Relationship improvement spread - please advise me how to interpret it
I did a Tarot reading for me and my boyfriend, in an "Improve Relationship" type of spread, asking what to do to get things equal & mutual in this relationship. I need this relationship to become mutual, as feelings, effort for its sustainment, actions, generally (my boyfriend is quite passive, I'm the active and more interested in this relationship, or at least I seem to be).
There are 5 spots in this spread: 1 and 2 - the source of problems from my and his point of view (respectively), then 3 (thought), 4 (word), 5 (deed) - the spots indicating what can be done so that the relationship gets improved. The results were the following:
1. The Empress (the source of obstacles from my point of view)
2. The Lovers (the source of obstacles from his point of view)
3. The World (the suggestion for the "thought" side)
4. Temperance (the suggestion for the "word" side)
5. 3 of Wands (the suggestion for the "deed", so action side).
I'd really appreciate your help in helping me getting the best out of this reading and indicating me what to do so that I can bring things to what I need and desire in my relationship. Thank you very much.
Hey, cool spread!!
1- Empress. It seems like you might be givign him too much love and attention. Now, I don't know if this is in a 'smothering' way, or if, as you said, the relationship is too one sided and you're putting in too much effort.
2- Lovers. It seems like he's too indecisive. Or, he's very bad at communication. Lovers doesnt have to be soul mate, it can also mean a big decision or a communication. In this case, theres either something he cant make up his mind about and its affecting your relationship, or he's horrible at communication.
3 - World. Okay, i dont really get what you mean for thoughts....is this what you guys need to improve on in how you 'think' about the relationship? In that case, i think you need to start thinking of the rel. on the WHOLE, instead of maybe trying to pick at what each individual does or doesnt do. Think about whats best for both of you instead of just one. Think about how you giys act TOGETHER and how it affects everything. Does that make sense...?
4 - Temperance. This is kind of similar to the world. You guys need more harmony and balance in how you communicate. Like before, maybe one is communicating more then the other.
5 - 3 of Wands. Hmmm....i think this card really depends on your deck. I;m gonna go ahead and assume you're using the RW deck. Maybe stop waiting for all your hard work to come to fruition, and make an effort to get to a new level with your boyfriend? I mean, tarot cards aside, if you really feel like your putting way more effort in (which a lot of women do) then you need to talk to him about it. And dont talk like your blaming him, they hate that. Just sit down and tell him your needs. They need to be told, they're pretty braindead, lol.
I hope that helped...
Hi Maria, I'm so glad about your quick feedback!!! Thank you so much.
Not only that he's bad at communication, but he's a master of expressing in words exactly the opposite of what he feels, sometimes. Maybe due to self esteem, pride, macho self impression, I have no idea about it. Since he has this kind of approach, I also started treating him the same way he does with me, or even worse. I'm not expressing my true feelings anymore, I am critisicing everything that bothers me, I became overdemanding, I show him my best qualities, but letting him know he's never take advantage of them if he continues this way...so my efforts were really high until some time ago, now the situation looks different. it's kind of a nasty game that we have now. The idea is that we are communicating a lot, on a rational level, but it's very hard for be to get beneath that - and make him express true feelings. It could be true that my inner power and general attitude made him scared, I should admit I think this way. That's why Temperance appeared on the "word" part - I should get more temperate with my speech with him, sometimes I am ruthless and letting him hear things that may hurt him. By "thoughts" I mean - the part where things can be improved (together with "words" and "deeds" - so there is a 3 sided issue that we should work on)...
If you have any further comments, I'd be so happy to hear them. I really love the guy and don't want to lose him. I know he loves me also, but...why does he find it so difficult to say it and act accordingly? Am I setting too high expectations? Overall, my spread looks positive. What do you think? Thank you once more!
Men, in general, kind of suck at that LOL. They tell you once, and they dont understand why they need to keep reminding you. But women need constant validation. Men will not know that unless you tell them. If your guy is a 'MAN' man, then you are definitely going to need to outline your needs far more clearly to him. Some men are more sensitive, maybe because they were brought up by women, and need less prompting for that kind of stuff.
Now that you mentioned being mean to him, Empress may be telling you to be much more compassionate and patient. Temperance can also suggest that the two of you need to work out a balance in your communication so that both of you are happy. Temperance is also the alchemist card, which is about mixing two things together to make something new. Or adjusting something till it's just right. I still really see the world as the whole, you guys need to work more towards a complete, harmonious relationship. Two become one, kind of thing. Temperance can also be about that, too.
:)) I had another question coming up my mind just now: is the Lovers - in his case - showing that he hasn't committed enough? That he's taking this relationship too easily? We've been together for some time, then split up 2 years ago, this year we restarted, but not in a very committing way. I actually don't want full commitment from his side, by the way, I just need to feel loved and nurtured next to him. I need to see his feelings expressed, in a very free and optimistic manner. No constraints. What are his cards saying, in your opinion?
Maybe I can complete the image of this spread by another one, which I made recently, also focused on relationship matters:
1. how I see the other person: 7 of cups
2. how he sees me: 8 of wands
3. how I see our relaionship: 9 of cups
4. how he sees our relationship: 2 of cups
5. smth that the querent (me) has to know about the relationship: knight of cups
6. where is the relationship leading to (future): knight of swords
What do you think? Do we have a complete picture now? Or at least a bit clearer? thanks so much.
I am not a Tarot reader I am psychic and heres what I see which echoes my reading I already gave you--The empress at the top of the list shows me the ego written in BOLD. This is indeed both your obstical! The lovers for him I see too much feelings, too much emotional thinking and not enough "head to balance. You must remember to be FRIENDS not just lovers--Friends bite their tongues before lashing out, friends forgive more and react less--friends trust loves intentions more and imagines less when slighted. The world says step back more--get out of your small world you two tend to barracade your hearts and selves--look at all your disagreements as a small moment towards the bigger picture. Accept what the world has to offer and be listening instead of busy fighting. Temperence will bring communication--lesson that knee jerk response you both jump to. Learning to be vulnerable and expressing the truth no matter how hurt you feel and resisting the urge to strike back will inspire a new tenderness for each other--that Friendship you two so need to nurture. The Three of wands--the goal you are striving for--mind, body and spirit. BALANCE. It is a choice. You must accept the responsability of working on your relationship--you are not a victim--there is a "mindfulness" you must observe to get the most from your relationship.