How do you seduce a Virgo man?
Wow Scarlattina, I'm so sorry to hear this news. It's never pleasant to break up with someone after so many years no matter what anyone's sun signs may be. You seem okay with it all, but feel free to vent here if you start to waver. I don't have time to say much right now, but I will tell you I have experienced a couple of really harsh outbursts with my Virgo as well. These have confused and surprised me also. I'm still not sure what I think about them, and it hasn't happened often, but I am paying atttention to when they happen and what the circumstances are. Most often it seems to be in retaliation to me if I criticize him in any way. I mean sometime in a relationship negative things have to be said in order to get dealt with, you can't just sweep everything under the rug. The problem seems to come because he takes everything so dang personally, and even if it's simply about the dynamics of the relationship, he seems to feel that I'm blaming him somehow if things are running perfectly. And "perfection" is probably at the heart of it somewhere. He can't deal with his own short-comings so I think lashing out and finding fault is a defense mechanism - albeit an unpleasant one for me. He always apologizes too, and it's never been anything that got dragged out - as I say, more of a quick "outburst". I don't know, I'm just keeping an eye on it for now waiting to see if he can get more balanced about dealing with adversity or is he always going to blow up out of defensiveness.
I can understand though, sensitive Pisces that you are, how you would grow hurt and weary of such behavior. I think my saving grace is my own Virgo ascendent (what a conflicted combination, eh? Emotional Cancer and analytical Virgo...yep, some days it really stinks to be me, lol.) But I think it's easier for me to take a more detached, analytical approach than someone ruled by Pisces AND Leo. In some ways it's a wonder you've made it this long with your Virgo man given you need for affection and romance.
I have to run, but I'm thinking about what you've said here and may have more comments later. As I mentioned, the forum is a great place to vent or rant, lol, if you find you mind and heart feeling muddled. Have at it if you feel the need!
Jenever, thanks for your comforting words it's really more than I could ask for... Sometimes it helps just to be understood, me and Brad could not be more different... And also that you help me and others to understand different types of individuals. I love your combination, Cancer/Virgo you are a sweet lady. I hate to put such a somber note on this fun thread, I hope more people get on here and talk about their Virgos
Haha, thanks for your kind words scarlattina and don't feel bad, all of us here dealing with Virgos already know that's the deal...something between fun and somber. Look at the very theme of this thread; how do you get these guys to lighten up and have fun? Why should you/we be surprised that this is what comes of interacting with them?
Recently my guy accused me of being "confusing" because I was so emotionally unpredictable in our relationship. My response? "I am confusing because I am dealing with confusion - your confusion - your erratic behavior, and eventually it pushes me to become emotional. When you hand me confusion there's a very good chance that confusion is what you will get in return". I know that Virgos think they have things all figured out, and probably in their minds they do, but seriously, I think my Virgo is one of the most complicated, confusing people I've ever known. Give me four years with him and I may be in the same place that you are right now, lol. Weary of the challenge of figuring out how to keep him happy so that we can both be happy. Relationships can be work, but they should not be a chore.
Who knows, maybe you will still end up back together. Especially if this is the first time you've ever really had a major blow-up. Sometimes those are the ones that clear the air and make the relationship better. No one could possibly see into the soul of a person like a Pisces, and to go so long with your Virgo there must have been something good going on in there.
Poor Virgo's though, the emotions are like a foreign land to them, they keep them so deep and controlled that when they rise to the surface, well, sounds like we've both witnessed what can happen - they simply lose control. I'm sure our guys would be much "safer" with some nice, steady earth sign, but I think that we water signs help draw them out of their practical, routine-loving existence and experience themselves and life in ways they would never allow themselves to otherwise. We see a little too deep inside them and lure them out of their comfort zone. Your guy probably freaked himself out more over HIS emotional response to you, than however surprised you may have been over it all. I bet he's feeling pretty ashamed of himself too for losing his cool like that, he probably IS really sorry, and it's a sure bet that it hasn't taken him long to realize how difficult it will ever be to replace what he has lost in you. I made the comment in a previous post, these Virgo guys don't stick around if you don't meet their exacting standards. But of course, it can't be all about them. When you reach a point that you're not getting what you need from a relationship, well, what else can you do but move on. Either way, I hope you find the happiness you deserve and a relationship that fills your heart. Come on back and tell us how things have gone if you want.
