Cris1962---looking for your insight
I realize you have a lot of people calling out to you right now, so I hope you don't mind if I do the same. Maybe it'll help to just let off some steam? At any rate, if you've happened to see my story in these threads at all, you'll notice that I've been on a straight rollercoaster with a cancer guy who I fell hard for. I'm not sure how much detail I have to give you for you to vibe off the situation, but I'll try to be succinct.
Basically, I met him in the summer of 08 and we seemed to really click. He told me he had two kids, and that he had been separated from his ex for more than a year, which I was ok with. I knew kids and an ex wasnt an ideal situation, but there was some sort of chemistry b/t us that i never felt before. Anyway, all the signs were pointing towards us having an exclusive relationship by the end of summer, even though he knew I would have to go out of the city when fall came to finish my degree at my university. Long story short, his ex found out about me and completely seems to derail everything by accusing me of stealing him and whatnot. I hadn't heard great things about her so I assumed that she was just trying to start drama, but a little part of me did wonder if he was trying to play both of us. After I confronted him about it, things got...weird, to say the least. He started retreating into that cancer shell more, and we would go for weeks at a time without really talking. I confronted him a few times about whether or not he wanted to see me anymore, and each time he said he didn't want to lose me and that he cared about me. So in effort to give him space I definitely didn't act clingy, but I always let him know how I cared about him and things went on as usual. Unfortunately, he seemed to get more distant and calls would be more sporadic. Then all of a sudden, I hear rumors that his ex is pregnant and that its his, though he denies this. Obviously this didn't make our situation any better, and I still heard from him sporadically until I got fed up and told him not to call me anymore. In a move thats very much unlike myself, I caved in and called just to see how he was doing a couple months later and he still maintained the sames story that he cares about me, wants to see me, etc.
I've been told numerous time from friends (and very helpful people) on this forum that I need to get over him and I definitely agree. I want to but for some reason its been harder than with any other guy and any other messed up situation I've been in. I lead a very busy life and most of the day I can make it through without thinking much about it. However, I do still think about it every day--even if its brief--and I'm wondering why its so hard for me to move on when it seems clear that he doesnt care about me. Do you see me getting over this or do you have any idea why this is so hard when its never really been difficult in the past? Do you know how he feels about me or if I'm even a thought in his mind anymore? We haven't seen each other in a long time...do you see this changing? I guess I never really got closure and so I'm looking for answers to so many unanswered questions. Idk if you can even read into it this much but...what the heck went on?
Anyway, I hope this wasn't too hard to follow, I missed details to try to make it short. I'm sure the gist of the situation is that I simply was played but why do I feel it's more complicated than that?. If you can read anything about me and this situation I'd love to hear from you. Thanks so much and I hope you're well.
Btw, my DOB is 8/30/88 and his is 7/14/82. Just in case you need to know
bumping this up
It seems to me you already know that pursuing this man is wrong- however you continue to do it anyway.
What you are expecting to hear is someone that agrees with you. That is not possible.
If someone has children that are not yours - you will never have him exclusively. You are chasing a dream..not a reality! The sooner you realize this your life will get back on track.
I am so sorry for lifes abrupt & sometimes harsh changes, just remember this, I believe everything is meant to be in such a way that you learn little life lessons to make you aware of certain events, people, places,direction,experiances,understandings,spiritual,or even just to aquire the universal knowledge that can only be learned, ther are so many different
(at the end)profound reasons...I suggest you try to free your mind a little with a new plan in a new direction,for if it's truely meant to be life will redirect the path back to you, this may have just been a learning curve to prepare you for whats to come. Keep your head hihg & know that YOU is what really matters & you deserve only what you serve to others & thats really to be truely happy and respected & to respect yourself & your true desire but in a relationship it must feel real in & on more than one way, its a two way street or you'll never really be truely satisfied with your life........cheer up & good luck remember this too shall passs,don't let the heart trick you
hey all..just wanted to say thanks for the replies. i have to run, but i am thinking about your replies. thanks again...