and the event becomes less and less the crushing monster outside yourself ready to bite any moment. It gets better when you can give yourself permission to have a crazy day. Don't try to figure those days out as much as expect them to pop up unexpected even though for weeks you feel good for a change. You have a right to have crazy days and when they pass you smile and pat yourself on the back and say well that was a doozey bump in the road, and then you keep on keeping on. On the otherside of grief is the potential for a great healing in your life. Grief on a spiritual level is a time of surrender--a breaking open. When you have been shattered and must build yourself back from nothing it is an opportunity for self discovery and a time for casting away the parts of yourself that never worked for you. You will find yourself being pickier about people in your life. You will feel more sensitive about people and stressful encounters that waste your time. You will find yourself saying more often to yourself "life's too short for this petty stuff". You will start cutting through the small stuff and will be more focused on your goals. Give yourself permission to feel all the crazy messy thoughts that come and go with this journey. If you can not afford an appointment with a doctor who specializes in grief there are groups who meet for free.There is an excellent grief program offered by The Catholic CharitIies--you don't have to be Catholic. Someone sent me their wonderful literature after my son passed. It was very comforting at the time. She went to several meetings after her mother passed and said they really helped her as well. You will get passed this. Be kind to yourself.



  • my thoughts: kay, if you need to hunker down and go it one step at a time for a while, slogging is healthier than we all realize until one day we turn and look at our progress and can't even see where we started. you've been working all along, but your master work is still before you. help those you can, as you can, there is a soul waiting for you to help it take flight by learning from your example. walk in the sunshine, enjoy your happiness, hard times are there to make the good all the sweeter. there is so much love around you, choose harmony for life, take this statement both ways and you will never regret your journey. i know you don't believe me when i say you are stronger than you think, so i will say this instead; you are stronger than the losses that aren't occurring. let the future wait, live now.



  • LovingMyLife, you seem to have made a real connection with my husband's spirit. I am grateful that you have, it has really shed some light on things that I couldn't get passed.

    I tend to be a worrier, someone who always needs a plan and a back-up plan as well, if I don't have a plan, I am lost, confused and get depressed. Its not that I can't take on things that are difficult, its not having a plan to handle them, that gets to me.

    I have worked long and hard all week and today is my only day off till next weekend, and although I have tons that need done here at home, I just feel drained and lazy today. Which makes me feel all the stress and worry I carry, even more so then when I keep busy.

    I really don't want to see anyone today but my kids and my boyfriend, anyone else just seems like a strain today. Dating a man who is a Gemini is a challenge in its self at times. I can never really figure him out. Just when I think I am starting to, he changes. It can be chaotic at times, when I am already stressed out from other things.

    I guess I need a boost of inspiration to get through today and maybe even the rest of this week.



  • i am starting to feel shaky again. I wish I could be as strong as so many others that have been through even worse things then myself. I have never felt so low as I have since his death. I can't trust myself, my judgement, my decisions or anyone one else, completely.

    My daughter is scaring me to death with her abusive boyfriend and father to my infant grand-daughter.


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