Ok...to the point...I am a Virgo man. Have read most of the posts on this thread and can both agree and disagree points made.
I would agree that swimming with emotions is sometimes a struggle for us Virgos (and others) but once one lets go and sees emotion as an ally rather than something to be conquered or controlled things are easier and more fun.
Would also agree that we have a tendency to become workaholics. I was one in my 20's, 30s and 40's but have slowed down in my 50s. It’s been quite a journey and continues to be one. Getting comfortable with silence and solitude. I think working was a way of avoiding feelings, or more precisely it was a way of avoiding the confusion surrounding feelings. I had a high need to "be rational".
I have just ended a 4 yearlong relationship with a Libra woman. She was a "perfect woman".... exceedingly good looking, bright (engineering degree, art degree and biz admin degree) creative (master sculptress), best cook in the world, athletic (international competitive rower), lover of flowers and cats, sensuous and sexy and a great conversationalist and good listener, and on and on.
So why did I end it? I have to say that I was so entranced with her beauty and other gifts that I never felt able to truly be relaxed around her. So energetically this was not a good match. I do miss her but also feel like I have given myself a huge gift of being able to truly relax. Ahhh.
Thus Virgo men are capable of being "in touch". And we (as others ) have a high need to be ourselves...make that recognized and APPRECIATED for who we are.
Hope this helps in some way.
Bartj..So glad to have a Live Virgo Man...I want to ask please, If you were a married man ...Why would you become involved with another woman?... I know this is a very general question...But because I think that one of the characteristics of a Virgo Man, is to follow or adhere to a honorable code of conduct so to speak....I think that Adultury doesn't lend to them keeping there own beliefs in a nice and tidy manner in their own heads.... I personally believe that any man that would cheat on his wife despite whatever he Claims his reasoning is...Is just plain Ole Dishonorable & Deceiful.. no matter how you cut it, or what excuse is made up for being an Adulturer....I know that every man is different...and or has their own reasoning.....But can you shed a little light on the subject from a Virgo Mans perspective...
what the heck? our Virgo man doesn't say anywhere that he is or was married. all he said was that he just ended a 4 year relationship with a libra woman. it's hard enough for men to post a paragraph on something "feelings" related without people misinterpreting. goodness.
Thank you for writing Mr. Virgo and feel free to keep doing so.
(married) Cap woman to a Virgo man
bluewater I am a Scorpio woman happily married to a Virgo Man...I asked Bartj, his Opinion on the Subject.....I didn't say or suggest Nor do I believe that He is a married man who is committing Adultery... Your Thread's Question was How to Seduce a Virgo Man...My question to Bartj was asked in that fact that I Know that there are women who think they have the right to call someone elses Husband, Their Man..when in fact he is married and Someone Elses Man (Husband).. and being a married woman myself that does Not sit right with me.... in fact its frightening... because It is hard enough to keep a marriage together..without the added burden of someone who knows that the man is married...but setting out to Seduce anyway... thinking up ways to get Closer to someone elses Husband...So yes...my question to him was Why would a married man, A Virgo married man, in his opinion (if Bartj cared to comment) become involved with another woman.. you could call my question Advice on Prevention...
Kittygalore, I will tell you that I am involved with a married Virgo man. It was three months before I discovered that he was married, he told me he was divorced and had quite a detailed lie to back him up. I am not a seducer of married men and in fact the conflict that this relationship puts me in is gut-wrenching at times to say the least. Suffice to say that by the time I knew the truth my heart was already so taken by what we had between us I didn't know what to do. It's been nearly a year now and I still can't resolve what to do about any of it. He is commited to seeing things through in the marriage for his children, hopeful that I'll just stick around I suppose, but as you can imagine that makes for a difficult and unfullfilling relationship on my part. Certainly less than I deserve...but as I say, something there between us feels so "right", I know I may never find that again and so I try to be patient and see where things go. A single decision on his part could change everything, but the sacrifices on his part concerning his children and his finances are huge. In the end Virgos are realists and I deal with this fact...for the time being.
What led him out of his marriage? It was not me. I was only the answer to what he was seeking - I must say he was quite organized in his quest to commit adultery. I met him on a dating site, that is how serious he already was about finding whatever was missing in his marriage - or what he describes as "what was missing in his heart". In a nutshell he says, "all my wife can think about is what she doesn't have - she is never grateful for what she does have or how hard I've worked to give her that". She also takes no interest in him or his work. He describes their marriage as "two people with nothing in common after 14 years but 4 children". Once the kids are raised and out the door, he figures he's right behind them. It rings true with what bartj says, that it seems to have a whole lot to do with appreciation. So if you want advice from the "other woman", make sure you are letting your man know that you appreciate him. Not just love him, REALLY appreciate him and what he does in his life.
Your message made my heart sink. To have such an amazing woman and to let her go because she made you feel un-relaxed. I guess I could see my own Virgo doing this to me and it makes me wonder whether you guys really can put your hearts into other people the way you would like everyone to understand you. Why couldn't you just appreciate her for all of her shining qualities and relax with the notion that that is who SHE is? I doubt a woman like that was asking you to be like her, she was already a "self-contained package" if you will.
I have a similar energy level and already my Virgo has remarked on "when I think what it must be like to have so many thoughts racing in your mind all the time it makes me tired just thinking about it." I actually thought that he respected me for being motivated and enthusiastic about making the most of my life and doing my best for my children, especially since these seem to be his values as well (workaholic is in his nature as well). Yeesh, as much as I appreciate hearing from a Virgo man on these matters, seriously, I just wonder if there is a shred of heart-felt emotion in you guys or is everything in life really just a practical matter - rationality always wins out in the end? Would love to hear more from you on this bartj. Have you EVER just immersed your heart and soul in a relationship, or would you say that ultimately you weighed them all out based on how functional the relationship is in terms of your needs?
Given my situation, I'm now wondering if my Virgo man just keeps things rolling along with me because he's getting his emotional "hole in his heart" filled while still taking care of his practical matters with his business and his children. Meanwhile he'll just work around his wife until such time as it becomes "practical" to be able to leave her. Although I know he does care about me deeply...but maybe "deeply" for a Virgo is fairly shallow compared to some of the rest of us.
Is it possible bartj, that letting go of your amazing woman after four years has more to do with the possibility that you couldn't let yourself get to the next level with her emotionally? Seriously, she sounds like she's got her life under control whether you are in it or not. What "energy" did it expend to just love her as she is? I don't mean to sound critical bartj, although I appreciate that I probably do, it's just that I face these kinds of contradictions with my Virgo and I start to wonder whether there is any empathy in him at all. Not that he's selfish, but that there is something in him that seems unwilling to cross over into the deepest emotional waters that are available to everyone. He can talk about it, but he doesn't seem to be able to just feel it without analysis or logic - like there has to be a reason for it. When someone can't, or won't, get in "touch" with his own soul, I think it would make it impossible to really know how to "touch" another's soul.
I'm a Pisces, he's a Virgo, 17 years together. He loves anything with an engine on it, and I hate everything with an engine. Where we meet is through his stomach...a good meal. He loves to be seduced simply, like a surprise bathtub full of bubbles when he gets home...I'm in the tub too. A nice bottle of wine with dinner. He enjoy's it if i'm with him on his rides...skidoo, motorcycle, trucks, etc...even if it's only to run errands or to go eat at a fastfood place. Simple is the key cause they're always analyzing something in their brain. Projects galore but sometimes no follow through. Hard workers so need their down time watching sports, or comedies to detract them from their thinking. Lots of TLC, just cuddling is great for him too. They love to please their woman so gifts galore for no special occasion and great at finding clothes that look good on you. Nothing too flashy, but with good taste. He loves to shop and is always looking for a bargain, doesnt realize that the constant travel costs money so he's not saving much, but I let him content himself thinking so.
Being with a Virgo man for 17 years, might I say that ''I'' is the magic word for them. Listen for it, you'll hear it a lot.
Mine told me what I wanted to hear only once during a major fight...he said honey, You know, you're the love of my life but and I love you more than anything in this world, but sometimes....that was it....
They always need to feel appreciated, they can criticize you, but you cannot complain about him getting a no name brand instead of your regular brand since the no name was on special; or about anything or it becomes about them not being appreciated....most of my complaints never count or matter, it's only about him being appreciated...so if he helps with the dishes, which you should ask him to do nicely such as, honey I could use some Help here would you mind....then you should act as if he has just saved your life and thank him profusely. For the garbage, I just leave the bag at the door, and he takes it out...but he will not take the bag out of the bin unless I ask him to...I still havnt figured that one out.
Dont ask for housework or shelf installations on his regular days of doing something else. for instance mine goes for coffee at the neighbors house on saturday mornings with several neighbors meeting together to chit chat, so I know I wont get anything out of him until he comes back which could be at lunch time. Then maybe if the boys (neighbors) dont need anything from him first...so that's life with a Virgo.
Forjo - LOL. That's all I can say, I'm laughing too hard here to type! Love it!
Its me again..the virgo man. Had no idea my first post would generate the energy it did...again WOW! Do not think I will be able to answer all the questions/speculations but will give it a try. And will attempt to dig into my depths to respond to some of the heartfelt statements.
Was married to an alcoholic for 13 years. It was difficult. Loved her very much and still love her from a very deep yet detached place. Was faithful through ups and downs. We were living in rural France and my language skills were not the greatest. Would have left the marriage earlier but we have a (now 16 years old) son. Realized that I was drowning in my compassion for her and not taking care of my own needs. Leaving my son was the hardest thing ever. Had a good heart to heart talk before leaving. Could have played hard and taken him with me but that seemed cruel. Besides I felt like I was going crazy so it was actually a good thing in retrospect. Her(former wife) drinking was such that she was using it to medicate depression....and still is. Was not too concerned over safety for my son or I would have not made the decision I made. Talked to him EVERY day,(and wrote letters when the phone went out). After I returned to the states I would fly him back for holidays and summers. He moved back 2 years ago and did his sophomore year living with me. His mom moved back 6 months ago and lives 2 blocks from his school so he is staying with her now. He continues to do well. Very well.
The week I arrived back in the states(still married) I met the woman I recently broke it off with. Was still jet lagged and was out skiing with friends when this woman started up a conversation and ended up asking me out for tea. I accepted. Upon sitting down for tea I stated immediately that I was married and that I had just left an untenable marriage and was going to file for a divorce.
Perhaps a timeout is called for here to more explain how I felt being in an alcoholic marriage. I felt ignored, dismissed and small. I was constantly lied to. I also had a brush with cancer while there and had to return to the states for diagnosis and treatment. This put an extra strain on things. I had expressed my desire to return to the states together multiple times but it fell on deaf ears. Our original agreement with the move to France was for it to be 2-3 years. She moved back after 9 years.
Thus I feel like I was completely justified in moving on with my life. Upon returning to the states I was not looking or even expecting to look for a new relationship. I was shell-shocked. But the gods(or goddess) were smiling on me(or laughing) and presented me with this gift of a healthy beautiful intelligent woman.
So yes, I have been attempting to deeply understand my motivations for ending a relationship with this lovely woman. I may admit to not being "strong enough" to feel comfortable with her. I can see myself as wanting to accommodate others and put myself last which is really a recipe for disaster. And funny enough this woman never let me get into the position of "taking care of her". Very healthy on her part.
But then again she was/is very intense. Very. And I am much more laid back. At least I think I am. Different energetics. I appreciate being held...not just on a sexual basis. And I wanted more attention. Not a temple built in my honor, just something that she did not have to give.
I had written her numerous love letters. And even after the breakup I am continuing to write to her and share my thoughts and feelings. She responds kindly.
I have moments of feeling stupid(and beyond) in breaking it off. But I also have a feeling of deep deep peace. Perhaps those feelings are mutually exclusive in a relationship? Or perhaps the heart of the beast is my inability to communicate effectively concerning my feelings and hearts desire. More Pondering required here on my part.
I know I did not address all the items raised in earlier posts but wanted to take a stab at some degree of clarification (am I a virgo or what?).
And again I want to thank all for the comments. Some very deep feelings out there! Thanks for the nudges to keep me in that examination mode.
Hi, You'll have to make the atmosphere very enticing. You'll have to appeal to his Earthy-ness ha-ha.
bartj - what a thoughtful response, thank you for sharing your story. You have renewed my confidence that superficiality is not the rule with Virgo men.
So unfortunate about your wife. My ex-husband remains in an affair with alcohol three years after our divorce. The threat of divorce, three young children, the potential financial losses...none of it was enough for him to let go of his drinking for me or his family. He was never a bad man when he drank, but eventually I longed for a partner who was 100% there, if you know what I mean. So, after 13 years of growing to feel very much alone in our marriage, I left him.
Like you, Fate presented me with a wonderful Virgo man...who unfortunately is married and caught in his own unhappy marital circumstances. Similar to you, he wants to do what's best for his children. Also similar to you, he recognizes that he tends to put his needs and happiness last because of the compassion he feels for other's needs. Obviously though, somewhere in all of that, his need to find fulfillment in his heart is taking priority over the "greater good" or I wouldn't know him at all. He has also "upped the odds" in my opinion, because of the great risks he takes in continuing this "affair" between us (nearly a year now). Although, realistically, I suppose I share the risk.
I believe it's a rare case like ours that doesn't end up exposed somehow, and at least I am fortunate to know what his wife looks like in case she would ever show up on my doorstep in a rage. I always assume that I will take the brunt of her anger since it is so typical that wives want to believe that their husbands would have been faithful if it weren't for some woman enticing them away. Frankly, I believe that I was the one "seduced" in my case, lol, and would have no qualms in telling Ms. Wife all about it.
My opinion is that if she had a clue how to keep her husband happy, I wouldn't have met him in the first place, and I wouldn't have endured the incredible emotional conflict that being involved with him has caused me. And I don't care if a hundred people tell me that I could have spared myself that if I had just walked away when I found out that he was married. In fact, I tried that, ended everything, and it was a mere three weeks later that he was asking, "can we talk about this?" Ah yes, matters of the heart are rarely so simple.
Which brings me to your "amazing woman". I guess I can now see your point since you've described the "missing pieces". It's so often the little things that determine the fate of relationships isn't it? An extra hug or a kind word...and the awareness to know what particular little things your partner needs to feel that contentment. I must say that you sound very grounded and rational about all that you have been through in your relationships. (As if I should expect any less of a Virgo, lol.) I'm so glad that you found this thread and shared with us. I think you've given us some wonderful insight and I hope that whatever wonderful women Fate presents to you next will bring you lots of happiness. Thanks bartj!
Hey Jenever7...thank you oh so much for your kind words and listening to what I had to say. You are very articulate.
Sorry to hear about your own experience with an alcoholic. Its such an irrational behaviour. You can put 2 bottles on the table...one is the family/marriage and the other is the alcohol. The alcoholic will always take the alcohol. And we are on the same page concerning what we were missing. And with 3 kids it must have been a heavy weight indeed.
I hope you are not too haunted by other peoples opinion of your current situation. One does what one does. You sound strong and although conflicted in some ways, the benefits must outweigh the negatives. May Fate continue to smile on your path!
This thread is sooo sweet to read. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the kind, honest, sincere and open-minded thoughts and discussion conveyed:)
Hi everyone here,
I born on a capricorn and aquarius cusp, i am in a relationship with virgo man. I am stuck T.T
Please help. I love him. He make me so confused .
He said that he wants to do his personal things so now i finding my own activity (going out with friends, cleaning room, watch tv etc ) to give him more space for his own stuff then he said me not care for him like last time .
He said that he don't like to be control (like he going out with friends, playing card games with friend etc). So whenever he last minutes text me saying that he have to go out to meet his friend then i will just reply him okay dear pls enjoy your time with your friends / okay pls go and have fun etc ... last time i will just being sad and said something like, hmmp okay then i aspect to see you in webcam tonight but since u have to go out, tomorrow then. I am half a cappy a organized one. I plan my schedule well and when he text me that he have to cancel the date, i will be extremely mad and i will say it as obstacles. Then now i change to say okay and ask him to take care and come home safely, then now he said that he don't want me to be his puppet and said he feel stranger with me T.T he likes the old me.
He also complain about my jealousy and ask me to put down. I guess every woman also will feel jealous when her boyfriend going out alone with other girl. I know virgo is the faithful one and when they commit in love and they will only love you. But i really dont know how to control my jealousy and allow him to go out with other girl alone T.T .and he ask me dont control him which i see i just want to know his schedule and i compare with my schedule and see when we can chat and date. I just want to know and ask but i doesn't even say No i dont allow u to do this bla bla bla never.
He said that he want a understanding girlfriend, so everytime i will put myself in his shoe, spare a thought for person around him. But do he spare a thought for me ?? I miss him and i really wanted to have a long chat and webcam him. All he did to me is dear i am going out, dear i have dinner with friends, dear i am following parents to town etc etc ... :(:(:(
Pls someone tell me if i should treat him cold for awhile but i scare i scared him away.
Pls someone tell me if what he mean all those, i feel that he want me to change but end up he said he like the me before i changed... i feel confused T.T . I can feel that he really love me, he really care for me... He can read me like a piece of paper. He know i am sad and need him so much but he didn't do anything for me T.T .. He also said that i can understand him so well. Pls help me give me some advices.
Wow, I've experienced the same kind of things that Caprius is talking about. If any of the rest of you can shed some light on her questions, I would benefit as well.
Caprius, i guess when my virgo pulls that kind of stuff, those are the times when I start thinking I want to just end everything, he makes me so crazy. Usually, I do what you do, just go on my own and believe that if I really matter to him he will come around. But it does hurt, and as time passes and this behavior continues, well, it does get harder to put up with it. I get weary from feeling so "tested" all the time and feeling like he can't make up his mind what he wants from me, a relationship, life, lol, you name it.
He tells me he doesn't want to be controlled, suffocated, bullied, told what to do...and yet when I ask "well that's fine, what DO you want then", all he can come up with is "to be peaceful and happy". Something a little more specific might actually get him more of what he wants, lol. Hard to understand the focus on negative behavior and so little on focusing on the positive ways to improve a relationship.
Anybody want to help us understand why Virgo men are so...well, wishy-washy? (Can't believe I'm saying that about an earth sign, but there it is, lol!)
i read about your previous posts here, and i did steal some of your advices. thanks
You are right, whenever they complain so much, critic so much, i will feel like want to end all this and ya drive me so crazy ... Yes they really can't make up their mind. I did said seems that you complaining me so much, means that u don't like my behavior, don't like me, why u still said u love me ?? He remain silent for awhile and said because i love you and want you to change to better one. If you were my friend i wont tell you all this because i care for you more then i care for them. Lolx what i can said .. touched
Our virgo are so alike haha ... when i ask my virgo what you want from me then, his answer is like exactly what your virgo said... haha mine said "i just want to feel happy and relax" ... i feel so surrender to this guy. They like to feel they are right, my aquarius side like to feel to be the winner. Whenever we argue, i am the winner and he is the right one. So we will apologies to ea other cause we also have the points. hmmm ~ but i just don't want to argue if can.
Hmm any virgo guy or someone that succeed married to virgo man can tell us what happen to them actually and what they need from us ?? pls help us